Di negara orang...

Basically what I am trying to reflect here is merely about Foods and I found Food as a tittle alone sounds not appealing. Dang assuming ' Di Negara Orang ' sounds appealing hahaaaaaa ( gelak secara hambar skala 2.167 ) 

It was in my Legal Foundation yesterday when the lecturer discuss about a case in which there's a party name


  ".... STEAMBOAT " and mula telan air liur sedapnya kuah tomyam sekarang haha so I decided to make one ( this weekend ). 

sedapnya STEAMBOAT. muka dalam kelas fikir menu haha
Then we went to the halal stores around Cathays (where I lived - ni kira standard kawasan Ayer Molek camtu lols rindu Melaka ) .


The list went down from the vege's to the chicken meat ( all ticked ) except for one vital thing for me , a must have in a steamboat , hmm FISHBALLS!

Apparently apa yang sedih dekat sini is you hardly find fresh fishes with their heads - tails - bones and their friends ( kupang - ketam tak nampak lagi - sotong dan kawan seangkatan ) . And its like my forever craving tunggu balik Malaysia je boleh dapat , asam pedas ikan pari. Haha menyimpang jauh ni dari cerita asal. Tapi serious , nak asam pedas ikan pari pretty please ( muka berharap mata bersinar )


I asked the halal meat store butcher on where can I find fishballs and they said it doesn't really matter where because its fish. You can find one in Tesco , MAYBE.

Dialogue ;

Pakcik Arab cakap kedah , kah kah najwa tipu.       

" Hang pi lah Tesco sana , depa jual fishball "
Najwa versi span kuning dan tetiba speaking utara : 

     
" Apa pakcik? Tesco depan sana depa ada jual FISHBALL?!  "

" Sekarang jugakkkk saya pi carikkk ! "

Tesco harom tak jual fishballs and I cry. 

Then I decided to look at the Chinese store nearby , since I assume chinese eat fishballs and they must be selling some there. Yes they did. With shubhah ( doubtful ) ingredients. I cry once again. 

...

kesimpulannya ,TAKDE AAAAA FISHBALL DALAM STEAMBOAT. cries

 . 

bila hadap situasi macam ni ,barulah rasa mixed feelings lahir dan hidup dan membesar di Malaysia. 

Ignorant.

Kat Malaysia , pergi mana mana store , rembat mana mana fishball , meatballs , chicken balls tanpa perlu baca ingredient apa since we all know the non halal stuff is sectioned at one part .  And kita takpernah nak ambil tahu all those E162 , 142 , * put any numbers * constitute to what , kita tahu , nampak logo halal " Hmm halal ni " and purchase. 

Pastu satgi Cadburry haram ada swine and their genetics , barulah gelabah , " Eh selama ni ada logo halal pehal haraaaam woi kena samak mulut ni * gelabah seperti itik pulang petang * " silalah kumur air tanah ignorant ( serious ni tak lawak - konon lawak aaa tu samak mulut dengan air tanah? ) . Which selama ni kita ( as majority ) tak pernah nak kisah about the foods issues sedangkan kita tahu makanan yang masuk dalam badan akan jadi darah daging sat esok ada anak , mengalir dalam tubuh anak aicewohs pepandai je haha. Eh tak , serius. 

Tapi , 

Bila dah dekat sini , mula kena didik diri sendiri untuk jadi lagi concern sebab obviously kita minority. Nampak macam uuuu sedapnya nasi goreng instant packed jual dekat store , dah excited dah ni , sekali baca ingredient , 70% Pork. I cry. 

Takpelah , 

Biar terdidik sikit diri sendiri jadi hamba yang sabar - nanti balik Malaysia kita jumpa ikan ye Anis Najwa - sabar , tak lari ikan dikejar wakakakakkakakaka tak lawak , hamba yang boleh belajar hikmah Allah campak duduk negara orang , biar bagi nampak sikit banyaknya rahmat Allah turunkan dekat negara sendiri ( hujan emas rupanya di negeri sendiri haha ) , biar diri sendiri rasa syukurnya Islam tu hidup sebagai majoriti di negara sendiri , hamba yang lebih peka dan tidak membabi buta  , biar sedar sikit babi di dalam makanan adalah normal dan berleluasa di sini haha. * takde kaitan *

.
wishlist balik Malaysia ,

Pergi pasar , beli ikan , beli sotong , beli kerang , beli kupang . I miss fishes with heads and tails. 


ps. * tak sampai dua bulan dekat sini dah karang wishlist * nayyy. 
Banyak sangat drafted post. Berbulan yang lepas. Bertahun yang lepas. 

