#theanisnajwamusafir

Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk 2015 , Shall we embrace the light within together? #PMS2015

December 25, 2015

I got back from a long two weeks away from home - the first week to Croatia and Bosnia , then balik sehari bergolek tulis satu post then bertolak semula ke Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk 2015 under Ikram UK Eire , this time around dekat je dekat kawasan Wales ( the reason we say bye bye to jamak apatah lagi qasar , so thats the feeling heh tengok orang lain jamak solat , qasar siap semua but you don't hahahahahha ) 

By train , it took around 30 minutes-40 minutes or less , tapi sempat gak berdengkur dua tiga minit bagaikan lima jam train kah kah - it was not a long journey , but alhamdulillah , sebab dah dua minggu menapak jelajah bumi , a short and sweet escape fits to my liking. 

This year marks the second time attending PMS , Oh yeah the connotation of PMS here means  two things , its a pre menstrual syndrome which applies to British unexplained weather and the other PMS is the Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk ( unlike last year this year seriusssssss sejuk , ni tahap aku tak confuse musim apa sekarang haha ) * kalau rerajin bacalah herher  Perhimpuan Musim Sejuk 2014 * ( just saw that I got a picture with Kak Beila and Faez dalam ni , hahahha tahun ni Allah bagi kenal deeper ( sikit ) these people haha ) 

Harapan datang PMS kali ni? 

Last year aku takde specific harapan. Aku pergi PMS not knowing what PMS is all about , tapi aku cuma tahu aku akan bergaul dengan orang orang yang baik insyaAllah kat situ , because these people spends their money to be there , and dia bukan melibatkan like only a pound or two , even the nearest part of Wales had to spend around 10 pound for the return ticket , belum mention yuran pendaftaran semua . Nak katanya for some people money is definitely an issue ( a highlighted issue ) but being able to spend for some people cecah beratus which they can perhaps habiskan dekat travel or anywhere around the world since we're on our winter break - they choose to be here , that shows on implied personality , these people wants something here , that's why they're here. And insyaAllah SOMETHING tu ialah benda yang baik - in can be in terms of good company - maybe a crowd to make things warmer while embracing harsh winter not so harsh hahah .

But this year , what I want maybe just a really small pengharapan , which bagi aku dia cukup besar , is to berlapang dada dengan apa jua benda yang Allah nak bagi. Kalau kata Allah nak bagi a big dorm called a Dog House ( kau bayang a real small dog house pastu magically cam Harry Potter tu masuk masuk boleh muat 30-40 orang hahahaha ) , of all the sejuk ke ramai ke , aku sentiasa nak yang aku tu selalu berlapang dada which includes tak merungut , merasa bahagia je dengan susunan Allah tu , tak marah marah bila kena uji sikit dengan lantai sejuk ke takde air ke saat sedang mandi , sebab aku selalu rasa point kelemahan diri sendiri tu adalah , kemampuan untuk bersabar lebih nipis dari kulit bawang , which aku tahu aku kena tame this side of me to be more sabar hendaknya. 

Some other people might have differents aims according to their struggle , which to me is untuk capai tahap berlapang dada tu. 

What this year PMS basically offered you ?

First and foremost , the peluang dan ruang untuk jadi facilitator PMS which I must say alhamdulillah bebanyak alhamdulillah sebab I got like the confusion of being a faci ke peserta , but being both offers me tons of tarbiyaah ( learning from different source ) ,  sebab kalau jadi faci , you got to like get the feeling of responsibility maybe in terms nak jaga ( sikit ) perlakuan dan tutur kata , supaya you can indirectly help people to know more , getting to know Islam positively , I know insyaAllah all of us , Muslim sejak lahir but not everyone including me  dapat rasa kemanisan being a muslim when I don't make effort to know my religion deeper , on why I choose to stay in Islam aside from being born as Muslim tu sendiri .

we people sometimes takde keberanian nak preach people with our words , so being able to touch someone's heart from your personality is definitely a goal for every Muslim tu. Kita kan cerminan / refleksi agama kita :) 

