Turning dreams into reality - Surah Maryam hits me hard.


I just got back from Nottingham this evening for a weekend getaway recharging iman , because its always like telur dihujung tanduk sikit lagi boleh pecah ditiup angin and suddenly lets just say its tanduk rusa , rusa decided to lie on the ground so the egg rolls on the floor dengan selesa  , thats how my iman currently looks like figuratively in other words turun naik wakakaka masih dengan the illogical perumpamaan.  Najwa and being lame still fits in an equation. Tahniah najwa kerana masih mencuba.

Life update - you may skip this part you know it  


giraffe takde kaitan denga post but bolehlah tetiba nak ada dekat sini
been trying to make the giraffe face all time - masih terhibur dengan muka dia , and its my lockscreen now and it never fails to amuse me harhar 
so I've been positively recovering from the gloomy days , thanks to a forceful war between the inner me to detach from the social media. It affects seriously a lot moreover kau boleh ponder upon your life even deeply and enjoying the reality rather than being affected by the pieces of dead things. Aku rasa kadang struggle detach dengan social media ni tak apply pun dekat semua orang and you might not know and feel the force of forcing yourself to detach but it affects me , in a very good way. And hence the silent krik krik blog. Its just that I had a lot to write down in my mind but my body wasn't helping and the laptop too , it tends to do countless of updates and aku of course budak law noob technology level negative 21 I'll just let it restart itself and fall asleep between the process.


Wisdom of sharing - lets taste the sweetness togethaaaa

( jilat lolipop bersama ) ( due to trust issue you own your own lolipop and kita jilat lolipop masing masing dalam masa yang sama hahaha this need an explanation lols )

Its been always my dream to share the wisdom of getting to know more about Islam with the people surround me in the most subtle ways. Perhaps to people who had been reading my blog since my dark greyish ages , using the most convenient language untuk dihadam. The sweetness is for anyone to taste. Sebab aku pernah rasa zaman zaman jahiliyyah , ( sekarang masih jahil infact tons of jahil dalam diri masih bertapakkan kota AFamosa ) and I felt how discriminate nya bahasa bahasa petala kesepuluh ni pada aku yang tak berapa nak mengetahui ni , like aku rasa dakwah tu boleh bertumpu pada satu kelompok masyarakat. so harapnya what I wrote down today , for those who're willing to read up to the end senang untuk dihadam seperti sedapnya orea dimakan pastu hirup susu keh keh. 

moga bermanfaat insyaAllah :)

this was written down lepas seminggu drafted dalam kepala , thanks to many people , yang I guess by secretly mendoakan orang orang ni will be much sweeter , for being the person yang jadi an eye opener kepada sosok tubuh bernama Anis Najwa. Saranghae sisters ( emoticon dua tangan atas kepala ) you guys never know how it affects my life posivitely :) indeed usaha kalian tu walaupun pada mata orang orang hanyalah sekadar perkongsian dari mulut , it changed me , in a meningful way. 

Dreams into reality 



I've been wanting to share something we call , dream. or you name it , wishlist or whatsoeva it is , but something that you want in life and it starts with wishlist , mungkin jugak you name it azam , or new resolution but any way it sounds benda yang biasa je bagi kita sebab almost every year we came out with at least an expectation what you're going to achieve that year

things like

nak buat saving sebab nak pi korea sehari seringgit
nak jadi orang yang lebih baik ( this is always a vague one sebab indicator dia selalunya subjective and we ourselves know tahap baik mana kita nak lepas capai )
nak jadi cantik seperti di tahun 2014 bahahha

and the list might goes on

I started this year with an insightful of tafsir surah maryam which hits me hard. I started new year with ( almost no ) new resolution because its just another year with another confusion nak tulis tarikh tersalah 2015 and 2016.

Dalam dunia ni we're left with may choices , it either - you start small by making lists of dream or you sets nothing and lets life leads you , kita ni selalu akan rely on takdir making us a vision-less human .  and somehow you can be a person yang do nothing but except for dreaming wishing for the a fairy tale stories to make its magic , duhhh cinderella pun in many versions pun still kena sweats off and run down the stairs ( it requires energy ) ( its running k ) and finally jadi princess. Nak katanya kau ni kenapa malas sangat nak set a dream pun susah tepuk kang !