For various reasons. Instead of 'Publish' . 'Save' 

Dan dia akan terus kekal drafted. Biar diri sendiri baca. Reflect. 

Ingat , Tak semua sisi boleh tunjuk dekat dunia.
Biar Tuhan satu je yang tahu , yang kenal , yang nilai.

Dan biar kau tahu , 
kau ada nilai yang bukan berskala penilaian manusia.  Kau ada Tuhan yang kenal. Kau punya source kuat datang dari Yang Menciptakan. 

bukan dari yang selalu menghampakan. 

Kuatlah diri sendiri. Biar sempadan kehidupan kau jadi teladan hidup orang lain. 

" Anis , blog kau , inspiring. "

tak , langsung tak , aku tulis berdasarkan apa yang aku pandang , yang aku lalu , dan apa yang aku rasa. Dan tak mustahil dalam jalan yang sama , kau rasa pandang lihat benda yang aku nampak , dan kadang kau tahu skala perit dia dekat mana. Dan dari situ aku belajar untuk hidup. Dan secara kesimpulannya , hidup KITA inspiring. 

Bezanya , I put those in writing. 

dan aku wonder , kau masih nak tahu pasal hidup aku?
Questioning all the ' what if ' s again. Couldn't had enough. It keeps bugging the head.

Tak boleh ke kau cuba terima apa yang dah berlaku dalam dunia nyata?

Kalau tak pernah jumpa. Sampai sekarang ke?
Kalau tak pernah tahu. Sampai sekarang ke?
Kalau selamanya tak tahu. Macam sekarang ke?
Kalau. 
Selamanya. 
Tak pernah tahu
dan Tak ambil peduli.
dan Tak pernah nak tahu. 
dan takkan mungkin pernah tahu.
Perasaan . Emosi . Keadaan . Kesemuanya , adakah akan  kekal sama? 

You know you would never want to put all the words [ which supposed to be ] in a sentence because you know the all what if's answered. Figured. 

Syaitan inspire fear by saying ' if ' ' what if ' - ' kalau ' 
Nak ikut aspirasi syaitan ke. 

.
..
...
....


Taknak. Bye syaitan. Jangan inspire what if lagi dalam kepala . Cukup. 
Jangan bagi aku nyanyi cukup cukup sudah [ penangan housemate yang nyanyi any lagu bila ada satu perkataan yang boleh constitute jadi lagu haha ]

You walk away even before you could explain. Kau kata simpan dulu. Aku simpan. Kalaulah aku boleh... kalau lagi , nampak tak?

dah. bye . 
Because there's so many things I left behind.
Time passes by ,

I neglect some people in the past.
I treat some people as merely memories.
I ignore the pain I've been suffering those days.

Hoping that they'll fade as memories.
even some good memories. washed away.
No pictures taken. Just like how Jack exist in Rose's life on titanic.

They all left as memories , and its fading.

Self proclaim chef in the house.

I was cooking ayam masak lemak cili api for lunch today and I decided to put up on  the blog ( the pictures ) which I hope I do have them in my album , things I've cooked here. 

Rindu Malaysia , rindu nak makan ikan ada ekor dan kepala. They only sell fillets and not fresh seafood I am so sad. 

my very first cook here , first ke second day masuk rumah - Kubis masak lemak and sambal telur and fish fillet keras because we haven't figured how the oven worked last time
basically I only did that ayam masak kicap , rujuk yang hitam itu haha and the cheese potato , days yang kenkonon nak makan teobuki tah camne nak eja , tu yang sampai letak pan atas meja haha 

our housewarming party - cooked the main dishes , nasi ayam dan kawan kawan ( ayam order lols ) and spagethi ala ala goreng melayu aicewahs haha

my housemate did the triffles yummayyhhh
grilled lamb daging kurban Malaysian Society Cardiff - make the mushroom gravy and the mashed potato , marinated the lamb for two days and this is what I crave most ( among all my cookings haha )

this might be the reason why I am writing this! I cooked masak lemak cili api , which apinya kurang sebab I can't really go with very spicy things and kubis goreng tak figure apa nama haha. 
tomyam sayur sebab nak habiskan banyak sayur + ikan bilis goreng with the onions and cili padi. 
ni kambing tadi gambar zoom out ahahhahahha.


