A week in combo set C please?

What a pleasing tittle as I was imagining a KFC set with potato wedges and the cheese , I had KFC twice already ( twice k twice )  sejak balik dari UK , one masa baru touchdown next is my aunt's treat but I totally forgot about the existence of the cheesy wedges , pastu macam berkira kira bila untuk mendapat sebekas kebahagian tidak hakiki itu haha. 

I had a partial hectic week this week. Just got back from Revival of Ramadhan , of all sessions the program offered , what I like most was the talks , except for one talk early in the morning , the first one hour was superb , but not till the second hour , I was wide awake but my thoughts is running away from the ustaz and berlari sampai kehausan di minda hahaha , I was exhausted leuls. 

And a short ceramah from MyCare about Nuzul Quran was my favourite because the ustaz told us about the fun facts Al-Quran , ayat mana paling panjang , the reasoning behind makiyyah and madaniyah , the people back then yang ada authority nak jot down Al-Quran , basically benda yang kau dah tahu , tapi it still the best session for me , I had fun silently answering to the ustaz's question dekat belakang dengan geng geng masjid aicewahs . Not to mention I'm in love with the masjid and the surrounding. I was amused sebab jemaah subuh perempuan tak kurang dari 3/4 saf and the men side , the very least of 5-6 saf and worth noting its weekdays . Banyak kali terngiang kata seorang brother before aku bali dari UK

 '' Ramadhan is an ibadah festival , yang kau takkan kekok nak ajak orang buat kebaikan sebab its a month yang semua orang berlumba buat kebaikan '' 

jadi tersorok dengan bergaya lah agenda kau mengajak umat manusia untuk pulang kepada Allah sebagai orang yang asing tu ( Hadis ) 

We went to communal home where orang orang yang sakit kusta in the past yang dah sembuh duduk , basically we're told that none of their family members want them because of the stigmatize thoughts yang they will get affected if they bring them back home. Aku tak berkesempatan nak dengar the talk from the doctors but from what my friends told me during the reflection , dia cakap orang orang yang sakit kusta ni , its a penyakit kulit where suddenly parts of your body went missing tapi kau tak rasa sakit when it happens , so dia boleh jadi yang macam eh tetiba dah hilang , like noses and eyes . The worst part of it bila dia kata ' diaorang tak rasa sakit ' , masa tu plenty of my friends yang Allah tengah kifarahkan dosa diaorang rasa sangat bersyukur sebab Allah bagi ujian kesakitan tu. Tiba tiba sakit pun menjadi satu nikmat. 

I did spent quite some time talking with one pakcik ni , we stopped him when he was going to perform zuhur , disebabkan serba salah aku pun macam eh takpe pakcik solatlah , but he insisted of staying. And one thing being there is that you need to be cautious with your questions and never to involved any motion pasal family ke , obviously its the most sensitive issue. The pakcik choose to stay at the communal home and he was there since he was 18 and in front of us seorang pakcik yang dah berumur 80+ years old. Banyak kali jugak aku macam pakcik nak solat , solatlah , but he keep telling us stories and we on the other hand kena initiate the question. Dan kau tahu at the moment he's in need of someone yang he can talk to , dia dah signify orang datang dan pergi , there are like 8 beds there and there's only four of them in the ward. He did say yang kenkadang adik dia bawak je dia balik kampung , but now dia banyak stay dekat situ , perhaps dah tak berapa nak kuat to move around. 

Did I mentioned I went there with one of my GE'EF , Hannis Sofea. Piya indeed ada a very soft hearts , berkali jugak aku tengok dia menangis , its not that I can't cry tapi aku macam banyak pause moments , dan on the other hand aku takut kot jadi orang yang hati dah heartless. And writing this down , aku baru rasa yang I'm longing to see myself back the communal home to just spend my day with the patients there and pinjamkan telinga , but at the same untuk aku enhance social skill jugak , sebab kita dah biasa berinteraksi dengan orang sihat , aku macam kelu sebab susah nak berkomunikasi dengan orang yang kurang sihat , at that moment aku rasa macam how wonderful doctors and nurses can be sebab dia kena menyantuni orang orang yang mungkin not in a good state , emotionally , mentally , physically apatah lagi.



Aku rasa aku sangat rindu kot Revival of Ramadhan , antara pilihan dalam kehidupan yang aku tak regret.  I got the insight of Ramadhan yang disebut sekali dalam Quran , ( ayat 185 ) , Allah tak bercakap pasal puasa tapi turunnya Al-Quran semasa Ramadhan. Nak katanya , this is the best time for you to fix back your relation dengan Quran. Mula balik baca Quran. Do anything to have that good relationship dengan Quran. 

Aku suka bila ustaz tu tanya 

' Bila rasa rasanya amalan kita diterima '

and he said ' Bila kita buat sesuatu tu , walaupun dia kecil , kita istiqamah ( doing it without fail )  dengan benda tu ' 

Ayat tu terus snap dalam hati sebab aku dah kira kira apa benda yang aku buat setahun ni yang aku akan buat without fail everyday , I got an answer to it ( sebab jawab sendiri en ) , and from that moment aku tahu yang aku kena jaga satu amalan ( yang insyaAllah we know it ourselves - put our heart into it and do it enthusiastically ) sebab I've been constantly doing it . And to fix and maintain a good relationship dengan Allah , one of the way is to have a good relationship dengan Quran. 

.

I got back from ROR tumpang Kak Akhma , yang aku kenal dari UK tapi tak pernah ada peluang nak kenal dengan dekat , mungkin aku yang potato , sepanjang perjalanan tu bercerita perihal journey dakwah tarbiyah masing masing. Aku pernah mengutarakan kerisauan aku terhadap diri sendiri , like aku akan teruskan tak dakwah dan tarbiyah lepas aku grad nanti , and what amused me is that Kak Akhma first tarbiyah is masa dia dah kerja , and because of that aku ambil kesempatan tu untuk tanya does it bother her , kerja and gerak dalam dakwah at the same time , sebab aku rasa itu kot yang macam kept bugging inside my head , sebab takut tak adil terhadap masa / or sebenarnya kau nak escape manjakan diri sendiri ( haih najwa ) 

Went to Masjid Besi for the very first time in my life. Masih amused dengan how beautiful and nicely done open air masjid. Cantik weh , dia macam satu hasil seni masjid yang lain dari lain , mungkin masjid juga nak hispter hahah. 

