Snow day ! - and the 8 years of friendship.

January 30, 2015

29th January - my first snow in life ( well its not that certain since I once played with the snow pepagi buta pukul enam pagi few weeks before but it was dark and early in the morning pastu confuse weh ni snow ke hail ( hujan ais ) so since today its snowing kitten and puppy - sebab tak sampai tahap snow cats and dog ( read lebat ) keh keh , I guess this is my very first snow in Cardiff ! . - You can't really see the snow in the picture but yeah my eyes captures the beautiful snow falls , that's more than enough I bet !

Snow rasa cemana?
Its like buih buih ais i don't know how to describe but its like very soft and kalau jilat snow ( which I did ) is , rasa ais hahahahha what do you expect its snow hokayy.

Selalu gambar is at the very end of the post tapi I guess there's something about snow that makes everyone kinda happy ( lagi lagi being typical asian living for like 20 years dekat negara tanpa empat musim ) paling paling its only snowing inside your heart figuratively haha. 

These days I tend to ask people I've known for years their liking , well years here merujuk kepada kawan kawan Selandar. I barely get in touch with my friends back in primary school which I guess the main reason is because the distance in both virtual and real life ( termasuk perhubungan melalu telefon dan jumpa persekitaran yang baru ) . I asked a simple thing yang I guess we kinda forget that part masa taaruf dulu ( wahahaha do we even have one? selain orientasi dan juga perkenalan di hadapan kelas form 1 / atau perkenalkan diri dengan cikgu baru leuls )

Korang suka makan apa? 

Good to know that I was surprised with their liking yang I never knew ! Biasanya I tend to know what they dislike , sebabnya dulu Dewan Makan sediakan anything yang tak kiralah kita suka ke tak , for the sake of living bahahha plus dah bayar duit segala bagai , ikan kayu pun sanggup ku redahi inikan pula sambal berapi. Jadi disebabkan we live in a system with rigid menus ( mungkin tak berapa nak rigid ) aku tak pernah tahu atau tak perasan. Ada suka makan mee bandung with specific taste udang kering kacang segala , then ada yang mee kari or any type of mihun . And tah cemana it happened that I just knew my friend's father is good at cooking tahap jadi ketua dekat kenduri kenduri. Dan aku mengetahui fakta itu selepas lapan tahun berkawan ...

dan , I guess bila you discover one thing , there's more curiosity arisen , and we tend to question , do I really know you guys? Sometimes all these little things matters in life sebab aku rasa orang yang do little things can mean so much to a person's life. Macam having updates on weather tempat kawan , like how my girlfriend sent me a picture of weather updates in Cardiff when she's at Iowa. Orang kata , biarlah terpisah dengan jarak sekalipun ( tetiba haha ) 

I guess ada jodoh , panjang umur insyaAllah , I would love to have many more years with the people I've known around the world ( doubtful haha ) to discover more facts about you guys. And get fascinated? haha 

Because being sweet is ain't a crime. Ngeh. haha 


Oh , duduk oversea jalan je eh?

January 24, 2015


I've seen many of this statement all around the social networks plus instagram comments ngeh I was trying to just let it slip from my sight and knowing explaining won't make you go anywhere since people ( moreover yang same age ) tends to cari gak flaws despite kau terangkan thousands of reasons why ' jalan je eh ' . Its human by the way, jadi memang tak boleh la kan nak satisfy people's need and kalau dah salah kat mata dia , semua akan jadi salah meskipun some people trying to make things clear. 

Meskipun hari ni baru 5 bulan 5 hari di bumi Cardiff , aku bolehlah dikira newbie yang berjalan jalan semasa winter break , baru nak rasa jelajah bumi Allah .  whahaha newbie mende kau ni?

Macam mana nak cakap eh? I guess the right phrase to answer this is just ,

YOU ONLY SEE THE FUN , NOT THE PAIN ( nada tenang sambil senyum tanpa sarcasm tersembunyi )

Like seriously. The journey nak sambung the degree itself wasn't that easy I can say , it started with your SPM then lepas SPM ( kalau sponsored students ) people work for it , sent countless of essays , go for interviews even some with stages of interviews , then dah interview alhamdulillah get sponsored , hadap pulak contract with sponsors to achieve these certain grades during Alevels or IB dengan kena sacrifice in advance your money for visa and friends plus medical check up . Turun naik Putrajaya Melaka - countless of test - and mungkin topup call universities to confirm things before you depart . You never want to know renyahnya proses A-Z applying for universities. Perhaps you guys don't see the struggles behind the journey we've been through. And all you may see is a bunch of kids with blazers and mungkin pastu upload gambar ticket flight dengan passport ( rujuk hari fly dulu bersama kawan kawan sponsored by JPA ) ( after all seeing the ticket at least buat aku rasa usaha for that freaking two years rasa berbaloi - it gave me a big sense of relief like relief gilaaaaaa i tell you well if you don't understand aku faham je kot )

Well sebenarnya kenapa aku include sekali kerenyahan kepayahan ni is to actually , bagilah peluang , a slight of very small chance for us to actually rasa being 'paid off' tu dengan travelling ( well this might be one of the reason why aaa kot kenapa we travel ) and does it mean when we spent our holidays travelling terus masuk golongan yang lalai dengan ilmu? I can't brain it please T.T

And tu belum masuk how to assimilate different accent during classes and to maintain certain classes untuk sponsor . And do these things sebenarnya need to be on social networks? Well even after millions of justifications , I guess people would still tend to '' Eleh , memang duduk oversea meamng jalan pun "

Haha wouldn't it be the same when some people yang cuti then spend their days in Pulau Redang ke Pulau Kapas ke or even the sweetest home sweet home is considered nice? ( enduring pain jauh dari rumah , tak dapat mak ayah when you need them very much is something you never want to feel I guess )  Kadang bila you put your shoes in ours , tell me more reasons , bila dah kat sini , would you want to just spend the cold days in your house - like after the exams , the struggles you faced for months? Bila dah kat sinilah , its the chance for you to see tempat orang , how people lived , how is it different from home , and even kadang kau nampak je Huwuuuuu Parisssss bergaya Louis Vitton bagai uuu travel best uuu ada life uuuu ( padahal minutes or hours before they encountered drunk people yang kencing tepi tepi jalan - or struggle nak makan apa ni weh takde benda halal and end up jadi kambing ( read vegetarian ) hahaha ) 

Because what you see , is fun. Because what you see , is beautiful. Complicity of human ni is when dia nak dunia tahu the beauty but not the pain. 

