As hipstur as the tittle sounds , trying to write this post is frustrating enough , had to forcefully shut down the laptop twice sebab it hangs for minutes and its not funny anymore after few minutes harrrr
we on the ice , literally ice not senoww hahaha back before the Plitvice trip with our tour guide Encik Sashar the bayang bayang hahahha.
I was lying on bed ALL day after sending off my Essex friends early in the morning , though send off dekat pintu je , melihat taxi berlalu pergi dengan ekor mata ( snappp I don't even think I send them off with ekor mata because it was too cold outside mih mih had to close the door even before the taxi hilang dari pandangan mata kah kah kah )
I don't know you're too addictive lels
till someone asked me to write down a reflection post about 2015 , tadadada you read my mind anonymous , I've been thinking about that but come to think , aku tak rasa pun nak menulis hari ni , moreover on reflection because I was lazy and rasa macam better off to keep it to myself , or sebenarnya kau memang malas jangan dikau nafikan ! miahahha
I just want to have that some ' lay low ' moments .
and it happened that aku memang rasa aku 'lay low ' sikit this year which according to the online dictionary ; lay low defined as
Sebab taknak came up dengan szo the boring life of Anis Najwa this year , aku cuba retrace balik memory , or even the slightest pengharapan masa 2015 ni , unlike 2014 , my biggest pengharapan was to fly off to the UK siap dulu pernah doa " Ya Allah sebelum kiamat bagilah aku fly pergi UK " that's it , Allah granted my wish , I'm already here , alhamdulillah dah second year and where did all the dreams go? It stops there? Like that? er? Belum kiamat dan kau masih diberi ruang dan peluang to repent over stuff then what najwa ? W H A T
( untuk sesiapa yang pernah rasa terinspirasi dengan hidup ceqq mohon reflect balik miahahaha ) Part mana kau ni menginspirasi hidup orang woi najwa !?!!???!
As 2014 was too bumpy - too much hopes - too much tested friendships and drama - menjadi 21 , I just want to remove all the 'too' in everything , like kalau berharap , nak berharap yang sederhana , so that I won't hurt
too much or kalau sayang orang , nak sayang yang level setengah je , so that it won't be too hurtful .
Cakap siang pandang pandang ( kalau cakap malam malam? nak pandang siapa haha ) miahahhaha
2015 menyaksikan how a dead thing , sebagai contoh blog ni had affected me BADLY ! dia tahap yang at first I was trying to detach myself from all these networks and it was hard , tapi at the end dia mencapai tahap " detach successfully " yang dah tak leave rasa sakit , or tahap eager nak berkongsi apa jenis cerita pun on the blog. I learn how people can cluelessly hurt your feeling with their words , phrases like
" do not reproduce " or " your mum should have aborted you " can come from a human for a human. I must be too ( again ) aspirational in the past yang " people tend to do good things in life " or " common sense is sensible among humans " .
Though sebenarnya aku banyak kali je reflect yang I should put the blame on myself for failing to foresee people's circumstances , not judging from one source , that I shall hear from people's side , which I learnt a lot alhamdulillah , and the best part of it , I learn that " You shouldn't treat someone the way you don't want to be treated " and its a big lesson indeed , I see it as a pre test before masuk the legal word , people will slash you with their words maybe even with scarier stuff you never want to imagine .
I can still precisely remember all those tears , the pains and the scars a dead thing did to me naaayyy.
Thanks to that too , I deleted my ask.fm , in a way reducing contact or any possible ways that my feelings could be harmed. Though kenkadang aku nampak seperti manusia yang tak punya banyak perasaan portrayed on the face ( kah kah tipuuuuu ) , I value all these little things - affected with little things .
twitter pun lepas sehari up to seminggu baru rasa nak bukak - blog adalah sebulan kot nak recover and masih bermalas malasan - instagram dulu I restrain myself untuk post a week - satu - tapi since I'm on my winter break , excuse me with more than 10 pictures a week kah kah. I just need to keep updated , one untuk diri sendiri baca balik tentang apakah kebodohan yang engkau lakukan , and ways to improve it supaya masuk level pandai sikit haha , second to keep my family updated , perasaan loner makan maggi dalam bilik kadang kadang menyeksa jiwaku tatkala melihat adik adikku bersantai makan burger bakar di tepi sungai melaka. leuls sangat haha.
okay this sounds too negative now , lets bright up the mood !