Sampai je Melaka , this week aku kira sekali je kot eh aku buka dekat rumah , twice dekat sekolah ayah . I did my terawih yesterday dekat sekolah ayah di mana aku bersama seorang adik ni je makmum perempuan. Ayah macam aku gak , ada geng kah kah seperti anaknya  , but it seems like he's the most senior among the group , there's like four to five families and they're mostly can be categorised as a group of Kelantanese teachers , aku taktahu camno pakcik Nazari boleh terhipstur ( stands out ) dekat situ. Not to mention anak anak cikgu lain ni semua kecil kecil amomom guwe aja yang terlebih gedek di situ , mungkin taraf mak budak hahaha. 

I fall in love with quran recitation by the imam for both isyak and terawih , indirectly making me ponder ciri ciri seorang suami yang aku nak , like selama ni selalunya bersifat duniawi ( like caring . attentive and all ) aku hampir saja terlupa skema jawapan ciri ciri suami idaman , is when he can be a good imam with hafalan yang jauh lagi banyak dari aku , aku kalau tolak An- Naba' and Al-Mulk insyaAllah boleh kot lepas the least of 10 - 15 ayat hewwws ahhaha. Itu pun boleh confuse dengan surah lain ( emoticon tangisan berlagu pilu ) . Nak taknak , kau nak a very good ticket for you to be qualified to heaven , and indirectly satu booster untuk jadi the good person yourself. Like siapa eh taknak lelaki baik? tapi kau kalau perangai tak semenggah anis najwa , boleh kot baikkan diri sendiri dulu. 

Oh pastu pagi tadi bangun bangun gelabah sebab baru teringat kena present course presentation for Seeds of Deed camp which jika committee tak ingatkan , daku masih dibuai angin kipas di pagi hari hahaha , alhamdulillah I got like minutes to strengthen my head. I missed datelines for lots of things tah ini mungkin kerana banyak gila semut dalam bilik kah kah kaitan , video lambat submit , feedback lambat bagi what some more , then tadi tetiba committee IM for Projek Kalsom module presentation and I was like , seperti biasa gelabah ayammmmmmmm sebab I was eh bila presentation ni when on the other hand banyak benda tak sorted out. Whats even funnier , I put em' on a list but still forgot astaga najwa . And by the way I'm meeting the person who've been in charged with my internship application esok , doakan kalau kalau ada yang membaca.

Btw waktu Ramadhan ni kot rasanya we can really feel time flies real fast , Ramadhan is going towards the end , and I wonder do I make a full use of it already this year? 

well , that's the whole story of the combo set C for the week. I'm that boring and gelabah ayam heh? Nay I'm not kau kenapa merapu secara tiba tiba. Bye. For now. 

update ; sekarang dah baca sampai surah Al - Ghafir which means pengampunan if I'm not wrong. Just read through Az-Zumar , which means rombongan , like the previous surah I finally found kenapa Allah bagi nama ' rombongan ' sebab at the very end Allah bercerita tentang orang yang secara ramai ramai ibarat rombongan masuk ke dalam neraka and penjaga neraka tanya ' Takdok ka orang bagi peringatan masa hang dekat dunia ' ironically they answered ' ada ' and Allah sambung lagi , ada juga rombongan beramai ramai masuk ke dalam syurga , dan diucapkan kata kata selamat sejahtera ke atas mereka. Which indirectly saying Allah tak cakap sorang dua je masuk syurga , Allah kata rombongan manusia masuk syurga , which means kita ada peluang untuk bersama dengan rombongan of the eternal happiness tu. 

What you have in your bag?

Okay post ni sebenarnya sangat mengada ngada but I'm still doing it anyway hahah , I'm travelling to Banting today sebab belum jumpa lagi acik nenek sejak balik tempoh hari ( wuwuw kau guna tempoh hari wu wu wu wu  ) haha . Pastu aku kenkadang kalau view youtube tu , selain check episode baru upin ipin , aku kenkadang suka jugak tengok vloggers ( first cam eih annoying pehal dia ni ) yang buat video like what they have inside their bag . 

Aku rasa isi bag secara generalnya berbeza mengikut purpose kau nak kemana , like kalau pi travel my handbag mesti ada organizer ( bukan sejenis buku tapi sejenis beg kecil with compartments sebab aku tahu sel otak aku selalunya complex dan beg sangat selalu bersepah dengan semua barang jumbles up , so organizer is definitely on the list and aku biasa rela je handbag berat with all the stuff macam ubat - quran - passport - minyak wangi - spectacles - selfie stick padahal ni jarang pakai sebab malas nak bukak - notebook and pens - powerbank - mi pad , sejenis kawan ipad you can call it haha - dawai berselirat - purse and book , at least , kadang kau takdelah membaca pun sangat tapi aku nak ada satu buku dalam beg yang boleh diselak tatkala terlalu banyak tidur dalam kenderaan hur hur. - and yeah my Nokia phone jugak with earphones , with S yeah sebab phone ni lain , mi pad lain kah kah , plus earphone selalu kalau travel dia automatic mogok , time tulah nak terputus segala benda ngehh.

So selepas mukkadimah panjang berjela , lets look to my eiuuu gelinya tulis benda ni hahah the stuff I have inside my bag



I don't shop much this year as I'm saving for something else -  so having this at the very end of second year is really a satisfaction. And this should be my third back pack here , I'm giving the second to Aimi and the first one fits for travelling because it has an extension compartment to it. Bought two during first year and perhaps this Cath Kidston will be the last backpack I bought here. 

I don't usually bring a big book if I'm travelling sebab makan space but since this is a short haul journey , and there's not much to bring , I guess I can bring along that book because I need to finish it asap leuls . Lets make some close up picture heh? 