Kadang tu upload gambar cecantik Scotland ke Ireland ke sebab nak sama sama share how wonderful sebenarnya Allah cipta different places , different cultures , suhu semua , hai guys , this is Scotland yang some novelist pernah describe in novels , how the culture , and later maybe my / our anak cucu would definitely ask ( insyaAllah if we be one ) , nenek dulu dekat Cardiff pergi mana? Aku taknak aih kena cop jadi nenek hambar sebab nenek cuma kena study and be nerd 24 seven for the whole three years going back and forth to the toilet dapur bilik and thats it ! 

And noted jugak , sometimes our struggles sama je , nerd belajar bagai nak gila like you guys do , its just we don't show it , and tell me , the need of showing it? 

Dan overtimes , belajar tu tak semestinya you read books and muntah balik stuff. Jalan jalan tadabbur ( tengok ) alam pun belajar jugak , belajar whats even more inside the books and in case you never came across this word , I'll let you know , we learn , we're the nerds who learnt through our experience :)

with a caption : Kenapa budak U malaysia nampak nerd dan macam takda life ?

sebab mungkin kita punya dua ruang pandang yang berbeza , dan aku tak kata pandangan kau salah , but somehow this might sounds too absurd for us , anyway its fine to see things like you wish so. Dan mungkin jugak cara kau define ' takde life ' is when you don't travel , dan mungkin cara kita interpret ' takde life ' itu berbeza :)

Terima kasih. 


LLB Law ,second semester.

January 23, 2015

Hello !

Its been a while since I talked about my studies , since its like monotonous and mungkin tidak begitu significant dalam bahagian memori dalam kepala ( when it supposed to be significant - tergolek golek seperti buah tembikai - nak tembikai , kenaapaaa takde watermelon kat sini? :( ) . I ( surprisingly ) started my tutorials for criminals and contract law , which the cycles of tutorials kinda shoot deep ke dalam kepala haha mengapa tiba tiba. Camne eh , during my first semester , tutorials class start with the odd cycles ( its not like I am gonna make you understand how the system works ngeh ahahaha tapi biarkan haku habiskan ayat ni haha ) and my odd week tutorials are - Public Law and Legal Foundation , which bagi aku kalau bagi 1 - 10 level susah , both of these subjects I can put dekat level 4.67 kot ( kang letak 9 exaggerate sangat pulak dah eheks ) .

And nak dijadikan cerita , my housemates semua ambik law and we tend to change our tutorials homeworks ( here they gave everything in advance for you to prepare ) and in case you're asking mende tutorials ni najwa? Its a small classes yang dalam a group there 10 - 15 people with one personal tutor , kira sorang akan ada 4 personal tutor for 4 different subjects ( some ada 3 kalau a same tutor guide for 2 different subjects ) . And usually my housemate akan rujuk my Legal Foundation and Public Law masa semester satu , since my tutorials semua Isnin - Selasa ( dan somehow I felt macam burdened gila weekend takde life habiskan tutorials and the cycles keeps going on. ) . And usually jugak I'll refer ( bila terlupa / tak tahu / most of the time , malas - I'll just copy yeah my bad ) their work . And just so you know both criminals and contract punya tutorials usually banyakkkkkkk gila like one can consume 15 - 16 pages ( idk if my handwriting besar gedabak ke apa tapi its a painnnnnnnn to complete them all , soalan cumalah 2 - 3 , tutorials one session 1 jam tapi soalan dia masyaAllah nangis ) 

Which aku rasa bila naik semester baru memang Allah nak suruh jadi lebih tawadhu dengan meletakkan tutorials Criminals and Contract aku awal dari semua orang , ( insert suara perempuan mengilai hahah ) and apparently mine would be a reference to my housemates kah kah kah . Tapi bila fikir balik , hikmah paling besar Dia nak tunjuk is to work things sendiri , usaha kalau nak , and its your second semester of the very first year enrolling law. ! So gotta be serious . Lebih. 

For the upcoming second semesters in few days , I've already done my Criminal tutorials and tinggal contract ( mengucap panjang hahahha ) . Harapnya dah takdok dah issue tak merasakan compatible dalam kelas ( padahal takde pun issue ni hahaha kau pehal? ) . Alhamdulillah Allah bagi my mind kinda alert dengan the changes and I did get some space untuk actually calm myself and start to figure things out. Kalaulah tak pernah nak perasan , my second semester would be a total miseryyyyy ! . Bila dah nak masuk second semester ni barulah boleh recall balik my love towards seeking for ilmu ( ye ye je bahahah like seriously yesssza ) , dapat balik rythm usaha masa alevels. Pagi semalam hantar assignment Public Law , which benda tu aku macamnya banyak kali tangguh - and only jot down points dalam draft paper , which later bila pandang balik notes aku jadi blank jadah apa kau lakukan ini najwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

which that makes me realize ( balik ) yang aku sejenis manusia yang kena selalu bersedia , aku bukan last -minute things tolerant. Sangat tak. Sebab aku punya anxiety level akan hike up bila aku face benda last minute. And kadang aku juga merasakan sangat cemburu dengan orang yang boleh buat benda last minute T_______T sebab aku takde kebolehan tu. Lols people might say eh baguslah bersedia , wahahhahah bersedia tu bagus tapi to able to tolerate benda last minute bergunaaaa paham doks? I remembered yang masa Alevels like few minutes before exam , or half an hour before / one hour before / the day exam tu sendiri camtu aku dah ditch down all notes and biasanya menerawang menganggu ketenangan manusia lain yang gigih menelaah atau make myself ready nak ajar anyone so that I can recall back stuff I've revised. 

