Aci Redah Hujan .

Tomorrow I would be facing my LAW paper. Final semester satu.

I guess I am distracted. Gheesh I hate distractions. Mind, get rid of the feelings.

Tadi I faced my psychology paper and *faint out* gheeeeha.

Petang tadi :

          Raining heavily. And first time in my whole life I've been facing tremendous journey nak exam. Performing zuhur, elok elok dah sampai Pusat Islam , awan seksyen 17 menangis . Ohooooi payung satu hapa tak bawak, alhamdulillah I am wearing my selipar buruk mati hidup tak mahu , metaphor macam hareeeeem T^T dua tiga hari ni. Maafkan saya. I don't take sastera kemelayuaan untuk A-level.

I was like saying : Takpe , kita ni nak pergi solat . Allah mudahkan jalan orang nak menuntut ilmu .
A friend of mine : Kita nak pergi mencurahkan ilmu ni ( she means : nak curahkan ilmu atas paper exam )

Fine. Gelak 5 saat.

 Phewww. Time running, still nak fikir strategy : acano nak pergi U201 ni. Bersama beg Dumex seringgit di tangan, sehelai lagi beg isi laptop  ( sambil buat muka mintak payung ) voilaaaaa. Memang tak la kan. Jadi aci redah je hujan yang membasahi bumi. Hensem habis. Silalah faham perasaan anak dara ini. Baju kurung lencun habis, tudung disaster sejak dari pagi ( tak pernah pernah aku let go tudung tak diselempang ) Memang taknak selera nak pandang muka sendiri , muka cam hapa. Weh tak berubah rupanya degree kesakaian aku sejak dari Selandar.

Sampai di tempat kejadian.
I guess INTEC memang suka letak extreme tempreture hagaknya. Kipas aircond + baju kencun habis.
Successfully answered Psychology. Three more to go. Adios blog <3

Because everything should be Lillahita'ala :')

So its FINAL EXAM mode. Time never stops and we acknowledge that.


I know I shouldn't let myself strained by stress. Bila dah dekat dekat exam ni, niat di hati rasa macam beralih tempat. For times I've been reminding myself : You're doing this because of Allah. Belajar kerana Allah. Change the style of belajar kerana exam. I keep reminding myself on that kind of fact. But yeah, I faced some personality fight between the black devil and white angel : macam dalam kartun. 

Sense of tranquility. Visit me. Thanks.

Treating myself so calm in facing this. Final. Just taknak diri sendiri terlalu overwhelm dengan fever final. Where people usually ignore their surrounding. Hidup gaya telan buku. Awkward silence and bunyi cengkerik volume lima memenuhi ruang singahsana . Dan sejak bila aku duduk istana. T.T

Because you have promised yourself from the beginning. Lillahita'ala.
Because you have promised yourself from the beginning. Belajar bukan semata untuk exam.

Sebab ilmu yang bukan dipandukan dalam jalan Allah, bakal hilang di pertengahan perjalanan. 
Kerna mahukan ilmu terus di dada supaya nanti dapat di guna pakai bangsa. 

Final exam. 
Cuma satu persinggahan sebuah perjuangan. Jalan masih panjang.

Perjuangan perlu pengorbanan. Pengorbanan kerna Allah : Lillahita'ala. 


Bukan mudah untuk berubah ,
Dari tanpa arah ke sejadah ,
Dari tepi jalanan ke sujud menghadap Tuhan ~
Hlovate : versus ]


If ever you know what I am feeling here. If ever you know and I know, you wouldn't.
Its a big crash I had inside here : And the fact that I'm not gonna let it be more severe : seems to hopeless.

HELPLESS. I am.
HOPELESS. I am for now.
LESS THE LESS. From now onward. People got to change. Even nanti beluncas akan jadi rama-rama.

snows falling down. Cool me down.