There you go , from the very bottom , 

  1. After You sequel Me Before You. Its quite depressing at start. 
  2. Then My mi pad .
  3. My Quran. I bought it in Winter 2014 , during my first travelling diary to Scotland , it was indeed one of my best purchase sebab aku rasa sangat bonded dengan Quran ni , they provide hadith related to the ayat inside the Quran plus with all the asbab nuzul ( reason why the ayat diturunkan ) , dulu selalu macam tengok orang mark dia punya quran dengan banyak stickers and I did the same , tapi sebab sekarang dah habis sticker tu  , aku akan pindahkan sticker bagi ayat yang aku dah lupa perasaan dia masa aku tanda and letak dekat ayat baru yang aku reflect lebih sikit. 
  4. My powerful powerbank , tu investment yang baik gak boleh tahan , I bought it right before nak fly pi UK , it cost me RM 150 with one year warranty , my very first powerbank sebab masa tu gak baru ada very first hand , handphone Xiaomi Mi3 tu ( Mi3 pun ada dalam beg namun diguna pakai untuk mengambil gambar ) . ( 10k MAH ) It charges up to three times full untuk phone and ada dua output so aku boleh charge phone sekali dengan camera / mi pad at one time . Ada orang cakap mahal tapi aku takdelah nak kisah apa sebab aku suka gila powerbank tu sebab dia macam cantik satu , silver yang cantiklah namun jika cantik tapi tak berguno buek po , pastu dia ringan compared to other powerbank so senang nak bawak kemana mana , kadang kalau aku malas bawak beg pun , it fits nicely dalam pocket. 
  5. My perfume , this one is a new scent for me , aku selalu pakai body mist je , body shop gak aaa , usually pakai Vanilla scent sebab suka diri sendiri bau donut kah kah , tapi sebab last time aku pi body shop dia ada promotion eau de toilette + body mist + shower gel cost £22 , so aku apa lagi , terus menyambar tanpa menoleh , satgi close up the scent name , sedap gak aaa bau dia , aku suka. 
  6. My purse - its my birthday present , Bella gave it to me last year. Usually aku tak suka pun bawak purse besar besar tu kalau aku dalam area Cardiff or pergi area dekat dekat sebab usually aku akan letak semua jenis card and duit dalam small porch yang aku beli tah kat mana mana haha , sebab its much easier that way plus its not bulky like purse do. Tapi nak taknak kenalah bawak balik segala jenis license , id's semua dalam tu . 


Japanese Cherry Blossom from body shop. 


Antara investment aku yang worth it , is this mi pad. Have I told you I'm a loyal Xiaomi user. I have their action Yi Camera walaupun not fully bawah xiaomi , a Xiaomi Mi3 ( phone )  and Xiaomi Mi Pad , even my selfie stick is Xiaomi's . Despite bunyi macam kucing and orang macam apa xiao what? Aku beli mipad last summer , after a year pakai Mi3 , Mi3 aku stock macam nokia gak kot jenis yang jatuh sembilan puluh tiga kali pun dia masih in a very good condition alhamdulillah , aku rasa aku memang tak reti sangat handle benda fragile , so xiaomi and the protections yang aku beli sesuai sangatlah kot untuk orang macam aku. And pakai setahun aku suka je phone aku jarang sangat lah dia nak lag ke apa , plus aku ni jumud sikit eh kot part technology so bila tengok camera a good pixel and indeed gambar gambar semua cantik and detail , makanya aku rasa aku suka Xiaomi secara keseluruhannya. I even bought two phone Xiaomi for both my sister and my mom October lepas  , and they kinda like it so yeah aku buat pakatan xiaomi sekeluarga hahaha



not to forget this tiny little thing that works best anywhere sebab aku selalu develop pening dalam benda yang bergerak , so aku sangat memerlukan benda camni untuk macam k berehat sikit kepala. 

so thats all for now la kot sebab tengah rush nak balik kampung har har , bye ! 



Is dakwah and tarbiyah being selective?

Disebabkan aku menulis dalam jarak masa yang dekat , some of my points might be repetitive. I mentioned earlier that I will be attending a camp next week organized by Ikram UK- Eire. Revival of Ramadhan , bolehlah click the link attached jika berminat ecehhhh. 

( astaga sepuluh tahun nak tunggu gambar load dekat FB ) 

According to the record , this will be my first time attending program here in Malaysia. Last year nyata aku blur tahap ayam plus logistically its hard for me to commute and I don't have that strength to ask my parents nak keluar ke sana ke mari dengan sangkaan awal yang they won't allow me since aku dah setahun tak balik rumah padahal kalau tanya , banyak je potential untuk pergi. 

So since its my first time , and insyaAllah akan jadi faci ( being a faci doesn't make you look holier ke banyak ilmu ke dari yang lain sebab kadang aku rasa cabaran and pressure jadi faci tu lagi hebat dari segi kena jadi contoh yang indirectly walk her talk and nak taknak kena lagi bersedia dari orang lain sebab people may expect something from you , well at least menjawab paling tidak satu soalan. Kot . Back to having that its my first time , sedikit sebanyak aku berkobarlah jugak nak ajak seramai mana orang lagi lagi kawan aku dekat Malaysia even though its originally for UK-Eire student . Reasons di sebalik kenapa aku nak ajak kawan kawan aku dekat Malaysia is that aku nak indirectly bagi the same feeling macam aku pernah rasa dulu , aku nak kenalkan diaorang dengan chances of meeting a good surrounding , dia bukan sekadar baik tapi membina , membina dan insyaAllah tak menghukum , yang menghargai masa silam kau tapi pada masa yang sama make you move forward to be a better you , sebab boleh jadi aku sebagai kawan tak pernah offer surrounding yang membina peribadi ke arah yang lebih baik ( selalu pro bab buat lawak hambar skala tembikai ) 

Kau faham ke eh benda yang kita suka gila tahap nak orang rasa kebaikan dia sekali ? 

Zone keselesaan 

Aku pernah hidup being judgemental to people yang buat dakwah , sebab aku rasa orang orang ni selalu being selective to 'their' group of people , using jargons of words yang boleh buat aku pause apa sebenarnya dia nak sampaikan , kau faham ke macam baca novel English , despite dia pakai perkataan don't like , dia pergi letak loathe LIKE APA SUSAH KAU NAK TULIS DISLIKE KE AKU BOLEH DIRECT TRANSLATE , but later I understand the words they're using lebih fit in their statements. Dan overtimes , itu pun perkataan yang dia dah selesa pakai. Tapi I have this side of me yang draw a fine line between my target audience , untuk pakai perkataan yang aku rasa sejahtera dengan jiwa rebel aku dulu. Aku kenkadang ada je perasaan selesa berada dalam zon dakwah dan tarbiyah lagi lagi kalau kau duduk dengan orang yang two four seven pakai perkataan yang baik baik , akhlak pun reflect apa yang Quran nak , and most of the time akan pakai je perkataan yang lebih serve its meaning. As for me myself , aku taknak selalu duduk dalam zon selesa tu , each time aku menulis over reflection sesuatu perkara , aku nak pakai perkataan yang ( aku rasa ) tak being selective towards the audience. 