days I found myself so lazyi and I have lots of things to be done , here you go , porridge. 

well I only got the vibe of into cooking during weekends , weekdays biasa tibai je nuttella and bananas , strawberries and milks , doritos * read nachos * and yeah maggi kari pecah telur. Sarapan kalau rajin sikit there's telur separuh masak , wrap with serunding and cheese. Tapi tu kalau rajin which rajin only appear once in a bluemoon , overtimes it would be kimis pack kecik luls makan sambil tunggu kelas start.

adios. My menu is boring.

A month reflection in Cardiff.

Many thoughts had been running actively through my mind for the past few days , celebrating my Monthasary lols this is even a word ( Month + anniversary ) last 19th of October but it happened that the thoughts appear when I am walking to the school for classes , which its always early in the morning and I would only get my laptop-blogging time in the evening and by the time I reach home , I'm tired , hitting the bed... and thoughts left as thoughts. 

infront of Cardiff University's Main Building.



Mengaku je malas. Tidak perlu lagi berdolak dalih aicewah. 

So much things I've been seeing these days , reflections on how my life had been so far here. Well literally far from home ( ayat takde connectors langsung namun sila abaikan , I'm writing this down at 1.48 am in the morning , so expect the worst writing , hahahahahhahha pernah ke writing bagus sister? Ketuk kepala dengan jari telunjuk secara sopan haha ) ( my gums are bleeding and its kinda distracting me well kumuh air garam je dari semalam ni ) ( motifnya bagitahu ) haha

As seen in social medias , I've been 'enjoy'ing myself with studies er , escapism from my comfort zone ( I don't know if this is the right choice of word , but yeah I guess so ) by signing up for some charity works which its a Yay for me since I've been shutting myself off from social interactions with humans in a bigger scale for this first month ( excluding my friends and law mates etc etc which also outside my law world ) . Haha seeing how interesting Malaysia society  ; Deepavali's pot luck + some dikir barat in the instagram video and I am here trying to figure out my criminal law tutorials questions. 

well , I guess I am in a right track , you can freely shout at me " Najwa , have A LIFE " 

So lets be serious ! ( life should be taken seriously as life is precious , randomly quoted from unnamed philosophers haha )

Locals and their hardworking level.

Yes , during my first tutorial , I am a type of person who only enjoy scribbling my questions papers with arrows and tiny answers ( extracting ideas , like general ideas usually , not deepen answers because I usually want my brain to only capture certain keywords / ideas and by the time I am facing exams / presentation / or anything related , I am able to generate the words through the keywords only , this is how years had been working for me ) but certainly not for my first month here haha. I was shocked / amaze / realize how lazy I was , how ignorant I could be , to see the locals / other internationals having a full set of notes written down in  an orderly manner ( I only make a very simple mind map without the detail answers ) , I was lucky that was our very first day of tutorials ( because I only have tutorials on Monday and Tuesday , a bit of unpleasant feeling because you're struggling during weekends ) so that I am able to get the first idea how a tutorial would work.

You somehow faced that inferiority complex moment when it comes to discussing ( as I mention I am able to generate keywords and ideas into proper words all these years ) its not working well here as I might concern about how my Malaysian English slang sounds like , and sometimes because you always use a mixture of Manglish words in presentations , seeking for a good choice of words ( as its a no choice but to speak English all the time )  to make the people around you to understand what you actually saying ; and at the end the tutor would help to rephrase back yours words in an understandable wordings ; I cry. haha. 

This might sounds pehal minah ni nak brag but I passed my English language test during the orientation week and it happened that people who pass don't get a place for English language support classes ( for you to cope with the classes ) , and you know I've been wanting a spot ( while I am writing down the essay in the test because this support class sounds helping and I know it would ) . Because deep down , I feel like , I need a language support. To get my tongue back in the verbal track bahahahhaha. 

I swear that 2 hours could be one of the most suffocating moments for me because obviously I came unprepared , well I thought my preparations considered prepared enough , not till I saw how hardworking the locals were , I guess I need to refine my preparation scale. haha. 