To you : You've freaked me out. I rarely talk to people moreover completely strangers. But when I talk, I do it with purpose bersama niat di hati hendak membantu. But in a way : the way you respond I categorized it as suck , dear. I don't give a damn on you. Kau bajet bagus kan? Dah lama skill Melaka aku tak diasah baik.

Down to the memory lane.

Guess what? Stalking is the best thing that I can do to fill the night. After tweet limited. Blerghhh * hhh shows deep depression meow meow*  I always hate those parts. Gheesh.

So Friday we would be celebrating aidliadha *muka senyum mata terkebil-kebil* and the juniors were home. And were connected to their social networks. Best feeling ever I guess , I mean for them. I faced it before. A sense of relief tengok social net : updating status which one day you would realize all those things you've been craving these day will end up to be such a crap. At least you'll have that kind of feeling for a day. Believe me. Life cycle kita akan jadi lebih kurang wahai junior junior sayang :)

BUT yeahh good thing when they're home. I can stalk more. Updating life with news. News eh kita panggil ? School Gossip. Nothing more. Call me lame. I am. 

So usha gambar prefect. usha gambar graduasi. usha gambar dinner. *senyum sendiri* suddenly boleh pulak terjatuh dalam memory lane. I've been seeing the new MT's so sudden teringat zaman aritokrasi ataupun demokrasi mahupun berdedikasi * shoot me*  2010 2011 was a memory. Nice one. Sekarang? Hmm harap perasaan dia masih sama. Semua dah make way masing masing. New prefects , suddenly I remembered everything *gelak sendiri*

I've been wondering nak jejak kaki kat Selandar, but it seems to be like : Buat apa? Apa tujuan? With awkward faces, I'll be meeting new juniors whom not knowing me. Shobbbs shobsss *terasa macam 80 tahun* . Tunggulah berapa tahun lagi, ambik sijil SPM ke. Buat INTEL ke. K dah berangan sampai ke langit.

Graduasi. The colour of the rob differentiate the pointer. gheeehaaa. Ayat tu jugak yang main dalam kepala sejak dari tadi. Racist habis kan jubah graduasi tu. I wear blue. The ordinary blue. With pointer 3.01 back then for trial sbp * I tried so hard for it* . Not bad I guess. Not bad for me as I am ain't a high achiever . 2011 is yet a nice year for me.

Dinner form five. Beautiful Goodbye. Investigation said so. Haha teringat Var Farvel. Jemputan VVIP selain ayahanda tercinta. The boys and the girls. Dressing up. That was the last time me seeing everybody. Sebab waktu result dah tak pandang orang. Tak layak masuk list budak cemerlang. So Var Farvel, meski bukan satu majlis yang dikira berjaya by Machinants. But then , memories would not fade. 

So , down to the memory lane. Heart babbling. Takde siapa nak dengar aku merapu macam apa. So here come the blog. I loveee chuuuuuu >.<

Meh gambar buat tatapan :) Gambar muka sekolah :p

var farvel

prefect :)

si kartun untuk graduasi. Wuhuuuu

Nak show off muka sekarang. *gelak hantu*


gaya oversea *ngeeeeee 2 years to go insyaAllah :)* 
United Kingdom. Longing for you. A-level, treat me good :)

see who's inside the picture? She's a lawyer. Barrister to be :) 





Spell this L.O.V.E

Okay practically I have nothing to talk about. Naaaa I have something but it seems so hard to be explained through words. Heart owns their own fonts. I guess. Can't really be interpreted, Sanskrit font.

So mind sharing. Owl City. Honey and The Bee. 

Repetition occurs in the head. Spinning around the spinal cord. Hummed by the mouth.

Don't remind me that some days I'm the wind shield.

And other days I'm just a lucky bug.

These cold rails leave old mossy trails through the countryside.

The crow and the bean field are my best friends but boy. I need a hug.