Its for anyone , anywhere , anybody 

Sebab aku faham dan aware yang ada orang tak terdedah pun pada dakwah dan tarbiyah , dakwah dan tarbiyah yang aku cakap bebanyak dalam post ni berkisarkan kefahaman dalam beragama , I mean bukan sekadar kau tahu sedekah tu benda baik , tapi sedikit sebanyak kau tahu kenapa kau bersedekah , which indirectly nak cakap pasal dakwah yang membina personaliti kau sesuai dengan apa yang agama nak. Aku mungkin cakap macam berbelit boleh tahan tapi bagi aku tulis penuh penuh dulu. 

Dan aku nak orang yang ada limited access to dakwah dan tarbiyah ni kalau dia nampak apa yang aku kongsi akan rasa sejahtera dengan hati dia , supaya dia takde perasaan yang ' heh orang ni baik bolehlah nak sembang dengan orang serupa dia ' . Teringat Remy Ishak dalam Nur Kasih , antara diaolog dia pasal ' kalau orang masjid nak berdakwah dekat orang yang dah kenal agama je siapa nak cater orang yang rasa 'hilang' ni ' , not the exact wording tak kesimpulannya macam itulah. 

And above all , aku nak orang orang rasa yang dakwah ni tak being selective pun. Macam kalau kau sembang dengan kawan kau yang pandai berbicara dalam bahasa F , faa faku fasu faka fama fakan faa fayam fago fareng eh camni eh bahasa F eh aku pun tak tahu , which golongan kau dan kerabat je faham , macam tu juga orang yang dah selesa pakai perkataan akhwat , ikhwah , ana , enti dengan orang yang pakai perkataan yang sama. Kenapa kita ( kita merujuk pada sesiapa yang akan terasa sewaktu membaca hahaa ) akan rasa ana enti akhwat ikhwah je kita akan macam memandang serong dengan pandangan euww bajet beragama padahal kau lek je kelompok sebelah kau guna carutan tak berpenghujung dalam tiap perkataan sampai tidak dapat dibezakan adakah itu perbualan atau pencarutan keseluruhannya. 

Orang kata dekat Malaysia nilah waktu nak test berkesan tak apa yang kau didakwah dan ditarbiyahkan sepanjang sembilan bulan di UK.

terima kasih sebab tak pernah give up dengan kita :')


Berkongsi perasaan 

Dan aku tak nak simpan perasaan indah Allah dekatkan pada agama tu sorang sorang. Sebab masa aku pertama kali dengar pasal Penyaksian Syahadah , brother tu tanya dekat siapa sebenarnya kita kena sebarkan kebaikan ni , aku seperti biasa menjadi pemikir hispter leuls , boleh je nak sebut family and friends , tapi aku kata aku nak sebarkan kebaikan pada orang yang aku sayang. Sebab biasa orang yang kita sayang ni level dia lain. Cth ada kawan kita macam biasa biasa je , sekadar pernah satu sekolah dan dah tak bertegur sapa , sayang tu adalah tapi tak sampai kita nak lebihkan dia dalam semua perkara tapi ada kawan yang kita sayang dia tahap yang kita nak tons of kebaikan untuk orang tu , and bila kau sayang , kau akan put more effort dalam nak bagi kebaikan tu pada dia , brother tu rasanya tanya balik , ' what about yang kita tak sayang ? ' dan aku cuma mampu jawab , moga ada orang lain yang sayang dia pastu do exactly the same as I do kah kah motif kan. 

* I fall asleep in between writing this post and I've been developing the same sleeping pattern for the past few days and bangun bangun confius eh dah sahur ke padahal baru pukul 10-11 and tak tidur lama pun leuls * 

so berbalik pada core issue of the post , aku sedang melatih diri sendiri untuk menulis menggunakan jargon yang diterima oleh semua kawan kawan alam maya aku , aku nak bagi diaorang perasaan yang they definitely have chance atau ada platform to make changes in their life. Setiap kali aku nak tulis satu satu benda aku akan macam fikir , eh orang ni boleh dapat tak rasanya , orang ni boleh assimilate tak eh benda ni , jadilah orang yang menulis dan mengambil kira penerimaan orang sekelilingnya. Susah weh uhuks. 

Me in the past ( even present )

Aku jahil weh dedulu , aku rasa kalau aku bukan pengawas ke dulu aku mesti akan jadi antara manusia yang rebel , teringat kena group dengan orang orang yang dilihat bermasalah masa satu motivational camp islamik la cemtu back in 2010 padahal aku pengawas kot time tu ( dan untuk aku berada dalam kelompok tu rasa macam eh pehal , nampak sangat akak yang target aku tu rasa aku ada masalah hur hur ) , dari situ aku developed hatred terhadap golongan pendakwah , mana tidak , sampai sekarang kalau orang nyanyi terjemahan surah as-syams aku macam tingling sikit dalam hati sebab tu lagu tema camp tu wakaakak.

dan to soften the cold kerikil heart was not an easy path as well , tapi eventually aku deep down merasa sangat tak layak sebab Allah macam handpick aku and letak aku dalam situasi yang sangat membina roh aku balik , nak katanya aku tak baik kot dulu even sekarang , tapi I got that chance. 

Mungkin dakwah dan tarbiyah hanya boleh bercambah di negara yang punya 4 musim?

I used to think yang dakwah mungkin hanya being selective geographically , I mean it works best in the UK sebab kau free to move around , commuting to daurah ( majlis ilmu dekat luar kawasan kau ) seems relatively easy , and nak nak pulak kau fresh sampai UK , tambah dengan keazaman , for some people memang dia nak turn over the new leaves , and perubahan tu rasa smooth je sebab kau kat tanah baru , mungkin juga dekat tanah yang orang tak pernah kenal kau , so kau rasa kalau kau berubah kat oversea adalah benda yang tak aneh. Tapi lama lama , aku rasa benda ni tak lah selective secara geografi sangat pun sebab ada je orang remains stagnant in their position , later aku develop theory dekat diri sendiri yang dakwah dan tarbiyah boleh bercambah and grow healthily dalam jiwa orang yang mencari. I mean kau boleh mencari ' what's lacking in between you and the religion' kat mana jua kau berada , jadi aku nak jadi sebahagian manusia yang boleh trigger jiwa mencari dalam orang lain. 

mungkin pada orang yang pernah kenal aku intimately , akan macam question sikit what makes najwa , najwa yang sekarang . Yang mungkin dah kurang mencarut kuikui. Aku dulu tak automatic pun jiwa mencari tu , aku observe manusia sekeliling aku , like pehal dia ni baik gila doh , like kenapa dia ni menjatuhkan dan mehilangkan sangkaan buruk aku , and that's where aku sikit sikit rasa yang there's something lacking in me yang ada dekat orang orang ni , jadi aku yang intially pasif and jenis laid back seperti kekura mulalah bertanding di dalam arena kekura dan si arnab miahaha.

