Pau sambal and lidl tour

So I cooked nasi lemak for iftar today, we're ran out of chicken now, hence we're living with whatever protein we had in the fridge. I put out the salmon this evening, hardly think of any decent menu - soup may smells too fishy ( literally ) , to fry those red meat ew its weird, then this sudden idea of salmon porridge , I might love it what about my housemates.

I went to Lidl to buy some of the necessities, basically there's like nothing at home, no onions, no chicken, low stock of rice, no eggs and no vegetables. And its not like you can get halal chicken at Lidl ( they should consider halal products to be honest ) ( I wish chickens are labelled suitable for vegetarians too haha )

And here's to some Lild tour , Lidl recently, no I mean months ago changed their layout, and have I told you that they make good breads, good doughnuts, scrumptious muffins and basically their bakery smells so good,

Here you go !

this smells so good each time. 

Kalau dekat Malaysia dia macam mini mydin? tapi tak jual fancy tudung or baju 

Vegetables section 

all the canned foods section , they got santan as well , lidl rice, 1 kg of them is like 40 pence. 

So I have decided, nasi lemak it is. Pau sambal was initially not in plan but I saw a friend of mine did those lovely pau last two days, even shared the recipe with me. 

So I did more research , as usual, for the easier step hi hi and for smaller portion , because most of the recipes shared for like 400-500g of flour ( that's way too much nak bagi makan satu Cathays ke ha-ha ) 

my nasi lemak today, with a low resolution camera haha 

I found one recipe in Tiffinbiru, I guess most of us who always looked up online for recipes might recognize the background of this Tiffinbiru blog. Check the recipe at Tiffinbiru, legit good !  Thank you che'mat - you've been easing my life for the past three years ! 

Now lets cook with me ! 

Pau sambal mudah ( ceh ) sedap ( dan senang ! ) / burger Malaysia?
I'm using like 1 1/2 of plain flour and I got 11 of the pau. 

Now you need a mangkuk kecil maybe , 

Mix 3 ingredients 

The three ingredients is 50 ml lukewarm water, I measure it using the pot beras ( pun boleh ) , roughly like what, 5-8 normal eating spoon of lukewarm water , make it 9 don't trust my logic guys hu-hu 

Next you put in Yeast , the recipe said it should be 1 1/4 camca teh yeast , but seriously why my house got no camca, so I put in like more than half of the spoon , they said, trust you instinct on the measurement haha. 

And next put in like 1/2 camca teh sugar - I put like hujung sudu gula eh? 

Next they said to put the mixture for rest, for about 5 minutes they said. 

until there's bubble ( a sign of reactive yeast huh? ) but I hardly see any bubbles for my first try so I throw them off the sink , the second time, there's not much bubble but considering that its my second mixture then okay lah lets proceed. 


So while waiting for that process of yeast activation take place, in other bowl , you prepare

1 1/2 cup of plain flour ( use the measuring cup , or if you don't have one fret not, use any cup you have at home, then use the same cup in entire measuring process ) 

1 spoon of fine sugar, here I am not really sure what sugar shall I use, I used icing sugar, but its different right than normal sugar, but it turns out fine , so so yeah ( menari sotong ) 

2 spoon of milk powder ( emergads milk powder is so so costly here , its like £8 for a tin of milk powder, hence I used whats in the shelves, I used the coffee creamer, I am not sure you guys know it or it, it seems legit tho as milk powder substitutes. ) 

1/4 camca teh of salt ( got no explanation for this, its JUST salt haha. ) 

Mix them well using a spoon, your hand, you decide. 

Then I put in 1 1/2 spoons of vegetable spread ( because that's the only thing I have in my fridge haha , some says you use margarine, but all seems fine heh? ) 

Again mix them well. Now it will look like flour crumps if they make sense? 

Now , lets mix these two ! 

Put in the bubbly yeast mixture into the flour mixture and mix them well

Its not done yet

You need to put more water, the recipe says its 100 ml water ( again I used the cawan ukur beras haha )  but it turns out to be a bit sticky when I put in like 80 ml of them ( because I need to re-add more flour while mixing them , maybe the flour I used initially was not really 1 1/2 ey? ) , so I bet , put them slowly, and around 50 ml , or 60 ml shall be just fine. 

In order to know whether the pau mixture is ready to be rested for a while or not , its when the dough does not stick to your hand neither the bowl. If they still sticks ( they can stick, a bit ), put in bits by bits flour.

now its time to rest the dough. 

You can try either way, one if to rest them in that big dough form, or put them in smaller size first . I put them in smaller sizes first, basically ceq tak sabar orangnya. 

For that 1 1/2 cup of plain flour, you shall get somewhere around 10-11 pau 

Why rest the dough? Not sure but it applies to all kind of bread , or no? But basically rest them for like what, 30 minutes or half an hour, they said the dough will multiple its size. But mine, err distorted I bet haha, I am not sure why/ But it still multiple its size but not as big as I thought

Meanwhile, in that one hour, do the sambal , since I cooked sambal tumis for nasi lemak today , I advise you to seek somewhere else on how to do sambal. I might share here someday because I make a decent sambal :p and I use my mom's recipe and I don't put in air asam jawa. 

I did the sambal earlier , and in that 1 hour I rested for a while , what a long hot day today. 

30 minutes before iftar, I smashed the dough ( some says its to make if softer haha ) and reshaped them in a pau shape and fry them. I use not so much oil even most says I need to wholly cover the pau, but here I am in a tight budget trying to save everything while I can haha

Fry them until they turned brownish - set them aside let them cool before you can cut it into half. But don't cut it through, biarkan ada tali persaudaraan yang tinggal atas pau atas dan pau bawah ahah 

Then take like a spoonful of sambal , don't be stingy and spread them in the middle of the pau and lastly put slices of thin cucumber. 

Voilaaaa ! ( penat pulak tulis ) 

this is before I make the smaller dough. The onions are for the sambal. the hotdog is for prathaza ( pizza pratha ) haha banyak kannnn masak lol 

My pau sambal heeeee ! 

Selamat mencubaaaa :D

Happy 27th Ramadhan anyway, lets now strive for the very best :D

Love, the'ann

Plan ahead of time

My biological clock is seriously messed up but I am totally fine with it because eventually I'll sleep somewhere around 7.00 am like that and bracing the blazing hot UK. Its really different compared to Malaysia, I mean Malaysia yes is scorching hot but its tolerable but here is just plain hot ( and dry ) . 

