the long day and short night

its 3.50 am in the morning , just ate bubur for sahur and I'll go to sleep after this. 

There's this one ukhti in Cardiff recently wrote a piece of beautiful writing to be reflected upon about whether the 18 hours of fasting is a nikmat or otherwise ( I better read again the tittle ) but the gist of the post speaks about how this 18 hours of daylight and do your math on the night left is actually one of the biggest blessing

Why is that, I just realized that a shorter night always makes you concious and awake mainly because you feel the force to take at least a sip of water 

( tipu, at least a sip of water with 3 pieces of kurma ) ( tipu, you might even consider bananas as they supplies [more] glucose or should I say fructose ey ? haha help meeeee) 

so the fact that you're more concious than ever, you rarely fall asleep and finds it easier to perform qiam , though tahajjud is [almost] out of question ( I am still not sure about the need to fall asleep for a moment ) ( because falling asleep is so hard when you're too scared that you might fall asleep and tadadada wake up for subuh instead ) you still have the chance to do other ibadah sunat. 

and I hope its a big reminder to me to always make a full use of that concious time moreover towards the end of Ramadhan - and have I told you that the night sky in the UK is not always that dark - its always grey in colour I don't know how to describe it but yeah camtulah. 

this is towards the dawn - but at night its that greyish blue idk hahah I am bad at this 

stepping up the game.

Time stamp : 1824 30th May 2017 
Location : On this comfy bed accompanied by the 6 inch fan - Treherbert Street 

This year I decided to go with my own plan and pace.

Instead of joining tadarus groups, I choose to continue with my yearly Khatam Quran project, which alhamdulillah finished the first round ( started somewhere around September 2015 )  on 15th of November 2016 and now onto the second year - and today I am at Surah Sajadah. 

I remembered back in highschool there's this one time I bet its Ramadhan , we need to memorize the surah and it was in my junior year ( as I sensed the force of doing so haha ) no wonder it sounds familiar but shame on me of not continuing it ( soon insyaAllah )



The first year of  khatam Quran - its 2 pages after Maghrib everyday without fail. Include reflecting upon each verses ( tadabbur ) 

The second year - its 2 pages after Maghrib and Isyak. Including tadabbur part too. 

And since its Ramadhan , which might be one of the best turning point for anyone's life , I am trying to step up the game , funny how each time I was lazying around , this phrase of 'lets step up the game' keep me going. Its 2 pages after every prayer. 

And it feels good in some way , seeing how much you progress in the second projection. May this be one of the thing that I keep looking forward to do it each day. It may be a small step but I'm trying to instil steadfastness ( is it the right word for istiqamah? ) 

Thinking of making a tree of deeds - one leaf for one page of Quran , an apple for the days you fast , and perhaps one grass for each terawih. Yay or nay, been thinking about this since yesterday but yes, I was too lazy to even draw ( but got time to complete her noob level of scrapbook haha ) 

and I shall start reading books too, Aside from just Quran. Kena jadi muslim proactive and critical at the same time ! 

Ayuh Najwa ! Doakan seorang Najwa please. 

#BalkansWithSisters Part 2 - Kerna Ujian Itu Mendekatkan

AFTER A YEAR - I finally realized that I kept this in the draft for too long hahahahhahahah , I remember why - because the story is like too long I am so lazy to continue haha

Okay sebenarnya sangat banyak tajuk drama can be deduced from this second part , well its not my drama but atas permintaan rakan rakan jaulah and kau acah acah seperti pengarah keh keh , antara tajuk drama that fits in here its either Passportku Tertinggal di Sarajevo or Istanbul Bukan Aku Datang tapi Istanbul Aku Transit ==' 

As (partially) scary as it sounds now , aku merasa bahagia tatkala menulis , hatta masa berhadapan dengan lipatan masalah demi masalah ( leuls ) aku takdelah rasa macam celaru sangat sebab aku rasa Allah susun these things untuk kitaorang belajar 

masa tu satu je dalam kepala ;

Saat seorang hamba itu ditimpa ujian demi ujian , tetaplah dia untuk terus bersangka baik pada Pencipta. 

Sangka baik tu include tak whine over things - sabar ( marah is not even in the list emosi  to choose ) - with loads of expectation , pengharapan berskala Marikh or even bigger than the galaxy for Allah to ease it. 