'Cause my heart stops without you, there's something about you
That make me feel alive!

dear un-known-lost-yet-so-close future husband : This one is for you.
" Someday, Somewhere I wanna watch tulips with someone whom I want it to be you"

Keep calm and uphold your faith.


Even if someone not complying Islam as a whole but they still believe in Allah. Bersyukur untuk kenyataan itu. At least they're trying to comply. At least they still had their faith in Allah.

Rather kalau someone who  gone astray. To be specific, to admit themselves as murtad. 

I've been reading through a facebook group. Despite me seeing the world surrounds me is a world whom believe in their religion, proud to be one and do their responsibility. There are lots of people outside there : lost the light they had inside them. My prayer : May the light that lost doesn't lost permanently. Hidayah milik Allah. Hanya mampu doa. They might change. Who knows. Never judge. 

Because I know I am not that good. Doesn't seems to be capable enough to give advises. But yes I would never stop praying. Allah, mereka pernah bergelar Islam maka apa kiranya kau bukakkan pintu hati mereka semula untuk menerima agamaMu . 

. Kalau dikira dalam berzillion manusia di dunia , kita dilahirkan as Islam. Pernah tak kita terfikir : What if I 

am not born as Muslim? Dalam berjutaan manusia, kita dipilih untuk merasai kemanisan Islam. Bersyukur 

untuk kenyataan itu sebab ramai lagi manusia luar sana yang dahagakan hidayah. 



so which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? Ar-rahman

Islam involve faith and believing. To know how strong you're , it measured by this. Heart. Faith inside the Heart
Keep calm. Uphold Your Faith.

So, if they turn away, say, "Enough for me is Allah. There is no god but He. In Him I have placed my trust, and He is the Lord of the Great Throne." [129]



sources : Balm Of Allah. Verse 129. At-Taubah.
Kalau rindu mesti terlintas dalam hati. Niatkan lintasan hati sebagai doa.

Mana tahu masa doa tu memang Allah tengah makbulkan . Kalau dia yang terbaik.

Jika : He or She will be the best. Just ignore the rest : Rasa hati. Bimbang. Sedih. 

Sebab Allah tak pernah bagi kalau sesuatu tu tak baik untuk kita. 

Just saying. 

encik long-lost-future husband. Not knowing you. But I miss you. I love you. I always  pray for you. I know that we will meet someday. Somewhere. 
Not knowing you...

I am a girl with so much flaws inside me. 
 Terima saya seadanya. Mungkin? Bersama masa, I'll be someone better. Allah will. 

Frankly speak.

These days I have tried so hard to be someone else. Despite being the boring me. The cliche me. Just to suits myself into the new community. Worth of trying, I shall back off. Saying that : I can be anybody else. Its just to hard to deceive yourself. Fakers.

I don't watch movies that frequent. I don't really applied un-understandable english spoken language. I am taking lots of thing for serious. I read books. Malay novels.  I don't really surrounded by technologies and gadgets stuff.

Comparing myself and the others. I am lame. Boring. I know. I realize.

When would be the moment people would care for me, I mean other than families did, when I did not ask to do so. When would people realize that I was actually not in my mood despite me being the one who starts.

All this while. Kawan masa senang , senang nak jumpa.

Kawan masa susah. Frankly speak. Belum Jumpa. For serious.

Enough said. Forever Alone. People don't really bother. I guess. No its not. It is call : reality.
So I decided to forget you. Decided to forget us. Future doesn't exist between us. Back off.

Awkward silence.

WE'RE YET, STRANGERS

Cerita Semester Satu A-level Law Intec UiTM

Macam dah lama tak campak tajuk tajuk Melayu dek kerana nak bagi double meaning on the post itself. Yadaaa I am so hard to understand. Cliche life I had. But who cares. Ignore the blaaa blaaa. Oh aku buat post sekarang hanya untuk mengekspresi. Enough with kinds of life yang gain followers. Gain likes. Enough  I need my own space. Anxiety within the unsecured internet connections : sort of. 