I went to a Malaysian Law Society meet in the past weeks , where someone do ask about how many hours shall we allocate for tutorials , and the senior answered " 7 hours , at least " kira macam 7 jam tu paling cikai like paling cikai and I was like " Oh uh 7 hours " well I am obviously doubting that ehe and by the time I am in that tutorial-prep-session 7 hours is not enough I tell you ! Straight seven hours is a madness , I tried five hours and its madness , even its stated inside the contract tutorial handbook , you're advised to spend 10 - 12 hours on tutorial which it includes reading + questions and answers .

Now I got it why its only two classes per day ( one class : one hour ) , law school one hour class is prior to five hours of reading ( my friend's father said so ) still I haven't dedicate 5 hours out of 24 hours I had to do serious pre reading. My bad. haha. Well I do try reading + walking to the class but its so cold that I need to place my hand in my coat and yeah ( phone placed in the pockets ) . Maybe I shall try to record my own voice and get irritated ahaks. 

well , now that Law School is a no joke for me. HAHAHA DO YOU EVER SEE IT AS A JOKE GIRL ( emoticon mata tajam kepala berapi ) 

lesson learnt ' come prepared to any tutorials / classes. Prepared means , prepared skala locals. Well at least come with an organized head and brain on whats going to happen in the class later. 
...

Wet Cardiff with warm people. 

Cardiff is practically wet these days , I got myself pairs of shoes ( ignore this line haha ) which are waterproof since its raining / drizzling all day ( well some days you could be lucky if the sun shines and it actually radiating heat haha ) . Its funny how I really wish its cold back then in Shah Alam during Alevels days , and somehow agreeing to twitter jokes that Shah Alam is situated between the earth and the sun , like where the moon is situated haha . And how I see myself fancying the heat that the sun in Cardiff radiated. 

I met my landlord last week while we're eating Nasi Lemak ( woke up to see Nasi Lemak on the table served ) hahaha my bad I slept late during weekends. because the weekEND. All these while we had been contacting them through phone calls and emails to settle down about the house , well I don't really do that part that much , but still I did at some points . They're like super warm I tell you. They even tasted our Nasi Lemak though the sambal is quite spicy , well its spicy , exclude the quite , me self proclaiming orang Melaka can't stand the spiciness and my housemate were actually asking 

our landlord, our super super super baik landlord , Mr and Mrs Robert , the wife's name is Dorothy :) 


" Najwa betul ke orang Melaka ? " Half breed , Melaka Selangor. Hahaha apa kau ingat kau python ke najwa?

...

I've been reminded by people back in Malaysia about how locals could make you feel uncomfortable by seeing us as aliens from Asia. Well it happened that Cardiff had quashed my stigma. The people here , from the very young age to the elder seems pleasing , at least I feel accepted here as an internationals , plus I'm wearing hijab. So far , alhamdulillah. No one yet mocked anyone of us , why we're wearing such clothes ( exclude there's this one day we're waiting for the taxi and there's suddenly a guy who're driving shows us a middle finger sign ) well its once and never happened again at least till now.  Maybe I am in a law - student - area , that people are much more open and they actually understand / they don't even bother asking but through stories I heard from my friends staying at halls and their flat mates actually concern about our halal preferences , do and don'ts - I guess its just wonderful here .

Religions and belief. 

Alhamdulillah , here in Cardiff I haven't encountered moments where I need to perform my solat in the changing room in the malls ( maybe because I have a friend staying at the city and her house is practically our ' City Surau ' ) or seeking for an empty seminars room to do our obligations. There's plenty Quiet Rooms around the schools ( accessible almost all the time ) 

Last time when I was walking down at the city street , there's a man giving some speech in public regarding " Why We Need God ?" and it can be considered as da'wah in their religion. I am amazed as I am seeing it done it the public , some people do actually stop and hear to what the guy was saying , he's not even a father ( the one who lead in the church ) and I don't see any sisters around there as well . 

Maybe back in Malaysia , there must be people doing street da'wah but I haven't got the chance to see any , well if there's any , it'd be pretty tiny scale. Because what I always see , the da'wah is being spread in Malaysia to those who seems ' interested ' and 'approachable' as how they dress ( I mean like usrah meant ( at least in the context I am seeing it ) for those with who're wearing hijab and etc related ) , like how Tabligh work , it somehow reached by people who already have at least basic understanding regarding the religion and having that awareness to get involved. 