Time tulah kau nak hadam ayat Allah tak test a human beyond their capability ( Al - Baqarah 286 ) , hadam yang tak dijadikan satu pun perkara di dunia ni tanpa hikmah ( anything we can learn from it ) 

Apa jadi di Bosnia?
Passport hilang?
Are you serious ( with those seriously aku tak percaya cerita kau kind off face ) 
Kenapa tetiba ada transit Istanbul? 
Beli tiket baru? 

HAHAHAH I did got all the questions bila aku cerita balik what happened in Bosnia , lek sat I cerita sesatu , jadi panduan - pedoman - teladan - nak dijadikan cerita kan? haha. 

I did tell you guys the first episode dekat Bosnia starts ( not ) really well. Sebab its really early in the morning and kau hadap immigration pepagi dalam sejuk kuasa Nobita - people had to wait for you for quite some time  , it was not something we expect ( not that strict kind of immigration ) ( tu yang macam cuak lebih sikit ) sebab time tulah nak question sesama sendiri like " We dont need visas right ? " padahal sebelum tu thats the very first thing yang aku google masa nak pergi Croatia and Bosnia . In that state kau dah takdelah fikir sejarah hidup kau bersama shaikh Google or anything , time tu you practically have each other to rely on and all those comforting words yang things going to be okay , the perfect time for you to go to your deepest and highest pengharapan , dalam sejuk sejuk tu we remind each other untuk banyak banyak doa and istighfar , after all kau musafir kot , insyaAllah doa kau tergolong dalam golongan yang mustajab doanya. 

Though they never tell us the reasons why they stopped us , I was glad it happened at night sebab everyone in the bus macam ngantuk ngantuk plus it was really dark dalam bus , so in case sesiapa buat judging face like pehal bebudak ni buang masa aku - we can't see it plus lagi ( hurhur lets multiple this time ) they speak either Croatia and Bosnia punya language so kau takdelah makan hati memalam kah kah. 

We arrived the foggy ( all the time foggy ) Bosnia by 6.00 am , dia foggy memang tahap serious taknampak apa , had capaian penglihatan pemandu kereta pun macam sesangat limited - pepagi tu we spend our day dekat masjid , whats nice about Bosnia ni kau rasa belonged sebab muslim everywhere - makanan halal everywhere , I can say hai to all the meats hahah takyah jadi vege for that temporary of time ! best k feeling duduk Europe tapi kau boleh menari kegembiraan dengan banyaknya makanan yang kau boleh makan ( menari nari kegembiraan ) .

So before arriving Bosnia , aku ada jugak berkesempatan untuk baca baca blog orang nak tengok apa yang Sarajevo ( omit the letter J , its pronounced as H ) , it was said that Sarajevo ( or maybe Bosnia as a whole ) is where the Christian meets Muslims in Europe . And its pleasing to see mosque all around sebab according to our tour guide , it was during the first Ottoman Empire first punya pemerintahan , they said to have a mosque - a church in a neighbourhood , dia tahap like 100 or 200 metre kau nampak satu masjid. Fun fact about Sarajevo jugak its where the reason of why the first world war spark ! Archduke Franz Ferdinand ( Austria Hungary Prince , kira macam bakal pewaris tahkta - I hope I got the fact right )  was assassinated by a gunshot near a bridge in Sarajevo town tu , though bukan orang Bosnia pun yang bunuh - Gavrilo Princip ( a Serbian terrorist )  . According to our tour guide , right after assassination tu , si Gavrilo ni dah awal awal letak racun dalam sungai bawah bridge tu , so kira lepas dia bunuh Archduke dia nak terus bunuh diri , namun begitu aku rasa racun tu by the time dia jumpa dalam sungai dah malfunction - so instead mati , dia ditangkap dan mati pada tahun 1918 ( 4 tahun lepas dia bunuh Archduke ) due to TB , dia cuma sentenced imprisonment for 20 years sebab dia bawah 20 tahun masa dia commit the reason of why First World War starts. 

Sarajevo jugak , antara negara yang merasai perang zaman modern , somewhere around 1992 - 1995 , and beribu lelaki mati during that time ( I couldn't gather all the facts here but you can google em' ) . Aku berkesempatan untuk pergi ke cemetery where all these heroes died , unlike kubur kat Malaysia , kubur Islam dekat sini ada tomb yang besar besar mungkin sekilas pandang nampak macam kubur Kristian kat Malaysia - and kitaorang diberitahu pakcik taxi yang its just a one out of four main cemetery for the heroes died during the war which salah seorangnya ialah kawan pakcik taxi tu , which pakcik jugak ex soldier. Sedih sebab bila dah nak turun taxi baru mulut ringan nak bercakap T.T 