Jadi peserta pun it offers you more , because banyak je yang first timer datang PMS , don't know what PMS can offers , it may somehow offers you ruang nak jumpa kawan lama , terpisah dari sekolah jumpa balik mungkin?  and mungkin jugak a place you see how someone can be so beautiful in many ways - like " Akak ni dah lah cantik pastu everything that she says cantik macam dia jugak " like siapa kan tak suka tengok an angel terjatuh dari heaven ? ( leuls over ) , mungkin jugak a place yang kau rasa in real life benda tu macam asing , contoh , you see people who can miraculously relate EVERYTHING , EVERY SINGLE THINGS with Quran when you only read Quran lepas solat and thats it , tapi seeing even some people memang hafal Quran and truly understand the guidance , kau rasa macam jelaous yang tahap " Aku nak jadi macam dia " , because its okay untuk jealous pada kebaikan someone that make us want to be like them.  Tidakkah menarik melihat kita melahirkan banyak orang baik melalui personality diri sendiri yang kadang kita tak pernah sedar pun kita ada , seperti permata ( diamonds * my group name ehhhheeeee * ) yang perlu digilap aicewahs . 

Mungkin dekat tempat lain pun kau boleh je nampak different people with different good characters , but as for me , dekat sini, aku nampak orang orang yang macam tu kadang ada sampai lepas PhD when here I am struggling with my undergraduate years , tapi at the same time they dress in modest , and knows a lot about Islam and be the good reflection of the religion itself - LIKE HOW CAN SOMEONE BE THAT ALL ROUNDER PEHAL PERFECT SANGAT NI * jerit suara teletubbies *

tapi bila memikirkan yang Islam tu syummul ( menyeluruh ) can be applied in every aspect , there's no wonder you can see these great people all around ! , you can be an alim ( berilmu ) , at the same time you can be an abid ( ahli ibadah ) , you can also be an expert in different cabang ilmu , at the same time apa yang kita pakai tak membataskan pun kita untuk segala kebaikan yang kita boleh grab dalam dunia. I met people who can sing so well , people who plays music instruments , people dengan kepakaran in architecture there , like amusing k jumpa orang yang sangat sangat pandai in many sense ni ( jealous sambil bergolek golek ) 

Faham ke? 

PMS jugak offer things like * drumroll * perasaan pi kenduri kahwin yang kena sleepover empat hari hahaha , the foods was beyond beyond beyond amazing yeahhhhsz , alhamdulillah alhamdulillah special thanks to ahli ahli dapur yang memasak , you guys make me feel so sad bila balik , knowing no one is going to prepare you constant lunch and dinners , and tetiba datang sagu dengan santan during our Ukhwah Night , pastu datang pasukan ketuk ketuk sudip bersama puding roti lagi * k pengsan kenyang hahaha * 

This year , unlike last year , aku lebih selesa bergaul dengan manusia secara am , like tak kisah makan dulang dengan sesiapa pun , like takyah cari pun geng Wales and South West , beratur je and makan je dengan sesiapa , remember the part yang nak berlapang dada tadi? I guess this is a good step , kot ;p 

I got attached to my Diamonds k ! over only four days or less , rasa sepanjang jadi faci tu macam senang je to see everyone melontarkan idea , sebab aku selalu rasa aku takde luck with grouping which selalu dapat yang hambar ( berdasarkan pengalaman pengalaman yang lepas ) , so part grouping ni selalu aku takdelah berharap sangat , but this is like soooooo different weh ! These diamonds really fits the name , they all have something inside them that completes each other , something so positive yang buat aku selalu gembira to be with the group  yknow that feeling bila kita rasa kita dah selesa and blend in , its just feel so nice. Fyi * tetiba haha * we won the Ukhwah Night , kitaorang dapat choral speaking , ( tetiba rasa nak recite sesatu kat sini ahhahahaha ) .








To my fellow Diamonds , ( in case you guys came across this ) 
shine bright like you always do. Shine bright in dunya and akhirat :) moga kita sama sama popular among penduduk langit aicewah. * fefeeling bagi autograph lepas menang Ukhwah night kah kah kah * 

Diamonds ( missing Kak Fiqah ) 
( okay semua pura pura gelak haha ) 
Afina - Aisyah - Ulfah - Najwa - Diyana - Kak Beila - Faez - Huda 
thank you for the warm winter :')



not to mention " emergency calls only " " No service" definitely force you to reconnect with people in real life , so sepanjang empat hari tu jugak aku tak pernah mencari plug untuk charge phone even powerbank was still full lepas empat hari leuls , detaching to attach yourself with the reality , its nice tho , jauh jap dari kecelaruan dunia maya hahah.  so excuse me with not that much photo leuls . 