But how about the one the others? Maybe because we're majority practicing Islam as a religion ( sadly for large groups of people is not making it as a way of life  - diri sendiri pun tertampar laju ) , we ASSUME everyone knows. we ASSUME the ignorant people choose to be ignorant when some of them actually don't , they simply don't know .

 It was one of the scene in a Malay Movie , can't recall oh wait wait , the Nur Kasih ( yeah thanks google ) when Remy Ishak is organizing a religion class well not exactly but some sort like that and there's this one ustaz who came ( played by Beto handsome ) and he refused to give the talk to the teenagers there as they're not in proper dress ( guideline aurat ) . And at that points you kinda question , which one shall came first , the force or the awareness?  Yang haram tetap haram is betul , I do agree with that , no matter how much we debate about that , still  , matlamat tak menghalalkan cara , like in the movie , matlamat dia is to educate these kids with the religion basis and let the spark of changing come from their inner self , but somehow in other perspective , some things in life shall be taught by force then came the awareness. 

Gone far , I am. 

but , the point I was trying to say here , seeing how a normal approachable people speaking out loud about why we need god in our life , promoting Christianity in the middle of the city - sadly how in Malaysia we somehow perceive that Masjid , Surau , Sekolah is merely more than enough for this perkembangan agama . We're protected under law if we are going to spread Islam and its beautiful contents in random flyers and random talk in the middle of the city but most of us just choose of not doing it , because practically me myself assume its not needed and everyone knows and aware. 

Lesson learn , don't assume and yeah I do feel I trying to invest some efforts and make changes in the country regarding this matter :)

well these were some big not that big reflections in life , at least for the first month here , di bumi yang Islam itu asing. 

Ajlaa ( my destined partner hahaha I can tell so )  shared with me earlier , when I was asking for her Hard Disk but instead she hear HADIS ,  well there goes my random reminder ;

" Sesungguhnya Islam itu datang dalam keadaan asing dan akan kembali asing sebagaimana datangnya , maka beruntunglah orang orang yang asing itu " 

Mari jadi orang yang asing. Tapi jangan asing sorang sorang. Ajak ramai ramai :) Biarlah kita pulang sebagai orang orang yang asing :)

The soya story. The " Aku Cinta Kau " story . The randomness of the week.

How is it even possible that your words fascinates a subject when you found none of them able to lift you up when you hit the bottom. Like how even its possible for you to give love advises when you're not actually committing in one. 


bought myself two cactus because I miss having a creature to be pet(ed) ? haha.

This girl had been trying to write something sounds like a human being here , a normal human being who're ( supposedly ) attached to a thing called emotion because I found myself struggling with ONLY notes and books abandoning my what-the-heart-supposed-to-feel maybe in Malaysia haha . And if someone out of nowhere and randomly ask What You've Been Doing These Days? I wonder how lame my answer could be.

This bachelor here is browsing some random people's profiles and going through random people's tweets and get envy with their life and she's grieving in sadness  because she's not experiencing the ' fun ' life that other people had been living. Why is that even possible for a human to see wonderful things happening in someone's else life when wonderful things ARE happening in their life ( which they can't see it but others do _? ) I guess it always worked that way. GRATEFUL is not merely a word dearself , its an action. Supposed to be practiced. Be grateful.

It was the other I bought a box of soya from a store nearby , because I always think soya is a drink made out of love and care , why? Because when I was walking through the night market browsing what drink shall I buy which most of them were made out of cordials and soya does not have cordials so that people need to start from the beans itself ( maybe a long way process ) to turn it into a drink. So I guess , that's love? Just because it starts from the very stretch , and with the absence of cordials? Am I dead serious with this kind of theory. Well. Yes. Back to the story of the soya I bought from the store - I was excited because I picked a perfect box ( they only have two in store which I don't understand why and one of boxes kinda messed up - and I barely see soya here in Cardiff which I am not clear why again ) .

 I was excited. 
I opened the box.
 I drink it. 
.
..
...
....

It saddened me when it taste like hell crap what I'm drinking here. 

' Unsweetened ' labelled on the box really clear . 



Doomed. 

My housemate bought me a box of another soya. This time around it tasted like milk. No I'm sick of milk. I want soya. 

There you go my sad story of a box of soya. 

Things excites you. They just hit you when it does not taste / feel the same. Gahh I miss pasar malam. How is this even related. 

