I had two drafted post kept in the list, I can't seems to continue writing. Usually this phase will come when I'm stressed out with something - but it seems like I'm coping well with life.
Things started to fall into places, I am enjoying my working life ( you do? yes I do ) , able to stay energetic throughout class after work , classes on weekend? No problem, I love how I am not lazying around over weekend , its just so funny how I developed the nerdy side of me ( I am always that nerd heh ) , I found myself waking up early and make my way to the college's library. Maybe because I don't find its convenient enough to study at home - its not that conducive as my room used to be in the past.
I am currently in a phase of recovering the old me - the Anis back in last June and July. The one who have massive of reason and high will to wake up before the dawn to talk to Him about those days.
To be honest , those days I spent at home , or away to the city with no real commitments, but I find many many reasons and stories to tell Him. Sometimes its not about mere luck , you're awake before the subuh prayers to talk to Him, sometimes its driven by your determination and will. To make yourself heard and felt special to Him.
And later I found myself lost in the escalating changing pace.
No more night talks, no more waking up in the middle of the nights. At the times where I was supposed to let my heart out - at times when there's just so many things to take and at times where I am literally at one of my weakest point.
I couldn't really figured why I felt so lonely when there's just so many around me, I started to feel so numb with my heart, not able to distinguish what is right what is wrong. And it saddens me that I don't feel guilty over the things I did. It won't be big for some, but to think now, what I did was just unacceptable - and for as long Allah keeps my aib, I'll keep it to myself as well.
You know that feeling of you're being so attached and looked forward to read the pages of Quran everyday then suddenly you don't feel like reading it. And you have lists of contemplation inside your mind - you're tired hence its permissible when it shouldn't be the excuse.
And its sad. Really sad.
And I know I need to make a step, to get myself out from these miseries. I gave up on my after shower sleep to get back into the deen track. After one whole day long submitting yourself for various world commitments - I should find a time , I should make a specific time for the One who gave me the constant strength to get through the day.
Futur ( swept away in this world ) level KLCC dah ni, ke Burj Khalifa :(
Now that I am back in the journey of tracing the old Anis, I hope I won't be among those Allah bless them with good things in life but eventually straying away from the deen line.
Be among the grateful, whom Allah bless with so many things - even to the tinies raindrop on your clothes.
Its raining outside, lets make the prayers :)