I have two fans in my room and I'm still sweating ( help me ) , nevertheless still able to sleep through the day, I must have built a resistance towards the heat mi-ha-ha 

So today I did (randomly) again asked an akhawat to stay over her place a day before my back for good. Now lets just hope she's around ameen ameeen. Aigooo need to save money 

All these while, I must be living in the clouds, surrounded by blue skies with all the rainbows and now starting to hit the ground with all the gravities pulling. 

On the other hand , acah sangat kan dia ni ambik gambar cenggitu? ha-hu-hi

and by the way yesterday we had a daurah for BFG , back for good , and that one session focused solely on financial planning. And I am so blessed and amused that even up to this point, IKRAM UKE offered such help, to give you some teasers, help you with some guidance on what to expect. I mean all these details usually done by individual research, but having such opportunity and someone with experience shared his knowledge , its a total blessing to me. 

For the past three years I've been doing the right formula , like setting aside all the money for rent, utillities and savings too. I did planned ahead usually the day when the allowance credited into the account. As time goes by I increased my savings ( but sometimes I over-estimates my monthly usage - so I reduced money from saving  and eventually I replace the money when we got the new allowance ) 

And as for savings wise, all these while what I did was just saving, setting aside more than 10% of my monthly allowance, and do nothing. I'm just making sure that its there , not touched , even I am so desperate I will tell myself, no you don't have the money no you don't. But in future, I need to take into account what to do with the savings , like where shall I channel those savings to, need to start thinking about the insurance part, ( there's so much work being an adult ) ( why everyone wants to be adult then ) 

ugh life. 

But yeah by any chance, I need to start thinking and actively seeking for job. Yeah I should. Pray for me. Does anyone mind telling me how I can make money through this blog. Some advise to do some product marketing but I am not into those. Nuffnang seems worthless, like nothing change in the amount collected. Its always, always 0.00 blergh.

Now that we just received the final allowance, I need to do extra saving. To wisely use everything we have in the house. Now that I have CLP in front of my eyes, life is definitely going to be tougher. Welcome to the reality. 

Nevermind, He brought you to, He will also brought you through , have faith Anis. 

ps Anis sounds nice now. Call me Anis guys. 

Love, the'ann

Biskut rangup cornflakes the'ann

* tergeliat dengan label sendiri - Cooking with Anis haha * 

It was last week I bet, me and my housemate were chilling on the bed and having this random conversation while waiting for Asar prayer. Then suddenly she was like ' Kita nak pergi Tesco , nak buat kuih raya' , it was the day I walked around Cathays the other day. Hence five to ten minutes after that random talk, we found ourselves strolling in the aisle of Tesco, browsing for baking stuff. 

But we left Tesco with a strawberry truffles on sale - not in plan hahahahha 

I've been wanting to eat the mentioned kuih raya above, its not that I taste it every raya but my mind kinda tells me that I have a fond memories of it, most probably because of Kemahiran Hidup class, because I remembered the recipes is somewhere inside the textbook. 

HAHAHA but I guess one reason why this biscuit , is that I have a 600g box of taking-forever-to-finish-cornflakes haha. Maybe honey cornflakes soon ha-ha. 

My mum did sent me the photos of it but yeah my half smart phone / because half of it is slow with limited storage grrr / , I deleted or transferred the photos and now nowhere to be found. 

I googled keywords 'biskut cornflake' and when I found the name to be biskut cornflake rangup, I add to the keyword 'senang' the easiest way hahahaha and found 1 ( many ) yeaaaaaha. 

The recipe is like 2 cup of all purpose flour, I got it from this blog, thank you akak in case you're reading - May Allah bless you and your family ameeen.  , but I did for 1 cup as we have no proper containers, and I am not so sure myself that it will turn out good since I am no good in baking sweet things.

Now, lets start, Cooking with Anis ! 

Biskut cornflakes rangup 

( I got like what 58-60 pieces of them for 1 cup flour - of uneven sizes of biscuits hahahahhahahahh) 

1/2 of butter - it says that per block is 250 g, so cut them into half 
( put them outside the fridge for like a short time to soften them - cut them in smaller pieces, its science, to make it softer, faster ) , I used Asda butter here, because its obviously cheaper at the price of £0.58 I think. 

1/2 of 3/4 of icing sugar
Don't do the math guys ( I tried calculating for it but its endless since in practice it doesn't make sense on how to measure according to the math WHY DID I DO ALL THE CALCULATIONS HAHA) , use the cup , use the 3/4 cup and measure half of it, but if you don't have those, fret not, put like 3 or 4 spoons of sugar, I am no fan of very sweet things, hence it tasted just nice for me, as in not sweet at all ( according to my housemate zzz ) , you can perhaps add more than this ) 

The small cap of vanilla essence - use its own caps for this, they say not to put more of those or else it turns out bitter, ey?

Then you mix these three ( icing sugar and butter and vanilla essence ) together until they mix well. - I use the mixer , but in case you don't have one, I guess it can be done by your hand - extra effort hu hu.

Meanwhile, use your left hand ( whatever hand you wish which are not occupied at that time hahaha or just stop for seconds kah kah ) to preheat the oven at 170'c 

Now to the next step :

You'll be needing

1 cup of crushed cornflake - what a best way to release your stress, crushing the cornflake, take 1 cup of cornflakes put in a container and crush it roughly with your hand, don't crush it so finely please. 

1 cup of all purpose flour - oh well you can always use normal plain flour but you need to mix with all the baking powder and yeah I am so lazy to do that. 

Put these two things into the icing butter mixture bits by bits , add in little by little , because if you dump everything in one go, it will be very hard for the mixture to mix well 

Then you can start mixing them, I suggest use your hand if you don't have any wooden spatula. I don't know why the recipe says wooden spatula, I tried using this silicone spatula , it works okay at start but I am just so frustrated at the end - hence I wore a plastic bag and mix them with my hand hahahahh its Ramadhan and I'm fasting, hence I reducing the chance of licking my own hand ( can't help ) 

I'm sure the mixture will turn out solid and easy to be moulded according to your liking, make it a starfish, or what lame circles , or triangle shape, now they even have fidget spinner shape biscuit, also can ! The mixture is solid that even after baked, they take the original form of the mould.

Make sure not to mould / shape them too big , make it flatter , so they will be cooked thoroughly, some of my biscuits are not really crunchy because I made them thick and fat. But some turns out, fine. 