Sarajevo personally sepanjang trip aku , aku merasakan hectic , its pleasant tapi not pleasant , sebab that first day kitaorang berlapan naik two different taxi and the other taxi brought them dekat tempat yang salah. We never plan nak beli nombor Bosnia ke apa sebab we always go together and macam susah je nak faham Bosnian punya arahan - so basically that first day we planned nak tengok sunset , its so foggy up on the hill and we know its sunset just because dengar sahutan azan bersahut sahut. That part was an unforgettable one I tell you !

takde line - emergency service only 
takde internet 
disebabkan lenguh seharian , I left my handbag at home - handbag yang ada all details - sebab basically aku yang pegang segala macam tiket - alamat - semualah - and kitaorang macam kalau nak balik rumah , we can like mintak sesiapa callkan taxi sambil membuat muka kucing sesat , BUT HOW IS IT POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE ADDRESS ketahuilah time tu aku macam menyesal like takpelah pasni BAWAK HANDBAG KAU LENGUH KE APA JANGAN KIRA hahaha. 

I did tell you before in the first part yang tak ramai pun tourist datang Sarajevo time time winter ni , so memang practically kosong je bukit tu hahah , lepas berusaha untuk mencari another four yang taxi bawak tempat lain tu gagal , we found a restaurant up on the hill - Kamarija . Time tu macam " Abang call kan taxi untuk saya " tapi how is it possible , kitaorang takde alamat - since Ajlaa ( AJK Accomodation dekat taxi lagi satu - Akhsya , Person In Charge Sarajevo yang pegang all documents jugak dia taxi lagi satu ) tinggallah aku , acah ketua yang worthless WITHOUT THE DOCUMENTS AND ALL T.T 

Not till aku nampak owner dia tengah pasang Youtube , yeaaaaaaheeeee the part that excites me bukan Youtube but THERE'S INTERNET ! 

sebab sebelum trip aku banyak spend masa upload segala macam documents - not to mention fussy suruh orang semua update what they have - alamat - tempat jalan ( tentatif according to places ) - belanjawan - ticket - even soft copy passport dalam Google Drive . Aku cuma harap time mintak nak surf internet tu is Google tak buat perangai tak kasi log in sebab suspicious activity miahahahha . Alhamdulillah time tu rasa macam " Aku dah boleh bertenang hiuuuuuh " , not to mention how helpful the people in Bosnia time tu , BUTTTTT taxi drivers hardly recognized kat mana exactly accommodation kitaorang - time tulah teringat yang before going down the jalan menurun bukit dekat accommodation tu ( sebab Sarajevo berbukit bukit everywhere ) , one of us saw satu kedai sushi dekat dengan our house. And berbekalkan ingatan yang samar samar tu aku mula google kedai sushi yang ada dekat sarajevo ( tak banyak kot so its easy ) and alhamdulillah sinar si sushi menunjukkan warna pelangi aicewahs hahahhaha

time tu dah pasang niat " balik belilah sushi sebab dia udah membantu itewww pulang ke rumah haha " 

off biscuits and bananas

A year ago, I had this one long due post which I kept in my draft - basically sahur menu for Ramadhan last year since I'm battling with my jet lag, I am always the first to wake up in the morning but as time passes by, its rather frustrating tho since my father and my brothers don't really fancy eating rice in the morning I mean they do but I guess the max I will cook in the morning is like 2 pot of rice and itupun jarang habis - and iols pun demotivated nak masak pepagi. 

I am not sure why the tittle is off biscuits and bananas haha excuse me 

so I've un-installed my facebook app from the phone - because I need to make space inside my phone. Its so frustrating wehhhh every morning to see 'some might not function due to the limited space' message, I need to be cautious when it comes to downloading stuff from the whatssap and constantly need to delete stuff. 

Which is anno-ying.

And the worst part of it is you don't exactlly know why is it full - I mean who occupied most of the space . I know someday I need to reset this phone for good but I am afraid that some stored the forgotten passwords - all the notes ( Mi backed them up so no worries ) 

but still being such an amateur when it comes to phone and technology related, ( hyeeeelppppp me its a hey and help and the same time haha ) 

I am afraid some things will go missing and what if that some things are so important - yet kesabaranku tidak mengenal limit hahaahahhahahha and since its Ramadhan and all the devils are caught - 

you finally realized that all these while , all the bad part is always you and not the devils *cough ayam goreng Ajlaa cooked for iftar* 

Its a good thing tho deleting facebook, less interchangeable between the apps in this holy Ramadhan, what I mean by that is that, usually when you're so bored with instagram you'll go to twitter ( but my attachment towards twitter had been declining significantly since last year ) , and eventually you'll become bored with your phone and do other things instead. I usually spent so much time on facebook reading massive of things plus watching non stop videos. 