You gotta make steps out of it ; its not some sorts of magic FYI  

Slow slow , start dengan constant baca quran , kenal Quran ada berapa banyak surah , mula baca tafsir , mula train diri sendiri solat di awal waktu , mula nak tahu little detail of the religion , mula tengok Umar Series , mula baca buku buku ilmiah. Awat nampak cam senang ja ni? padahal reality nya non of those seems easy sampai sekarang , tapi kau slow slow aaa progress . 

At the end of the day , aku nak balik kampung syurga , nak balik sebagai orang yang asing , nabi pernah sebut dalam hadis yang Islam ni datang dan pulang secara asing maka beruntunglah orang orang yang asing tu . So indirectly saying dakwah dan tarbiyah tu indeed in nature being selective , sebab asing is equal to minority , minority are usually the selective one's ke tu logic aku je . 

Its not about you in the past , its creating you in the future. 

But that is only a part of it meeeeeehhhh , sebab kalau dakwah tu being selective ikut personality manusia mungkin dulu hatt Abu Bakar yang lembut , Uthman Affan yang elok pekerti je , dan Ali yang bijaksana je lah kot Allah bagi nikmat tarbiyah / Islam dekat diaorang . ( aku tengah fikir apa perkataan nak gantikan tarbiyah ni wuiii susahnya T.T ) , tapi Allah bagi jugak nikmat Islam pada Encik Umar Al Khattab yang hatta setangggg pun takut dengan dia , bengis , ada masa silam bunuh orang dengan sengaja , you see he is one of the 'bad kind of guy' in the past and he ended up as one of the khulafa' arrrasyidin . Kalau tarik sikit balik garis masa , dalam Quran cerita banyak pasal nabi Musa , figura yang gagap dalam berkata kata , yang pernah juga membunuh orang tanpa sengaja , yang dihanyutkan di sungai dan membesar dalam suasana kejahatan Firaun , nak kata surrounding dia tak mampu membina pun personality kebaikan , tapi Allah bagi dia a big responsibility as a nabi to spread dakwah. Comel weh nabi Musa ni , kau bayangkan kau pegang tongkat pastu Allah suruh baling tetiba tongkat kau jadi ular , hahaha mahu tak terloncat kau kat situ eh pehal jadi ular. Allah record kot cerita nabi Musa in detail and paling banyak dalam Quran among other nabi , yang nabi Musa ni takut aaa eh pehal tongkat aku ni eihhhh , tapi Allah pujuk balik ' Jangan takut ' ( Boleh rujuk tafsir ayat ayat awal Surah Taha :) ) 

Nak katanya , dakwah and tarbiyah is not being selective on who you are in the past , you can be anyone , anywhere , tapi once he gave you an insight of a clear staright pathway , then grab it while you can sebab takut je kita jadi orang yang menyalahkan yang hahh dakwah ni untuk orang orang yang dah baik je . Boleh jadi orang orang yang dah baik yang kau nampak sekarang ni , in the past orang yang berusaha weh untuk jadi dia yang sekarang. 

Islam tu agama rahmat , pada semua orang di muka bumi , dan pernah seseorang ni share pasal ayat keluasan syurga sebesar langit dan bumi ( Al Hadid : 21 )  nak kata nya its more than enough to accomodate manusia di bumi , and indirectly dia macam satu peluang yang you definitely have one spot to grab for you , more spots to be offered to the people surround you. Takut takut yang sebenarnya being selective tu bukan dakwah dan tarbiyah , tapi sebenarnya kita . 
Recently I discovered this new cartoon of Didi and Friends and I kept singing ' Pak Atan ada kucing , nama dia  bingo , B I N G O , B I N G O meow meow ' It was annoying and I found it absurd but guess what , that kinda stuck in my head and every time I sing it I will be laughing at myself and nayyy 

* minum air jap before imsak *

Internship 

so remember my two previous post when I badly want an internship and was hoping that any firms will give me that opportunity , by the time I wrote that , it was mere expression without any action taken but yesterday , after pushing my mom to get me any lawyer's number hahahaha that's the only though since she will definitely try to seek one and the firm will be in Melaka . Because I don't really think I want to spend my summer away from home , stranded in that busy Kuala Lumpur ( because when I googled any potential firms for internship , they will either be in Selangor or Kuala Lumpur ) . Right before Subuh yesterday , I sent an email with my attached CV to a law firm in Melaka and ( anxious ) ( pastu pergi rumah nenek dah lupa dah pasal anxiety tu ) ( I wasn't really hoping neither I give that application so much thoughts ) ( trying to sleep since I am awake since the previous night ) ( finally sleeping yeay ) ( bangun solat zuhur ) , and after zuhur I got an email saying that they accepted me to do internship at their firm. 

* jaw dropped * 

Aku antara manusia noob yang tak pernah bekerja. Mungkin atas faktor aku jarang berada di rumah sedari 13 tahun , aku rasa I'm fully utilised bila aku balik ke pangkuan keluarga , so instead of working with anybody outside there , I think my family even myself lebih rasa nak berkhidmat di rumah , house chores , tutoring your brothers plus I don't really drive because I don't feel like doing it. ( alasan berjela nak justified leuls najwa ) . So this is totally a whole new experience for me. 

Cardiff tak letak pun internship as a part of the course requirement , and our course are more theoritical basis rather than practical so basically there's no need pun to do internship whatsoeva . Tapi I think I need that added value sebab I've been thinking about what ways I can familiarise myself with the law system in Malaysia sebab nak taknak nanti kau balik kau akan berkhidmat dengan any firms in Malaysia , kalau nak start the gear masa CLP , that sounds pretty late , plus kau dah laid back and relax lepas graduate. I talk to my mom about my anxiety , yang kadang aku rasa aku berlapang dada je nak terima kerja luar dari apa yang aku belajar , but she perhaps think yang its such a waste sebab aku belajar jauh jauh. Mengapa aku yang berlapang dada di sini hahaha , selamat datang ke dunia kematangan bila mana kau menerima yang tak semua benda will fall into places like you wished for. kuikui

and plus everyone else is doing internship as well , budak accounting lagilah , with all the big firms , I'm szo jellybean if I stay in my comfort zone. 

So currently I'm discussing with the firm , when will be the best time for me to do the internship since dah half occupied for July and August , pastu next week insyaAllah will be joining Revival of Ramadhan. This is so new to me , neither my family sebab if I'm studying locally , dia macam by hook or by crook , practical ke intern is a part of your course requirement , tapi this is a slightly different case. Anyone happened to read through , send me doa banyak banyak please supaya anxiety level at least merudum la sesikit.