Its like a baby step nak ajar diri kita supaya we need to have aims in life and it may starts from dreaming sebab overtimes kita kena challenge diri sendiri keluar comfort zone and here I am trying to pull this things off the strangling words and put in the most subtle ways. ( I wish and I'm struggling ) ( passion doesn't always goes smooth , we still need effort ) ( choosing words aren't that easyahh )

like wasn't it nice to have goals and purpose in life? nay not? nay yay ( menari kaki sotong ) 

okay balik dekat surah maryam tu.

at the first part of surah maryam bercerita tentang the impossible is possible for Allah , like kenyit mata je jadi ( because people always say petik jari but  I can't really petik jari  hence why kenyit mata ) . My dreams can be vaguely impossible kalau nak dilihat dari segi aplikasi for example nak balik Malaysia and nak tukar the system as a whole , but trying to divulge into a system and fixing benda yang tak betul di mata tu bukan benda yang boleh tadadada berubah over a day and we can finally memaknai secara literal yang Malaysia masih aman tanpa berbaur bunyi sindiran.

and sebabkan dia macam way too hard too big too aspirational to be achieved , we stop dreaming and just hope someone else will change it and have it as their dream. and eventually we gave up because benda tu impossible nak dicapai.

but looking at how Allah said it twice in the range of ayat 1 - 25 when Nabi Zakaria said like Ya Allah camne ceqq ni nak ada zuriat padahal isteri ceqq ni mandui , when Maryam says Ya Allah kami ni takdak siapa pernah sentuh kami camna kami nak ada anak , ( they dont speak Kedah or Penang tapi biaq pilah ceqq nak tukaq hahahah I can never speak multiple Malay accent in real life bahahha kasi can )

in logic , how we learn it in science , how is it possible for orang mandul nak ada anak
in logic , how is it possible for an ovum to develop into an embryo without the whole process of mating happened.
as illogical as it sounds , Allah kata  benda ni mudah ke bagi dia kau nak risau apa , benda ni mudah je bagi dia.

it may not happen in the application of todays modern world scientifically but nak cakapnya , things that may looks impossible in your eyes but if Allah wills to make it happen , it will happen.

Usaha tangga kejayaan - if the steps are missing mungkin boleh tukar jadi lift 

but wait a second , does it stops there? dream the impossible and then bila Allah kata jadi then jadi so does it mean its stops there? dah camtu je ke? oh kalau camtu we shall have set of the impossible wishlist then its all magic.senang aaaa camtu ( cari kerusi tinggi dekat Costa goyang kaki hahahha )

that is pretty tahi lembu ( I don't really want to curse here but you can you direct translation haha )

sebab later Allah sambung lagi kisah maryam when she just delivered a baby ( or masa nak bersalin ) I better get the facts right but you guys can always rujuk the first two page of surah maryam , she was so exhausted and lets go back to the middle east and bayangkan the source food at that time is buah kurma , time sesakit ni , after Allah magically make Maryam mengandung though she was a virgin and there's no mating process take place and dalam keadaan yang sangat penat ni and in desperate of wanting to eat something , Allah kata goyangkan pokok kurma tu and kurma akan jatuh and makanlah kau.

Allah just did something illogic which bagi Maryam mengandung tapi whats with the fuss of kena goyangkan pokok kurma like why don't He magically makes the kurma falls , or gravitational force that makes the kurma falls down. Weh penat kot dalam keadaan exhausted pi suruh goyang pokok kurma , pokok kurma tu mengikut gambar ihsan shaikh google adalah sangat tebal and kita yang insyaAllah sihat kuat tubuh badan ni pun belum tentu pokok kurma bergoyang apatah lagi mampu menjatuhkan sebiji kurma ( lebih baik aku berbelanja berbundle kurma di pasaq mahupun bangun dan petik sebiji kurma miahahha )

apatah lagi Maryam in the very exhausted state disuruh berusaha mengoyangkan pokok tadi untuk dapat kurma tu.