They have tons of good articles there *sigh*

Ngiau its the 4th Ramadhan already - here's I am contemplating over my decision of not going back to Malaysia for Ramadhan and Syawal. This thought breaks my heart - each time 

Kau anak tabah * pat your own shoulder * * while eating biscuits with banana * * I bought two packets of banana from Lidl * * because you got 20% off when you buy 3 of the discounted items ( I include a packet of pear and I've been eating them well, well better compared to the apples ) 

see biskut tahan lama haha I have 18 hours at least to go 

But anyway people seems to be making fuss over this 18 hours, I mean yeah its longer than usual but to be contemplating for it over and over again seems not necessary for me idk. 

May Allah keeps us in His rahmah and blessings and we can do this ! 

I came across this one ayat in Al-Ankabut ( or was it in Ar-rum - I'll check it soon ) ( there's even a surah named after the Romans ) that speaks about Allah inspires fears and hope through the thunderstorm - and recently after a series of hot and sunny days in the UK,

Then this one night, I guess on the first Ramadhan, it was raining heavily with the lightning and thunderstorm , its not common for those scenario to happen in  the UK because usually the rain is so calm and sometimes you don't realize that it was raining until you see the apps or look outside the window, and to the obvious, you walked in the rain. 

And after many months of no thunderstorm and whatnot, it do scares me a bit. Before I went to bed, I open the window and I slept next to the window pane because its closer to the fan hehe. But as it starts raining , I move to the other side of bed * while thinking is it okay for me to go to my housemate's room because I am scared * * Ajlaa said that she heard me moving upstairs* *I'm such a scaredy cat meow I know* 

at the same time I was really grateful that finally its raining after such a sunny week. And indeed Allah inspires fear and hopes at the same time - the rain was indeed a blessing to the earth and us, Malaysians in the UK. 

Ramadhan kareem to us all insyaAllah :) 

refleksi popiah basah

Time stamp : 2nd Ramadhan , 28th May 2017, Sunday 
Location : Treherbert Street. 

and literally the post will revolve around the making of popiah basah. 

I had this random conversation with my house-mate about making popiah goreng for iftar, which requires us to walk a distance to get the outer layer of the popiah and I fancied some bean sprout as the fillings ( which bean sprouts will only be available in chinese stores ) , but we're just to lazy and suddenly there's this idea of making popiah basah instead. 

Well I am not really a fan of popiah basah because sometimes I don't fancy its sogginess because to me popiah should be crispy on the outside and soft on the inside . 

and it turns out that all the ingridients needed for the popiah basah is at home - the vinegar, the flour, the carrots and cabbages, the udang kering and all the onion, peanuts ( my mum sent me more of ground peanuts ) 

so popiah basah it is !

I did all the fillings - the condiments eiu condiments sounds not legit ( the sambal ) , the crushed peanut and the vege's while my housemate did the tougher part of it , the outer layer. 

But I must admit she's a pro with this kuih melayu and whatnot - I tried once in the past with che mek molek but it turns horror, two hours of my life seems worthless , making the inedible che mek molek. 

along the process there are plenty things to be reflected, it never crossed my mind in this three years that someday in one evening , I'll be making a popiah basah, its not a big deal for some , like mehhhh tu je but it is to me and my housemate haha because we rarely, like rarely cook something fancy. 

Life had been revolving around tomyam or soup or most common one, the eggs and its variation. 

and because you don't even like it at the first place, you tend to like not even feel like doing it but since its Ramadhan , I really enjoy doing it because the fact that we are feeding people who fast , Allah is surely very generous with his rewards. 

Its not about the reward solely, but the feeling of feeding someone else, and the fact that I did that out of love ( because it's for my house mate hu hu) , it feels meaningful? I will forever savour this memory of making popiah basah. 