Place the moulded biscuits on a baking tray, which you can spread some butter on the tray or a non sticking tray , or even baking paper ( but its not necessary ngeh ) 

Bake them for like 20 minutes like that - don't bother of opening the oven many times, clean up the messes you made, put the flour back into the shelves, clean the utensils you used, clean the cabinets, while doing some zikir ? hihi

VOILAAAAAA ITS DONE AFTER 20 MINUTES, put them outside, let them cool for a little while - so they will be crunchier, let the surrounding help them with the process while you do nothing haha. 

Oh that creamer and cocoa powder belongs to my housemates biscuit, I don't use those 

I used that Ravello tin to place the biscuit - and this image was before I put in the flour and cornflakes

look at those uneven shapes even with the arrangment, sorry OCD's oh yeah I fancy all the things you can put on top - I don't have any cherries or fancy sprinkles, hence a chocolate chip suffice. 

aftermath - and this was like what, 2 hours before breaking our fast at 9.30 hu hu

close up for fancier looks? haha

there you go, on tight budget - use everything you have in the house. No container no problem haha. 

'rasa macam tengah buat business' haha nevertheless berani makan sorang ( and housemates je ) 

I envied people with magical hands that produce wanders of foods, last week I saw an instastory showing some boys living overseas ( names shouldn't be appropriate here haha ) were doing TART NENAS GAISSSS and they looked decent, and here I am, with uneven shapes of biscuits. But I cooked savouries well. eh silent marketing ha-ha. 

But frankly speaking I'm so scared that my future half ( why future HALF anyway, like why HALF haha ) is a sweet tooth , like I don't fancy baking cakes and whatnot , not a sweet tooth person either - ayuhlah ke Secret Recipe heh, or shall I pay my housemates for biscuits and kuih kuih manis ni haha. 

p/s In case you're wondering if these biscuits will be served on raya next week, the answer is a BIG NO, we finished them already haha 

Love, the'ann

Vlog the'ann - episode 1

Let's just assume the'ann would be my final name for the blog, can't seek for any other cooler names that shows some personal elements to it haha. 

And I decided to do a vlog this morning. I made one in the past, but yeah I am not good with the visuals , need to work on that skills though. Excuse the lighting haha. Its just a simple random sharing about my experience here. ( huhuhuhu for thousand times )

Why episode 1, because I may have the next episode soon. who knows hahaha. 

Side notes : On this day, 18th of June , Anis Najwa, you paid your first zakat fitrah in your whole life. 

 I had this conversation with my adik usrah ( she asked ways to pay zakat in Cardiff ) and she said something about we getting scholarship and whatnot. I mean its not compulsory moreover when your parents paid for you, but I think I should already consider doing zakat isn't it now? 

Love, the'ann
How one can say that justice prevails? Is it when one get their deserved punishment, and how are we going to scale what 'deserved' should mean. An equivalent punishment, or how.

I suddenly remembered my initial reason why 'law' , because I believe an eye should be for an eye. But as time goes by, so many things happened in my life that made me think twice, thrice should an eye really be for an eye in return.

I wonder.

Life events as signs

I am kinda attached to my bed now that I refused to do anything else but 

despite that, this Najwa here walked to Cryws Road but the post office guy falls sick so the post office was closed sobs then we walked to Albany's Road post office as I need to return H&M stuff and sent some parcels , then stopped by at least three charity shops selling legit items , and last pit stop was Lidl to get some vegetables, aside from cabbage.

I wonder where I got those energy from. They are like so far from each other hahahahahaha. 

We had three days in a row of cabbage dish - kubis masak lemak, kubis goreng, kubis sayur campur ( campur apa je sayur yang ada dalam peti sejuk ) and last but not least popiah kubis carrot hahahhahah enuf of these never ending kubis and its fanciness. 

its the last 10th Ramadhan already and I wonder if I've used the time wisely with something beneficial. I was really taken aback yesterday when I was watching Puisi Sedih Al Kitab. I really love it  that I watched it twice, at first I don't really pay attention on the visuals ( I am always like that anyway ) . 

The story basically is about a woman ( Elizad, I love her acting ever since what that drama aigooo lupa ) , married her father's choice. It turns out that the man never loves her , agreeing to the marriage because of the parents choice , and he had many lovers. I think she hold grudge against her father , I guess she felt that her father was the reason why she's in pain tolerating the relationship with her husband. And suddenly she suffered cancer and later at some point she lost her father, a day after she expressed her anger to him, and felt that her life was unfairly treated. 

She expressed to her bestfriend that she did nothing wrong but why her life is so messed up. 

On the other hand there's this one guy, a medical student, doctor I bet, furthered his study in Ireland to be a specialist - cardiologist? Or not? and he's into his medical books and his housemate ( I guess initially the housemate was not a Muslim ) one day questioned him whether he had or had not read the Quran. At that time the guy ( should I name the guy as medic freak ) had a bad relationship with his wife as he never pays attention to the wife and eventually they got divorced. 

All in all, I grasped messages from the story. 

One, take life events as a sign. 

These two character , this guy and the woman met where the guy returned an old Qur'an belonged to the woman. The woman left the Qur'an back in her highschool / university, somebody took it and that somebody's brother took the Quran to Ireland.

Remember the housemate I told earlier? He embraced Islam and someday he met his medic freak housemate ( please say that this is making sense, I mean my writing haha ) and returned the Qur'an to him , having thought that it belongs to his housemate. 

The guy traced back the owner ( the woman ) and they meet , this is not a love mushy dovey love story anyway , but both the guy and the woman learnt many lessons from the event. 

The long lost Qur'an that returns back to its owner, they thought that there must be something Allah want to teach them. The guy once said that he tries very hard to cure many hearts ( jantung ) but barely takes care of his own ( heart as in hati? ) ( confusing language ever ) 

The guy said that once these events take place in your life, I mean with all the signs, one should never stay put and do nothing. They must take action, and he did, he continued his studies in Arabic language to have deeper understanding in Qur'an. 

And towards the end, some phrases caught my attention, ( not the actual wording ) but basically it says

Dalam ketaatan pun kita akan diuji 
Dalam kesesatan apatah lagi ( something like that ) 

Apart from that , the story delivers messages that we should be grateful, even when life hits you hard. I am no good in expressing each and every values the story taught me hence in case you're reading this, yes its one good telemovie , go and watch it ! 