What events / anything in PMS personally touched you? 

of all games and slots , aku paling terkesan dengan satu benda ni , the last game , we need to build a bangunan ( as so cliches as it sounds ) , its not just that , we need to build a bangunan , with disabilities , ada group dapat buta - patah tangan satu - lumpuh separuh badan - bisu. And tadadada tangan ini yang mencabut undi dan sosok ini menjerit kecil membaca kertas undian ( AAAAAA BUTAAAAAA ) k , over hahaha. 

seriously sepanjang benda tu , menjadi sosok buta rasa macam worthless weh , all our group did was only kira and susun straw and at some points offer tangan untuk letak salotape , * not to mention lepak minum air and makan biskut dihulurkan group yang ada disabilities lain * , kau nak be a part of the builders ,* nyanyi lagu bob the builders haha * but you just can't sebab kau tak mampu melihat . 

and aku banyak je kali sebenarnya tengok video macam how people got bionic eyes to see someone they long to see though bionic eyes only bentukkan figure , not even the details , and time tu rasa macam kena banyak gilaaaaa kena syukur Allah kasi nikmat melihat tu , tapi time tu takdelah macam rasa deep sebab alhamdulillah Allah masih beri nikmat melihat dengan sempurna tu , 

tapi masa buta time game tu , the first twenty minute was fun sebab I was in group with all my groupmates , tapi after twenty minutes someone move me from the spot nearer to where the building was built , and I sat there , I heard people's voices and cuba nak merge diri sendiri , merasai dengan hati like cuba kalau kau betul betul buta , you won't hear voices , but you hear noises , kau rasa macam sangat left out sebab kau tak contribute apa apa and time tu aku terfikir yang orang yang buta in reality must have tried so hard untuk jadi seorang yang bermanfaat pada orang lain , and personally because aku rasa worthless tu , thats because people don't even care that much about you because you're just worthless , tak mampu nak contribute satu apa pun , 

but have you ever felt what it feels like being them? 
do we ever count their efforts? 
they do more , they give more , they put even miles away punya effort , to be the 'worth' one. 
off giving more and doing more , have we ever felt that? Have we ever appreciate that? 

dan tak salah untuk kata tak sebab kita tak pernah rasa. Because I believe if you're reading sampai tahap ni , insyaAllah we have this ability to use our eyes. And took seconds in life untuk rasa sangat bersyukur dengan mata tu , for all the years you don't even have to struggle untuk melihat melalui deria lain , like how blind people read with braille , they use their fingertips to sense things , which the dots to us mungkin tak mampu nak trigger apa apa pun pada kita . 

Masa tu rasa macam I just want lights ! Give me the lights so that I can see ! even kalau samar samar pun , pimpin aku nearer to the lights ( hidayah ) , and don't leave me alone here :'( , lets embrace the lights yang kau dah jumpa tu , embrace it with me , together ! 

Jadilah manusia yang bila dia berdiri duduk hatta berbaring , orang yang selalu memikirkan kebesaran Allah ( Al Imran 3:191 ) 

Of All , PMS as conclusion? 

alhamdulillah , I got more than I wished for , saat meletakkan pengharapan untuk berlapang dada at the very start of PMS tu  , aku impliedly menyatakan kesediaan diri sendiri untuk OKAY dengan apa je Allah nak bagi sepanjang empat hari di camp , 

Allah gave me combos of kebaikan atas kebaikan , baik dari tenangnya campsite tu dengar deruan air sungai , and knowing yang setiap deruan yang kita dengar tu is zikir zikir air tu pada Allah , mungkin kita tahap takleh bayangkan camne sungai boleh berzikir , cukup untuk bila kita nampak sungai , then we say subhanallah , bukankah sungai tu indirectly mengingatkan kita pada Allah? 