So while I am writing this would be the very last day duduk dalam kelas ala ala UK yang sentiasa berdegree celcius-kan 16' or even less * ditambah dengan kipas * But yeahh UK might be colder than this. Which yang aku sendiri taktahu, how the future undertakes me. Phewwww. *muka kucing Parsi* Ini pun aku tak berapa nak tahan. Nampaknya ada orang tak sedar diri yang petang ini dia ada exam Islamic Studies. Final wehh final. Tapi masih watlek watpis duduk depan blog. Lakarkan ekspresi hati dan perasaan. Aicewahhh kenapa ayat bunga bunga ni, mungkin kesan ambik kelas sastera *ini tipu dunia semata*

So terima kasih daun keladi wahai classmates yang dicintai. Idk how the bond started to grow stronger. Ikatan kan something maknawi, we can;t really see but we feel them. I guess things get better everyday. I never knew that the kind off life that I had today is awesome. Dulu before masuk, takut gila macam mana suasana kelas. Am I capable to adapt with the rest. Am I capable to do that or do this. Allah ease them . Thanks Allah. 

So semester satu bakal berakhir tak lama lagi.
Seminggu study leave. Dua minggu exam final. Dan cuti yang panjang 7 minggu.
Macam sekolah kan? Yeahhh thats my major love towards intec. Intec, Me loveeechuuu :p
Somehow kolej persediaan * for the first semester * is not bad at all. *joget panda*

Here is the place I explore life. New things. New places. New surrounding. Awesomest. *grammar sucks I know* abaikan grammar saya. Kalau rasa meluat pergi main jauh jauh sana. Terima kasih. Kejutan budaya? Tak Tak. Dulu selandar , paling koman pun pergi MP DP bagai. But you guys should know that the world is bigger than that * ps budak selandar* Muahah. Takde takde, kakak main main je. 

So basically Law is awesome. Economics make me think wider wiser wooooér maybe. Psychology seems to be hard at first , tapi makin lama things get easier to cope with. InsyaAllah. While English seems to be a bit hard, so I guess, I need to spare more time for english. Tak pernah pernah aku spare masa untuk english time sekolah dulu and now serve me right. Belajar pulak english. Macam belajar tatabahasa Arab woooh. 

I discovered new friends either. Friends who really thinks alike. Maybe sebab kitaorang ambik aliran yang sama, Nanti major benda yang sama. So the way we're thinking might be. I said Migt Be Alike. So I love it though. 

Terima Kasih tidak terhingga saya ucapkan kepada desk-mate tersayang. Ainaa Mazelin Mustafa. Okay she might not know I am writing this. I adore your intelligence as well as the scores. Bukan tu je, thanks for being such an understanding friend, sanggup dengar cerita sanggup tahan duduk sebelah manusia yang hambar . Idk how the friendships grows. We might not share the same interest but yeah nice knowing you. Sorry for being boring and cold or even garang. I've tried to be the best desk-mate for the very first semester. 

Thanks to my lovely Ajlaa. Nasuha and Kakak Intan. You guys rock my life. The laughters. The gossips. Weeewuuu. Kakak Intan, please don't go. You know, I've been enjoying life where I have a kakak to talk with. To be manja manja with. Meowww meowww.

To my dearest 10 law 2. Korang kena tahu korang awesome tahap Tera. *bukan giga tahuu* . To be with you guys was a colourful memories I had. Weeee weeee. The lecturers. Miss Vell, for being so chill and awesome lecturer. My dearest Miss Nazleen, I guess the closest lecture for me. Sorry banyak susahkan miss. Thanks bawak jalan jalan :) Somehow you're like a kakak to me. You rawkksss either. Mr Thava, you somehow inspired me to be a good lawyer in future. Thanks for being equity to my common knowledge. Muihihi. Miss Tengku, a wise lecturer. She can relates everything well , agama economy. Ohh me love you guyss so much.