Anyway, mari manfaatkan 10 Ramadhan yang terakhir , kejap je dah nak habis dah Ramadhan. 

Love, the'ann

long time no write

Its been three days ( longest gap ever ) I stopped writing yet there's so many things happened, like finally something is happening so its kinda okay to not be here isn't it. Its now 4.43 am in the morning and I just finished translating a biography . 

Translating biography 

Yes you read me well. A biography of an Islamic scholar, which my friend asked me a favour, like 9 pages or should I said segments of them. And it was really hard at the start and I initially said ' Let me look at them first ' and suddenly I was translating like four pages in hours ( and decided that I should just continue doing this ), and of course I did at many points contemplates over my decision 'Like why I am doing this again' while searching synonyms to 'successfully' grrr. 

Alhamdulillah my messed up biological clock used wisely this morning, I start back somewhere after 12.30 - break for a 15 minutes of sahur while watching random things on Youtube - then subuh - and now I am done with the translation. I should do more of these in the future yay or nay. 

in case you can't see that, its 2275 words , even more than what I did for my courseworks haha

Mirah went home sobs sobs 

Next, one of my usrahmates, and also my unofficial housemate Mirah just got back home yesterday. The house do feels empty now, usually we the upstairs people haha will call upon her name in her journey to the toilet, and yeah we're clingy like that ( flip hair ) . And suddenly there's only three of us the lame lawyers in making. Its like some pieces of the puzzles are missing and it might be harder for my housemate to deal with Mirah's leaving hence I hope Allah will give her strength.

Should I or should not?  

Next , I got an invitation email yesterday to cooperate with Zalora digital magazine publication - miaaaauu , and this marks the second one after the old 'TETIBA' shopping tips posts. I don't do much shopping now except for foods and foods so it feels a bit off to speak about matters concerning shopping or whatever related. ( nevertheless she spent her sleepless day yesterday on H&M and secured herself three scarves - I need them you see ) 

I'm still thinking whether I should or should not do it - I did have some thoughts of making money with my writing, like killing two birds with one stone - then bake one in the oven another one shall it be pigeon masak lemak , I wish to slaughter the naught seagulls which destroys bags of garbage in the backyard grrr. 

so would you mind giving me advises on this matter? 

Bundle of joy(books)

What's next. Hmm I bought bundles of joy ( read books ). I need to trace back the old me who reads books , and I envied people who talked with each other about books and there you are feeling hopeless like why aren't you reading any? I did, but that side of me deteriorated and here I am trying to save myself. Hence the first step, search for good books, ( basically I saw some of my friends discussed on a review on instagram hence I start from there, the first hand books are way too expensive hence why I searched for the second hands. Which sounds pretty decent for 2.79 bucks for a book. 

Cool isn't it. 

Lovely words from lovely people 

I got two lovely cards earlier, both from my adik adik usrah and they're so lovely but I am yet to reply for the second card. Satgi insyaAllah ceq respond to her. I am indeed so blessed with their existence. I always had the mindset that 94's doesn't goes well with the 95's , and school days were evident enough , but it turns out differently here, I don't know whether its me or that stigma are not relevant any more. 



Sahur routine 

Oh yeah few days ago I took pictures of my daily sahur routine , which I wished to make an update but I was too tired but lets put it all here hahahahhaha dumped everything I could . I will usually have these three things in the morning for sahur. I will finish a bottle of water in that pink bottle - and take two pieces of the black cumin seed, which also known as Habatus Sauda, the cure for all illness except for death. I took them somewhere in April I think, after I saw a friend of mine updated on her instagram story about her browsing for it, I remembered clearly that I was studying that time, and I thought that it might be a good idea to shop to ease the tense of studying ( HA HA HA ) hence I bought two of them for about 7 pounds. Good deal. Eheeee. 

lagi satu is kurma. 

When (unemployed) lawyers to be, met 

We had an iftar yesterday together, after planning for like what, three months to have pot luck ( la ) kari mamak pelbagai rasa la, but everyone's timing never matched and since we took different modules this year, we rarely got time to meet. The people whom I will treasure in my whole life, because they're so good people and we've been through thick and thin episodes of the law school. And three years are definitely merrier with them around me. 

missing Ajlaa. 

Half of Ramadhan passes

And nevertheless we're on the 15th of Ramadhan already and I am not sure whether I've make the best out of the best in Ramadhan. And the moon is full and shining bright which makes me amused with the Hijrah calendar, like you can tell its the middle of the month when the moon is full. Subhanallah. 

I guess that's it for now - so many things hehhh haha . I should sleep. 

Love, the'ann

off track

Baru perasan yang banyak sangat email dalam column FORUM tak bukak lagi and mainly the updates there concerns about tarbiyah and the organization as a whole. And baru je bukak satu mail pasal Back For Good databases. Tetiba rasa sangat amused dengan tersusunnya tarbiyah tu, bukan sekadar  a touch and go. 

And malu dengan diri sendiri yang tak berapa merancang dan menyusun ni. Walaupun masih pegang jawatan dalam kawasan tapi memang dah tak buat pun kerja kerja concerning dakwah and tarbiyah after spring break sebab tengah nak berlaku adil pada hak hak sebagai seorang pelajar , the original reason why you're here again. 

Masa nak minta off the track for a while tu, memang rasa celaru sangat sebab volunteered myself for summer programme. Which I need to bukan sebab paksaan orang tapi sebab I need to make a step to see myself in this journey. Need to embrace the fact that people won't chase you forever, you need to pull yourself together. 

As in my first year, I was clueless and don't feel the force of getting involved in DnT wise in Malaysia. Second year, I was occupied with different volunteering program and also intern-ship. Barely had time for myself and the family too. 

And I was really stressed out (stress sounds stressing haha ) I see everyone in the medium ( whatssap , email ) semuaaaa macam semangat gila and all out ( idea , masa you name it ) including the online meetings lagi 

Despite the positive energy, its killing me ( slowly ) on the inside  because I am incapable of giving that kind of commitment at that time with 3 papers 100% and  a paper 75% and start in doubt with my own decision.

I mean its like you're on a track for a 100 metre race , everyone spurt and yet you at the back with so many people cheering for you but all you wish is for them to stop cheering because those cheers makes you feel so pathethic and you kinda question yourself like why I am here again. 