Baik dari segi the people I met , aku la juga manusia yang macam insecure dengan kecantikan people around me , with all those good traits and wanting to be just like them , 

Baik juga dari segi susunan Allah - bila balik ( keluar ) je dari camp tu rasa macam " Najwa , this is the real world , where apa benda yang kau belajar dari camp kau akan apply dalam dunia ni " sebab the four days rasa secured sangat , we're in a comfort zone , full of wise people from your country ( after all aku tak menolak warmness Malaysian had to offered ) , full of people yang nakkan kebaikan untuk diri sendiri , so kau takdelah rasa challenging , sebab apa yang kau dapat dari camp and kau terus apply dalam camp - kau akan rasa okay je , because you're surrounded by people that understands your kind of comfort zone. 

Time tu rasa macam sedih jap sambil merenung keindahan Port Talbot ( ahahhaha ending nak drama Port Talbot , Aku Tinggalkan Kau ) ( or mungkin PMS'15  , selamat tinggal )

Moga apa yang aku lakar , sedikit sebanyak memberi manfaat , this is what I personally dapat from PMS , ramai orang lagi dapat more than this , which to say , Allah kalau nak bagi good things to us , it can be in many forms , hatta berada dalam suasana yang membina iman tu ( biah solehah ) tu boleh bagi berjela pengajaran. 

May we meet again in PMS 2016 maybe? insyaAllah :) 

#theanisnajwamusafir

#BalkansWithSisters Part 1 - Winter Trip '15 ( doakan please ada Part 2 haha )

December 21, 2015

My introduction for every post was kind off the same - its either "it's been so long " " haven't write for quite some time " and yada yada I did abandoned the site for quite some time. My last post was on the 29th of November , and we've passed 21 days in December , here I am , trying to be on the track keeping everything recorded , the feelings and the memory , to last longer than what brain capable of remembering ( apa ayat kau ni terabuqq ) 

sekarang guwe lagi chilling sambil lap hingus ( we all have flu don't we? ) and battling with never ending sakit tekak in Cardiff  - mabukkkkkk telan ubat bebanyak , but I need to since I'm departing to a winter gathering as a facilitator uhuks doa dia tak menyesatkan. 

so guess what , I'm going to write about my Winter Trip ( insert firework ) (sebab ada orang tu rajin ) keh keh ( finaaaaaaly ) 

* cari rhythm menulis * * tengah dengar Hot fm tah pape lagu sekarang or its just me? aku tak jatuh dalam fasa fasa hipstur who finds wording oktaf lapan tu amusing * * when she's writing like acah hisptur * ( dah diam hahahahha ) 

Bismillahirahmanirahim , 

so for whom who follows my instagram probably dah tahap loya mengetahui yang perempuan ni ke Croatia and Bosnia masa winter . Ampunkan patik wahai followers , because I need to , I need to store the feelings , sebab aku ni spesies yang belajar dari reflection ( harapnya haha ) , so before everything hilang dari kepala , I need to put everything in a wording ( long captionsssss ) 

Kenapa Bosnia , Kenapa Croatia ?

( sebab kalau pi jalan sana time winter ketahuilah KAU JE MUKA IMIGRAN DI MANA MANA HAHAHHAHA because I don't think people like travelling in cold weather , at an obviously cold places * read winter kejung * * tak kejung mana tapi sejuk la * * kah kah terbayang Anna ( Frozen ) * siapa tengok Frozen je paham , yang tak paham , bayangkan haha - terjatuh dalam air takat sejuk membeku - berjalan dengan skirt yang beku seperti seekor plank berjalan di atas tanah miaaha * 

My obvious reason was because of Remy Ishak. Omey kan fans fanatik camni? ( sounds like a psychopath I know hur hur ) Sebab Remy Ishak pernah berlakon dalam cerita Satu Hari ( dengan Sara Ali ) so aku nak fefeeling menjejak kaki di mana Remy Ishak pernah berpijak , hahaha orang kata , we might find our soulmate in tracing their path , BAHAHHAHA KETAHUILAH NI AKU JE KATA BUKAN ORANG KATA. 

And the winter which I hashtagged as #BalkansWithSister , yang aku plan adalah sebulan lebih ( which lambat sebenarnya ) consist of Eight members , Four from Cardiff , Four from Essex. The selection was random ( haha bohong ) , you must have that bias stand before allowing someone to join your trip . Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah , we finally wrapped our winter trips on the 19th of December , flying from Dubrovnik to UK , Gatwick. It started way back from 11th December , when we started to make our moves from Cardiff at 5.30 pm - Heathrow Terminal 5 , then we spend a long long long stranded night in the airport ( unlike KLIA , sebab Heathrow ada like 5 different terminals - so memang krik krik habis la airport tu ) , our flight was on the next day , 12th December , from Heathrow to Zagreb , Croatia .

