Thirty first of December two thousand thirteen.

So another half an hour , mesti kejar kejar duduk beranda tengok bunga api dan eksaited lima saat. 

Seperti tahun tahun yang berlalu , sesuatu perlu di tulis pada malam tahun baru. Lols. 

Thanks 2013. For everything. There were lots of things to be jotted down but since some of the things I considered as personal - I let it slip away inside my memories. 2013 , belajar menjadi dewasa , belajar menjadi seorang anak yang lebih taat , seorang pelajar yang lebih tawadhu - ikhlas and etc . Belajar banyak benda baru - like applying to universities - dulu kemain eksaited time Ramadhan bukak part salam perantauan tengok budak budak oversea sambil mencari dimanakah bekas pelajar Sbpi Selandar. Dan dalam keterujaan itu , rasa macam , Ya Allah jealousnyaaaaa semua ni fly , macam best je , macam senang je , insyaAllah senang dan best tu berubah interpretasinya tatkala diri sendiri menghadap segala jenis macam borang . Tapi biasalah kan benda tu? * angguk kepala slow slow * haha. 


Like every year , every new year - sama ada tahun Hijrah atau Masihi - azam yang satu tetap sama - nak jadi baik in and out , spiritually better . Dan jangkauan perubahan itu dapat dilihat sikit demi sikit , even kenkadang rasa macam urggghhh camne nak berubah ni - berhenti tengah jalan - muhasabah semula. 

Here it comes , selama ni asyik sebut UK 2014. Memandangkan dah menginjak umur 20-an dan insyaAllah bernafas dalam tahun 2014 , the goal become much more vivid and realistic - sebab selama ni rasa dua tahun  A-level tu lama - lama yang lama gila. Tapi , biasalah menjadi seorang manusia - ayat cliche seperti pejam celik pejam celik dah dua ribu empat belas. Aku bukan alien , maka aku juga cliche luls. 

Ohaiiioooo 2014. ( read Oh Hai Ooo ) 

Seperti tahun sebelumnya , aku tak mengharapkan nombor menjadikan aku manusia yang lebih baik sebab nombor hanya nombor walaupun dia berekor * whutttt kind of lame jokes you have here najwa *, tetapi berdoa pada Allah supaya tetapkan aku dalam jalan-Nya. Moga seiring usaha dan harapan. Menjadi harapan keluarga , ayah , ibu adik adik , abang semua. Dan harapan untuk sesiapa yang tak pernah lupa include Anis Najwa dalam doa doanya. Well I know the dua's contribute a lot to my achievements. Sebab diri ini sedar , doa diri tu macam Allah nak terima ke tak - tapi deep down , siapa yang taknak Allah terima doa dia kan? 

I have my own goal this year but that is not something to be shared publicly. No matter how much I wrote inside the blog - there were some secretive parts that I need to keep to myself and families.

To my brothers and sister yang aku tahu tak usha blog akak sendiri - I wish you guys a happy life. We've been portraying goals how to ease our parents life in future . Belajar baik baik adik abang. Ayah pernah pesan " Keluarga kita belum lagi keluarga yang dah establish dengan kejayaan , kita masih dalam stage membina keluarga yang macam tu , " so we're taking things seriously. :')  

Moga lebih tua ni , lebih bermanfaat pada komuniti keluarga dan agama. Lebih bijak hendaknya. Lebih pandai masak , lebih pandai jahit baju sendiri ( gelak volume 3 1/2 ) haha. 

I was searching for a 2014 picture but what I saw is more tempting. Ohaaa doughnuts. hahah


The strength delivered.

Everything is going to be real now. 

This morning I receive a message with a video from a close senior of mine . My tears streamed down to see a special dedicated wishes from Abang Syafiq and Abang Ejam from LONDON ! I was so so so delighted to see the London Tower Bridge inside the video  ( even selalu nampak dalam google ) . I couldn't expressed it into words , how grateful I am to know such wonderful people in life. 

A minute that makes me realized that this semester is a real battle. A constant focus and achievements. Thanks for the strength delivered. I really appreciate them. I really do. 

Later that I know , I want to deliver strength and hope. Inspire and  constantly inspire. Sebab you know how one small effort could make changes in someone's life , its either sooner or later. But I know that little effort would benefit someone else. Don't be someone who loosen someone's hope , who put people in despair , who make others feel bad about themselves. 

If by talking , your words might pierced , don't talk.
If by looking , your gaze might makes someone feels unpleasant , don't look people with that kind of gaze. 
If by doing , your deed might hurt , think twice before doing anything.

Sadly how common sense is not common in todays society. 

Because I believe world revolve around . You do bad , people will treat you bad later. Kalau balasan dia bukan di dunia  , di akhirat moga pulangan dari Allah setimpal. Anyway I don't want to end things negatively - I sounds negative these days. 

Be someone who cheer someone's up.
Be someone that stays and hear , best to say - can lean on to
Be someone that inspire. 
Be someone that create an upward curve on someone's face.

All In All - Be a good person. When your inside is good. You'll portray good personalities outside. 

Saya juga masih sedang berusaha. 

Part of the video : I mean only the pictures :3



I kept it inside my files - so nanti kalau malas tahap labi labi goreng , so I can play this thing again and get inspired :D




Because you don't how it feels like living this way.

Because you're best in saying things , because you've never stand in my shoes.

Well sometimes I don't need the citizens to understand - with all the pessimist look like you-know-you're-being-judged-by-someone-that-claims-they're perfect-enough-for-judgement.

With all the bad words and thoughts. You don't know how much I am trying..

You don't know the pains I've gone through.

You don't know how many times the tears streamed down. You just don't know.

That's why you can badmouth. You can piss someone's else life.You can hurt people indirectly.

At one moment I realized how this world is so cruel.

How a beautiful person can live happily ever after even though she's being plain stupid either by senses or grades.

How people simply judge. Overtimes common sense is not common among the people.

It hurts me so bad. Deep down , I don't know why I am tested this way. But it's a hard living I supposed.

I don't deserve a good life then? I don't deserve to be inside the society then?


Semester 3 .

Semester 3 ends last 1 month , and in fact less than two weeks dah jejak dah balik bumi penuh nyamuk dan pancaroba dunia mamak dan seisinya. Ahaaa maybe I've got older so that I forget to value things surround me - or maybe there's a bigger responsibility to take care of. 

Semester 3 ialah fasa tenang. Tenangkan diri daripada gangguan manusia - well kenkadang tu rasa macam datang kelas invisible habis kriks kriks . Tenang tenang jangan disangka kolam takde anasir , busy semedang dengan kerja kerja jawatan perwakilan kolej. And despite all , banyak masa yang aku introvert diri sendiri. Banyak duduk dalam bilik , ( read : kawasan katil ) . Tak belajar dah dekat meja dekat ruang tamu. Juga dah jarang bercakap - alhamdulillah akhirnya sedikit perubahan pada aktiviti mulut. Tenang juga dengan insecurities belajar Mathemathics ( sebab kalau duduk belakang kelas Math , rasa macam inferior gabansss duduk belakang , I cannot brain numbers x y z and all ) . Nak catch balik rhythm belajar law jugak macam slow. Kenapa kenapa kenapaaaaaa you major law kot najwa. K. Tenang menghabiskan IELTS ( takdelah tenang mana tapi getting an overall band 7 / 9 make my heart at ease ) , habiskan LNAT ( ini tenang sebab rasa macam salah, macam betul tapi macam entah , so dah tak fikir dah - despite melayang duit ayahanda 300 ++ ) and the most vital thing , tenang habiskan university application , 4 answered , Oxford & LSE reject. Cardiff and Manchester offer. Moga mudah masa hadapan insyaAllah. 