Perhaps one of the biggest anxious contributor - it was my final year ( final paper, final all, finally ) 

But again, in IKRAM UKE I worked with professionals and plenty of PhD students whom their workloads are like triple mine, or more yet they managed to keep everything organized. Perhaps I just need to admit my stress management section in my brain ain't working so well. #ciresariver #becauseIthoughtIamokaywithmystressmanagement #callingforhelps 

Still, I swear that was one of the toughest time to deal with dakwah and tarbiyah work. For different factors, my region is big but consist of just us, a group of less than ten, and everyone generally agree on each' other's decision and its sometimes so easy to work in a very small group. But when meeting different people from different region, the work pattern changes. 

I consulted my kakak usrah and she said I should give priority to things that need my attention at that time, I rarely do so ( I mean consulting anyone aside from my mum ) , but I know this time around, I need to. And I express my concern and got my time off. A month / more. 

Now here's the next problem ( problem sounds burdensome heh ) ,  now I am trying to pull myself together, and searching for ways to get involved back in the track. I found it hard as perhaps some jargons used are so new to me ( mungkin sebab tak pernah attend daurah summer :( and my bad ) , and to suddenly get involved in the discussion - I felt so helpless #helpme . Felt like a loser for not being able to keep my words. #helpmeagain 

But this morning a junior of mine texted me and asked whether I can be the camp commandant - I've asked my mom's permission. 

Green light, now its left to me to decide. Allah indeed knows hamba dia sorang ni la ni celaru aih how to get back into the track ( sebab I am [pretty] clueless where to start or how)

Maybe this is one of the ready made solution Allah offered you?  
Yes, it may be. Take it or loose it. You choose. 

Barry Island - October 2016

Love, the'ann

random random random

I wonder 

My guts were somehow true and I kinda see myself in her, as I used to be in the same shoes, I was young , and dumb too , driven by the beautiful illusion and the difference is that there was no socmed ( I just knew they use socmed for the lengthy social media haha ) back then and I stopped before it went severe. 

But I pitied her though - I am not sure whether its right or wrong but  I solemnly think that she's in need of help, and in need of something to fill the emptiness she had inside her. 

And its tougher for her now, but to meddle in someone's business might not be a good idea 'and I might sounds like a stalker coming from nowhere, hence I may not cross the line. 

end of thoughts one.

You'll be missed Khawlah 

I had my last usrah with my adik usrah yesterday. 

Prepared for them a farewell gifts but ( berlevel negative on the creativity ) and alongside , there's a two minutes duration of video ( picisan habis , it took me like 4 hours just to put two narrations, a song and captions hahaahhahahah I sacrifices my post-subuh sleep ( read 3.00-8.00 am in the morning ) , went out to the city the next morning to get them these gifts hihi , but nevertheless it was a success alhamdulillah. Aku je kot cakap success haha. 

the preparation haha I really wanted to post this prep things earlier but hey surprise surprise haha

little tokens of appreciation for these wonderful people :)

And I cooked for 12 people for iftar yesterday. And I've been thinking about the menu for like a week, initially I wanted to play safe , sup ayam and sambal tumis ( sounds familiar hehe najwa ) , then I thought it might be too plain so I thought of Nasi Ayam but I was so worried when it comes to flavoured rice in a big quantity so NO NO. 

Then I asked my mum ( should have done this earlier ), after different suggestions, we finally decided , UNGKEP it is ! 

But the thing about this dish is that, I've tried doing it twice, first in my first year, second in my second year but I can say I failed both trials. Because it does not taste and smells the same like the one my grandmother and mom cooked. 

I guess the main reason why so is the missing ketumbar and jintan manis ! ( ke jintan putih ceqq lupa ) and I don't seems to have them in the house #Iiszsad   

Mission success ! 

I randomly text my neighbour and she said she have one. And knocked another neighbours' house as I am in need of jintan putih/halus/manis I am now , officially confused. But alhamdulillah it turns out so well ( I handled the process with extra care, I called my mum like every single time to reconfirm the process , Allah bless you Puan Nurul huhu ) 

there you go !

end of story two - UNGKEP journey

'Kak Najwa garang'

As I was preparing the cekodok, which later condemned by Fatin, 'Kak Najwa cekodok tu pisang yang bawang , cucur ' hahahahahaha #teachmesenpai 

My junior came to kitchen and said ' Actually, kita nak confess sesuatu ' confess NO not now * minyak panas meletup letup* * angin sejuk bertiup sepoi bahasa haha *

'Dulu masa kita baru kenal akak, kita ingat akak garang' - 

sebab akak nampak macam confident , pastu macam tak reti bergaul sangat ( HA HA HA ) , I guess it was a horrible impression I left isn't it. 

Well I can't deny that I am, in a way, a fierce person? err awkward. Its more on the serious ( or should I say grumpy instead ) side when the time comes. I am no good in hiding my grumpy expression guys sorry if you had to encounter one sobs. But most of the time, I mean outside serious business , I am a funny and playful person lol ( this is even awkward to say haha ) . I take things seriously ( most of the time ) ( hence I may look serious two four seven ) 

and since quite a few people came to me and said they had the same first impression I might as well admit I garang orangnya hahahhaha but believe me, I am one helpless sister in my house when it comes to nak kena marah orang because I just can't , I can't even show my anger properly to my sister esp ahahaha and my brothers, I am that one sister that will sit at the corner and shout once for warnings ( and that's it I don't care ) 

Love, the'ann


so I have this weird habit ke tak weird pun sebenarnya, of changing the position of the bed. I once googled in the past whether this kind of habit of mine is not good for long term effect ( ie can't stand with one partner for a long time ke hahahhahaha #IamthatweirdandnotcorelatedIknow but there's no certain answers to it, perhaps I wasn't that accurate with the question #helpmepsychologists

And I changed it again, this is perhaps the fifth time this year , this is not about hardwork or whatevs you might think ( like gigihnya dia ni ) but its something I enjoyed doing. Its like testing my mind to be creative with the arrangement. 

Last time when I changed the position of the bed and the study table ( as the cupboard is kinda big and stuck there hewwwww ) I take into account the lighting factor , as in the earlier position, I seems to block my own sight while I study and its no good. 

