What’s the point really ,

Sometimes I thought , let’s just give without expecting anything in return but I guess I’m just a human who got frustrated , who feels sad. The fact that I keep denying my feelings is because I know the harshness of reality. How I really wish I can say whatever things I had in mind , to really give my honest opinion on what I really feel .

I hate you
I love you
I miss you
I don’t like to be treated this way
I know this day would come
I wish you always know how hurtful it was for me to let go things you don’t want to let go
I hate it that I love you
I hate it that I miss you
I hate it every time I wish to talk to you
I know how disinterested you are
I wish you really know the reason I said no
I told you that if you ever wish not to talk to me anymore , tell me properly so I’m able to handle my feelings
I always want you. Always.
I just hate myself for feeling this way

But I guess there’s no point at all . Worthless points really

Because you’ll perhaps never come across this
Well even if you do ,you wouldn’t care about my feelings
I know you won’t be bothered

How I really wish you know it all - and actually care . But I know you wouldn’t come across this and it’s okay, I used to this anyway - all these heartbreaks and building back the walls and valuing my worth

Just meeting my breakpoint on this 😔

Najwa,

It’s totally okay for you to cry. Because you’re a human. And you always know human breaks too. Just don’t keep denying yourself. Nevermind , one day you’ll be at ease , this feelings of yours will vanish in thin air .

Don’t say bad words to people , don’t comment bad things on people because that’s not the way you wish you be treated.

Jut how toxicated this feelings you’re bottling up

Takpe najwa , doakan yang paling baik untuk dia , kalau dia yang paling baik untuk kau , Allah mudahkan, tapi kalau dia bukan untuk kau , moga Allah selalu jaga dia , dan Allah akan jaga perasaan kau , He will ease your burden insyaAllah

Dear future spouse , if you ever happened to read through this , which I really wish you do , I’m sorry that I’m overtly sensitive over very petty things , I’m sorry too I changed my mind too often :( I’m sorry that I’m clingy too  :( please celebrate me the way I am now , and thank you for willing to be patient too. I’m such a child I know , but please be patient with me.

I hated myself for feeling this way * I want hugs and to cry on someone’s shoulder *

:(