Tak jugak merewang ke mana. Least jugak keluar malam - sebab attached dengan laptop and countable movies haha. Tak pun tidur - tak tidur baca online notes. Dan jangan dikira senyap - tetiba jadi ulat buku. Tidak , masih berguling guling. Kadang kadang tu memang malas tahap platipus rebus. Tunggu ada orang datang bilik barulah macam gigih , eh jap nak ajar apa tadi ? Haha. Berkat doa ibu bapa , sanak saudara alhamdulillah . 

Masa tengok result sendiri petang tadi. Rasa tertampar , sebab dah nak masuk semester 4. Ohmaiii dulu rasa macam , eh bila nak masuk sem last bila bilaa. Next semester , real battle yang tentukan like everything life could face at this moment. Menginjak angka 2 , 20 tahun ye awak tahun depan. K , k banyak kali k . haha. Moga semester akhir diberikan pengakhiran yang baik insyaAllah. Moga diberikan ketenangan , tawadhu consistent ibadah wajib mahupun sunat. It'll be hard on me if I stand by myself , jadi disandarkan harapan , jiwa raga semua pada Dia , sebab deep down I know , Dia jaga , Dia pelihara :') 

Mohon doa sesiapa yang lalu line ni. Moga Allah merahmati kita semua :D

SEMESTER 4 , sila beri kerjasama :p

Nampak tu , major law , tapi law B , bebola yang comel. U.U [ click gambar untuk tumbesaran mendadak ] and if anyone is wondering , its over 15. Only 3 major subjects counted which is Law , Econs , English.

Jika mimpi itu mainan tidur , aku ingin terus bermain.

K motif sangat tajuk. 

But this holiday , aku rasa banyak mimpi yang bila bangun you can remember the details inside the dreams . Exactly the people , the events. Kadang kadang tu boleh marathon mimpi , tidur pukul 2 mimpi ni , terbangun then tidur balik , mimpi lain pulak. Last time mimpi girlfriends , Idk its rindu or what . Tapi they appear in different dreams. We're talking like the old times - maybe sebab lama tak jumpa . Sebab even selalu tegur virtually , the feelings were different. And how I really want to be inside those dreams - talk to each other , meeting in real life. Sampaikan bila terbangun tu , rasa macam regret , nak tidur balik , nak mimpi . Apakah perangai ini? Ha ha. I miss gf's 

Semalam , aku mimpi , I was meeting an old friend ( read kawan lama ) haha. Exactly it was a date, a dinner date. God . Bila masa tah boleh ingat . Sampai boleh termimpi. That one old little crush , that protects , that play with , that goes to kindergarten together lols  - tapi mungkin takdir / our routes were set up differently. Its been years passed by. But he looked smoking hot with formal attires. Tenengneng. He was the reason why I changed from kain batik tshirt into a beautiful dress. Motif gila mimpi pakai batik muka indon. Haha. Nasib tak melibatkan sprinkle magics fairies. I miss you human. I do. You're a part of my childhood years. How can I forget you? 

I feel like jotting things down sebab as time passed by , ingatan terhadap mimpi tak makan portion banyak dalam otak , bakal dipenuhkan dengan ilmu -ilmu lagi ,eventually I'll forget this kind of funny dreams. So bila baca balik, bolehlah kot " Ohhh mimpi ni ke dulu " haha. 

I had many so-called- intellectual posts. Tapi hold dulu.

eff ell ooo doubleuu eee arr - F L O W E R

You know how much I really adore flowers. I really really do. 

They don't need to try hard to bloom and grow beautiful. Life reflected once the colours fades of - yang memperingatkan cantik pada fizikal mungkin akan hilang. It stays for a moment. It does. 











see how can I not fall in love with flowers. I love em. Like so much 

Pahit itu ubat. Moga terubat kesakitanmu.

Kemanisan sebuah perjalanan bukan terletak pada indahnya perjalanan itu. Manisnya satu route tu bila kita ada jatuh ada bangun. Bila jatuh kita berusaha untuk bangun. Bila mampu bangun semula  kita tahu yang kita pernah jatuh , dan kita belajar untuk tak jatuh di tempat yang sama atas sebab yang sama. 

So as for today , Penilaian Menengah Rendah melabuhkan tirai perlaksanaanya . Keputusan telah diumumkan. Seperti tahun tahun sebelumnya , di mana mana kaca TV diuar-uarkan pencapaian tahun demi tahun meningkat , mana tidak , manusia mungkin telah menjadi lebih pandai - disamping jenayah yang makin berleluasa  , atau band weightage direndahkan , mahupun ingin mencatatkan kegemilangan pada tahun akhir dia dilaksanakan. Macam PPSMI juga bunyiknya. Malaysia Malaysia.

Sudah menjadi kebiasaan , menjadi bekas warga sekolah berasrama penuh yang cliche , tiap tahun , even dah lama tinggalkan dunia sbp ni , masih jugak menyibuk ( atau lebih sedap dikenali sebagai : concern aicewohh ) haha. Nak tahu how your former school is doing. Sbpi Selandar mencatatkan rekod sebanyak 1. 2 plus plus kalau tak silap , aku tak sure berapa ramai straight A's. Tapi ranking sekolah dalam sbp ialah 55 dan dalam Melaka , yang ketiga , bawah Mozac dan Sharodz. Dan mulalah drama bragging diri sendiri - drama bangga sekolah dia lagi hebat - drama complain itu ini - tak ketinggalan drama nasihat dan juga drama Throw Back tahun PMR masing masing. 

Anyway tahniah adik adik atas coutless efforts. Yang berjaya yang tak , anda sudah berusaha. :) 

I know how things feel like. Dulu PMR 2009 sama juga ceritanya. Teruk. Lagi teruk. Tapi sebab batch bawah dah buat record yang lebih baik , maka the tense for the batch after that jadi lebih besar. Exactly aku boleh rewind balik memory tengok muka ayahanda balik Jabatan bawak result. Sakit. Sakit. 


Pahit itu ubat. Benar , ubat. Aku merasa fasa fasa tak nampak board batch di dewan sekolah. Mungkin sebab kuantitinya sedikit. Aku ingat SPM bila dapat result yang pecah record sekolah, merasalah kengkawan aku nama nama atas board dalam dewan. Tetap takde. Mungkin sekali lagi kuantiti menjadi titik tolak... Tapi tak mengapa , masing masing masih bernafas di serata tempat di muka bumi meski tanpa kehadiran sekeping papan dalam dewan. 

Dan aku rasa nak question. Sampai bila benda ni nak jadi ? Is it the quantities matters most? Hows the quality. Dan bila result dah keluar, baru sedar , bila kuantiti merosot , oh rupanya kualiti pelajar makin merosot. Manakan tidak , bukankah dulu diagungkan pelajar sebegini rupa? Nak yang pandai kan? Nak yang dapat produce banyak A kan? Well , there you go. People says the root of every problem could solve the problem. So bukankah kualiti pelajar yang perlu ditingkatkan. 

But after all , quantity do matters. A lot.

Takde yang salah pada sistem. Kalau selamanya hidup menyalahkan sistem. Sampai bila nak belajar jadi matang? Mengakui kesilapan diri sendiri.

Mentaliti pelajar pun satu hal. Benda ni aku tak boleh nak cakap , sebab aku rasa dulu kitaorang 15 tahun , mentaliti masing mengucing. Masih rendah , kematangan nak save batch sendiri masih rendah. Tapi aku rasa mentaliti pelajar disekolah sendiri perlu ditauliahkan. Taktahu nak mula dari mana, aktiviti surau , pun tak boleh cerita sebab aku bukan part of sekolah lagi. Cuma mampu pandang dari jauh. Tapi aku perasan yang umur 13 ke 16 berada jauh dalam fasa cinta muslimah - aku sayang dia - jodoh itu milik kita. Lols boleh. Banyak benda yang aku lambat realize sebenarnya . Budak malam malam , dah lightoff masih berkeliaran , kalau tak lepak lelama makan maggi , chat dengan kawan sampai pagi. Bangun awal , kena kosongkan asrama , end up kat sekolah ngantuk and tak focus dalam kelas. Awwch terasa. sebab aku pun macam tu dulu. Budaya kena ubah. Sangat kena ubah. 