Wahahahhaha kadang aku sangat bersyukur aku enroll in Alevels sebab dua tahun tu aku figure pattern study bersama kesedaran to actually study dan menindas motion motion jodoh-tak-kemana . I miss Alevels kelas kecik madam nad ajar huwaaa kenkadang kat sini rasa macam lostnya ya ampun + kepala jenis nak pickup right words nak tanya tutor like buffer 8 tahun T____T . 

Tapi takpelah , lets make room for self improvement ! 

Brace it , second semester ! * tangan beku bilik sejuk tah ada dinding tak ni woih I miss khatulistiwa *

more reasons to look at the wall. hahah. 

dealing with colours. 
Doakan saya , bagi sesiapa yang membaca :) 

Off the label and pride.

January 20, 2015

I never see myself as an avid quality-goers for handbags. But since I'm here , negara yang mementingkan hak cipta terpelihara sampaikan nak download movies illegally dari websites pun rasa insecure because afraid yang police tetiba datang depan rumah dan sue. 

I just bought a bag which I was fascinated by the price , its a Michael Kors bag , I always wish to have the original one sebab aku rasa pride and mungkin a little bit of insecurities run deep because many people I met have the original version of MK ( rujuk Michael Kors di atas ) . But then lepas beli ( I bought it from an online store in Malaysia - which basically my aunt help me with buying and I did the transferring money part ) , I tend to question the originality of the bag? Eh macam murah sangat pulak tadi beli. As kalau convert in pound sterling , it only cost me like 23 pound camtu which I met many more bags dekat in store here yang jauh lagi mahal ( the real branded ones ) . So I guess its fake and I'm somehow disappointed with myself sebab choose to purchase.

But wait a minute !

This concerns you most ke najwa? Then if its fake ( I know in law its unacceptable because people are duplicating someone's work ) but being me , I guess I was so wrong to feel disappointed sebenarnya. Sebab aku rasa macam terjatuh berdebuks debuks terlanggar batu berbucu tajam , this is like so dunia . Pastu mula drama pujuk diri sendiri yang katanya , kau perempuan and to have such feelings wanted to feel pretty , nak jugak ada barang berjenama semua. Because the Off Label and Pride. And mungkin sikit satisfaction. Eh banyak kot. Because women's world were so complicated sampai tahap women judge everything that someone's wear and from that dia boleh karang a set of story about the other woman. Ngeh. 

Then I came to realize , pride , labels , satisfaction , does an inch from that kau bawak sama pergi akhirat ? Bunyi klise. aku tahu. Tapi serious ni , do they carry an inch of your pride depan Dia? And to feel sad sebab beli yang tak meet its quality yang you nak , don't you sound like a spoiled brat kat sini? Its a bag for god sake yang memang tentu tentu boleh masuk list kemahuan bukan kehendak. And sebenarnya siapa setup the label level , the pride levels ? One day mungkin Michael Kors tu level paling bawah bila ada orang decided to naikkan pulak jenama Michael Kors(low) - read coleslaw kah kah tak lawak berader. Tapi serious tangga pride ni changed and whats with the worry?

Its okay najwa. At least you've tick one lowest level craving - MK handbag. Haha aku kadang fikir bila go through the real website with the real price , I questioned myself , kalau tak beli yang tadi tu - would you want to waste such amount for a bag , yes for a satisfaction but no for now. Sebab banyak lagi priority - belum masuk nak kumpul duit beli tiket terbang balik ke Malaysia.

Gah even after writing , I still felt a tiny tiny not that tiny disappointment ngeh. Hebat betul penangan serangan dunia dekat kau 

* terpanah tepat dekat core hati * 


January 18, 2015

" Aku faham kau "

sometimes the very least we expect from some people is to understand , not to really berada dalam kasut yang sama - mahupun jenis atau saiz yang sama. Well to expect from human sendiri dah salah sebenarnya sebab letak pengharapan pada manusia , tendency nak sakit tu tinggi . Tapi aku taktahulah sebab kita ni manusia tak lari dari pengharapan sesama manusia , then we accidentally allow ourselves to hope and to hurt ( bila expectation is merely expecting and yadadada ) 

Takdelah , aku terfikir nak cakap pasal faham sebab aku rasa saying you understand someone sebenarnya one big thing , dia macam inter galaksi perasaan wahahahha salahkan sound cloud #suaracerita aku jadi puitis sebegini rupa ( starlight tiga kali ) . 

Saling Mencari  
-Kita tidak pernah akan tahu siapa yang ternyata mencari kita sampai kita bertemu dengan orang tersebut. Kita tidak akan pernah tahu siapa yang ternyata diam-diam mendoakan kita menjadi takdirnya sampai kita bertemu dengan orang tersebut.

Bila dengar benda ni , tipulah tak rasa sedih bila takde opposite gender at the very joyful age to have one. Tapi aku tak rasa kalau aku jumpa sekarang aku dah ready nak bagi commitment , masa to sacrifices. Jadi , aku rasa aku golongan manusia normal kot. Salahkah aku cuba menjadi manusia? kahkah hambarnyapuitisawaknajwamehsepaksini. 