* nanti kita cerita pasal who's my jaulahmates kali ni herher * 

Like in this world kenapa ambik bas seawal tu? 

Yknow , the only answer to that is MONEY , when it deals with your money , you're forced to do everything yang kau tak willing at the first place because it was a significant different kot , bus at 5.30 pm cost only 20 pound , which on the other hand , yang gerak lambat lagi dari tu cost me around 45 pound ( ni harga sebulan awal k , which mencekik tercekik tersedak semua haha ) 

Kenapa masuk from Croatia instead going straight to Bosnia?

sebab its way cheaper and ada flight straight , plus I guess its fun? hahahaha fun with all those immigration yang treats you lebih kurang macam pendatang asing tanpa izin , like " pehal budak budak ni keluar dari Croatia " and they left you kejung pukul 1 pagi , sesejuk , without a proper place to stay warm and they talk their language and we're left with " kenapa ni? " " okay ke ni " " rabbi yassir wala tu'assir "

Masa ni tahap yang macam Ya Allah aku takde siapa waktu ni , memang yang paling dewasa time tu is Akhsya sebab dia lahir awal berapa awal dari ceqqq , hahaha . Memang rasa macam Ya Allah bantu guweeee don't leave me alone , I'm just 100% clueless kenapa kena tahan kat immigration ni weyyyy ! 

K introduction je baru dah sounds bumpy ( if it doesn't , please forcefully make it bumpy for you too her her ) 

What Croatia had to offer? 

The first day in Zagreb was not a pleasant one , sebab we're like walking all day searching for our accommodation sebab nak try naik tram since it was in the afternoon camtu , and we got only like snack berbentuk croissant kot and yogurt on the flight sambil menahan ayaq liuq ( a not Kedah trying to be Kedah in every words leuls mohon ditampar dia ni ahaha ) tengok orang makan ham with bun , not that we want ham , but its protein kot , why don't you offer us any halal chicken? ngeh? tapi sebab naik British Airways , bunuhlah segala macam expectation nak bermesra bersama ayam , it was a short flight though , an hour ++ camtu je. 

I was at fault as the leader sebab sangat ignorant part makan ni , sebab aku merasakan aku berjalan bersama dinosaur yang memagut daun dari dahan pokok , hahahahha aku berjalan dengan manusia yang naturally gets moody with a perut yang lapar , it definitely kills the mood wehhh kalau jalan lapar lapar , so next trip  focus on foods ! 

and bila dah sampai accomadation tu memang dalam kepala nak keluar cari makan , preferably foods with protein , and lagi prefer kalau its halal , but nyata we expect things to high BECAUSE ITS DEYMMHARDDDD to find one decent place , we end up in a fine dining restaurant , that served seafood , after walking and wondering around the main square , tanya orang is there any halal foods around , they give you " whtchu talking about girl " face. Hardly see ( almost takde ) anyone with hijab on and you're totally a stranger yang invade their land harhar macam baru lepas mendarat dari Marikh . 

muka sebelum kelaparan kuasa Bezita ( dragonball haha ) 

Alhamdulillah Allah guides us to a speak English souvenir shop owner yang explain possible places we can eat , and sebab tu jugak we spent our money there buying souvenirs , cash je Allah bagi , orang buat baik dibalas baik gituuuu haha. 

But the second day was totally different from the first day ! And I love it so much !