For any juniors that happened to read through , reflect peeps reflect , berhenti dari kejar crush yang tak bawak akhirat , berhenti dari terus terbuai dengan seribu satu kisah cinta - dari yang liberal ke yang alim segala. STOP. Make sure everyone of you , campur member baru nanti , semua kena sedar, semua ada tanggungjawab terhadap kecemerlangan diri sendiri , BATCH dan sekolah. Sebab manusia ni, norma dia mengata. Jadi apabila kita sedar kita ada tanggungjawab untuk buat yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri , automatically batch akan jadi lebih baik secara keseluruhannya. This is what my batch did last time ( yang suam suam kuku , PMR teruk , paling teruk sejarah Selandar, saya ulang paling teruk k ) , tapi kami balas masa SPM , tak bergoyang kaki , bukan sekadar menunggu Allah menjawab doa orang teraniaya , kami usaha semampu daya. Sesuai dengan apa yang Allah janji , siapa usaha , Dia bagi.

And an addition : I read through cikgu Shahrul Azha's status. Idk how you guys punya attitude dengan cikgu  , cikgu punya blessings were important. Tak kira pangkat apa pun seorang manusia dengan kita , hablul minannas , hablul minaAllah , jaga hubungan baik dengan manusia dan Allah. I hope this would be a significant turning point for you guys to be better in future perhaps. Bukan semata mata untuk lebih berjaya dalam SPM , tapi untuk berjaya secara keseluruhannya sebagai seorang hamba yang menapak bumi nyata.


Sebab environment masa aku nak SPM rasanya lain , batch member sendiri tak lepak lelama sampai pagi melainkan untuk pegang buku revise sampai pagi - mungkin terkecuali sorang dua.. Dah nak dekat SPM , masa SPM , memang semua senyap. Semua tahu yang dia ada tanggungjawab sendiri. Semua sedar yang dulu batch sendiri sakit disisih , sakit dikatakan bodoh berterusan. Okay. Takpe.

And by the way , jangan terbuai buai dengan keindahan semalam takut esok jatuh buai . Kaitan? ah ah ah

Jadi point sebenarnya nak cakap , semua pihak play part. Yang paling penting diri sendiri. Balas balik nanti SPM. Meski cliche , tapi biasalah itu peluang yang kedua. Jadi , rasalah pahit sekarang , biar nanti jadi ubat.

How to ace UPU? ( SPM Leavers - UPU Application )

I've been promising that I'll write a post on how to ace / to apply UPU secara efficient . UPU , Unit Pusat Universiti. Its been more than a year since aku sibuk mengisi UPU , I hope I still remember on how I do it last time. 

Last time, I got my second choice , asasi law uiam , which sepatutnya dia jadi pilihan pertama , namun begitu diletak pada choice kedua setelah farmasi di atas ( kenkonon taknak betray science field ) . I've changed my laptop , so my choice uni semua ( I save a copy of files ) , so takleh nak tunjuk korang my choices back then. 

So , there are some things that can be taken into account. 

Benda benda simple yang kita kena take note is like bila boleh beli nombor pin dekat BSN  , bila boleh mohon. Jangka masa dia panjang , sampai lepas SPM result , tapi boleh isi beberapa kali je ( kalau tak silap ) , meski begitu , jangan ambik mudah isi lambat lambat , from now on dah kena sedia , tengok possible courses , usha usha internet yang serba lengkap sekarang , everything that you want would be there . And somehow I am going to tell you how to ace your UPU Application. Ada lapan pilihan kesemuanya. Boleh mohon different course different IPTA , different course one IPTA ( macam banyak course then semua pilih UIAM - risky though , tapi kalau dah suka UIA , boleh je ) . One course different uni ( Law Uitm. Law Uiam ) 

1. Potential . 

So semua orang mesti sedar kat mana potential dia once dia habis SPM ( mungkin acah acah mimpi dapat result berapa ha ha ha )  , I mean potential might include possible grades in your SPM ( seeing your trial jugak kot ) and your passions. Then you can go here to check , our possible grades layak tak nak masuk the courses yang korang nak. Check kelayakan UPU . When I say its potential , it must be your own potential , bukan potential yang kita angan angankan , ataupun potential ikut kawan. You know yourself , senanya zaman zaman habis SPM ni , zaman mengenal kepandaian diri sendiri uhuks.Kenkadang kita ni kabur dengan pilihan sendiri , kita tahu yang kita tak mampu buat course itu ini , tapi choose jugak , sebab kononya dalam mimpi tiap malam , menjadi seorang doktor bertauliah di dalam hospital mimpi. And potensi sama ada mampu buat asasi or mahupun diploma. 

But a friendly reminder , personally aku rasa both diploma and asasi ada pros and cons dia. Tapi kalau kau rasa kau jenis yang dah ada solid perancangan for future , nak ambik only this one course taknak tukar tukar and you know exactly your route of studies , aku akan kata , ambik diploma. Tapi kalau jenis yang nak cecepat degree ni ( duration masa adalah lebih kurang pun ) , and masih belum tahu , ehh sebenarnya aku ni nak jadi apa ( I mean accurate course belum decide , belum firm ) , asasi would be a good choice insyaAllah. 

And note yang asasi will automatically give you allowance. Diploma , boleh mohon JPA or PTPTN . 

2. Courses. Possible Course. FOR YOU. 

K ni penting. I know right now you might have one solid ambition yang tak bertukar - let say nak doktor , nak jadi pharmacist , dentist and all science related job. Wahaaaa aku bukan nak attack semua job job ni since aku ambik law , tapi being in science school untuk lima tahun , aku tahu sejauh mana cliche dan terbantutnya pemikiran warganya regarding their ambition dalam range situ je. Walau bagaimanapun , sekarang you should start being lenient  I mean besarkan skop job prospect anda , thats why its important for you untuk lebih berlapang dada dengan choice korang. Sebab jarang orang letak satu course yang sama untuk 8 pilihan berbeza. Kalau korang nak jadi anything in science field , you might consider asasi sains hayat , sains fizikal. Banyak uni yang tawarkan open asasi macam ni , maksudnya tak terus focus untuk apa yang korang nak jadi , but somehow , macam UIAM , USIM , they offered you exact asasi macam asasi pergigian , asasi farmasi , tahmidi kedoktoran. ( note tahmidi is known as asasi in USIM ) . 

Contoh la kan , kita ni memang dah betul betul nak jadi engineer , I can suggest you applied for asasi sains fizikal di mana mana IPTA yang offer  , asasi kejuruteraan ( UIA ada benda ni ) , or diploma yang berkaitan.

When I say its FOR YOU , means FOR YOU , janganlah sebab nak ikut kawan tapi kau tahu kau tak mampu. Lagipun kawan biarlah beribu , kang dekat IPTA jumpa kawan baru . Broaden your network peeepsi lala.

And note yang ada asasi terus bonded dengan universiti tu such as UNIMAS , UIAM , UPM - which kita tak perlu isi semula UPU balik after habis asasi sebab insyaAllah tempat kita untuk degree dah secure at respected uni's. 

3. SUSUNAN UPU ( THIS IS IMPORTANT , ALERT! )

Since aku besarkan font untuk susunan , it means , adalah sangat penting amat amat susunan berikut. Okay dalam menyusun lapan pilihan berbeza ni , kita kena macam betul betul tengok and question : Adakah aku betul betul nak course ni ? Adakah betul aku ambik course ni as diploma? Adakah aku layak untuk mohon course course ni ? You yourself can answer this . Jawab bukan ikut sedap hati , jawab sejujurnya. 