Buka semalam p/s * ahhahaha comelnya najwa heading haha *

Oh yeah I got my murtabak rose yesterday , this legendary murtabak rose had set a high bench untuk rasa sekeping murtabak. I tasted like many kinds of murtabak before but none of them taste best like murtabak rose. I bought murtabak once in Cardiff  sebab mengidam sembilan bulan punya pasal and the taste / textures are quite different , the vinegar and onion gravy , gravy ke kita panggil dia smells quite strong , I mean the vinegar , pastu sebab penjual dia mintak feedback , aku nak taknak teringatlah kuah bawang murtabak rose ni , the taste and smell is never overwhelming so aku komenlah kata yang perhaps boleh kurangkan bau , sebab aku pernah encounter dalam hidup kuah bawang yang smooth leuls.  

I'm still struggling with my sleep though , I thought semalam it gets better , but I end up waking at 2 am , pastu macam mengapa kau terjaga semula anis najwa , but guess what , perhaps that's Allah's subtle way nak invite buat doa bebanyak in the middle of the night. Lagipun senang lepas tu terus memasak and kejut orang sahur. Aim puasa tahun ni ; ease my moms burden so she won't cook for sahur , I will hew hew.

Struggle seorang ubi kentang 

Oh yeah , lagi satu , my father told me that we will have our iftar esok dekat rumah kawan dia. That was pretty fine sebab aku dah selalu jumpa pun kawan dia dan anak anaknya , which basically takde baya aku , dan aku akan menjadi ketang yang janggal esok. But whats even harder for me is the day after that sebab bukak puasa dekat community centre of the village ohmio my last time adalah right before I flew off to the UK maigads camne ni weh huwaaaaaaa and that was like two years or three years ago , plus no one ever talk to me , despite I'm being super talkative in nature , aku masih seekoq ubi kentang yang awkward when it comes to the community where I'm living , aku pernah je kot dengar ura ura ornag mengatakan aku seorang yang sombong. Nak buek camno , aku tak dewasa dekat rumah , like most of the time luar rumah , I'll be needing Aimi at least. Baliklah tidaklah kita terpinga pinga T.T 

Enufff with your ramblings ,  marilah mandi pepagi and subuh. Adios migosamosa ehey sedapnya samosa. 

Life is a transaction.

Daku sedang mengelak untuk tidur lepas subuh so I better jot this thing down. 

I'm currently drafting on my module for my upcoming volunteering project , well I've been like ( slightly ) active this year , been developing interest towards volunteering project , because I hate it whenever I'm thinking about I need to do some changes but things end up dengan frasa seperti ' I'm no one and apa lah sangat kesan a very small unheard voice unseen action '

I remember how a short powerful phrase kept bugging inside my head uttered by a brother 

' We may not change their life overnight , in fact very little that we do to make their life change , but to the very least , we changed our hearts '

Cukup deep , sebab hati sangat memerlukan latihan demi latihan for it to be able to be the sensitive heart that care. Sebab at the very end we may still choose to not do anything sebab benda macam ni takde pun kesan buruk kalau kita tak buat , and we know sometimes giving is not about changing others , its changing you to a better you. 

So the module I took seems like the 'avoided' one ( sebab dia antara module yang kosong lols orang tak ambik mengapa kalian tinggalkan daku dengan pilihan ini hahahah )  sebab I was quite late in choosing sebab I was like pausing for a little while , ingat nak ambik module yang sama as the other project but I was too late and the fact that aku rasa nak ubah angin and nak challenge kepala supaya berfikir lebih sikit , I decided to take a module berkisarkan the need of making sacrifices in order to achieve something. It also revolves around steps / suggestion to make wise decision. Disebabkan the target audience will be students , and we might as well need to expect yang some students might not get kalau kita letak idea besar gila depan diaorang dan rungkaikan. Its seems wrong to start with sebab aku rasa aku nak keep it simple , but at the same time you get all the logic. Sebab at the end of the day meskipun kau kata nak mengubah hati kau sendiri instead of hati orang lain , nak taknak kau mesti macam nak gak people get something from what you're trying to tell them. Kalaulah semua berfikiran seperti melepaskan batok di tangga , mengajar sekadar untuk melepaskan tapi bukan untuk memahamkan , that sounds pretty frustrating ey? 

I made a simple analogy of 

You want to buy an ice cream that cost you RM 2.00 

Image result for berbagai ais krimImage result for berbagai ais krimImage result for berbagai ais krim
sumber google dengan *  key search  berbagai ais krim * hahaah 

( Hampir saja aku menyebut pound setiap kali berfikir hahahha we're back to ringgit Najwa ) 

In order to get the ice cream ( Its your current goal / cravings ) , you need to loose RM 2.00 . 

That sounds pretty straight forward analogy , whats with the fuss , its only RM 2.00 kot , sometimes you got even more pocket money boleh siap beli Magnum berperisa Vanilla , since last time dekat Selandar , siapa beli Magnum dia kaya. hahahhaha sebab orang boleh siap beli nasi lemak dengan ayam plus air sirap for RM 3+ I bet , tapi kau telah menggunakan RM 4.00 untuk sebatang kemanisan yang berpenghujung hahahha. Setakat ice cream cikai dua ringgit apa lah sangat. 

But sadly , life isn't that straight forward , not that technical either. 

What if , you're placed in a situation where you only have 20 cents in your pockets , so that's where you need to choose and sacrifice one of those choices , either you work to get that RM 2.00  or you gave up one your cravings. 

For some people , they might just opt to gave up on their cravings dengan momokan ice cream punca obesiti kerana kemanisan melampaui batas , jugak mempunyai sekarung gula yang memerlukan sembilan pusingan padang untuk dihilangkan , what if the one who badly want the ice cream is not you , but your dearest mother / father / sisters / your loved one. That's when it gets tougher sebab the decision you're going to make in your life , over times concerns others more than it concerns you , and sebab manusia ni complex gila , dia blend in all the emotions that may hold you back from giving up , but to push you forward , to work things out , by hook or by crook kena jugak beli that RM 2.00 ice cream because someone will be happy if you get them the ice cream. 

ada masa kau akan stuck in a position yang kau taknak pun benda tu tapi surrounding kau seems lively when you make such decision , you might found yourselves struggling with what steps shall you take in order to have RM 2.00 tu tadi. Some people are lucky enough , they have a simple way out , perhaps by asking someone else , sebab it looks like a very small amount pun. 