Like how I was fascinated when I saw a meat pie in a fish bar restaurant. And I was looking through the price lists seeking for the price for the pie but it shows no sign it exist on the board. " Sir , how much does the pie cost? " 

" Oh sorry dear , its not halal " sad meat pie story. 

Like how I offered a cut of apple in the middle of the city. Eh hello not another set of Snow White story. " Would you like to taste the apple my love? " well I am quoting the exact words he said. Well free stuff , and its for my love , why not? Bahahahahaha rolling on the floor. I end up buying two of them , since I haven't registered my GP ( read doctor ) well you can ask me what I've been doing for the past weeks . I need to keep the doctors away , with apples. And found myself barely biting the two apples as I have sensitive teeth ( its cold here and my apples were affected ) and it just don't taste the same like what I tasted at the store. I cry. 

in case if you're wondering whether I fall for his love trap , no crap , I don't.

It was the other day a Bangladeshi who appear to live in Malaysia for quite some time , and he's working at the Chicken Cottage , he asked me , what is " Aku cinta kau " in English and I straightly say " I love you " and he goes " You love me? " and he's like telling it to his colleague that I don't mention " IT MEANS i love you " and I swear to God I feel like punching his face , well thanks to my very good mood on that day , I let the I love you jokes slips away. 

This Lazada keep sending me emails promoting offers , I loathe shopping once but I bet the climate change the preference. I love to shop here. LIKE WHATS WRONG WITH MYSELF I don't know. I keep saying that I don't need this when I was passing by the stores in the city and one second I found myself browsing through the online shops. And my bank cards kinda screaming out loud " Use Me " virtually I supposed ( creepy ) . 

Enjoyed ( wasted ) hours putting stuff in the trolley convincing myself that I need those when I only WANT not NEED EM and I click the ' X ' button - you don't need this. No you don't . 

Like I may say I need a boyfriend. No I don't , at least for now.

But I need one. No you don't. 
Daunted by the memories of the Chicken Cottage uncle
You better go shopping najwa. Haha. 

Pig laugh. 
Literally pig ( toy ) laughing. 

video
this is like so hillarious ( posted it on instagram week before haha ) 

My randomness.

The painful past I'm reflecting.

Its been quite some time I wrote reflective posts. Which merely everything is circling inside my head. And by the time I want to wrote it down , kinda battling with what people would feel / think / perceive and react by reading through the writing.

It caught my eyes years ago when there's an issue regarding the usage of ' keling ' to address some people written in a book about the past and it sparks anger on the basis that it sparks racial hatred. And many people ask to change the phrase to a 'better' phrase that can avoid racial hatred. But there's someone who came up with a statement ( I am not sure who ; I kinda know but I choose not to seek about it again haha ) said , " Kalau semua benda dalam sejarah nak ditukar ikut peredaran zaman or to suit people's preferences , sejarah akan tinggal sejarah - or there will be no history at all since its changed " .  Well the wording tak exact but that's what I get from the point of view . 

Which how it relate to my life actually? 

I know my life's history , at some points hurts some people as it hurts me as well , include all the grudges and all , I might say that I forgive but never once I forgot. If I keep my living satisfying people's preferences , giving only what they want to know and what they want to hear , I'll definitely in some points going to please them with words such as " Eh takde apa pun lah "  " Benda dah lepas " when you yourself know , its not okay , the past is not living as past , it matters. 

Which if the history never exist , like the quarrels and fights - I might not know how to be a better person for someone , I might not know how to mend my attitudes , I might as well not know how to distinguish a good friend or a bad friend or even how to act like a good one. Samalah macam kes penggunaan perkataan keling tu , it happened and you can't change the fact just because of the sake that you want to please certain group people , if in the old days it does spark hatred among the races , then people in this era should have learn that , this is wrong so I shall never repeat this. 

Shits in life happened and you can't never change them ; you learn from them. 

...

I was in the bed with my housemate yesterday , which I rarely be that ' clingy ' but I don't know where it starts but I am telling her about how the past years had been treating me - from high school to colleges . 


Like how pretentious I could be when I'm dealing with people who never takes me seriously - like how the fate was arranged that I realize things which the truth is lying just in front of my eyes and I guess I am just too young too dumb to realize - like how people could see flying off overseas ( the route as a whole ) nampak macam senang dan menggembirakan tup tup dah fly and boleh hembus nafas nampak asap - like how our life being judged by pieces of pictures ( smiling faces lepas ielts , relief post lepas hadap final alevels ) , 

they would probably never know how thorny the route was. 