Tips :
1. KALAU TAKNAK, JANGAN LETAK FOR THE SAKE OF NAK PENUHKAN. Janganlah mengada ngada acah acah malas nak memohon UPU , then tahu tahu nak penuhkan je pemalaih giloss , ( malas nak layan orang orang sambil lewa camni , masih wujud manusia sebegini rupa di tahun 2013 ) 
2. RETHINK ABOUT YOUR COURSES AND IPTA PILIHAN - contoh eh , aku rasa antara course yang maha hebat jika kau dapat ialah ; Asasi Universiti Malaya - like sains fizikal , sains hayat dan kawan kawan. Tak aku serious ni , dulu masa result UPU keluar , siapa yang dapat UM tu aku salute habis habis and semua macam woahh woahh dapat UM laaa meski ia hanya asasi , ini benar ye anak anak. 
3. SUSUN DENGAN BAIK , JANGAN PAKAI LETAK IKUT SUKA. Sebab UPU ni , Malaysia system ni tengok turutan , let say kau tak layak pilihan pertama , pergi ke pilihan kedua dan seterusnya. So letak mana yang kita betul betul nak di atas , partially nak ditengah , aaa macam boleh je ( dah tak tahu nak fikir apa , bawah , last )
4. KALAU DAH CHECK KELAYAKAN , KAU DAH BETUL TAK BOLEH APPLY  THAT CERTAIN COURSE , JANGAN APPLY , sila jangan bazirkan pilihan anda. Masa hadapan masih cerah meski tak jadi doktor mahupun engineer. Sebab kita kena ingat yang mohon UPU bukan sekor dua , dan apabila memohon , let say result kita tak mengizinkan , jangan gegatal mohon course yang dah tak layak tu , nescaya pabila keesokan harinya anda melihat berita 827728282829282729919 straight A dan bilangan straight A plasses 2661718192 orang  ( mereka yang akan dipandang dahulu untuk masuk ke course kritikal impian anda . ) Its how the world works people. They judge grades.  
5. SUSUNAN DIPENGARUHI HOW TOUGH THE COURSE AND THE CHOSEN IPTA. K benda ni kan , kita ada critical course ( course susah ) macam medic and pharmacist and all. So again back to the beginning tengok potential diri. 

Aku ingatkan benda ni sebab benda ni pernah jadi on my batch members . And a close friend of mine. Dia ada grades yang melayakkan dia masuk critical courses , but then susun sususan pilihan salah. Dia punya first choice is Asasi Sains Hayat UM ( as I said UM asasi yang susah nak masuk - and like last time, asasi UM keluar dulu than others - and dia tak dapat  ) . Second au third choice dia is Diploma Fisioterapi , and dia eventually got the course and she choose matriks instead ( and of course being a flying colours student , she does excel , four flats in Science Modul 1 . Bapak aaa gila terror . Tapi no wonder  , dia memang manusia yang maha rajin dan pandai. 

Side  VERY IMPORTANT TIPS :

1. Sepanjang permohonan , jangan lupa doa. Jangan lupa doa. Jangan lupa doa. Sebab doa kan senjata. Solat hajat tu jangan buat buat lupa, dulu nak SPM , dhuha , hajat , taubat , qiam semua straight excellent. Habis SPM macam dah lupa combo of prayers tu. Jangan lupa Dhuha ( Dhuha kan membawa rezeki ) . Mohon mohon kalau lupa doa pun susah , sebab yang pegang choice choice manusia yang letak kau course mana tu ialah Allah , jadi apa lagi , terusla meminta pada Allah , pasti pulangannya juga munasabah. 

Allah tahu apa kau mahu. Allah tahu apa tersirat Dalam hatimu

Doa 

Minta 

Walau doa kau bisu

Kenapa perlu minta? 
Itu tanda Kau Seorang hamba.
Moga Allah redha.

2. Kalau tak dapat course yang kau nak , jangan putus asa. Adakala kita tak diberi apa yang kita hendak , tapi kita diberi apa yang kita perlu. Mungkin sekarang kita benci gilaa course itu ini , but later pasti kita akan berterima kasih pada Dia for that kind of fate. 

3. This is one good website yang kau boleh tengok tengok : http://afterschool.my/ . Sini dia bagi full explanation on what pre-uni routes yang possible. Scholarships. They even have a Q & A punya side. 

p/s : Maybe anyone yang minat nak buat A-levels majoring in law  , ( pre university for oversea's ) , boleh tanya dekat saya insyaAllah , on how to apply scholarships too. Or Intec tu apa sebenarnya ?  Personally ask , I'll answer them insyaAllah.Saya belum fly , harapnya insyaAllah tahun hadapan bulan 9 , moga lepas external paper then Cardiff University , South Wales , London InsyaAllah. Mohon didoakan.  


So good luck memohon, I hope I gave you slight ideas on how to do this. So buatlah pilihan anda. :) Semoga maju jayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :DDDD

Talib al Habib - Light of Dawn


the beautiful lines. Seriously. Sooth inside :')

I wake with the light of the dawn whispering
With joy in my heart and with praise on my lips
In stillness and twilight I stand before you
Bowing, prostrating I call Allahu

My eyes see your beauty in the dawn's golden hues
My ears hear the thunder as it glorifies you
The rhythm of my heart beats the sound of your name
My breaths rise and fall with the tide of your praise

My soul knew and loved you before I was born
And without your mercy is lost and forlorn
Wherever I may wander down the pathways of life
My cry to you, oh my Lord, is 'guide me to light'

Through all fear and helplessness, to you do I turn
For your breath of healing and peace do I yearn
For all that I have, my Lord, all that I am
Is from You, is for You and to You will return

Knowledge and exposure.

Lets say : the matter discussed was aurah

Do you ever wonder when you had sufficient idea about it but somebody out there have no idea about it at all? You might feel , whats wrong with these people. Its written inside the Holy Quran . Its known by everyone , you have no doubt but you need to secure you aurah , don't wait for whatsoever cliche statement like ; nak tunggu hidayah Allah , belum sampai seru and that's it - endless . And overtimes when I keep pondering about that , SOMETIMES its not their fault to not know about it, or having pointless arguments against it - because its the exposure of knowledge that matters - when I say education , it does not restricted to schools or any institutions that supposed to give formal education ( read ; whats inside the syllabus )

the motto

It might be , their families had no idea about it. Or they choose to ignore the knowledge exposed . Many of us knows what is Al-Quran , but least of us knows whats inside despite you can read them. By not having the ideas whats tafsir is all about , that can be considered as least exposure. 

Beruntung orang yang hidup , lahir dalam keluarga yang serba kaya dengan ilmunya , I mean there's a path that's been set up for you , what you need to do is just absorbing countless of ilmu baik ilmu dunia ataupun akhirat. 

Time to question ourselves. 

Berapa ramai luar sana yang untungnya tidak berapa nak untung  ; lahir dalam suasana jahiliyyah. Lahir dalam suasana serba tidak mengetahui . Lahir dalam keadaan yang , its hard for them to get exposed. Even we said we all goes to school , exception for some people who don't - still the level of exposure differs. Some school might really have good educators that gave knowledge instead of kept producing robots that'll score A's inside the slip ; because its how they define life ; life is whats stated on your exam slips. I felt that before. 

no matter how much they said it does not determine our worth , sadly its how world works today. They strive , we strive , we thought we know it all - we thought that we're clever enough. But wait , how you're going to apply those things in real life. Its you that matters. The actions. The steps that you'll draw in future. 