which says , something yang Allah give , eventually to establish a causal link between apa yang kita dapat tu secara logiknya adalah daripada apa yang kita usahakan. Dia lebih kurang macam pelajar cemerlang when we asked them tips dia belajar , they won't just stop with rezeki Allah ni , then thats it meninggalkan reporter Utusan Malaya  terpinga pinga hahah , TV6 pun boleh tak kisahlah wartawan mana sekalipun , they will definitely share some of their tips and usaha to gain that kind of result. Manusia ni selalu nak tengok the link between something which result of something baru dia macam baru boleh hadam ohhh camtu ke ahaaa patutlah. 

same goes to us all which nak kata whatever your dream is , you need to work for it , though dekat mata kau usaha kau tu macam picisan level 67 , yang tahap macam kau buat ke kau tak buat ke , kau rasa sama . Because we never undermine the power of working for something tu.

sebab boleh jadi usaha kau , mungkin kecik , contoh your dream is to Buy Merc for your parents at the age of 22. when you're approaching 22 next three month ( its soon May people and , it ma birthday fyi bolehlah usaha belikan hadiah kah kah ) dengan saving kronik semput .

tapi sebab dengan keazaman yang kau ada tu , kau menabung sehari sepound , esok lusa simpan lagi baki baki syiling perak ( the 1 cent and 2 cent tu )  yang kalau kau kumpul setahun pun masih tak lepas nak beli kereta Merc replika berskala size kekanak , tapi by putting effort tu is something yang Allah nak kau buat. and if its not at the age of 22 , perhaps by the time you're 32 , kau sudah mampu membelikan dua biji Merc mak ayah sorang satu keh keh. ( I'm no good with car brands , as Merc sounds lame enough , thats the fanciest car brand name I had in mind so yeah hahah )

usaha la dalam apa jua cara sekalipun ,though the outcome seems hard to be achieved , do freaking ; anything you could , besar kecik usaha tu bukan kita pun yang boleh letak penilaian tu !

and I always say yang dulu when Rasulullah was given a mission on spreading the religion , Baginda tak pernah tahu pun yang once in a past , Islam ruled 2/3 of the world , menjadi sumber rujukan dunia during Umayyah days ( ada dalam buku sejarah hewhew ) and tersebarnya Islam ke seluruh pelusuk  , and become the lights within the dark ages of dunia barat. He never knows it will reach up to that 2/3 point but still giving all his might , fight towards the end to build the bricks of Islam , the pioneers of the religion back in the past. ( the history is worth knowing ) ( if you wish to know more , even more than what buku teks provide , perhaps you can drop a comment down below , I may supply your with books? ) 

Niat ft Dream 

but to make your dreams even far more valuable , and your efforts you're putting to turn your dream into reality , we need to set our reason behind our goals right , in other simple word , our niat right , the intention. supaya kau tak hanya dapat penat mengumpul duit and eventually get your parents a car . You can get a combo of pahala berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa mungkin sepanjang tempoh kau menabung , sepanjang tempoh kau berusaha dengan penuh daya untuk menabung supaya dapat berjasa pada your mom and dad.

Betulkan niat. 

Lain bila kata your dream is to build a house for your family 
bila niat 1 , is to bermegah megah dengan jiran sebelah sebab they just build a bungalow so you need to build a double storey bungalow 
and bila niat 2 , is to give better shelter for your family yang had been working so hard for you and its a way to repay their kindness. 
a same goal with different strategies , lead to different outcome. 

sometimes or overtimes , kadang tak tercapai pun our resolution kita of that year and kita carry pergi ke tahun depan , but with the right niat , coupled with efforts and doa , insyaAllah carry your dream tu ke tahun seterusnya boleh dan masih memberi thousand manfaat pada diri kita. 

perhaps building houses or buying cars seems like takleh nak relate sangat but thats the most obvious one I can use for example , but if you wish to tukar to like your studies of struggles in life , boleh je silakan :) 

Never to undermine the power of doa 

and last but not least , we can never undermine the power of doa as stated at the early part , the first page , doa nabi Zakaria , which in this part he says that though he was too old at that time , dia tak pernah merasa hampa untuk terus berdoa pada Tuhannya , and ayat sebelum tu says that , Nabi Zakaria berdoa dengan suara yang perlahan.