And its definitely not an easy task , you got to like went through stages of process to make a legit popiah basah, hence it took so much of your time and energy - thank God I opt for a paprik today so I dump every vegetables I bought from Lidl yesterday in the pan and voila let the fire do its magic ( haha tipu , fire alone won't make a paprik out of vege's haha ) 

this reminds me of makcik makcik who sells popiah basah at the night market ( huwaaaa iMiss the bazar at intec huwaa ) , all these while we take things lightly, like buying popiah is as easy as saying 'Makcik popiah singgit' but when you tried it yourself, you tend to appreciate the whole entity of popiah alone - beneath it is someone who cooked the fillings, crushed the peanuts , make the sambal and most importantly they make a decent outer layer of popiah. We had to rewash the pan to remove the cracks and to start all over again - waiting for the pan to heat. 

Now I am done for the day. I finished cooking at 8 and now lets wait for iftar at 9.17 I bet. 





the legendary ( la sangat ) popiah basah in making haha 

patches of memories

so I tried barbecue ( with and 'ing' indicating a verb ) using the easy barbecue pack - sold anywhere in the UK at the very low price, I got a fairly decent one capable of working nicely for an amateur like me from Tesco for £2. 

I guess I've done barbecuing for many times before but often my brothers will come to the rescue. I'll cheat with whatever chores that won't involve the smokes and charcoals. I always wanted to do barbecue at the backyard and yeah I did when I was in my first year but the guys do all the outdoor cooking. But this time its just a simple feast with my housemate just to chill before Ramadhan. Give me a space of acknowledging my hard work - kah kah kah #loveyourself

A random plan, I marinated the chicken last night with my eyes half open. My sleeping pattern seems to be fixed now, woke up very early, a nap around 11 or 12 just like babies do. And around 12-1 am I'll go to bed, caffeine is not working on me, nayy I tried for few times, I guess when it comes to studying, yawning and being sleepy is a perfect equation. ( or you just need to accept that you're getting older and staying up is just nayyy no thank you )

Oh by the way it seems so weird, all of sudden different people, from patch of my lost memories , and perhaps parts that don't count as memories contacted me, if there's a legal term for this - it will be 'perished' nowhere to be found. 

I am so sorry guys, I may claim that I'm good with my memories but my memories are rather selective towards documentations but when it comes to people, I am not sure how that section of my brain works. 

Just like how I never came across Ajlaa in my memories when I was the one who approached her and the group. 

And just like how I forgot someone I met in a drama competition and come to watch me in my tournament, even meet me after the game to say that I did well but yeah I was constructing courtesy replies to escape the puzzling moment - then suddenly a senior mine told me that the person searched for the room which I had my round at just to see me debate ( because I looked uninterested by the persons presence , just like a passing wind and not even trying to remember 'who are you again' ) - oh gawd save my helpless memories I'm drowning 

But its fun though, you kinda like put these messy pieces of puzzle in place. I remembered the blurry memories of getting a packet of keropok bantal - I am not sure whats the exact name and never bother to know one - and getting down the slide during recess time but just that fullstop. 

Oh yeah perhaps lining up to the toilet seems memorable now - but not more. 

ps in case you are a part of my memories , please do help me to rekindle it back. I wish. I really do. 

Just like how I wanted to know who came to me last 6 years when I was sitting for dinner at the symposium and asked for a picture, I said yes without asking why or who are you . I was perhaps that easy heh. Its not a big deal anyway. 

It's just a picture lol perhaps now the evidence vanished already, the camera got stolen or drown into the Mediterranean sea or getting dusty in the cupboard as Apple makes more appealing accessible photos. #techonologychangeseverything #somanyjustlike #limitedvocabularyalert 

Now that I'm writing - I hope it helps me with my memories and helps me to complete the patches of memories and life generally. More pieces of puzzles to be collected soon and perhaps I need to spend my time outdoor because if I'm collecting more puzzles of memories now it will be so dull then - its just me my bed my fan ( I wish I have fans - I do now, a 9 inch and a 6 inch clip fan, I need fans , the fanatics one hahahahahahahha ) and unsettled laundries. 


I am now in the phase of playing exploding kittens - and this was in between the exam days, I screenshot 'ed those because I was the defuse expert - now not anymore can't be bothered ay 

exam susah tapi pi main kitten , hahah that's me the exam susah


not wanting to get caught of my strategies, I changed my name. Its strategy too. Funny how this game actually make me a strategist ( angkat bakul angkatkan berjemaah ) 

What happened to your prep answers for the questions asked by your grandchildren ' Nek last time when you were in the UK what did you do? ' I'm the anxious granny now !

btw I've been wanting to write like old times - manglishing everything. But at the same time I need to work on my English. 

hahahahaha I've been writing a lot these days. Good to see you here Najwa. 