Second day tu kitaorang opt for a trip with a guide to Plitvice National Park , this one I recommend gila gila punya recommend , kitaorang dah search for this trip dari awal awal , memang gigih aaa google which offers best , roughly it can go up to 90 euro per person for a day trip to this Plitvice ni , I seek for the most convenient trip with many things they offered with a good price , and we meet this Viatica-travel ( insyaAllah kalau nak itinerary , after I finalized things up I will share it with you guys ) , super warm helping Sashar ( our tour guide ) macam ayah ayah layan anak anak ambik gambar , sabar tunggu memaciks ni ambik gambar ( Malaysian punya level suka ambik gambar instagram qualified tu tinggi sikit dari warganegara lain har har ) 

its not that cold pun , it was sunny but I had no choice , but to wear complete winter kind of baju sebab malas nak bukak hahahaha



That's Sashar , our one day father haha. 
Our 48 pound is definitely WORTH THE PRICE ! highly recommended . I got my best pictures during this trip , blend of nature and tranquility , tolak sejuk semua tepi sebab its very nice there , its like a ten hours journey back and forth , plus Sashar tu macam taknak kitaorang kesejukan taktahu buat apa tunggu bas ke Sarajevo , Bosnia pukul 10 malam on the same day , he brought us for a city sight seeing from the van , masih aaa terasa warmness Sashar sampai sekarang , sebab tu rasa macam first time  attached dengan a total stranger , that you can rely on , that makes you feel at ease , yang knows the best angle for pictures hahaha sebab bila nak say bye bye tu rasa macam , " Its been a long warm day ". Maybe sebab the day before we was like devastated , he totally change the mood for the second day . He understand when we ask for a silent moment untuk solat dalam van , and he told the people at the cheese tasting farm to not serve us any haram foods beforehand , he definitely set a good vibe about Croatia. 

Bumi yang aku rasa asing dengan Islam , tapi memahami every little details , and makes you feel so accepted , I definitely recommend this trip - plus people who went to Croatia memang akan , MEMANG AKAN ke this Plitvice  Waterfall ni , sebab they offers magical scenery ! 

I guess shall we wait for the real bumpy ride in Bosnia? ( angkat angkat kening ) 

November 29, 2015

..........................You may click X before even reading it , she's half mental now............................


Have you ever obsessed dengan diri sendiri after shower because you smells so nice that you wanted to shower more sebab you're overwhelmed by the good smell har har har why I'm being so weird right now. 

This is like another post yang came up without the tittle , kira aku rasa nak randomly menulis tanpa perlu berfikir tajuk yang sesuai untuk ditulis. After going through few weeks detaching dari social medias aku rasa dia bagi good impact pada diri sendiri , I hardly see myself scroll social medias lelama sebab I'm used to the loosen attachment but darn it someone just scrolled someone's 160++ past weeks. 

and dia tengah rasa pathethic dengan hidup diri sendiri. 

so

she decided to take a bath and had a reflection over 10 minutes under the hot shower , 

yang dia salah untuk rasa pathethic sebab sewajarnya dia bersyukur dengan kehidupan yang dia ada. Pastu mulalah dia nak pujuk diri sendiri , kata itu FITRAH , fitrah untuk rasa cemburu rasa nak lebih dari apa yang dia ada... but wait a sec. 

fitrah tu balik kepada benda yang baik. kau rasa pathethic - indirectly macam tak bersyukur and kau timbal balikkan being ungrateful dengan fitrah itself. 

Manusia manusia. 
Susah sebenarnya fasa nak mendidik diri sendiri untuk hidup dengan kecukupan yang Allah bagi. 
Dia tak bagi sekarang simply sebab you will not cope it well kalau Allah bagi sekarang. 
dan susahnya manusia tu kan nak bersangka baik dengan Tuhan? cakap macam reti , sembang najwa sembang - buktikan ! 


aku tahlah fasa tengah marah diri sendiri sebab the innerself was crying out loud sebab rasa looser tahap apa. This is not something I usually wrote up here. Tapi yeah I got to let my future me see she defeated the negative aura away. 

Mula rasa looser sebab tadi pergi kursus kahwin. end the speculation aku tak pulak nak kahwin sekarang , pergi simply sebab murah dan sehari so that explains why.  Tapi ustaz tu pulak cakap kalau tak jumpa masa belajar susah nak jumpa lepas belajar. Pastu aku macam berhuhu menangis sendirian dalam gelak tawa yang diada adakan. Hahahah manusia kan , dia nak lah macam sedapkan hati whatsoevs it is. 

enough pressures enough. Mungkin aku terlalu hidup dalam aliran masyarakat yang indirectly membentuk pemikiran pathethic ini - dan sebenarnya okay je pun kalau sorang tahhhhh kau kenapa macam hilang arah heh 

Dakwah Tarbiyah

The thunder that heals.