Successfully completed my very first year as an LLB student ! ( insert habuk habuk firework since Malaysia dah first of January )
the success part mungkin sampai la kot aku punya definisi success , passed a 2:1 ( not until I saw people passed with first class T.T ) , grading degree kali ni unlike Alevels , meh aku share
First class : above 70 %
Second class upper or 2:1 : 60% above
Second class lowe or 2:2 : 50 % above
third class aku tak sure. Juga yang bawah bawah , sengaja taknak tahu sebab it shouldn't be in my measurements grades.
Teringat lagi waktu waktu revision tu , I did a (not so ) hardcore revisions , still got my sleep on time , sleeping soundly through the night tapi its like a 6 or 7 weeks of revisions , I gradually make the revision timing and specs tense , dari sejam ke tiga jam non stop ( ada break untuk regangkan otot ) then sambung balik ngeh. I dislike last minute revisions sebab aku rasa aku memang takde kebolehan last last minute burning midnight oil ni is never ever my favorite since Alevels so aku kira the 2 or 3 months revisions tu membantu for the first year , we'll see how things go for this second year ?
A step higher in giving commitments to Dakwah and Tarbiyah ! ( D&T )
I may not put this in my 2015 wishlist since dulu memang datang UK then involves myself with good things like usrah - its for the sake of its good so why not?
as times goes by , dulu , I guess dari dia ( Dakwah dan Tarbiyaah ) tu setakat mengisi masa lapang , now its like I should make a specific time for Dakwah and Tarbiyah , well sebenarnya takdelah like a fix timing allocation hahh time ni kau buat D&T ni . Tapi its like being cautious with yourself , baik dari sekecil perkara seperti tutur kata , ke sebesar perkara , I can relate and reflect more apa yang aku buat dengan kehidupan , allied tak dengan Al-Quran kata apa , kau buat camni masuk tak dengan apa yang Allah nak kau buat , D&T jugak ajar kau untuk jadi lebih sensitif by mean with how people react - kau rasa dia nak deliver what kind of message through riak muka , or coldness someone tu boleh ke kita break with warmness , tah memacam lagi but its a pleasant feeling to be surrounded by people yang nakkan kebaikan untuk diri sendiri and at the same time they want good things for you too.
of course when we talk about kebaikan ni , every year we must want to see ourselves naik satu tingkat kebaikan , and bilamana kita rasa kita dah baik - we will start questioning ourselves , kau yakin kau dah cukup baik? dan kau akan melihat banyak lagi ruang kau boleh enhanced in order untuk jadi lebih baik. LIKE TAKDE SIAPA PUN YANG BAIK AKAN KATA DIA BAIK lels its weeeeeird. Nak katanya , its a never ending process it'll be a forever process untuk capai indicator kebaikan yang akan differ every year - or every stage we sets.
It starts with jadi AJK for Ini Sejarah Kita (ISK) 1.0 then jadi Mas'ullah ( ketua ) for the second ISK named ESCaping the Doctorine , next , for the first time jadi orang yang mengetuai jaulah ( winter trip ) to Croatia and Bosnia ( ni lesson ad-hock yang terbanyak sekali - the second part of the post was still drafted after days miahahhahaha ampunkan patik , patik memang berplatipus melepet winter break ni ahhaha ) pastu I challenged myself for accepting the responsibility untuk jadi facilitator for Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk (PMS) 2015. I saw myself working again in an organization like in the past masa dekat sekolah. dulu first year selalu rasa pathethic tengok orang lain macam aktif itu ini and you do absolutely NO'ING ( british accent of nothing ahhahah suka kauuu je ) . So aku sukalah melihat diri sendiri do something in this second year hahaha. Oh yaaa there's this one time I applied for a position in UKEC ( siap stay up hantar resume , buat resume , sungguh daku terharu dengan diri sendiri haha ) and attended their interview , though bukan rezeki , I guess Allah did fares a better fate for me ? right?