Intec , sebuah kolej persediaan yang seronok. Yang awesome. I never had any single regret being here for the first 3-4 months. Terima kasih. Terima kasih and I babbled to much I guess.

This is when the heart babbled : Cerita Semester Satu A-level Law Intec UiTM

Hai cik blog :)

Hai blog. I feel like a loner. Then I need someone to talk with. Cakap dengan kau boleh kan? Please say yes. Please no No, enough said aku rasa heart broken-ed easily nowadays. Terlalu cepat terasa hati. Even I know I shouldn't . :'(

The moment when you feel that the so-called good friend doesn't seems to act like one.
The moment when you feel that the so-called good friend doesn't really understand you.
The moment when you feel that the so-called good friend doesn't seems to suits to your situations.

The moment when sigh is more than everything . The moment which you don't wish to be a moment.

Banyak kali dah aku rasa aku face benda macam ni. Banyak kali. Terlalu banyak. And I am tired for this.  Then I tend to stand with my conclusion back in 2009. The exact things I faced. Being abandoned. No one would know how bad the heart fighting within themselves. Makan hati sendiri...

Back on that day. I know I was giving option. Willingly to give option. But if ever you're in my place. Sumpah wehh sakit. Sumpah sakit. Earlier then tak fikir pun situasi aku. Tak fikir situasi aku yang tengah sempit duit . Sampainya hati. Aku menangis sendiri. Deep drowned into the musics. Alone waiting . Tears streamed down. Don't even bother to ask even I don't start.

Aku dah banyak kali dah cakap, said that I wouldn't care but kenapa bodoh sangat, still against your own word. Kenapa care. You're damn it stupid najwa.

Thanks blog sebab sudi dengar. Sudi care. You're here bila aku takde manusia nak lean. Nak kongsi cerita.


When actually I supposed to study...

I am darn aware yang esok aku ada test psycho *lagi* and its tsskk tskkk'ing.  T.T

I know I should stop writing post and do more and more revisions. Pandai sangat letuww " sindir diri sendiri. Okay fine okay fine. Satt satt, let me write here please. Nampak tak perempuan ni tengah gaya cakap seorang diri , berperang dengan another half-angel of myself. hewhew. Abaikan.

I found myself in a tremendous stress and the intensifier shows that I am so so so so depress yesterday. Its because my silly mistakes key-in up bill account for my YES internet usage. How in this world I made sucha boooo careless. Boo diri sendiri sebab terbalik nombor belakang and I shall pay for my unforgiveable silly billy dolly mistake. Sabar jela. I cried so bad. Worried so bad. Call for centre and stuff. Lupa yang sepatutnya aku cari Yang Maha Esa dulu but go for all the humans-telephone-service-recorded-voices so the blaaaa blaaa yang akhirnya tak mampu nak solve kerisauan aku. Then I started to slow down.Menyesali tweet tweet emosi. Question diri sendiri balik, what for you are feeling so so hideous macam ni. There must be hikmah kenapa benda ni berlaku.

Everybody makes mistake. And the important part there is learn from the mistakes. Take into account every carelessness. So later in future, mata cerah sikit buat payment through internet.Make recheck for times masa nak bayar. Jangan lalai macam kodok. Jangan main twitter masa nak buat payment. What some more.  Dan tak semua benda through internet adalah senang. They have tortured me once.in.a.lifetime. Muahah.

Now I feel big relief even sebenarnya tak settle lagi payment matter Naaa just go with the flow . *joget joget pandaaaa*


My mom said that : Ini baru 68 hengget, kalau transaction 68 jutaaaa??? * okay pandang tanah mata berair* and yes my mom still can't understand why I feel damn stress for a small matter that could be solve dalam keadaan tenang aman damai dan sentosa.

So I supposedly sitting on the chair. Hadap buku. Pegang pen *ikat kain kat dahi* and stay there S.T.U.D.Y.

when I know I supposedly...