STILL , when we had our best surrounding to get exposed with , some of us choose to be ignorant - yang tahu , yang faham tapi tak mengamalkan. Some of us choose knows a lot but sadly failed to differentiate whats good and bad . Some us knows a lot but we choose to critique rather than educates. Most of us knows theoretically how things works but failed to applied in in real life. 

Its really disturbing when I saw a post earlier , a 9 month old baby raped. Its a baby. For God sake. Maybe this kid ( the raper ) had a lot of negative exposure at early age. I feel so sad because later on when I graduates insyaAllah , law works to control the society but seeing whats happening in todays world , even though law works that way , somehow... it can help only to settle what happened after , but fails to stop the crime at first. WHICH we need to educate people. 

I guess the sylibus of Sivik dan Kewarganegaraan should just stop from exposing cliche moral values , instead - give people exposure on things like sensibility , maturity and all. I know its hard because some people might perceive it wrongly. And stop by replacing Sivic classes with other more 'important' classes. ( read ; whats inside the slips )

Educators , especially the young ones - that educates for the sake of money and holiday ( I mean teachers enjoyed the students holiday - meski tak berapa nak enjoy - because my parents are teachers k ) , should give more , educate more on life , sebab tak semua lahir untuk ada sense seperti belas kasihan yang tinggi pada orang lain , sebab tak semua lahir dalam keluarga yang serba mengetahui ,  it can be done through the sylibus kot , I mean your words have the power to change what the world would be in next five to ten years. 

Families , family member could be educators as well ( informal education )  kursus perkahwinan ( I never been into one but I guess since its wajib to all couples yang nak kahwin ) , focus more on kekeluargaan , and how important the system would be , and maybe the concept of ceramah all the time ( kot , correct me if I am wrong - so lazy to google em ) should be changed. Betullah yang agama itu root to settle problems. Oh God how to fix this :'(

I'm kinda lost because it hurts when its easier said than done. No matter how long I write , still , where can I  contribute instead of praying. I mean there must be actions taken. Sakitnya :'(

Ada masa kita perlu pandang dari sudut pandang yang berbeza , agar bisa kita mengerti kehidupan dalam banyak mata. Mungkin dalam mata kita , kehidupan sepatutnya jadi sedemikian rupa , namun pada mata orang lain , kehidupan mereka merupakan kehidupan yang terbaik. So start with yourself , start to look deeper , start to know more , start to understand more , sayang kalau kita cuma mampu melahirkan masyarakat yang cuma tahu melatah ( read ; complain and all ) tapi tak mampu mengubah. 

p/s ; I saw them a lot inside the insta's . Berhenti , grow old and be wiser. We can be the change , we can start to expose the knowledge to others. Kalau kita tak mula, siapa lagi. Kalau dunia sibuk mengharapkan orang lain mula dulu , dan semua orang berfikiran sedemikian rupa , mana titik mula kau nak jumpa?


Adios. 


Pointing fingers complaining the flaws. Couldn't be any better?

Twitter would always be one of the best place untuk ada feeling feeling jadi judge tanpa mana mana tauliah. When you says its not fair to judge someone based on their status and post or whatever they wrote ; you have no right to judge what I am doing now . 

Many people in this world can be really good when it comes to pointing to other people ( read ; accusing someone to be at fault _ ) instead of admitting that you're wrong. At certain circumstances , its not necessarily admit that you're wrong if you're at the right side but just stop pointing fingers . We live to see infinities of flaws on other people , self proclaiming that you're always right. Have you ever imagine if everyone is a reflection to yourself ? You could never. That's why its hard for you to see flaws inside you. Tak pernah sekali ke terlintas dalam kepala , when you're busy pointing and complaining things , never once ke kita fikir , thats how people see us. Tak pernah nak take responsibility. Instead tahu complain itu ini . Satu keburukan orang yang kita highlight , beribu nanti yang kita distarlight aicewoh.

Aku takkan pernah boleh kata orang Malaysia cenggini since aku tak merasa duduk merantau benua. Jadi aku rasa manusia memang secara amnya ada masalah ni. I mean who's at fault ( bahahhahaha tengok , saya juga orang , saya jugak menunding jari haha ) . Naaaa its us , mentality , and how you're going to change it. STOP COMPLAINING. Wahhhhh dulu bukankah ada peluang dan diberi ruang , tak pula sibuk nak menggunakan apa yang tersedia depan mata , now when chances end , then you start to complain. Telling the whole world only you suffer. Like you're the only one that right / that suffers. Oh yeah , how it feels like making yourself seems pathetic. Hmm

You seriously can do better than this!

Berhenti menunding jari runcing anda kearah orang lain , kerana satu menunding pada si polan , empat menunding pada kita , jadi instead of menunding satu , kita tunding lima lima hahhahahahhahahambar kriks kriks haha

Oh man , you're pointing one awesome to me and three to yourself and the thumb awesome goes nowhere hahambar lagi. 

Eh serious , berhenti. Kita senyap je. Biar empunya diri yang take responsibility , tidakkah dunia ini hidup aman dan bahagia jika semua bertindak sedemikian rupa? 

Instead of complaining , you can be better by offering a solution , instead of just complain ( read ; to the extent you're able to give solutions lah ) kalau tak , diam. Lihat , mesti ada orang lain tolong complainkan. hahahhaha. I am so hambar kuasa berapa ni. Oktaf ke lapan mungkin. 

Be better people. Take responsibility. Stop pointing. Stop complaining the fllaws. Instead , do something better ! You can absolutely do it. Tadada.

Malaysia and mentality ; phone lines and services.

I confessed this. Haha

Wasn't the confession was made to hide the confessor? Haha. Naaa I called Maraliner yesterday. I thought that bus stations works everyday since people travel from one place to another everyday especially weekend . Since Kuantan were affected with floods and my sister is going to buy ticket for Christmas holiday ( sounds like I am celebrating Christmas ey haha - no I'm not - I am just enjoying massive of holidays Malaysia offers due to many races exist ehew ) 

So I am a bit pissy on that time when my sister asked me to call the Maraliner since the website is never been updated ; Mungkin HQ KL dia banjir jugak kot ( husnuzhon bersama - sangka baik ) since she's run out of credit and she gave me a sets of number , there's four of them . Kuantan kan banjir , so dia ada laluan yang dia tutup buat sementara waktu - this is what my sister said and yeah , setelah beberapa cubaan mendail dibuat , bukan sahaja laluan ditutup malah phone lines ditutup bersama. 

Memang berangin tambah pissy piss off semua. Kah kah. 

Then I come to conclusion , ini bukan sekali dua kali benda macam ni berlaku. BANYAK KALI. So kenkadang tu macam lali dah pejabat tak angkat call semua. There's one time my Yes internet were really sucks , I paid in advance , had the quota full tapi slow slow siput dia punya service , then I emailed them to fix it , I gave my details such as where I live - the numbers and so on. They replied about 3 days working and they gave me more forms to fill in . Again asking where I live - software and WHAT. Terus hilang selera nak complain - here I am  asking help to upgrade the services that I PAID FOR. Dan selamanya aku menahan rasa nak bukak website itu ini takleh load gaya tak bayar tiga tahun. Wasn't you supposed to record my details in my previous mails?

Lain weh situasi dia kalau email university overseas for example UK . These months I've been constantly update my mails , sending mails because I had a lot of inquiries ; they replied them fast and accurately no matter how silly your question would be , sometimes tu ada yang soalan dia tertinggal , they will reply secepat boleh and says " Sorry I forget to write down about your last question..." . I am so delighted. Gah. 