Ahlan wasahlan ya Ramadhan :)

Experienced a week last year, so this means nothing new for me except for this time around Raya will be here too and 30 days of 18 hours fasting.

 InsyaAllah we'll get through this, as the weather outside has been scorching hot that the local neighbours decided to sun bathing on the roof yesterday , as if they're at the beach meanwhile us Malaysian decided to stay indoor and wonder why is it so hot outside ( plus trying to understand 'y sunbathing?' ha ha )

so we ran for errands yesterday, buying 14 baby chickens from the store ( we finished them all ha ha ha ) , then there's this sudden mood of barbecue came , hopped to three different halal stores which are not so near to each other looking for chicken wings but I guess everyone else cooked chicken wings for their first day of sahur - we had to agree with drumstick ay not a bad choice either

It's been a year and alhamdulillah we are here again, meeting Ramadhan. The Malaysian committees distributed the dates and the Ramadhan calendar earlier. #reasonswhyIloveCardiff And I ate around 5 of the dates already hahaha may Allah bless these kind souls and for every penny spent, may Allah gives you in return, branches of good rewards here and the life after. 

I went through my phone album last week and I saw my mom's aunt in a raya picture last year ( basically she's my nenek sedara , how do you say that in English anyway ) and she died last two months I guess because of cancer. And I vividly remember that I met her right before I went back to the UK. And now she is not here anymore. May Allah place her soul among the righteous and give ease to my atuk sedara and his family strengths. 

indeed death is the best reminder above all. 

and I guess it was yesterday, I had a conversation with one of my adik usrah, and it feels so good that finally some barriers are being torn apart, I am no good with this sharing session which it makes me feels so bad that I am very bad at it, but I must admit that I don't open myself up that often . Its a sense of someone does actually believes in you and sees you as someone they can talk to. I hope this lasts forever insyaAllah even we're going to be apart soon. 

Lets embrace the (hot) UK while I'm still here, I am going to miss Cardiff dan seisinya. 

Next year puasa kat Malaysia dah - don't know where-or with who-or even, sempat ke? 


-.-

now back to square 2, not knowing what to do in your life - square 1 was back after alevels, I have plenty of to do lists I suppose, got to plan for my family's trip, and basically to settle all these stuff - shipping etc and basically to get back on track with all the promises I made to relevant people.

It is so awkward though , one night you're recalling all the terms to bed, and all of sudden you're free from all these legal terms.

perhaps I shall give myself a short break. Thought of going to Austria but I don't think my parents would approve for a solo trip -.-




should I or should not.

soon Cardiff University alumnus. 

23rd.

I'M DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADSSSS !

I could FINALLY say those precious words . well omit the graduation part, till then pray for the smoothness of my life. Finished my last paper today, the thing about commercial is that, its just way too big that I don't exactly know how to narrow the scope. I watched tons of times, the same credit crunch video to understand the relation between the subprime mortgages and all the CDO's and even suddenly this Lehman brothers in my sight again , last was in macro-economics paper last three years. 

Nevertheless, thank you Allah for all the affairs in my life. I'm blessed with very kind souls at the age of 23, many may say that they've encountered the evil world with evil people, but as for now I am very blessed with very kind people. 

Claimed my birthday meal today from Cafe Aroma - I was like err excuse me can I claim my birthday meal in a very awkward tone #likecanIactuallydothis haha which I barely ate the burger, finished the chips and salad #wayyyyyytogoveges , a birthday surprise on top of that - thank you girls. Your mere existence is a blessing to me. 




So there's so many significant things happening on my birthday, last 6 years in 2011, I won two debate round and was the best speaker for both, and wear the same birthday outfit today, the one I wear back in 2014 on the 24th of May too ( that was when I'm juggling between more than ten papers ahah #stillalive ) and after three years, fast forward, here I am finished my last undergraduate paper on the 24th of May. 

I guess the blessings I had today came from the people around me, the wishes and prayers. May Allah bless you all kind souls, with the eternal happiness insyaAllah. Can't thank enough for the presence of my family around me, signifies jatuh bangun Anis Najwa. Keep me always in your prayers. 

For now, I'm just going to enjoy the moment till it lasts. 

fancy yet fragile

I know that very soon less than 24 hours I'll be sitting for my commercial paper - the last paper for undergrad and my mood is so gloomy today, I've been so anxious all day thinking there's so many things to revise yet its tomorrow. Cried in the middle of revision tho for reasons I don't know why. Najwa Najwa. 