Have I ever told you how awesome is my Ayyash is? Ayyash is my usrah name - consist of Haziqah - Ajlaa - Haifa - Mira and me , I might just properly known them for about two or three months but these people are the people that I'm so comfortable with to share my thoughts , my fear aside from my family :) Thank you ayyash , I couldn't stand the thoughts that two of us will be graduating from Cardiff very soon :'(
( dengan ayyash takde gambar I don't know why ) hahaha
ticked wish ( might not a wish but yeah ) ( might not even be my wish but who cares hahaha ) list ( kotak bersama right ticked )
ps , seronoknya tulis pakai bullet points hahhahhaha ini pun kau terhibur ( used to only writing in paragraphs so yeah hahaha )
- balik Malaysia though dulu pernah kata taknak balik tiga tahun nak mereput dekat UK , nyata ianya satu kebohongan - feeling syahdu tengok family sambut dekat airport lepas a long long flight London - Jordan - Bangkok sejam - Malaysia , balik rumah and just being at home is peaceful enough weeeeeeeh alaaaaa jangan kang homesick karang T.T , I miss everyone at home ( satgi nak skype dengan Aimi aaaa kuihhh kuihhh )
- attended INTEL , Interaksi bersama alumni SBPI Selandar , which I saw people changed in a good way , envy of course , tapi at the same time rasa macam my heart feels at rest dapat kumpul balik dengan your siblings tho tak cukup korum , it feels nice tengok Machinants grow up , which recently lepak dengan Sany dengan Madjam kat rumah , its like aku tak pernah sangka pun boleh gather dengan small part of Machinants dekat UK - even to see myself in the UK was still a pleasant suprise and rezeki dari Allah.
the part of the INTEL crew.
Missing Ain Nadhirah - Machinants in the UK
- My parents went to umrah last month and knowing that its their forever dream being ticked rasa macam I can sense the joy though I was restraining myself from reporting every single life events dengan mak sendiri , but it just feels good.
- met GE'EF after a year too , tho tak ikut plan asal nak ke Langkawi but we had a good time , sebenarnya aku lalu je fasa nak detach lepas jumpa due to certain reasons , I just knew the girls I've been talking to and with through setahun alam maya in a very good , well being woman now ( i ken krai because i yam no woman here hahahaha )
sending off Ain , missing Ain and Aireen
- went to Cambodia with sets of kewl girls , #beedadariproject was a success alhamdulillah , baru teringat yang someone did asked me about the charity project masa dekat PMS , and I was like " You knew it? " hahahahha sebab I remember bertapa tak berharapnya kitaorang about the donation masa we decided to post it on the social medias , but seeing how generous Malaysians are just amused me ( nangis lagu M.Nasir ahahhahahaha padahal kau cuma tahu lagu Mentera Semerah Padi waakakak )
- I do tutoring for the UPSR students in my hometown , I never thought there's a part inside me that could teach meeeeeyahahahahhaha - I even can count faster now without calculator and I can do science , my brain cells in 2006 still exist and connected kui kui.
so as lay low as I might ( or not ) sounds like , 2015 adalah tahun yang sederhana bagi aku. Sederhana yang aku suka. I guess it did happened in the past macam transition 2007 to 2008 aku ada azam yang sama , to stay low taktahulah it sounds good or not tapi aku sangat suka la hahaha. I interact with people more often - I detached myself from the social medias - I got involved in an organization - I ( partially ) be more matured keh keh part mana matured pun aku taktahu dia ni .
AFTER WRITING THIS POST , changed emotion 358'
( many things popped in mind sepanjang editing the whole post ) I just realized 2015 is actually a fun year ! I did a lot ! OF THINGS ! ( that feeling of KAU TAK BORING SEBENARNYA NAJWA HAHAHAHAHHAHA you still had a good year - good life ) , betullah orang cakap , to make yourself yang selalu rasa hidup tak beruntung tu , cuba duduk kejap and jot down all the blessings , for a second , vanish dah all the negative thoughts yang lingering inside my head waaaaaaa ,
alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for this wonderful 2015 :')
2016? Hopes and resolutions? to be continued. perhaps. kalaulah rajin. kalau. hahah.
Lets walk to 2016 :)