Then towards my final exam, I moved my bed near the window pane, as I need a place to put my fan and there's a socket near the pane. And one big reason why next to the window pane is that I will feel the force ( and the heat - the light ) from the sun and indirectly forcing me to wake up ( I got a study months guys, so my attachment to my bed is rather high ha ha ha ) and study, or move away from the bed. It works I tell yaaa

But as I finished my degree last two weeks ( I thought it was nine years ago haha ) , and UK's weather seems changing each days, some days I saw the clouds are grey and suddenly comes the bright sun, and sleeping next to the window simply means that you can hear all sorts of things and  combos the light and heat yochhhh !

I thought that THIS IS IT ( the time has come to change the position, to move away from the window yayersz !

Now that I don't really use my study table, its not affecting the decision on the arrangement, I cared more on the bed's position, so here I am in one of the most comfy position , I am going to miss all this , since I can't really change bed position back in my hometown. * miao * 

okay lets sleep now, I have tons of cooking to be done tomorrow. Moga tabah sis.

Love, the'ann
Half an hour a ago, I sent a message to my dear Khawlah, 

as they are having different affairs tomorrow, sorang dekat London, sorang esok trial untuk internship, sorang last paper, sorang esok buat pulut mangga and sorang MIA mungkin penat shopping haha. And feeling macam mak mak, and I do really see myself growing up through them. 

Aku rasa aku generally manusia yang mungkin self proclaim cared a lot about people, kalau boleh bila nak bercakap dengan orang, moreover yang aku sayang , aku akan try untuk tahu the details of what's happening in their life giving the feelings of somebody really care but recently mungkin that part of me faded and started to disappear. 

And seeing myself back into the familiar track, it feels good. By the way esok last usrah dengan Khawlah, sedih kejap :(

And I was scrolling some old photos few weeks ago, you can really see how I grow up with my fashion sense - mungkin not head to toe but the scarf part. Masa first year I bought tons (tipu tons) but different colours of bawal from Jalan Tar, which I wore them as scarf, my sister do really play a big role in affecting my fashion back then. ( even till today lol ), I trust my mom's and my sister's eyes better than I trust mine haha. 

Second year sebab macam mungkin kaya ( sikit ) ( alhamdulillah ) and instant scarves were one of the hot items in the market ( and they seems to make life easier, pinless , don't need to iron ) , my second year of degree life revolves around all instant haha , my personal favourites ( few of them ) from FISKA , Shah Alam. Pricey but worth it, because up till today I always find myself wearing those instants for classes , for short trip to Lidl . I got myself 3 different universal colour, black, cream and pink. 

Summer 2016, my sister has different sets of bawal , and some I believed known as bawal crepe. They aren't so bright neither glittery, I mean I do prefer bright colours , but taking into account different circumstances - like having different universal colour that matched my clothes. So I bought for myself different colours, in a bigger size. Bawal is a bit renyah to deal with , but these crepes works nicely even if I don't iron them, only those really close to me, or sitting next to me would noticed that hahaha , 

tiada arah pun post ni saja je nak tulis.

Love, the'ann

Giving (extra) credits for longer hours?

Rasa aneh pulak tak menulis untuk 3 June haha. By the way, sorry harini nak tulis mash languages haha sebab malas nak fikir nak translate kah kah. 

Kisah Landlord - the lord of our Treherbert Land haha

Pagi tadi landlord rumah datang sebab kitaorang nak bincang few things concerning the house and us leaving in the July. 

once upon a time depan rumah huhu

Our landlords because there's two of them, Ali and Naseer, we've stayed with them for two years in a row now, very helpful landlords, though kenkadang macam annoying , tapi annoying yang tolerable la ( annoying part macam kalau kitaorang kata kitaorang tak buat, dia buat buat macam lawak yang kitaorang salah zzz ) , but nevertheless sangat sangat baik, pasangkan paip dekat toilet and that ease our lives a lot and very fast to respond to any inquiries. 

And as far as I am concern they are both muslims and from Iran. Tapi through our conversations, we asserted yang they don't practice as one. Mungkin sebab surrounding but I don't really know. 

As he was leaving the house after a 40 minutes discussion macamtu , he acknowledged yang we're fasting and dia nampaklah yang sangat amused sebab we are fasting for that very long hours and dia kata dia sendiri tak mampu buat ( dulu masa kitaorang second year dia ada la question kenapa kitaorang puasa - kenapa tak pergi club malam malam tapi sekarang dia dah tak question dah  ) 

' If I am the God, I will give you extra credit , double the credit for that long hours , but I am not' and we smiled as he closed the door. 

( dan semoga Allah memberi hidayah Islam pada orang orang baik ni ameeen, doakannnn sesama ) 

Dan statement tu buat aku berfikir seharian. 

Kalau Allah kira pahala ikut berapa lama kita puasa, mungkin Australia for now got the lowest mark isn't it. Dan mungkin semua muslim nak berpindah ke negara yang makan masa 21 jam untuk puasa sebab the longer means merrier credits of pahala . But sadly its not. Dan tak adillah Allah kalau nak hitung pahala puasa ikut panjangnya masa puasa tu. 

And betullah urusan perhitungan pahala tu memang urusan rahsia Allah. 

Adalah timbal balik dan pengajaran dari pengalaman berpuasa di dua negara yang jaraknya beribu batu. 

Mujahadahnya berbeza 

Berpuasa di UK , perjuangannya ( mujahadahnya mungkin ) adalah pada menahan diri dan nafsu untuk tempoh yang lama.  Nevertheless, Allah sangat memudahkan part nafsu ke arah makanan sebab ketidak adaan bazar dan memang dapat satu nikmat untuk menyerap roh Ramadhan. Ramadhan should be about kesederhanaan dan kerehatan ( maybe there's more but this is what I can think of now ) 

Dan mungkin benda ni benda yang susah dekat Malaysia, sebab easy access foods everywhere and often there's tendency of buying foods to feed the nafs rather than the body. Itulah antara mujahadah orang orang yang berpuasa di Malaysia . 