Semalam tadabbur surah An - Nas , cakap pasal bisikan syaitan yang masuk dalam dada - dan aku baru realize selama ni syaitan buat tak jauh mana , cuma bisik je , choices to do baik buruk kat tangan kita. Yang hang pasaipa makan bisikan setan? kenyang? * sebab makan hasutan *sebab makan hahahaha k ( tertusuk hati seperti vampire kahkah  deflated heart )

btw if you're reading through  , Hanin !  I was doing my weekly routine tengok updates from the blog and I saw my name on your site . Doa saya , awak dan Muhammad selalu diredhai Allah .Indeed He knows whats best and even relation kita cuma setakat baca - tulis , you're one strong woman ( yang miraculously sama umur ) dengan level kuat yang tinggi ! And insyaAllah ada jodoh nanti kita jumpa :) 


Aberystwyth dan ketenangan.

January 15, 2015

Seperti post post #theanisnajwamusafir yang sebelum sebelum ni , aku kadang rasa its a must to jot down about places I've went to , sebab aku rasa there's one day I'll may look through the posts I've been writing , thus find more reasons to be happy when I am left with none. Because that's where memories play a part in life and to travel is to see the places yang Allah jadikan , like magnificently see how Allah jadikan different places with different scenery plus different people and temperature jugak.And thus you have many more reasons to praise Him. 

So my travel diary for 2015 started with Aberystwyth , Wales. Mungkin people yang tak familiar with parts of UK would find Aberyswyth berbunyi odd dan camano eh nak pronounce this place? Pronounce ikut the ejaan leuls. So Aber is a part of Wales , where Lisa Surihani got her law degree from , Aberystwyth University ( ke University of Aberystwyth ) k nak gak mention Lisa bahahahha. I got plenty of friends studying here and maybe itu faktor terbesar kenapa this place is a must visit for me. Sebab my friend selalu pay a visit + sleep over my house in Cardiff and it seems unfair kalau dia je travelling back and forth to Cardiff and I'm here berguling guling hahah.

So it was unplanned exactly meskipun dah banyak kali mention nak pergi situ pergi sini. Its like so sudden , dan dan baru hantar assignment criminal law plus aku dah mencapai tahap makan - tidur - berguling- tidur balik - lupa balas whatssap orang sebab ngantuk and the list goes on and on and on haha. So I booked a megabus ticket sebab dekat UK I guess dia ada sistem beli awal dapat murah beli lambat dapat mahal. Tapi maybe megabus adalah satu binatang yang tak berapa affected dengan fluctuated prices bahah suka hati je k. Pergi balik cost me 10.00 + 50 pence booking fee. How I really miss real bus ticket yang boleh kumpul kumpul dalam purse sampai purse jadi tebal berkepuk bukan kerna duit namun tiket wayang + bas + tah pape resit wahahahahahahah k. Me being a woman k. Sekarang semua buat online and you just need to show your reservation number through phone and thats it . I guess people do really save trees these days. haha ( mengurangkan penggunaan kertas kah kah )

These days I found that I'm not a long haul journey tolerant. Sebab naik je bas rasa nak muntah , dulu balik dari Hope to Cardiff pun I consumed a motion sickness pill ( pastu pergi minum coffee , how irony was that? ) hahah. Nak tidur tapi pergi minum coffee ( but I did sleep since coffee was not meant for me to stay awake keh keh ) Tapi sebab the journey was at night , I forced myself to sleep. We arrived Aberysywth pukul 1.00 rasanya , then our friends fetch us from the station , by legs. Sometimes aku terfikir yang walking at night , dengan semuanya perempuan sounds not safe at all back in Malaysia , tapi dekat sini , I guess I don't have those kinds of feelings sebab I did feel safe , maybe sebab tak pernah pulak keluar rumah pukul 1.00 pagi kat Malaysia dulu but logically its a criminal prone situation la kot , but not here , alhamdulillah sampai balik ke Cardiff dah pun haha. 

The first thing we do masa sampai was to buy a late night supper from the kebab store. Sesungguhnya aku merindui makanan selain kebab haha because all we have here in all halal food stores were kebabs and friends. Then I slept like at 5 am that night and pukul 7 bangun dah nak siap siap jenjalan dekat Aber because we planned like a very very short trip ke Aber Jumaat malam - Ahad pagi ( I originally planned nak ke Devils Bridge tengok waterfall and river tapi they don't provide any trains in January like whyyyyy !?! ) . During the day we went to the castle yang dah runtuh tinggal kubu kubu dia je haha , sebelah laut / pantai miahahha aku taktahu nak describe ni pantai ke laut since ombak dia kuat and the breeze was like gilaaaaaa kuat . Just so you know why Aberyswyth dan ketenangan , its because I did feel at ease looking at the sea. Which I hardly find one dekat Cardiff. Though ombak dia cam ganas , still the feeling at ease was there , Aberystwyth as a whole is tenang , because they had like a very small town yang tak berapa nak sibuk and dia comel. Hahah how to describe a town comel , but seriously comel hahah. We spent like hours jugak dekat situ playing with the swings and the see-saw lols then pergi shopping dekat Morisson naik bas ( then excited cari kambing bebiri all the way from the town to Morisson + tengok university buildings )  , leuls banyak banyak tempat , nak shopping gak sebab nak beli sweet chili hahahah ( sweet cili adalah sejenis sos yang sweet , taste almost similar macam sos malaysia dan tak pedas ). Since kat sini sauces mostly ada ketchup and hot chili ( which rasa dia buruklah kot bagi aku sebab dia hot yang datang dari blended cili kering idk how to describe but itsssssoooonotniceplease )

the university.

the kubu yang tinggal.