I remember those days I frequently left my P&P session for debate competitions since 2008 , my prefect thingy , well debate rasa lagi macam you're all alone since debater punya community tak berapa nak besar , and from the batch ada 3 orang je ( 2 English and 1 Malay ) , so memang muka kau je yang selalu keluar kelas and basically I am creating the memories alone ( excluding colleagues )  with my fellow debaters . Like how I was mocked for leaving the classes saat nak SPM , like which matters most? Debate ke SPM? when I know its SPM but still melangkah keluar kelas. I guess I deserve my seven A's back then for not trying hard + all the scattered attentions for unnecessary stuff. 

And still Allah pilih untuk lalu route ke luar negara , when I am all redha sambung mana mana pun okay. With my seven A's yang orang pandang takde mata , Allah still showered me with blessings , even thorny mana alevels could be for me , like how I doubt myself boleh tak buat ni boleh tak buat ni , though the feelings nak give up tu kadang tinggi , I reminded myself , this is a blessing from Him , spur your efforts and make your own life blessed , well at least nanti kau tak question diri sendiri for not trying hard for something , like how I said in my past posts , I'm living my alevels life hard way. Like hard way ( in terms of studying and even dealing with emotions breakdown , terrible emotion breakdown )

I remember those days my diaries in school were full of hatred comments and long essays of portraying pains. 

How evil your seniors could be when they mocked what I am doing in front on the stage , with all the emotion tortured ; my junior years quashed by the fact that I am living my life being abused with verbal  'so called' jokes and I remembered how I really want them to seek for an apology for what they've done . 

But I know even if they ask for one after this , I'll end up saying " Takpelah , benda dah lepas " but deeply you know , it happened and you can't change it. and , it matters. 

Because of that I grow stronger , verbal jokes can never take me down. And the most important reflection is  never once I shall act shit like one , making fun of someone else just because you feel its some sort of 'so called ' jokes to you. Because its  never okay to do so no matter at what age you're living . 

Like how I was left in discussion just because people THINK AND ASSUME that you don't want to get involved instead of ASKING WHETHER I WANT TO BE INCLUDED. lols my fault for not approaching but since you're in the minority site , you choose not to approach.

How it feels like being in a group and you're left alone just because people think that you want to be alone?

It hurts. 
Even if I say it to someone's face today how awful it was those days I am treated that way , would they be able to turn back the time and change it? 

No.

And because of that I reminded myself , Friend end with END. At the age of 15 I realize that you're going to face this life ALONE later , some  points in life , people don't really give a damn on what you feel and what you prefer , they just don't and to be overly attached to a living creature was one of the biggest mistake a human could do , at least its a perspective from my side.

Because I know how it feels like when you're expecting things and its not like what you expect it to be , like how sacred a promises between best friends to stay in pain and smiles , at some points , they're empty words a human could give. 

But there's always one thing I know , in every reflection.

LESSONS. 

Take someone seriously ; because in life , its the matter of giving and receiving. Their feelings , their preferences , life is not about changing the differences , its about assimilating the differences. Like how you want your life to be taken seriously , thats how you should act in the matter of taking someone's life seriously. 

No matter how painful my past could be , like how it might torture me in my dreams , like how random tears flowing down my cheek - the past and the pains were meant to be a blessing to me , which I learnt a lot from them. Not every point in the past is pain , my friends and the people surround me was a great support especially my family , my backbone and I believe thorny routes taught me a lot , even from a group of evil seniors. And I am thankful for these wonderful fate written. 

You know how many times in life when I found myself hitting the bottom of everything , 

My mum , my dad , my grandparents my aunt , my uncle , my siblings would go

" Anis kuat , ibu tahu anis kuat "
" Anis boleh buat , acik tahu anis boleh buat "
" Nenek selalu doakan anis "

personally dia tahu dia tak kuat , dan takpernah tahu mana datang semua kekuatan . For who am I in the past , in the present , and in the future , moga terus didoakan kekuatan menempuh kehidupan. 

Because all these short words , it seems to be such a crime to allow myself to fail and give up on things. Because I've grow stronger with all these words and prayers. Anywhere I , would've been accompanied and followed by the strength delivered through prayers of these people.

Sebab kalau tak pernah jumpa manusia pelbagai ragam , 
Bila nak kenal hidup dan asam garam.  