On the night of my birthday, Allah gave me the sight of Al Ankabut, the very same surah Allah showed me when I was sitting alone by the lake. That speaks about 'kerbergantungan dengan Allah' , people who cling on other things aside from Allah, as if they're clinging on the spiders' house - fancy yet fragile. 

Perhaps Allah is sending me a message to recheck on to whom or to what I put my desires and hopes to. 

23 years of living, nothing more valuable than the chance He gave me to embrace my own belief. Wishing that Allah will still choose and keep me steadfast in this journey. 

May Allah ease our lives. Happy Birthday Anis Najwa. xx 

why I'm writing a post at this hour

it doesn't really makes sense that I am writing a post at this hour juggling between how legit was Akindele's authority is saying it is unconscionable for the third party to retain benefit in establishing liability for knowing receipt. Spelling unconscionable makes me concious enough - okay where to put s-c-i-o-again?

But its been a while since I caught this one, I might say a good thinker, as I am intimidated  with that person bringing up arguments - I mean its good at some point because the person does have his/her stand - and perhaps at some points I don't think its inviting towards a healthy discussion. 

I did went through different posts to see why that person is acting that way - you can tell one, its a bad history, perhaps the person met a wrong person that gave the whole wrong idea. 

Funny how I choose to use the word 'intimidated' up there, is because I disagree with the person, and the only argument I can put forward now is, what if you kinda stop now and try to understand from the other perspective. and can't provide more than that ( its a hopeless argument ) . Understand here does not mean, 'oh yea I'm trying to understand it on surface *and I read tons of academics to support my view and understanding' but more like 'experience it'

Just because you had a bad experience, you're somehow in your posts and arguments - inclining towards 'let's not be a part of them because what they're doing doesn't make sense'. 

Marah dengan diri sendiri sebab takboleh nak provide a counter legit arguments . Maybe for now I shall hide that person's post from my sight. 

in a meanwhile, equipping myself with proper knowledge and understanding. To be someone who empowered the reason why she choose to stay in this journey. 

Keep in mind * reminder to myself * everyone wants a good ending and they're striving it in their own way. And that person is also having his/her own way too and may your readings and arguments guides you closer to Him 

Boleh bertenang kot sekarang and continue with disagreement of 'dishonesty' in Royal Brunei v Tan and Twinsectra - suddenly with this Barlow and Abou Rahmah in scene. 

ugh law school. Why I'm doing this again. 

add image from your phone on exam days be like.



#re(vision)daysgotmelike

so I was in denial to answer banking as one of my choice of questions for commercial but I keep finding myself watching tons of economics videos and googling what ever related to the financial crisis and all the fancy terms with an addition in the search 'for dummies'

some clarified the matters perfectly for dummies like me but some complicates it even more. like are you even sure its for dummies huh because hello one dummy here is having a hard time

psst you might be more than ies , its dummIEST hahhahahahhahah okay at least that's funny to me ( you and your lame joke is not a logarithm - its straightforward ) 

so revisions are doing, alhamdulillah for now. I looked at the past years questions and attempted more than one for now , and planning to do much vigorous revision in this remaining 3 days. This morning I was at the school , making my day productive as ever ( yeah sure ) with high hopes that the remaining list-to-study topics shall be continued after zuhur. 

and there you go , someone read third party liabilities and sleep soundly till asar ( I cries a river but meh I couldn't even digest anything if I continue )  , nay I was fasting today so its to kill the time ( counter-argument ) 

The thoughts that I'm finishing under grads very soon , sometimes doesn't excites me as people may say they are free from all the exams , I mean the exams on papers not the ujian kehidupan dari Ilahi since I'm planning to do my CLP which is clearly ALL-EXAM-oriented and got to see more of simple words turned into a complex jargon - like how you can use simple 'not reasonable' but used unconscionable instead blergh , don't make me mention all the negative negative makes it a positive word , the judges are keen to be fancy with their words , if I'm ever to be a judge I'll make the law prosper merahmati semua lay people on earth. 

Ngeh , now lets sleep and hope that tomorrow will be productive as ever. 

Doakan xx 

long due issues.

Tetiba harini nak cerita benda random. Benda yang aku banyak kali fikir, dan eventually its like a rolling film and it keeps rolling ( after quite some times ) . And mungkin sebab baru ada sedikit ruang nak bertenang before next two ( last papers ). 