:') rindu.

a must have travelling picture. 

That night , I stopped by my Humaira's house lepas we had a lunch at an Indian restaurant , a buffet , since ceqq dah selalu makan India ni , ceqq rasa bolehlah hahaha ( Humaira geng yang tercetus dari Scotland trip - Iwani . Kenapa Humaira? sebab nak muka putih kemerahmerahan which literally sekarang takdelah putih mana tapi merahlah sebab kering hahaha )  . Then buat cekodok resepi Puan Nurul and my classmates back in Intec datang singgah rumah my friend and we had a chat. basically it was a chilling trip aaaa sebab I was there to meet my friends , plus dah tengok the sea then wishlist ticked. Hahaha. Before that jalan jalan cari souvenir from the stores , it was so limited I can say , tapi adalah dari takde , I got some fridge magnets and postcards nguehh typical tourists. haha. In Aber jugak , I slept with my housemate back in Intec , Nureen. I thought we could be like err awkward hahahah nehi heyyy sebab I guess we're like a born gossip partners since Intec and for , forever harapnya haha. 

Next morning , we had our subuh on the bus since subuh masuk 6.40++ but bus gerak pukul 6.40 to Cardiff and we need to be at the station like 20 minit sebelum . Sorry for not able to give proper goodbye but certainly I'll come back to Aber kot sebab I feel much close to nature there. So basically thats it ! My weekend getaway to Aberystwyth :)

here's a gif picture by google in my phone. hahaha. K excited I know. 

ps : Tadi I search on twitter " blog anis najwa " yeah I know I sound pehal minah ni search diri sendiri. hahaha it wasn't that much but still looking at some people felt inspired through my writing. I feel happy I guess. The idea of your simple hideous writing affect someone's life that much , how can I not be happy heh? Moga terus dapat manfaat dari sini , untuk mata mata yang membaca. Mungkin boleh gak senyum sikit :P ( bajet ada reader well I guess ada. ahhaha ) 

ps lagi : I dah buat pau finally yeayy ! pau wishlist ticked !

ps lagi : there's a minute or two snow early this morning and I am all excited ! hahah

My very first annoying vlog attempt ( yeah so old fashioned I know )

January 13, 2015

Hello penduduk bumi , ( gaya alien invade bumi haha )

Well , I've been wanting to do vlog since ages ( takdelah ages mana ) but hahah yeah still. Then bila dah buat I found out that I am better off with writing than talking whatevs haha. Takdelah better mana its just that I wanted to do one. So yeah here I am mumbling tah pape I don't even know whether my voice boleh didengar atau tak. And the very first and pointless I can say. Tapi tah , I just wanted to try. And mungkin bila nanti looking back to the days I used to do vlog ke , I might find reasons to laugh at myself ngueh 

so here I go. 
( editing memang level negative 9.28 ) 

You learn to appreciate when you dont have it.

January 10, 2015

Im writing these when I'm on my way to Aberyswyth from Cardiff.

Baru baru ni ( sebenarnya lama dah haha ) aku di landa symptom merindui makanan Malaysia tahap yang memaksa aku untuk google resepi di internet. Paling parah bila tengok running man then tetiba nak makan pau. Ye steam bu. Pau yang selalu jual dekat R & R tu. And it happened that pau punya proses nak buat adalah sangat sangat renyah ngeh . Sebab nak kena tunggu dia kembang then nak uli balik then satu hal nak buat inti kacang merah mahupun kaya. Maka aku overwhelm dengan penyakit malas cuti yang panjang , maka aku masukkan pau dalam list-to-eat nak balik nanti. Belum masuk hantu hantu yang retweet satay la , sambal sotong la , kadang tu masak je sambal , bukan sotong aaa tapinya cuma the taste was a lot different from what your mum did and that's it , tambah lagi list-to-eat.

And tarbiyah terbesar dia is not just making a proper list atau nak ajar bersabar dan terima apa adanya, its to appreciate . Dulu aku tak pernah rasa nikmatnya duduk Malaysia meski panas ke apa ke , tapi bila sampai sini , betul Allah limpahkan dengan nikmat nak experience sejuk + living dekat Tempat orang to know the budaya and all , tapi when you used to spend like 20 years of living dekat Malaysia, you certainly know , takdelah hujan emas mana di negara orang , dan tak gak berhujan Batu sangat di Malaysia.

I learn to appreciate kewujudan pasar pasar bawah di Malaysia yang menjual ikan sotong dan Kawan Kawan , yang tak neglect the kepala and ekor or tulang sebab semata Mata nak jadikan fillet ikan wahahahahaha. Banyak benda yang aku rasa its a blessing in Malaysia , hatta panas pun blessing since I miss drying my laundry menggunakan kuasa matahari dan bukan heater.

After all life is an experience. I gotta feel how to make yourself triple double sabar and to appreciate apa yang ada depan Mata. Because probably one day I'll miss the cold weather with a longer night to do the prayers and mungkin jugak perasaan menjadi orang yang sedar nikmatnya dapat jalan tengok dunia.

Why should I hate the road when I'm missing home. Sebab jalan tu yang ajar how to appreciate how it feels like to be home. Sebab tadi tadabbur surah al - fajr , ayat 15 - 16 rasanya I better checked back , bila mana Allah bagi kesenangan pada dia , Allah had honors me - but in ayat 16 when Allah give ujian pada dia , Allah had disgraced me. Tapi sebenarnya what I reflect from the ayat Quran is senang ke susah dua dua ujian dari Allah and ujian tak datang for no reason , dua dua datang untuk jadikan kita belajar. Kalau jauh dan hilang tu mengajar , aku pilih untuk belajar

Off blue tick and no reply.