Hows Cardiff so far?

So I've been taught in my Legal Foundation studies ( just an introduction no worries I would never sounds like I am a law student here eheee ) that the tittle of a case ( or any articles ) would be important for you to imagine what I am going to write further ( which this is something you indirectly know but yeah small things highlighted doh apa motip kau mention * berguling atas jalan not literally * )

so I've been ( not so ) busy these days , where I found myself detaching from the social networks , well you'll surely notice my absence durgh siapa kau orang nak notice ( menampar diri sendiri )

Settling down with... * drumroll please oh wells pakai mulut pun takpe duduudududuud <-- attempt bunyi drumroll bahahahha * 

MY HOUSE IN CARDIFF. 

my houseeee :)

the living room and the kitchen :)


the housemates , Ajlaa Nabila Nadilah Najwa. :)

ROOM TRANSFORMATION , messy I know. Don't mention. haha. 

 

lols banyak issue sebenarnya rumah ni , I found myself so beeeeeeeeeze ( read busy bossy buzz miahaaa ) last Thursday settling about the house thingy and this week's Thursday I am writing this post lols bahagia bunyi dia . Well originally the plan was to get a house in Gelligaer ( ignore all these typo street name I am just settling in Cardiff for 2 weeks duhh ) , pastu cerita dia panjang sebenarnya , the house punya issue was a bit stressing which I kinda acted cool but sebenarnya gelabah gak , tapi deep down I'm wishing for a new house since the route / urusan towards the old house ( I mean the Gelligaer house tu ) wasn't that smooth from the start , so husnuzhon , mungkin Allah tak bagi duduk situ for some reason which I shall not / never know so Allah jawab my silent prayers through a senior ( may Allah bless you eternally for countless of efforts for helping us to settled down here , not to mention lots of Malaysian seniors , being such a great help from the simplest to biggest matter I encountered here )  for a new affordable and lovely house in the Lisvane Street 

My health condition last week wasn't that pink in health either , perhaps grey * cuba lagi tahun depan najwa , tak lawak * . I suffered sejuk panas demam ke tak ni haha and runny nose plus headache plus the idea of settling down your house stuff in the last weekend , all of this equivalent to sakit kuasa 2 . I did brought along some medication from Malaysia namun nyata ubat Malaysia rebel kot bahahahah they don't work / my body does not responding well to the drugs etc etc. Maybe sebab kita ni dah 20 tahun hidup dalam cuaca khatulistiwa , yang jarang jarang dapat menapak Cameron ( wells weather cam Cameron kot hahah cuma sejuk sikit ) , so tu yang sakit beberapa hari tu. But now mungkin kulit dah tebal beberapa mm bahahahha tidur pun tolak duvet selimut atas lantai. 

Classes?

Yeah I started my class last 29th of September , first class was at the Julian Hodge Building near to the business school , lols awal awal tak pulak aku explore kat mana Julian Hodge ni pastu bila google kat maps ( you did so well my Mi3 phone ) ( kena puji gak C3 sebab sambil sesat sesat tu dialah yang bagi music takdelah rasa macam forever alone sangat haha ) , DIA PI TUNJUK JADAH MANA JULIAN HODGE BANK. WHAT BANK I WANT BUILDING , duhhh motip gila tanya mat salleh kat mana Julian Hodge where building tu cuma sekangkang kera dari pandangan mata * tutup muka dengan hoodie *

inilah Julian Hodge Building wakakak motipnya kannn .


sebelah tu business school. :)


so far semua okay alhamdulillah. I took four subjects this semester / year - Criminal , Contract , Public Law , and Legal Foundation , all sounds like so law. lawls haha. Buku pun dah purchase , stationery UK mahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal gila please haha tak payah panjang sangat harakat aaa tu tapi serious mahal sebab kalau kau convert duit Malaysia , for example paying for a pen for 3 pound equivalent to RM 15++ in Malaysia , that sounds mahal aite? I know right. * sedangkan baru buat rule last post jangan convert ahaks *

In conclusion aicewah , 

Cardiff setakat yang di explore is a very nice city ( I guess I mentioned this in the previous post ) hahaha .

I am doing well for now. InsyaAllah. In the future as well :)

btw , my abang graduated last week , me is so jealous , me isssss soooo proudddd of you big brotha !

here you go :)) I wish I am there . :'(