Kat Malaysia bukan takleh nak serap roh kesederhanaan tu , boleh je insyaAllah , dulu masa aku second semester kat Intec, time tu puasa sebulan dekat Intec, allowance tak masuk lagi dan aku segan nak mintak banyak dengan pakcik Nazari, jadi aku pack siap siap dari rumah beras, bawang putih, halia dan kiub ayam , and hari hari, EVERYDAY I REPEAT aku akan makan bubur , and kenkadang fancy sikit aku beli hotdog tak masak lagi RM 1.60 dekat mydin. Masa tu memang tercabar sisi nafsu bila tengok dari tingkap orang pergi balik dari bazar. ( masa tu memang wujud keterpaksaan bersederhana tu ) ( rindunya masa tuuuu ) ( and I succeeded sebulan adalah sekali dua je pergi bazar ) 

Harini kami typical Malaysian tumpas jua dek nafsu hahah kerana ada bazar ( hahahha alhamdulillah sehari je weh huhuh )

* foods * 

And a shorter night time definitely puts you in a very tight schedule for prayers. And lagipun its just so weird to see yourself out at 10.30 pm - sebab dekat Cardiff , I am not sure about other places but most places in the UK, by 5.00 pm macamtu biasanya dah senyap and mungkin apa yang masih beroperasi lepas pukul 5 is just fast foods restaurants, supermarket besar besar , yang kecik biasa sampai 10 malam je, and most of them are the pubs. So most of the time memang akan duduk rumah je. 

Kadang aku terusik sedikit dengan trend sesetengah orang pergi buka puasa dekat Malaysia ( on their insta feeds ) and pastu still outside sampai malam, kita husnuzhon insyaAllah they went to terawih then they continued with moreh. 

Tapi personally for me, its a month we're given to reflect upon our life and basically bulan kerehatan untuk kita , baik untuk perut mahupun badan kita , baru buat trivia dengan housemate makna terawih , which is one literal meaning dia ialah ' rehat ' thats why we stops for a while in between prayers. 

and THIS VERY reminder goes to me as well, sebab maybe in the future aku boleh jadi orang yang choose nak rehat pada Ramadhan dengan keluar buka puasa and jalan jalan sampai malam borak lama lama instead of mencari kerehatan dalam solat terawih tu sendiri. Sebab bulan bulan lain kurang sikit booster nak buat solat sunat more than two rakaat. 

Even sekarang pun banyak sangat lagha ( nangissssssss )  dan tak berusaha pun bagi keberkatan dekat masa yang Allah bagi , like the most obvious is tidur lepas subuh sampai pukul 10 pagi macamtu dengan alasan ' lets omit few hours so we won't really feel that 18 hours ' like banyak sangat masa disia siakan huwaaa nangis 

And indeed masa panjang ke pendek ke tak menentukan pun kredit yang Allah nak bagi dekat saham pahala kita , instead dia tengok macam mana kita memanfaatkan tempoh masa puasa tu dengan roh roh Ramadhan - menjaga pandangan, menjaga nafsu makan, menjaga komponen nafsu lain , dan mengambil peluang untuk enjoy festive of ibadah month ni. 

Aku sangat sangat berharap Allah selalu nak bagi rasa 'kerehatan' dalam solat tu 

sampai sekarang terngiang kata kata ikhwah ni ' Ramadhan ialah bulan yang kita tak awkward pun nak ajak orang buat kebaikan/ibadah ' sebab association of the word kebaikan and ibadah is very dear to the month of Ramadhan itself. 

tertampar kejap tadi sebab balik bazar konon nak rehat kejap tengok Doraemon dengan Shin Chan / main monopoly baru beli dekat Lidl , tetiba housemate sorang jerit ' korang jom tadarus' terbakar kejap nafsu nafsu yang malu sendiri hu hu. Ya Allah, untuk peringatan melalui orang orang yang aku sayang ni, bagi kebaikan bebanyak dekat diaorang ya Allah. 

Kalaulah masa panjang puasa tu, yang dimanfaatkan cuma 1/100 dari tempoh waktu tu, macam mana Allah nak bagi extra credit cemtu, hang kalau jadi Tuhan pun mungkin akan berkira kot ( nada kedah Mat Lufi haha ) 

ps My thoughts are with the victims in the recent terrorism attack in London, I'm so disgusted with these terrorism attacks going on in the UK now :( Ya Allah balas kekejaman orang orang yang bagi a very negative impact on muslim society as a whole dengan balasan yang setimpal. Stay safe everyone !

Love, the'ann

Blessed salmons haha

There you go the tittle 


- and I bought 4 of them. Been singing and smiling all day while holding that salmon bones like finally hu hu hu. 

I first know the existence of these meaty salmon bones , was from my kakak usrah. And these bones aren't just bones, they do have all meaty part of it since UK people usually sell salmons in fillets form , so I don't even know how to describe it but I'll provide the picture down below. 

And since then, I went to the market quite a few times and been asking the fishmongers whether they do sell the salmon bones - but I always get the same answer 'Its too early my love to have the bones' and perhaps I never studied the pattern ( which day I went to the market or at what time ). 

so today I was trying my luck, or better said , whether its my rezeki - initially I went to the market to buy the squids / the prawn too but as I arrived there, its just absurdly expensive so I chanelled my attention to the fishes. 

*eyes on the fishes*

Small Sea bass for £2.75 each 'not a bad price' but its just way too pricey for a small fish I keep comparing it with Malaysian fishes ( padahal mahal gak kat Malaysia lol )  , 

Hmm what about the fat salmon fillets - NO I'm not looking at you guys anymore since last time I was happily choosing the fillets without doing the math and it turns out for like 3 fillets cost me around £12 I bet and awkwardly smiled , say 'no thank you, I changed my mind ' HA HA HA , 

and suddenly these bones caught my attention, sitting there at the corner with their heads ( I should buy the head - we could do kari kepala ikan huhu too late too slow to realize ) 

' what are those? Are they salmon bones?' 

he nodded his head. * suddenly there's this flying unicorns and rainbows haha* 

what makes me even happier, they're just £0.50 for that long salmon my life is so blessed in this barakah jumaat. 

Tak sia sia ceq gagahkan diri bangun dari katil dan bersemangat melangkah ke city. But since I know it'll be so hectic in Cardiff tomorrow, with the UEFA final going on, there will be like what thousands of people with so many closed roads, its today or never. 

I had a list to buy either, need to restock my dates since I finished mine already , get a kulit popiah since I am dying (no this is an exaggeration) to eat one decent popiah goreng - and some other stuff. I thought of getting a new purse , spending my gift card Ajlaa gave me - but with all the fishes and heavy bags, and the need of browsing stuff, fasting on top of it, I guess I'll better use it on line.

We're going to have a campak campak salmon grill tonight. There's button mushrooms, slices of onions and aubergines , carrots and potatoes , and I let the black peppers, mixed herbs, salts and the drizzle of oil to do the rest of the magic. 

ikan duyung ke tu dalam sinki haha

bed of onions , aubergine and what not and stuff them all in a casserole 

masak dengan baik tauuu :) ' update ; they smells so good now and there's another at least 4 hours to go '

Love, the'ann

scaling social skills.