January 04, 2015

I was writing this post ( like a long post through phone and I find it interesting hahaha dasar manusia batu ) - editing part ( tukar emoticon through laptop ) ngeh. 

 - anda pasti mengenali makhluk ini.

I was looking at some conversation that were left hanging , like I miss someone that bad but eventually thats not what the other side ( the people I'm texting ) ought to be. Maybe it was too harsh to leave a courtesy reply or they just left you hanging - most probably because they read through your text right after they woke up and getting back to sleep thus forgetting about the replying or its just a not worth replying text. 

Susah kan nak husnuzhon in people. Bukan sebab the thought of bersangka buruk will harm those people tapi it will harm you. It hurts , truthfully - seeing a text with a bluetick which indicates ' it was read ' but there's no reply. Well  to some extend I could call it SH*T ( well I am saying it anyway why bother starring an I bahahaha this sounds too tense ) I do that shit too haha. Last time masa nak fly tak sempat nak balas whatssap and calls orang ( which kau sempat je insta beberapa gambar ? - maybe it was meant to answer all the take care and safe journey to UK ) ( like look guys I am safe and sound hereeee ! ) . But lepas settled down , I awkwardly try to reply and reach some people yang aku terlepas pandang to say bye I am leaving . Tapi its karma when the messages were read but no reply.

From that moment even takleh nak satisfy human as a whole , I would always try to reply messages and I don't mind being the last that leaves the conversation ( walaupun perasaan dia macam level 0.4 kena dump haha ) . you just don't expect people have like spend their time talking to you heh? Heh. Sebab aku expect. So manage the after effect sendiri kah kah. 

Tapi sebenarnya sejauh mana kita nak seksa diri sendiri , like valuing the blue tick like it matters between life and death to you. Kau cuma perlu bersangka baik yang dia maybe lupa / terlepas pandang / baru bangun tidur / your text is sent at the wrong time or they just don't feel like replying you ( background violin song sedih kuasa 6 ). Tetiba aku rasa kebolehan whatssap punya inventor membolak balikkan hati manusia sampai ke tahap mampu sakit hati hanya kerana tanda betul berwarna biru adalah sangat hebat. Hahah

Tapi since we're living in the world yang associates kewujudan whatssap - mungkin the best is to always try to reply someone yang text you or leaving you a call or even a short say of Maaf I couldn't reply on that time or eventually just replyyy the text , even a k I guess would be sufficient enough than left hanging ( because at least you can like , Oh K je kau reply aku with this long text? K je ?? K lah - dan kau mungkin lupa dah esoknya that the conversation exist ) dari pada leaving a text with no reply . You gave room to someone to make tons of assumptions ! Belum masuk nak battle dengan kepala untuk berhusnuzhon ataupun to let their anger out and thus boleh affect someone emotionally even though you thought they won't ) .

Its funny heh how a font symbol that is blue in colour could produce a heart to mind talk within myself.

Or its just me? ( after all blog takdok blue tick apa bagai , so yeah. I lapchus blog ) 

iRedho like the cats haha. Kau pasti kucing tu redho? Haha. 


Scotland dan tarbiyah ( didikan )

January 01, 2015

I've been thinking the very right word to describe my Scotland trip ( three weeks ago , or two I don't remember ) and it happened that Scotland dan tarbiyah . Tarbiyah simply means didikan , I guess I get like a lot of tarbiyah sepanjang berjalan dekat Scotland. 

Basically I went there by airplane from Bristol Airport to Edinburgh Airport , selepas beberapa tahun pronounce Edinburgh as e-d-i-n-b-u-r-g-h it actually sounded like e-d-i-n-b-r-a.  I know it all along sejak dari Intec tapi inclined untuk sebut , edinburgh lagi dan lagi I don't care. Haha. Kali ni my travel partners were my kakak usrah ( Kak Naurah and Haziqah ) and also my Maria's - Humaira's ( Iwani from Aberyswyth , Fateen and Kim from Essex and Nadilah my housemate ) - semua Ex-Intec . I met Fateen for the very first time here even dulu sama Intec , but knowing how introverted I was in Intec , possible je tak kenal semua orang haha. 

I almost kehilangan my watch in the airport sebab going through the security check , nasiblah rasa macam eh kenapa tangan kosong tetiba ni eh mana jam T.T nasib baik Allah make me realized that awal awal or else my favourite SPM present hilang camtu je T.T. Dan mungkin tarbiyah pertama is , jangan cuai anis najwa. 

typical pictures ahahaha. 

my travel partners , kakak Naurah and Iwani the Humaira haha.

Truthfully masa nak pergi Scotland , I wasn't looking forward to the trip sampai rasa nak redha je dengan more than 100pounds spent for the transport and macam taknak pergi sebab rasa macam very attached dengan rumah ( pun boleh ) and knowing people were back at their hometown to celebrate the holiday. And knowing Malaysia is like so far from here plus the fares might be like worth 3 months living here , I guess I just had this homesickness yang melampau dan it kinda affect my mood for days sebab maybe I was there physically but not emotionally nayy drama haha. But I know yang I never want to be a very lame nenek later on when my cucu tanya , " Dulu nanny ( k nak nanny pehal mat salleh duhhh ) kat UK pergi mana? " I wouldn't dare to say I spent my days in home in Cardiff back and forth bilik ke dapur and thats it ! 