Tapi for some people out there , even a ten cent matters in their life , so angka kecil yang aku letak dekat sini is to encourage people not to underestimate little problems yang perhaps orang lain hadap dalam hidup diaorang. I want people to learn to appreciate yang every single person on the earth ada struggle masing masing and even struggle to picisan gila dekat mata kau , somebody boleh tak tidur malam fikir macam mana nak deal with your-so-called-small-problems. 

This is where I'm trying to invite the audience to find ways on how to get that ice cream , its can be either you work to earn , or even you yourself make an ice cream yourselves sebab its much easier plus lebih nilai diletak pada ais krim yang dibuat sendiri . 

( shall consider circumstances points macam - what if that RM 2.00 ice cream is a special edition of ice cream tebu bersalut keju eiu hahha ) ( atau mungkin semua orang memang berkejaran nak beli ice cream yang sama , takkan hengko tak teringin en? takkan nak hipster * stands out * sensorang tak beli ice cream yang sama , kita harus ikut trend miahahhaa )

sebab at some points , you might consider sebenarnya worth it ke tidak aku berusaha sesungguh untuk ice cream Malaysia dalam plastik jernih yang berharga RM 2.00 hanya kerana rasa ice cream milo nya rasa seperti air milo di van milo hahahahhaha sedap weh air van milo dia letak apa . Atau sebenarnya boleh diusahakan sendiri ice cream sebegitu rupa instead of kerja sapu lantai kedai kopi Pak Leman dan mendapat upah 20 sen sehari dan kerja selama sepuluh hari. Tapi jika ada species seperti Pak Leman yang hanya memberi upah menyapu kedai kopi sebesar satu gelanggang sepak takraw dengan upah hanya sebanyak 20 sen , mohon ditangkap pihak berkuasa miahahhahaa. 

At the end of the day , I might summarise yang life can be in a form of transaction. Transaction in real life tak berbunyi semudah mengeja - nya . Kadang nak beli susu anak berharga RM 24.50 ( ini tarikh birthday aku , hakikatnya aku tidak punya anak juga tidak mengetahui harga susu pasaran ) tampak mudah pada keluarga yang ada satu tanggungan dengan gaji melebihi RM 5000.00 , tapi dia tak mudah pada keluarga yang ada dua puluh atau lebih tanggungan dengan gaji yang sama. 

On surface dia nampak cam alahai , but beneath a transaction , there might be a blend of emotions in your decision to spend  , the logic , kadang kalau fikir kau dah tua kenapa nak minum susu - kira bukan keperluan kau pun susu tu , tapi dia keperluan dan kebahagian anak anak kau , takkanlah kau sampai hati tak belikan susu anak pulak kan?  

And I hope I might present the idea well so that there's something to be pondered upon by the students by the time they stop at kedai runcit nak beli ais krim kah kah kah. Ponderlah kau kat situ lama lama dik dek kerana idea akak ahahhaha. Hidup harus berfikir. hahaha. Marilah jadi golongan pemikir ( acah hahahhahahhaha ) 

Home after 9 months

* malas letak gambar sebab it took quite some time to upload em' *

After such a long haul journey from Cardiff to Melaka , I'm finally settling down ( faster than I thought ) in the place I call home. Many things had been running through my head for the past few months like mungkin awkward ke ( kah kah ) because you little brother growing up so fast but it turns out , he may be physically grown up but to me , he's still my little brother who still talk random things with me. 

Flying with Qatar 

The flight was a pleasant one except for the long hours. Kadang tu rasa macam nak thousand times pusing masuk toilet lama lama and explore things yang ada dalam toilet baik dari the tissues , wipes , or even an eau de toilette they provide which basically makes you smell like a lemon ( which smells exactly the same like a fresh unused toilet hur hur ) ( such an effort to describe the smell of the perfume haha )

I was contemplating at first nak puasa tak on the second flight since we arrived Doha somewhere around 6 am , board again at 8.15 am like that , but I decided not to , kita menggunakan rukhsah aicewah , pastu I tend to get dehydrated a lot on the plane so each time celik je I'll push the attention button dengan suara serak basah ' Can I get a cup of water ' which kadang tu tersasul jadi a cup of tea and I was like jap one two three second ' eh no , water please ' . This time around alhamdulillah takde motion sickness , after countless of plane rides I'm totally used to this plane thingy hur hur . To many more plane rides in the future * cheers air masak * haha. Previously I don't really watch movies on the plane sebab selalu mabuk dulu before you even bothered to touch the screen to see what they offered but as for this time , tengoklah balik Zootopia then Kungfu Panda 3 , The 5th Wave right before the first plane landed sebab first flight macam tak boleh nak tidur sangat sebab I slept through my journey from Cardiff to Heathrow . And my last movie was Ariel the Little Mermaid , watch only like 15 minutes and the rest was a history. But most of the time Quran recitation works best on me whenever tetiba pening nak kena tidur , its soothing and you don't need your eyes to look at the screen haha.

The food was not bad , I still prefer Malaysia Airlines . There's like this one time they offered rice with fish but I still prefer sausages and omelette amboi tekak kau takde lagi westernised. My brother gave me that ew kau melayu kot when I said the sambal sotong for iftar just was spicy. Kau kena faham guwe setahun prefer sos tomato dari sos cili. Kalau cili pun nak sweet chili haha. 

Home. 

Your body kinda have that automatic switch , balik terus automatic jadi balik kakak dalam rumah. Though kekok sikit camne nak basuh kangkung hahaha aku setahun tau tak jumpa kangkung so I was like pause dekat sinki , ' bu ni camne nak basuh ni satu satu ke haha ' . I spent this morning cleaning the mess created by the monkeys in the kitchen  , I thought they disappeared and aku sudah mula berburuk sangka dengan seekor kucing putih sebab aku ingat dia punya angkara , not till my parents said that it was the monkey as cats wont break the eggs , that sounds logic to me hahaha.  Walked to Rumah Nenek , jumpa atuk nenek pastu jumpa makcik with the new addition to the family. I never met her since she was born in December . Pastu walk back to the house , and take random selfies , I hate how my face reacted towards the surrounding , rashes satu muka , mungkin sebab balik balik semalam terus main kucing with endless ' awww y u get szo big ilam olen ' 

Being home - still feels like yesterday . Everything looks exactly the same ,except for how some scenery changed. Tapi seronok lah kot balik dekat tempat yang sejahtera dengan hati. I'm writing this while looking at my brother to cut the chickens so I can fry them for sahur , my brothers grown up so well , I can't wait for him to get his license and I will officially have my driver ! I still need to wait for Aimi to finish her term so we can go around aimlessly. We even have this food-list to be satisfied. I got my sambal sotong already , although banyak je kali masak sambal dekat UK with the same exact steps macam mana Puan Nurul masak , it still taste way better than mine. I got my kangkung as well , sebab masih jetlagged ( acah ) bangun bangun tidur , ayah dah siap petikkan kangkung and a bunch of pucuk ubi for tomorrows iftar . I can dance around like a princess now * golek golek sounds much easier * . Disebabkan kau dah enam hari puasa lebih 19 jam sehari , 13 jam rasa macam weh kejapnya plus awkward makan pukul 7 hahahha I'M FINALLY BACK TO THE PROPORTIONATE TIME ZONE PEOPLE where siang malam sama panjang fiuh. 