Aku generally seorang manusia yang sangat sangat attached dengan manusia lain. Boleh jadi clingy yang kadang kadang annoying. Mungkin bukan dengan manusia je, tapi dengan surrounding. Contoh macam tak boleh tidur kalau takde bunyi kipas ( err ), kena faham kot life practice dekat UK, most houses idk rumah aku je ke , tapi dalam bilik takde kipas. Logic dia sebab sejuk lagipun , jadi macam tak kena nak letak sebiji kipas di ceiling. Back to the clingy part of me, kadang aku akan macam kucing cakar pintu bilik housemate ( literally ) just to like ' hey what chu doing gals ' dan berlalu pergi. 

Aku rasa attachment ni is a very long due , unsolved issue. Mungkin for some it sounds normal. I mean sounds human. 

Sebab lama kelamaan aku rasa this side of me ni macam tak sihat. Dan tak sihat tu merangkumi perkara yang aku post dekat twitter dan sebagainya. In fact masa tulis ni pun aku rasa ini antara benda yang tak sihat jugak. Mungkin sebab macam takde orang tanya khabar aku, aku rasa there's a need untuk bagitahu orang keberadaan aku. Ngeh. Mungkin jugak aku tak pernah tahu macam mana nak insert element suspense dalam cerita hidup sendiri ( kuang kuang ) . I keep wanting human to realise that I am , ugh hello, here? 

But it started things started to contradict with each other now. 

Kadang aku boleh tidur sambil nangis fikir benda ni. Untuk kesekian kalinya. Harmful thoughts like am I not doing enough-such-and-such. Aku cuba jugak untuk acknowledge yang nevermind its okay to have this self-thoughts once in a while. Tapi kadang aku fikir, orang lain ada masalah yang jauh lagi memeningkan , dan perkara yang diaorang fikirkan tu jauh lebih besar dan bermotif. 

Dan dengan sepenuh kekuatan yang aku ada, aku doa , coupled with the blessings yang Allah bagi, aku akan jadi orang yang think big. Bukan tak boleh nak ada sad side of stories, tapi kadang dia macam perasaan sendiri JE ke. eh? 

Sebab teringat cerita Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wjick. ( aku sempat google sejarah dia, they said 4 dies out of hundreds, around 40 reported missing - dalam tu Hayati mati, so Hayati is 1/4 unfortunate victims - fiksyen on the love stories, but sejarah betul , betullah tu 4 * kot * ) 

' Perempuan hanya ingat perkara kejam yang orang lakukan pada dia tapi dia tak pernah ingat kekejaman yang dia lakukan pada orang lain' 

Mungkin saja aku perempuan yang lupa dia selalu berlaku kejam pada manusia lain, dan tak memenuhi pun hak hak yang sepatutnya dan selayaknya. Jadi mungkin itu imbalan cerita yang aku gagal nak masukkan dalam sketsa panjang kehidupan seorang Anis Najwa. 

Oh by the way mak aku baru tanya , dengan nada he he I'm just asking ' Dah ada boyfriend ke?' 

hah that's another story. 

tapi aku belum rasa cukup adil untuk the prospect I-know-who untuk terima the current state of me inside in out. 

at least for now. 
The smell of brownies at this hour ( read 0015 ) is not good. But my housemate made a really good brownies tho. It used to be the only thing I can eat when my throat was sore. 

Its been a while

And still coughing to this very day. But insyaAllah recovering well. I lost my voice since last two weeks I bet. It worries me at many points since its not getting better but partly it was my fault as I stopped the medication ( because I need to loose my dependent towards the medicine ) and the foods too. Samyang is way too tempting , I bought like a packet of 5 after we got back from the camp, just a few days before my sick days. And seeing 4 packs of them on the food shelf is just to pitiful , I need to eat one. 

But one big lesson learnt 

I can never thank Allah enough , for each time the body gets better, though still in pain, I learned to say as much alhamdulillah I can because its getting better than before. 

So yesterday I found myself stuck in a late night harmful thoughts. 

Again, the cancerous expectation. 

And it came to me that how powerful 'ikhlas' is. Submitting and giving without expecting anything in return. 

And I am reminded of my own prayers to Allah , to make me among those yang tak meminta minta pada manusia. Suffice Him alone , the only One whom I will channel all my wants and desires. 

In the midst of vigorous ( as if ) revisions, had a hard time to make sense of all things I learnt all year. Some rings the bell, some just helpless. Helpless tutorial feedback plus my can't help bad writing in tutorial discussions and all the arrows ( I made so many arrows in my notes and sometimes it doesn't really make sense why its there at the first place ) , nevertheless hoping that Allah will count every effort.

adios for now.