I've been writing a lot like a lot these days but I think it should be fine tho documenting my thoughts and life generally. 

Though there is not much things happening in my life now but I always have tons of things running inside my head - how I wish my body is running too hahahhahaha , and I do hope there will be lots of things running and connecting my brain cells so they're functioning well before I start with my CLP bless me ya Allah. 

hey hey its June already and I'm already in my 23rd for about what, a week or two now ha ha 

and suddenly it crossed my mind that if I were about to scale my social skills, its probably negative and worse when it comes to the opposite gender. 

In my prayers , I [started] to include about (long time ago but this time around its more specific) jodoh wise , and since ibu asked [more than once] about boyfriend or whatever we call them as, and she asked it when I was revising for my final year so I replied ' Ibu nak belajar pun akak takde masa hence ...* fill in the blank space* ...' 

But the reality is that I guess I never know how to approach people , or to establish a continuous dialogue - I keen towards 'what can I help you?' when someone is deliberating and not going straight to the point as if I was impliedly saying 'er hello tell me the points and don't waste my time' when I merely don't know how to. 

Poor me haha. 

My social skills are selective according to people and occasion. I am okay with presentations or debating but when it comes to socializing, I am a plain capathi without the mutton curry. Awwwh it sounds good. 

The thing is not about 'jodoh' alone. I even lost my words when it comes to high school [used to be] good friends. We were close in the past, in my memories at least and now not any more. But I always perceive it as a good sign of practising ikhtilat but idk this funny feeling. Its like Allah secured the path for you but you kinda miss the old you which you know its up to no good. 

I miss these cute kids can't wait to meet them again in July :) 

I asked Allah to give me the best person at the best time among those who seeks for Him. 

And I know it won't go far enough by just putting everything, from hopes to desires to just Him and do nothing. 

But seriously I don't know how to. I envied people who can talk freely with people, I still had those anxieties that keeps me at the corner, enough by just watching the crowd and walks away when no one noticed , even when people does I still walk away. 

The walls I built was way too high and I don't seems to be bothered, but now it seems wrong in some ways I don't know. I specifically choose to hear and see what I wanted to hear, like a safe zone but by not doing so, it puts me in a fragile position and it could be harmful to me personally, just like what happened last two years. 

I envied people who found their soul mate, planning to the next step, when I can't really see where I am going in terms of relationship in the next 3 years for now. I always joke around with my sister but we always got stuck in a very serious end that if we happened to be single forever, lets travel and take a good care of our parents. 

To the very least, we're doing our best in our capacities as daughters. And the nearest plan now is to stay in cave ( virtually ), washed plates during my brother's wedding soon ( pray for him and my future kakak ipar insyaAllah ameen ) so we will avoid the typical questions for anak dara lol lol -whatalife. 

Writing this actually makes me sad - 

But lets have faith that He will definitely give me a partner, if not now then later, if I can't earn the 'jannah ticket' as a wife, then I shall earn one by giving my best to my parents , because it's still possible to do so. Or a good sister to my brothers. 

Make prayers for me :) jazakumullah hu khayran katheera ( massive of thanks ). 

its a long way to go pun, biiznillah ( by Allah's permission ) , fret not Najwa. He who control all the affairs always know and put the best person at the best time. 

Love, the'ann

the long day and short night

its 3.50 am in the morning , just ate bubur for sahur and I'll go to sleep after this. 

There's this one ukhti in Cardiff recently wrote a piece of beautiful writing to be reflected upon about whether the 18 hours of fasting is a nikmat or otherwise ( I better read again the tittle ) but the gist of the post speaks about how this 18 hours of daylight and do your math on the night left is actually one of the biggest blessing

Why is that, I just realized that a shorter night always makes you concious and awake mainly because you feel the force to take at least a sip of water 

( tipu, at least a sip of water with 3 pieces of kurma ) ( tipu, you might even consider bananas as they supplies [more] glucose or should I say fructose ey ? haha help meeeee) 

so the fact that you're more concious than ever, you rarely fall asleep and finds it easier to perform qiam , though tahajjud is [almost] out of question ( I am still not sure about the need to fall asleep for a moment ) ( because falling asleep is so hard when you're too scared that you might fall asleep and tadadada wake up for subuh instead ) you still have the chance to do other ibadah sunat. 

and I hope its a big reminder to me to always make a full use of that concious time moreover towards the end of Ramadhan - and have I told you that the night sky in the UK is not always that dark - its always grey in colour I don't know how to describe it but yeah camtulah. 

this is towards the dawn - but at night its that greyish blue idk hahah I am bad at this 

stepping up the game.

Time stamp : 1824 30th May 2017 
Location : On this comfy bed accompanied by the 6 inch fan - Treherbert Street 

This year I decided to go with my own plan and pace.

Instead of joining tadarus groups, I choose to continue with my yearly Khatam Quran project, which alhamdulillah finished the first round ( started somewhere around September 2015 )  on 15th of November 2016 and now onto the second year - and today I am at Surah Sajadah. 

I remembered back in highschool there's this one time I bet its Ramadhan , we need to memorize the surah and it was in my junior year ( as I sensed the force of doing so haha ) no wonder it sounds familiar but shame on me of not continuing it ( soon insyaAllah )

The first year of  khatam Quran - its 2 pages after Maghrib everyday without fail. Include reflecting upon each verses ( tadabbur ) 

The second year - its 2 pages after Maghrib and Isyak. Including tadabbur part too. 

And since its Ramadhan , which might be one of the best turning point for anyone's life , I am trying to step up the game , funny how each time I was lazying around , this phrase of 'lets step up the game' keep me going. Its 2 pages after every prayer. 

And it feels good in some way , seeing how much you progress in the second projection. May this be one of the thing that I keep looking forward to do it each day. It may be a small step but I'm trying to instil steadfastness ( is it the right word for istiqamah? ) 

Thinking of making a tree of deeds - one leaf for one page of Quran , an apple for the days you fast , and perhaps one grass for each terawih. Yay or nay, been thinking about this since yesterday but yes, I was too lazy to even draw ( but got time to complete her noob level of scrapbook haha ) 

and I shall start reading books too, Aside from just Quran. Kena jadi muslim proactive and critical at the same time ! 

Ayuh Najwa ! Doakan seorang Najwa please.