By the way , I'm amused that I have like four men in the house , and I cooked only like 1 1/2 cup of rice itupun TAK HABIS WEH , I cook even less than what we ( my housemates in Cardiff ate ) . Now I understand my sister's struggle waking up in the middle of the night sebab lapar hahahahah. 

Tengah sedut movie dari Nadzmi because he got like a lot of them. I got myself a 1 TB hardisk when I bought my laptop but only used like less than 200 GB ( which most of them are documents and korean movies ) , even my laptop 1 TB gak hard drive but I only used like 200 GB of them and he found it absurd , he must have thought ' my sister looks like she's updated with all these techno thing , almost like a techno geek but she just don't exactly care ' . I'm just having them for the sake of any future things we never know hahaha for jobs or whatevs , I bought my laptop after looking at its screen inch itupun salah estimate 15 inch besar mana ( my parents found this absurd hahahhaha ) - pastu its red - and with little knowledge about the RAM and hard drive size sebab nak store movies kah kah. 

Summer plan 

I found myself talking to myself hahaha ayat apa ni , while choosing for Kalsom's module. I end up choosing Sacrificus camno nak eja , but its a module that basically tells you in order to achieve something , you need to sacrifice something in your life , baik emotionally or even physically. I need to jot down all the things that have been running through my mind since yesterday. 

half occupied for July and August , for Projek Kalsom and also Small Changes . Rasa macam dah lama tak get involved in community and I'm pretty anxious about this two camps , of meeting new people , but I guess lets just do this anyway. And very soon Revival of Ramadhan next week I bet. Not to forget abang's engagement day - Nadzmi masuk Unikl  . Masih nak intern anywhere , sebab tengah pressure nak cari pengalaman bekerja tu , takut gila habis belajar tak marketable T.T . I never worked anywhere before , jadi I need to get that teaser feeling at least. Well lets hope someone may offer a two to four weeks intern position ha ha ha. ( cuak masalahnya ) but life is about going beyond your comfort zone so lets brace it ! . Dan mungkin masa masa kosong yang lain nak fully utillize dekat rumah like ajar anak orang ke - ajar adik sendiri - or whatever things yang mungkin perlukan tutoring , I may consider doing throughout summer. Tapi doakanlah eh dapat intern anywhere :) if not , lets just leave it and live the moment eh.

Tadi tengok TV , pastu there's this one slot that caught my attention when someone discussed about the meaning of Taqwa , aku rasa ever since first year aku akan selalu tanya apa maksud taqwa like every single time. So he shared that the root word to Taqwa is wa-qa-a which means dipelihara , dijaga instead of the direct translation , selalu orang cakap Taqwa tu takut. So I try to put it into words , kalau orang kata , ' Semoga kita jadi orang yang bertaqwa ' , it means , ' Semoga kita jadi orang yang sentiasa dijaga dan dipelihara oleh Allah , baik terpelihara dari perkara yang buruk , mahupun sentiasa dipelihara dengan perkara kebaikan. ' its making sense to my head now. 

Anyway , I feel much relieved now that I'm able to rant things on this side . Its been a while. 

sometimes

ada masa kau taknak langsung berbicara dengan manusia ataupun berinteraksi dengan masyarakat for no vivid reason.

Kau cuma nak hidup dalam dunia sendiri dan dah.

Part of the old me

One of my housemate said earlier , kalau tanya satu perkataan yang Najwa selalu pakai , it will be MABUK. 

it might be the most frequent word I said , everytime aku rasa macam light headed specifically kalau dah baca banyak gila benda tapi dah takleh masuk and rasa nak kacau orang lain ' I'll go - kita mabukkkk ' or most of the train rides will make me mabuk kenderaan and sometimes I may like make random confessions , most of the time a ridiculuos kind of confessions hahaha and everyone will go ' Najwa dah mabukkk ni hahhaah ' . I found its a cute word to replace curses. haha. Its not like using mabuk is okay but it makes me feels better. 

I in the past , used to be someone who curse a lot. Its not like nak stand out being a hipster ke . tapi its just the surrounding that allows me to do so , making me feels totally okay using curse words. You name it all , the b's the s's ( curse word that starts with the letters ) . But somehow I just can't do it anymore , even uttering a word makes me feel guilty , dia more like awkward sebenarnya and totally not okay nak pakai baik an english neither malay curse word. And sometimes I do feel bad about my past , someone in the past did once tegur direct yang dia tak suka aku mencarut ,but that was like way in 2007 tapi masa tu I was like being egoistic kot so aku takdelah rasa nak comply with that , tapi sampai sekarang aku masih terkesan dengan benda tu sebab aku rasa the person is indeed a real good friend sebab directly tegur yang cursing is never okay. 

People may said that ' Dia cakap je macam tu tapi hati dia baik ' but later I learned that what's inside the heart is and may be reflected through his or her words. It took quite some times for me to actually assimilate it inside my life. Bukan sebab kau ada hati yang baik , tapi sebab KAU NAK hati yang baik . So in order to train your heart to be more composed , I must watch my word choices as well. 

Tapi , 

aku tak pernah regret lalu that kind of past. It feels bad but with no regret. Sebab aku dapat peluang untuk rasa that kind of struggle to change yourself , pernah rasa selesa dengan benda yang tak sejahtera dengan hati , tapi eventually as time passes by , kau tetiba rasa macam okay la pulak pakai perkataan yang tak baik ni , and pernah rasa struggle untuk tinggalkan benda yang kau dah rasa very comfortable with. 

Pada masa yang sama aku dapat rasa untuk bagi orang lain ruang dan peluang yang sama , that they may change to a better person , and faham struggle orang at different level . Because I've been there.