I just don't know why Malaysia act this way ; Not answering phone calls, not replying mails . I supposed there must be somebody incharge for this kind of matter kan? I mean if you don't , you may hire more people thus reducing the unemployment , just to answer calls and reply mails. Oh is it because the mails / calls come from such kiddos yang umur belum cecah 21 then you considered its not important ? Lots of my friends need to travel to the places just to ask things that can be answered through phone calls. Macam mana nak melahirkan masyarakat berjimat cermat ni. 

I know that answering phone calls never exist in any kind of moral values ( like bertanggungjawab , berkasih sayang ). There are things that can never be taught anywhere. Its call, courtesy. Sensibility. 

THIS SHOULD BE CHANGED !

As I said , someone's business might be interupted if you do not pick up the calls. I supposed that people grow old , they should be wiser though. But somehow lagi tua lagi liat nak buat benda benda yang orang orang tua kira ' remeh ' seperti berkata Terima kasih , maafkan saya , mahupun mengangkat telefon. 

Vivid example : Every Monday when I come to INTEC , lalu surau , sampah bertaburan di mana mana , belum kira masuk kelas. Dan itu berlaku pada minggu pelajar PJJ ( as far as I am concern - diaorang semua pangkat mak mak ayah ayah yang buat degree only on certain weekends ) . Tidakkah sepatutnya mereka yang lebih tua , lebih faham dimana seharusnya mereka buang sampah , bukan di atas merata jalan , bukan juga di bawah lantai kelas. ITS INSIDE THE BIN. Or kalau bin tu penuh , why can't you bring your rubbish inside a bag or a plastic , bring it home and buang dekat rumah. Benda macam ini pun kena ajar ke eh? 

Older and you lost you sense of being good ( to people , surrounding , nature ) . Why? 

And a friendly note : previously my history lecturer once said , when he emailed the slides to us, at least say noted or thank you . Jangan buat dunno je, dah dapat then buat bodoh. Memanglah hantar mails tak libatkan anyone's money , but then show that you appreciate someone's hard work to give you the slides . Why it's so hard to say thanks? ( replying mails tak pakai duit jugak ) . Benda benda yang menjaga perasaan manusia ni , memang tak ada dalam sylibus , tapi semua ini sense and simple courtesy kot. Takkan nak kena invent subject sense and courtesy kot? Expecting people to respect and appreciate you? You yourself , draw the steps. 

Seriously , grow old and be wiser. 

Scolding myself because getting hurt for the same reasons.

The tittle shall be enough.

HA HA stop laa najwa stop.


Last time , during the personality test , someone said to me ; your biggest part that affect you most is .......

I guess. Its a curse. Psychologist ? Or Neurologist heh you?













Soalan masih sama ;

Why bother girl ?

Did you know only you suffered the pain?

Did you know they won't give a damn?

Did you know you'll get hurt at the end?

Then why?

Why you're doing the same thing again?

Why you let yourself fall again?

Why for the same reason?

WHY YOU EVEN TRY ONCE AGAIN? ( orang yang mencuba tu dia taktahu. Ini kau dah tahu kau faham ! ) 

Why?

When you know this will happen?

When you know it hurts?

When you know it kills?

Why?

I
JUST
DON'T HAVE
THE ANSWERS.

its either YES , I don't know. Hmm.

Plain stupid. 








I guess I'll kept scolding myself in future. Because of the same reason. 

banyak masa ; gambar tak akan synchronize dengan post. Chill.

As if I quit

Quitting is never me from the very start I was born and yeah nampak sangat menipunya yosh yosh. 

Meeting some points in life when everything seems so hard and you're too tired to solve ; quitting must be one of the vivid choice. But ...

Quitting itself does not help. So I choose to confront. Biar pedih biar sakit. Whats unsolved must never left unsolved.  But to confront , I need courage , and the process of building the courage ; instead of going through the process many of us choose to quit ; stay in silence , even though it wasn't your fault ; you choose to stay there and at the same time making people conclude that it was your fault. Dan pada masa yang sama , kau dah tak kira manusia pandang kau macam mana. Biarlah urusan dia dengan Tuhan. Kita dengan Tuhan. 

Quitting might be the best way if you're fighting with an empty vessels. Say what? Idioms say empty vessels make the most noise aite ? Tempayan penuh tempayan kosong cuba kau ketuk. Mana yang lebih bising? Yang kosong bukan? So I'll always say to myself . There's no use fighting with someone that make the most noise ; useless. Because intelligent people knows how to distinguish an empty or a full vessel.

Quitting in friendship. Heh. To certain extent I might just quit . When you don't show any interest to contribute. Somehow yang namanya perhubungan , mungkin bagi sesetengah orang , cukup sekadar doa mengiringi , namun jika jasadnya masih bernyawa ; aku kira itu tidak cukup. Mesti bertegur sapa. Unless pada dia , aku hantu. Invisible dan muncul bila kau takut. Muncul bila kau sedih. Juga akan muncul tatkala kau gembira ; namun aku kata , aku invisible . 

Quitting study? Never I wish. Sebab Allah janji siapa usaha Dia bagi sesuai usaha. Kalau mengalah sebelum berusaha , satu nikmat telah aku dusta. Maka , bukan aku untuk kata tidak pada ilmu. 

Motif ? Takde. Aku saja. Nak menulis. 

Pergi. Kalau itu yang engkau pinta. Jika itu yang Tuhan hendakkan. Pasti nanti aku juga redha kau berhenti. 

Pain itu Sakit. Fate itu Ketentuan.

I've wrote this kind of things for times , tetapi bukan peringatan itu berbentuk ulangan ? Kalau tak diingatkan, maka itu bukan lagi golongan peringatan. haha.

Once upon a time , I felt a tremendous heart break the moment when I received my SPM result.Trying to make my heart accept whats fated. I'm almost there , almost redha dengan apa yang diberikan. However that's not what people surround me expect and react and perceive. Its a major failure. Adding the fact that your friends surrounds obtaining almost all A's with tons of A plus . It breaks aite? 

Rasa dia sakit , bila tak achieve one high band that people expect you'll achieve.

" 7A JE? "

Masa tu punah angan angan nak jadi doktor. Nak jadi pharmacist. Sedangkan itu yang diangan-angankan , mana tidaknya , lima tahun bernafas dalam dunia sains. Berguling bersama Physics , Chemistry and Biology tatkala semua berebut untuk duduk depan pintu dorm sebab nak menelaah bawah lampu koridor semasa member dorm sendiri ( dan biasanya diri sendiri jerit light off haha ) ( Nasib berguling bersama biologi membuahkan hasil yang alhamdulillah A ) Hew.. Lima tahun - lima tahun tulis di mana mana , Dr Anis Najwa. Usaha untuk dua tahun pasti tidak cukup , dan seiring dengan kekentuan Allah , 7 A daripada sebelas mata pelajaran dikira memadai. 

Mungkin bagi sesetengah orang 7 A dah kira bagus tapi sum up total parents aku hantar balik bagi duit makan bagi duit itu ini and the fact that you're in a boarding school , being fated to be inside such situation like I faced, there a pain that you'll suffer. 

Dan masa tu , rasa dia , nak dapat scholarship pasti susah. Bukan aku sorang yang berkata sedemikian rupa , orang di sekeliling juga begitu. Malah yang sangat rapat - mematahkan hati yang tak berhenti bermimpi. 

Tatkala ada syarat tajaan meletakkan : 7 A syarat minimum. I was excited . Mana taknya. And the moment when I uttered those lines to someone whom I thought will be by my side " ITU CUMA SYARAT MINIMUM , KAT LUAR TU BERAPAAA RAMAI LAGI YANG STRAIGHT A"

Sakit. Kan? 

Then I started to seek what course might fit the interest and result . Key in dalam one website untuk UPU , boleh tahan kecewa tengok satu satu course tak layak. Medic jangan cerita. Jadi rendahkan sikit ke Pharmacist , okay kecewa lagi . Sepuluh kali key in medic different uni , sepuluh kali juga kecewa. 