As I arrived Edinburgh , it was very pleasing at first sebab the plane ride was like bumpy meskipun di langit and terrible pressure dalam telinga sesungguhnya aku rasa terseksa from the very first naik plane sampai lah sampai ke Edin , tapi still its better than 7 hours of ride dengan bus. Then we took a bus ( which I rasa bas tu frequently there ) to the city. And my first thought about Edinburgh , its green ! Green sebab on the way to the city I saw houses dengan laman yang hijau which hardly seen here in Cardiff  but then as I arrived at the city , my impression started to change , its all valleys and traditional buildings like very tall building and steep valleys sesungguhnya it seems challenging haha. Edinburgh is such a very very very beautiful city sebab dia macam fuse traditional Britain's buildings but it a city context , and the view was very breathtaking masa sampai sampai , sejuk masih boleh bare on that time but its slightly colder than Cardiff. 

We stayed in a hostel when we're there , hahah first first we tried to figure how to walk to the hostel and tetiba jumpa there's this one steep punya tangga and looking at the luggages , definitely not a good idea nak drama Istanbul Aku Datang angkat beg naik tangga yang tinggi. We took a taxi there , to the cowgate hostel. Ye pagar lembu . Cowgate. Haha. It was like so nice there sebab the bed was comfy , there's a kitchen , bathrooms meskipun share dengan locals there but I still find its comfy there dengan bayar 9 pound for a night. Kinda worth it insyaAllah. The one who plan the travel is my kakak usrah so we only did the payment part dan tawadhu je hahah. Sebenarnya I kinda hate myself for not being able to seek for whats to see in Edinburgh / Scotland masa awal awal datang , which it kinda make me tak look forward for the trip , so the next tarbiyah is , be prepared and always seek for basic ideas before travelling to get the feel instead of just ikut je.

my hostel !

We went to the universityEdinburgh castle , the royal mile ( its a road with souvenirs and the castle is at the end of the road to hill ) , then we went up to the Calton Hill ( camni ke eja ) on the first day and had our mathurat there. Rasa macam sangat sangat seronok that time sebab knowing yang you can freely enjoy the scenery sambil baca mathurat even in the public , you certainly know yang bumi ni milik  Allah and not like milik orang putih / orang melayu / orang orang mungkin hahah. Because you're free to praise Allah anywhere you are and this was one of the remarkable event I remembered masa di Edinburgh. But my mood went swinging as well ( my edin trip is full of my emotion swinging and I HATE MYSELF WHY ) sebab carik toilet dari before naik then turun takde siapa nak bagi pinjam toilet and hahahahha serious don't do any business dengan someone yang tengah nak cari toilet hahah I was like really cranky semua I couldn't help myself sebab masa kat Malaysia pun selalu camtu , kadang I cried in the middle of shopping mall mintak mak nak balik I was tired. ahhahahahhahaha ya Allah mohon disepuk najwa lelaju. 

the castle. 

this is one of the university building in Edinburgh. The hall where they graduates. 

k benda ni sangat menarik ada di royal mile hahah

abang ni pakai skirt main pipe then I asked " Aren't you cold or something ?" yes its cold. OBVIOUSLY NAJWA DONT NEED TO ASK hahah.

bersama Nadilah embracing the cold ahhahahaha . 

up on the hill , there's this Athen's kind of thing haha. 

on the same day we went to the winter wonderland naik feghis wheel and turun turun je jumpa Mellyyyyy ! she's in Essex now ( my classmate in Intec )

Then the next day what I remember was going up to the Arthur's Seat , 882 ft dari aras laut. I couldn't really catch what I'm doing on that day sebab Arthur's Seat is the only thing I could never forget masa ke Edin . Hahah because truthfully I hate hiking , well me and hiking is never meant to be together mungkin , we climbed up masa dah nak maghrib and it gets so dark plus slippery. And my shoes is like bukan for hiking purposes and I got like really emotional. The original plan is to climb up the hill camtu je sebab I whine a lot masa nak naik sebab macam kenapa tinggi sangat I don't want to climb up the hill please no but eventually I saw someone with her headphone then I remembered how distracting songs could be for me and I can stop whining. It works but when it comes to me - hearing to songs - headphone mode on , I couldn't talk to people. Plus to stop myself from crying. or bursting into anger. It was really tough like so tough for me , and maybe because of the toughness it makes me feel like nak balik kardipp sekarang jugak please. But then half way there , meskipun rasa nak turun balik not to the peak , I know its not right at all sebab I know nak turun there's a tangga at the other side and to meet that tangga we need to climb up and to choose nak turun balik its like a big no sebab it was slippery and dark. The moment we reached the top , I cried. Like a silent cry hahha ya Allah thank you dah gelap . I know I don't seems like capable doing this hiking stuff , but I made it ! Kat atas tu Tuhan je tahu perasaan dia. I don't get all those fascinated feelings sebab nampak lampu lampu je sebab dah malam , but I got that relief feeling sebab yeay dah kat atas 

it tooks like lama gak for me to finally get a grip of myself up there. and to take the picture leuls. 

Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I remember , we went to an island in the morning ! Jumpa swans yang suka ikut kitaorang jalan hahaha.

abaikan kasut please. 

the scenery is simply magnificent here subhanallah. 

On the same day , lepas je Arthur's seat climb , we went down thanks to Kak Ain ( our Edin tour guide ) and for the rest of the jaulah members for helping me through the hiking even I was like a shit gilos dengan perangai tah pape. My kakak usrah said , to know a person , kita kena makan dengan dia , tidur dengan dia , and pergi jalan jalan dengan dia ( which I kinda exposed many of my negative sides there. I am sad with myself - self esteem jatuh merudum bergolek golek atas lantai yang sejuk ). 

on the same day kitaorang gerak ke Glasgow by bus. Its like an hour journey from Edin to Glasgow. Which kalau dalam peta kedudukan dia selari dengan Edinburgh . Glasgow is a whole new look of Scotland to me sebab dia macam Kuala Lumpur , yang kedai kedai mungkin masih taraf Melaka. ( silalah bayangkan cemana haha ) Miahaha. Tapi serious its not traditional at all macam Edinburgh. Its like serious a whole new look of Scotland. Sebabkan time tu dah malam , we just did the part naik taxi dari bus station ke rumah kakak senior di Glasgow. 