November 10, 2015

I'm not liking who I became for the past few weeks. I used to feel happy when I'm detaching from these whole idea of being 'social' in the virtual world which that include the 'me' who love to store things in writing , hence the reason why I kinda abandoned this blog 

Well actually bila run through balik the days in the past , I'm actually fitting in a quite  good pace tapi still not achieving the satisfactory part. Something is missing and unfortunately I don't know who - what - why and having this kind of feeling is definitely not to my liking 

even creating a tittle for a post is such a hard thing to do ! 

( najwa hambar level negatif ) 

so dalam banyak banyak benda yang berlaku sepanjang nak dekat dua bulan dekat Cardiff ni , satu benda kot yang masih tertulis dalam kepala dok rewind dari last week is when I came across Ar Ra'd masa ber-Ayyash last week ( psst Ayyash is my usrah group name ) ( kewl kids joins usrah ) ( tetiba haha ) 

" Senangnya Allah nak pujuk hati ni " 

For the past few months jugak aku draft banyak benda konon macam wishlist second year - antaranya ialah cut contact with people , this girl here knows that one source of her happiness is always humans , however according to her past , her ego which are not that high sebenarnya , and stigma ( I came across this word A LOT DALAM LABOUR LAW * muntah jap * ) yang human literally disappoint and it aligned with what she experience hence cutting contact with people which I literally did. How can I even have a wishlist of cutting contacts at the first place I wonder ( emoticon mata senget sebelah ahhahaha muka mencebik )  

Adalah satu fasa tu memang macam I read all kinds of conversation but choose to stay in silent sebab this painful feeling I had inside me , memang rasa macam intoxicated habis masa tu , like this one harmful toxic possessed my body and memang rasa macam jahat ya ampun lols padahal kadang no one even bother pun kau ada tak ( hahahahah still with the thoughts ) ( still ) ( harmful ) 

Dia macam all those feelings of being abandoned + the one who usually initiates + yang selalu shamelessly rindu dulu + the one who starts + yang selalu rasa syok sendiri  = which nak tak nak  kau indirectly rasa macam gave up sebab no one ever notices you ( first ) in their life because you're never their choice to tells stories or anything . It was all piling up jadi stress and I guess I meet the boiling point takat tahap didih manusia and burst (like every time ) ( like a depressed person ) ( but admitting that I was depressed sounds like I fail to take control over myself ) ( sounds like so human ) ( but still , you're a human najwa ) 

and I decided to just shut myself off. Like that 

Tapi Allah jumpakan dengan ayat yang maybe I've came acrossed before since I bookmarked one ayat from the same page ( 13:28 dengan mengingati Allah , hati akan menjadi tenang ) , through someone else , it affects me tahap macam why I bother being so egoistic just because of the crossed equation above ?!

sebab He consoled me even way before my existence : Nota bukan nota kaki : note that this is how I personally  understand and perceive the ayat ( tadabbur ) 

right from 13:19 - up till 13:28 ( berdebuk debuk tergolek * golek lagi atas jalan tar * ) 






right on my face , just right on MA FACE ! right on your face gurlsz ! 
(ingat nak copy paste ayat dalam internet but it happened that the translations gives me different kind of vibes compared to the wording dalam Quran sendiri , perhaps its my eyes being choosy haha ) 

All of sudden rasa macam chilled gila dengan ayat ayat ni , because all these while , of being the one yang initiate , yang menyambungkan well at least I felt that mungkin tak pada orang lain , is what Allah wants me to do , untuk jadi orang yang Allah kata " berakal sempurna " tu , dia antara ciri ciri orang tu ialah " yang menyambungkan apa yang perlu disambungkan " ie a relationship , name it , friendship / relation of anything , bahasa puitisnya 'silaturahim ' 

and for being those who disconnect , the person must expect bad rewards for being so ( 13: 25 ) 

What is it of being ego all these while ? 