Despite being mocked , aku tetap gigih isi satu satu scholar. Yang mana aku tahu , tak salah mencuba dan pada masa yang sama , harapan untuk dapat tu mesti rendah. Tanpa bantuan sesiapa , terima kasih kerana kecelikan IT berskala 3.69 over 5 , aku cari satu satu , print borang itu ini when no one give a damn about your life. I mean , they'll just expect me getting a place for UPU , get a loan and grab a degree , then work , then pay back your study loan. Life cycle. 

Tapi itu dulu. Sakit , dan tiba satu masa , ketentuan Allah yang make things happened. Tak kira berapa banyak diari kau tulis saya nak jadi bla bla bla. Berapa banyak nukilan dalam laman sesawang kau coretkan. Tak kira berapa banyak A printed on your slip. Allah plan whats best I tell youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. 

Alhamdulillah , the pain worth. Sekarang nak kata tak sakit , sakit jugak hadap Alevel ( meski JPA bagi duit , sesak jugak ending semester haha ) . Meski orang asyik cakap " Weh kau ambik law senang aaa , cuba kau ambik medic , rasa sikit " EH EH , Who're the one who choose to be in that path? You yourself aite? Then rasakan. Takyah tetiba ajak aku rasa apa rasanya jadi budak medic " HAHA. 

Tapi , 

Antara pesanan penaja yang lebih banyak makan monosodium glutamate ialah ,

Its okay to dream. But when you're dreaming then suddenly you hit the reality. Plan your dream. Bukan maksud bila kita angannya nak jadi doktor then tetiba tak dapat , life ends there. TAK. TAK. There must be good reason why we're not in that path we've been longing for. Ramai yang aku jumpa , bertahun dia pasang cita cita nak jadi itu ini , tapi end up jadi lain but still life goes on and they're happy with whats fated. ( Haha mungkin duduk asrama penuh lima tahun hidup revolve around doktor-engineer-saintis-engineer-doktor maka hidup retard tang situ je , ohoooo world is definitely bigger for numerous of professions - like doctors were not experts in court but lawyer does * tetiba * hahaha )

Masih sakit ? Dan adakah sakit ini mampu diubati mana mana doktor? Tidak bukan? Makanya apa? Bertukarlah kepada cita cita lain . hahahahahahhahahhaha tetiba dua kali. 

Ketentuan Allah , kita bukan sesiapa nak question. Akan ada masa , bila sorang kawan kau achieve lower dari apa yang kau dapat atas slip , then kau question , Dia lagi rendah dari aku tapi dapat itu ini . Jangan , ada baik , ada buruk apa yang ditentukan. Sebab mungkin bila kau hendakkan tempat orang lain, berangkali tempat itu akan lebih menyakitkan. 

Tiga , jangan pernah berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah. Berada di atas , berada di bawah , dua dua merupakan ujian Allah. When you failed to satisfy many hearts , reflect on how Allah bawak kita through life and being tested means that you're lack somewhere in between your relation dengan Tuhan. So itu boleh jadi turning point life kita. Solely relying ourselves to Him. Kalau perang perlu senjata , hidup mesti sentiasa doa.

BUT , For whom who happened to read through yang masih sekolah , masih berjuang mendapatkan slip slip kertas permulaan kehidupan , jangalah bila aku kata whats on the slip does not matters then you take your life for granted , you take your study for granted. Allah kan kata Allah bagi sesuai dengan usaha ? Kalau dari mula usaha tak ada , berhentilah berangan angan. Ada impian , maka usahakan! 

Sakit yang kita rasa tak akan lama , sebab dia dah janji , dia akan gantikan dengan apa yang kita lebih perlu. Brace yourself.  

Sekarang pun , aku belum tentu dapat terbang ke negara ke empat musim tapi I believe if its best , Allah akan grant jugak. In any conditions , we're tested. 

Berhentilah jadi cliche. 

suatu masa dahulu , ada seekor kancil yang suka menipu buaya. Namun saya bukan kancil . Haha. 


suatu masa dahulu , selepas beberapa bulan menanggung sakitnya bisa manusia. 

:)

Welcoming semester four. A hectic semester. Tengok jadual pun senak :/

Brunei and Oh wait , its December !

Hey. My last post was on 24th , I thought of writing more on November but yeah time never wait for whom who love to procrastinate like me so yeah. I haven't touch down Semenanjung but I'm currently breathing hectic Malaysia's air. Checked in Miri , Sarawak - a relative of mine place. 

Its rare for me to spend holiday away from my hometown. Apatah lagi naik kapal yang katanya murah  , menerbangkan manusia dengan charge charge yang tersembunyi ? Teheee bunyi dia.  So here I am spending more than a week away . Great getaway with the whole family excluding Aimi and Mu'adz yang jadual tak merge dengan pendidik bangsa.  Nak buat cane yedak? At first me and Nadzmi , my saser hot boy - partially I can say haha were not included into the plan , we're said to be at our grandma's house for a week while others enjoying their 8 days holiday rentas Laut China Selatan . Aku macam okay je , macam takpe je ( this is an annoying tagline ) sebab I could get everything that I want there , free foods , sometimes you got free goods , good companies - yet annoying kiddos and good internet connection with numerous of astro channels + ada laptop ada phone . Inilah kehidupan remaja zaman millenium serba lengkap haha. 

But later my mom changed her mind , maka me and my brother were included , the ticket for both of us was about 780 - same flight with my parents and brother tapi lain booking number. 

So we touched down Miri , Jumaat 29 November. Sabtu masuk Brunei lalu jalan darat , ( its geography lesson now ) since Miri is attached to Brunei and masuk through immigration Sungai Tujuh , Brunei . We went there by a car. There were 6 of us. So Mak Long live there, Brunei. Somewhere in Kilanas . Its my third time being there , first masa darjah tiga kot , next it was two years ago - a benchmark with my fellow prefects and here I am again , 2013 as penggangur yang menunggu masuknya Semester 4 A-level.

Brunei Darussalam ,
Its a very calming city I can say. YOU HARDLY SEE MOTORCYCLE ON THE ROAD. If you do , it'll be Harley Davidson dan rakan rakan seangkataan. Brunei ni negara yang very wealthy - you got to see bungalows everywhere , paling cikai rumah mesti ada aircond berbiji biji , and secikai cikai rumah mampu memiliki 4 ke 5 kereta mewah. Kau mampu? Even my cousin said , population kereta melebihi population manusia di Brunei. Woaaaaah . Here you got to meet people yang sanggup tunjuk kau jalan sampai ke rumah orang yang nak dituju. Very friendly . Very helpful , benda yang memang jarang nak jumpa dekat Malaysia. The cars will stop to let you cross the road without the aids of any traffic lights. Cool huh? At certain miles of the road mesti ada signboard Subhanallah , Alhamdulillah , Allahuakbar. Bandar Seri Begawan , a capital city of Brunei , malam malam kalau jalan situ memang senyap habis , people were home already by 7 . Sebab yelah sana 6 pagi terang . 6 malam maghrib dah. Orang kita , tak kira Maghrib ke apa , bedal je keluar. Lols. 

And one thing that I noticed and yet I am so amazed with is the radio station , jika radio kita ( example Melaka f.m ) sibuk menelefon Cik Jah yang sedang minum kopi di dapur , sibuk beramah mesra bersama Cik Bedah yang ingin menyampaikan lagu pada suami tercinta di ruang tamu , I can tell Brunei got better style of operating it. 