I remembered talking to Zara ( our friend in Glasgow , Haziqah's friends to be exact , but then I guess I've seen her somewhere in Samura during the school days ) and she told us about her story being approached by a strong roman catholics. It was a long story but what I could conclude , meskipun selama ni cakap nak kahwin mat salleh amomom berguling di tepi pantai , its never easy to channel someone's faith to make they believe what we believe in. Sebab as for me , its kinda easy to hold the believe I have in Islam since I have the faith ( iman ) meski turun naik . Tapi not easy for non muslims. And Zara jugak kata " When kita rasa dakwah ni sakit , just so you know Rasulullah saw pun rasa benda yang sama and sometimes its even worse , and sakit korang tu Rasulullah jugak rasa , dia faham perasaan tu and be strong " . That moment I feel like snapped ! sebab i did feel yang someone yes do understand you because that person have been there done that kind off.  And I know yang on that time , our prophet is someone yang i never met but I was in love with . It makes me ponder sangat sangat on that night yang I get more than just a Scotland visit , but its like tarbiyah orang yang random cerita her experience and all. 

The next day was a day trip to Highlands ! its a day trip with a tour guide , pusing the Highland from 8 am to 8 pm. We went to many kinds of Loch ( lake ) including Loch Ness , a lake dimana tinggalnya seekor raksasa macam naga mungkin tetapi berkepala comel , idk it was real or not tapi our tour guide kata someone saw the thing ( the binatang ) last year. Basically the lakes were named after a name of a monster, Nessie. And pergi Glancoe  to see the mountains , ada satu tu nama dia Three Sisters ( we can't really see the identical three hills sebab the fogs and its raining ) , then sepanjang tu the tour guide cerita sejarah dekat Glancoe where a big massacre took place , I googled it masa balik , which it says pasal how a trust was broke and people were murdered over their trust to the armies , ohoooooo sedih gilaaaaaaaaaaaa boleh they even made a song for that , Massacre in Glancoe 

highland tour pictures !

Sepanjang a whole day trip ni , I learn that bertapa besarnya nikmat siang malam sama panjang or proportionate , sebab masa trip ni we kinda rush from one to one part sebab malam lebih panjang dari siang when its winter. So dalam pukul 3 lebih macam tu dah gelap , its kinda a waste jugak kot sebab its gelap and everything looks the same outside plus when its gelap you tend to sleeeeeeeeeeeep more so yeah . Sudahlah pagi tu we kinda late ( since its gelap lagi ) sebab the taxi was not very efficient in Glasgow compared to Cardiff's taxi ngoing. <-- sejenis bunyi hahha. 

Back in Glasgow that night , I met a burung yang tak terbang duduk di kaki lima kota Glasgow yang sejuk ( lagi sejuk dari Edin I can say ) . I did share the burung story on my instagram satgi i print screen hahah pemalas nak tulis balik. 

The next day was a free kind of day , our last day in Scotland like pergi jenjalan university and till late night . Not that late tapi since malam panjang  , you kinda like pehal tak pagi pagi ni. Hahah. That day , we go jalan jalan dengan Zara and her friend. I met many homeless dekat Scotland which I hardly meet one here ( maybe sebab jarang keluar malam dekat Cardiff ) , termasuk dekat Edin there's this one guys with his dog sitting depan kedai kasut with a bibble with him , since I am not into shopping , I see people's behaviour instead. Sepanjang tengok the homeless guy , I kinda question what he have in his mind , like he must once thought he hold the belief , keeping a strong bond with God but why he's living that way. But then I kinda think , that maybe to him , the only thing he have in this world is to stay connected dengan Tuhan and thats it , life could be so hard but then as long as he have the faith it could mean everything to him perhaps. Back in Glasgow my financial status was not that good , tercekik juga with decreasing balance in the bank , tapi still I went to the Greggs belikan this one pakcik a sandwich when he says he only ate once in the morning sambil tangan terketar ketar sebab sejuk. I wore my gloves and all dan masih sejuk , that pakcik must be like freaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaking sejuk I cannot. Because I always keep in mind , yang in my rezeki , there's always someone's else punya rezeki and it might be the pakcik near the subway station in the city. Itu antara tarbiyah penting I learned here , is in your wealth and rezeki , ada orang lain punya rezeki , maka berbagilah dan bersedekahlah

University of Glasgow. 

here I am yeayy.

panorama view !

our Highland tour bus !

Because sometimes its more than just giving , its portraying the Muslim as a whole , mana tahu a very simple kind of act , like giving a pound / a piece of sandwich to a person , when they see you in hijab ( means you're a muslim ) that simple kind of act could means a lot , yang tunjuk this is what Muslim practices , from the good deeds to covering their aurah. 

Dekat sini , aku belajar jadi agent Muslim yang lebih islam , lebih islam dari cuma nama. Because to bring back daurah Islamiyah ( people living practicing Islam deeds and all ) is everyone's job and I kinda feel the responsibility here . Mungkin Allah campak sejauh ni for me to reflect upon many lompang lompang as a believer. Yang bukan only keep things to herself but to others as well. In Scotland trip jugak I learned yang Cardiff is the answer to my why Cardiff ya Allah? Which now I am very certain yang its meant to be here :) 

There goes my #WinterTrip2014 #ScotlandTrip2014 #theanisnajwamusafir :)

btw I met KFC Halal in Glasgow yeay meski rasa tak sama sedap lagi Malaysia punyaa. 

bye bye winter trip !

acah acah. 

Lake Lochmond. Kot.

kayefsi !