Ia merayu dengan berkata: Wahai Tuhanku! Sesungguhnya telah lemahlah tulang -tulangku, dan telah putih melepaklah uban kepalaku; dan aku - wahai Tuhanku - tidak pernah merasa hampa dengan doa permohonanku kepadaMu

which indirectly saying Quran portrays along the adab of berdoa , and not the doa alone. Simple analogy - kalau kita ni nak mintak duit dengan orang , desperately in need of money , perhaps nak mintak parents tambah duit belanja , kita secara logiknya akan meminta dengan baik la kan? that hows diligent Quran shows you pray in the best manner of praying , and dalam doa tu jugak menyatakan yang how you really in need of something tu like kau sangat lah merasa miskin harta sekarang ya Allah cepatlah bukakkan pintu hati pihak JPA masukkan duit lebih sikit ameeen haha , ( alhamdulillah masih dalam keadaan kewangan yang sihat insyaAllah ) ( ini cuma contoh ) ( tapi kalau jadi pun apa salahnya guwe lagi suka dong haha ) 

tapi sebenarnya kalau nak difikirkan la kan , Allah tahu je your condition at that moment and even kot kalau kau tak sebut pun secara detail condition kau waktu tu , Allah indeed tahu je whats in the inside and the outside , but thats just how you create the bond the Allah , strengthen the relation dengan Your Creator and at the same time giving yourself a space where kau takde langsung trust issue of telling anything to Him , sebab kadang kau ni segan kot nak bagitahu masalah dengan manusia , kot tetiba si polan tu jadi batu api ke apa ke , so you have that one big walls labelled ' Human trust issue section = never cross the big wall thank you infact penat pun nak panjat dinding kah kah ' .

another point to add ; 

Kita generally suka ambik parts and parcels of Quran , like Allah tak membebani seseorang more than what the person could caters but at the same time if you go through more to Al Ankabut , where Allah says , 

Patut ke manusia ni menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan berkata " Kami beriman " sedang mereka tidak diuji dengan sesuatu cubaan ?

because sometime you feel like kau tak mampu langsung dapat ujian camtu , and ujian tu drags you down to the core bottom sebalik kerak bumi kuikui tahap yang kau rasa macam enough with this life not anymore , tapi sebenarnya when you join the pieces and take Quran as a whole , kau dapat ujian camni to really test jauh mana kau percaya ( rukun iman - percaya dengan all the six components ) dengan what Allah is giving you and to see kau ni ada tak the whole trust on Allah , are you among the believers?

At the end of the day , its 15/2/2016 already haha

so start dreaming something big , jadilah manusia yang berjiwa besar by starting small.

Dreams can be in terms of pembaikan diri dari tak solat kepada solat and dah solat kepada solat di awal waktu and perhaps upgrade pada solat bersama solat sunat to top up. It can be something yang actively happening inside your life and , for it to happen , make efforts which coupled with doa. In a way , you may get what you wished for and you bonded dengan Allah tahap kamceng yang kaw kaw leuls sedapnya kopi sekarang harhar. 

I hope this time around I did share something with anyone's who is reading through. Thanks for reading. 

2.57 am February 9th

2.42 am

even writing seems hard enough.

wide awake still. I don't even think my duvett served its function to keep me warm since I've been waking up to see my duvet on the floor. The room is warm / hot-enough / and I hate it frankly speaking , it was not into my liking either if its too cold but the problem with the house this year is when the central heating is turned on , all the radiator in the house will be heated and you have no choice to keep the one in your room not heated. My room was rather small / than last year / and so the heat is regulating inside the room hence the reason I'm struggling to get my sleep.

There were too many things I had in mind these days. I'm facing a major breakdown , well I don't even want to acknowledge it as a breakdown , but since it kept bugging my head and my heart had been aching - I failed once again , somebody had broke the walls I build. I voluntarily allows myself to get hurt again - by human. Wasn't there enough reminder huh ?

late night thoughts should be the truest you had in mind
but it doesn't seems to be the case here. I guess I've created more filters inside my head , filtering what should I tell what should I write down.

/ in the middle of detaching phase / 2.0 3.0