Recently Brunei was the first country that announced they're going to apply hudud .  So through radio , they tell us everything. I say everythingggggggg. On the application on how they're going to do it. On when it'll be applied. And what is hudud is actually all about - and cabang cabang dia. The reason why hudud tu diaplikasikan . SEMUAAAA ADA I TELL YOU. Dia memang macam belajar syariah through radio , and aku amazed gila pakhang sebab y'know why Malaysia whinning all the time saying we're not ready for hudud is because I can say we're lack of knowledge - cakap ikut sedap logik akal dia. And there you go , they're explaining precisely on how they going to apply hudud. Thumbs up. 

Kalau nak cerita tempat menarik ke apa , search engine would be much more reliable dari blog hamba yang usang ini ekekekke. No lah , when you're here , I can say , nothing much you can expect macam duduk Malaysia , nak demand MP DP bersambung dengan Hatten Square , Chow Kitt dan rakan rakan . 

And itulah serba serbi kehidupan kurang seminggu di tanah orang. Betullah , jauh perjalanan , luas permandangan. Perasaan dia tadi bila go thouugh immigration , tengok balik road Malaysia, road negara kita ni hectic , sesak. Sumpah lain . Brunei got a lot of cars on the road , I experienced a night and day drive  - sumpah tenang atas jalan . penduduknya yang hemah memandu. Malaysia , hemahnya ada , cuma biasalah, alah bisa , selalu berbisa je bawak kereta ,maka tegal biasa ( perosak bahasa ye saya ) hahaha. 

Off. 

Now ITS DECEMBER , * feeling feeling Taylor Swift * 

Angan angan sebelum cuti dulu - saya nak belajar masa cuti semester. Erm macam belum je. Erm macam belum je. haha. So I am going to make it happen at least . Will do. I WILL. 

So far , university updates. I got rejected by both Oxford and LSE. But yeah Allah grant me two conditional offers from Manchester and Cardiff. And for now , insyaAllah dah firm dah pilihan even though I haven't got the answer from Kings. 

So adios bloggie. I left some of our pictures there I guess , down below. 

( nampak sangat malasnya dah sampai - ending post cenonet )

Oh aaa, the reason why we're here is because nak lawat paklong yang sakit , so there is my Pak Long , I rarely meet him , but he knows a lot about me - he knew that I am doing law , and going to UK soon . I just knew that he's an economic graduate from University Of Hull if I'm not wrong. It was back in 1970's woahhh . No wonder there's a lot of economy books in the house. 

The reason why I put this picture is because I COVER MY AYAH UP THERE , cisss semua salah kamera. ahhahahahah. So there you go encik nazari.

The pictures were not synchronize, this picture were taken masa hari Ahad tak silap , ke Isnin , this is kampung air. Kampung atas air. Rumah kayu kayu , kereta yang tersadai semuaaaaa pakat Mercedes , ada tu kereta sporty habis. PFFFT.

This is one of the place that offered you a very great great view, its The Empire ( a golf and country club ) , its open for public to come in and lepak santai. They even have panggung wayang inside here. p ffff t lagi haha. Belakang tu laut China Selatan . Woaaa.

again - The Empire ( baju sama tu ennn hahaha )

I literally baring atas dolphin , I was here a decade ago. When I was 9. With no scarf on my head. haha.

this is mainly to sum things up. That is istana sultan. Yang pokok hijau tu bukan istana, itu kawasan food court area Jerudong Park yang tak pula bukak hari selasa. 

Bak kata sorang abang Filipino kedai food court 
" Jerudong Park ini tidak buka hari dua , hari tiga baru buka " ( read baku )

Hari Tiga - Rabu. I was like geguling with my brother , uttering the line for times and gelak. 

This is somewhere at the mosque di Bandar Seri Begawan. Berminyaksnyews muka. puffff. 

Hey there :D , this is inside the car. Obviously.  You can't tell huh? haha. 

Saudara, jaga diri.

Is it okay to jot down something love-genre inside here.

I am hearing to Penghujung Cintaku by Pasha & Adelia . Nampak macam tetiba kan? Memang tetiba sangat. Tadi tengok Raikan Cinta. Tetiba rasa nak nangis. Entahlah. Mungkin tak patut fikir benda yang luar jangkaan diri. Mungkin lebih harus berfikir untuk buru syahid dari terus lena dengan dunia. Tapi dengar lagu ni , rasa dia sakit. Sakit nak tunggu. Sakit for past years. Sakit untuk masa akan datang. Sakit untuk fikir . 
Takdelah. Jiran depan ni tadi kahwin , umur dia baya Aimi , 18. Sebelum ni jiran atas bukit tu , 17 dah kahwin. z z z z z z z z

Mungkin belum masa. 
Untuk duduk di sisi someone yang accept both inside and outside. 
Untuk give life-after-life vow of loving each other.
Untuk berfikir benda yang camni. Takpayahlah najwa - tapi ...
Untuk datangnya seseorang yang akan held the hands of the wali . And utter those words , taking the responsibility. 
Untuk orang yang aku percaya akan sooth my life. Yang mampu menenangkan saat marah. Yang mampu marah bersama. Sebab being together is not just to be with masa good times , masa bad times jugak .
Untuk tunggu yang Allah dah tulis di Luh Mahfuz. 

Untuk berada di sisi. Yang kalau jasad dia pergi , tetap setia bersama dalam hati. 



Nangis.

Jaga diri wahai saudara. I've spare my heart for you dear unknown. 

Off cheesy mode. Back to the real life. 

-  Saudari

A L O N E .

Over the course of time, you will learn that many people you thought would always be there will soon disappear. You will be let down time and time again, and eventually discover that the only constant in life is change.
With each passing day, people begin new relationships, while others end old ones. There are relationships that end well, and there are relationships that end poorly, with contrasting emotions leading the way. Some of these relationships will be major turning points in your life; some of them might either completely destroy you, or save you.
Putting trust into a person and giving them your dedication is one of the scariest things in life. Devoting your time and emotions, revealing your most personal qualities and background, and believing that this one person will not betray you or shame you for any of it, is a courageous step to take.
One secret could define your friendship; one mistake could end it all. It takes years to build trust and seconds to break it. The reason forming a relationship with someone and building the foundation for that relationship is so difficult is because once we have been hurt, we will never forget that pain – no matter what.
I have watched many of my own personal relationships come to a halting close. New chapters in my life have been slowly written time and time again. My social circle went from many, to a few that are worthy of my trust and loyalty. It took numerous occasions and difficult realizations for me to learn to accept the things that have happened in my life, and to accept what it is now for what it is.
Accepting who I used to be and the mistakes I made as that person, and not letting those mistakes define who I am today. Forgiving those who hurt me and who affected my life in negative ways. They were all fears to conquer, but I overcame them with perseverance. These were the first steps to my salvation.


The next step was realizing that it is okay to be alone. Growing up, if I did not have something to do on a Friday or Saturday night, I was blasting “I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan, crying in the dark and cursing off every single person that didn’t ask me to hang out. I’m happy to say that I’ve come a long way since then, and I have learned to appreciate solitude. Sitting in the middle of the ocean on a surf board and just letting the waves take me away, or sitting in a field alone and looking at the stars for long periods of time, are some of my favorites thing to do in the world.
“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde
I have also realized that getting lost in thoughts and in physicality is a beautiful thing. Over the years, I have learned that losing yourself and finding your way back makes the experience that much better. No matter what age you are, when you have a problem, or what that problem is, just go for a walk or drive and get lost. You will have sorted out your mind and troubles by the time you find your way back.
There is no better time than now for you to allow yourself to be happy. It is time to embrace yourself and all that you have to offer. Be alone; give yourself the chance to learn about yourself, expand your soul and allow yourself to grow. Enable each chapter of your life to help you become a better you. Press forward, putting one foot in front of the other, until you are finally so overwhelmingly confident that you can look back, and see that you have climbed mountains.
CREDIT TO : 

Accepting Who You Are And Learning To Love Being Alone Are Essential To A Happy Life