" Tak pernah pun salah jadi orang yang selalu give in dulu , tak pernah pun its a shameful thing if you're the one yang selalu initiate something , yang rasa you're giving more love more than anyone , and its okay for being the one who start the conversation breaking the silence , being the random one , being the one that thinks " amende aku nak bual dengan dia ni" but still choose to say hi and talk about everything. Sebab that is what we , humans shall do . " 

Being ego leads you no where , entahlah , mungkin aku spesies manusia yang tak berapa nak kental dengan motion motion friendship ni , ego mungkin once in the greymoon ( since moon always grey ) ( so being egoistic happen like all the time ) ( ahahhahahahhha my logic ) makes you feel HAHH PUAS HATI AKU , but often - it harms you more > more > more , I dont know how it might affect you being surely in most cases , it affects you negatively? yay? nay? 

so in case , we're sharing the same kind of shoes , being in the same kind of boat

I'm writing this down sebab aku rasa ada je orang yang share the same feeling , and my way of being healed was through Ar Ra'd , it was the thunder that struck inside my head , connected terpanah masuk hati aicewah hahahha :p 

Make your heart at rest , kalau takde siapa yang pujuk , kalau takde siapa yang bother , He consoles You , even way before your existence dalam dunia. Its okay being the first in initiating , yang give in , yang gave up your own feeling , yang apologize first , yang mengalah dulu , because you're definitely , definite ( ni bukan aku pun janji , ni Allah janji ) in the list of orang yang akal dia sempurna , orang yang Allah expect a human to be ( in what way ) and expect je aaa a never ending good rewards for being the one :) 

I in the past , in fact sekarang pun kenkadang tu , never felt how powerful Allah words are tahap consoling yang terkesan sampai hati. But this time around , this is , one of the page in Quran  that amused me , heals me ( completely insyaAllah ) , maybe I was messed up by all these negative thoughts and tak pernah sekali pun jumpa jalan keluar on this issue , sebab by the time I choose to speak up , kadang was still ignored and again all the negative vibes and thoughts running actively inside the head. 

But not anymore kot sekarang. Tah. ( k boleh la menangis sat ahhahaha ) ( sebab I let it out ) ( sebab I'm able to write the exact feeling I'm feeling inside me ) ( again ) ( after all the hanging post ) 

ps ; I'm writing this down during a sleepless night , I got my power sleep right after isyak ( isyak sekarang kat kardipp pukul ( even earlier than )  6.00pm - Idk winter starts or winter approaching but the night is longer than the day - this never make sense to me masa belajar geog dulu hahaha alhamdulillah Allah bagi rasa )

and 
they said it was your heart speaking pepagi camni ( kuiiii ) amboi level 98  

Law life

So,

November 05, 2015

Its beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen so long and I guess that will fit as the introduction for every post coming up later ( or not )


its November and I only wrote like twice in October and I feel okay with that. Attachment longar 2.3 

Its a mixed feeling I had now , patut hari ni rasa macam happy sebab dah submit assignment but it was my bad jugak mashed things up to the last minute , weekend pun bergolek golek tak buat apa ( this is sad I know ) and the workloads piled up and luckily I don't burst and I promised myself to keep my books back on the shelf bila balik je dari kelas - dari tutorial - dari hantar assignment , but I choose to seek for the healing voices all the way from Malaysia because that's the only thing that kinda sooth the lingering feeling. And currently there's like piles of law books on the table and my fingers are dancing on the laptop 

Ini pun aku rasa dah malas nak express. 
so,


#theanisnajwamusafir

fee-yuhh

October 17, 2015

Its a motiveless tajuk of FIUH but spelling fiuh itself its like below my negative creativity level harhar so here I am trying to make things fancier ( insert firework 1.32 metre ) , so here I am again , writing comfortably in this once-wished-to-be-abandoned page , I guess time heals don't they?  ( they or it? how we call time? leuls najwa stawps. Though sebenarnya azam nak tulis balik when the page view hits 0 a day but looking at the statistics , if I strictly followed my kind of ridiculous dream ( by setting the page accessible to public some more ) I might not write for another a week I bet? 

Actually I had fun by shutting myself off from the 'alam maya' , walaupun takdelah buat apa sangat in real life aside from getting to know more people , classes , housemates , then housemates lagi sebab my life literally revolve around my housemates and my course-mates and end up masih juga rumah , but its still feels livelier more than ever sebab most time spend masa jana pemikiran produce lawak lawak hambar yang surprisingly people still reacts to my so deserted lame jokes. * lambai lambai artis lap hidung sambil memakai gloves tangan putih crown di kepala senget sebelah haha * 

for anyone like anyone yang terasa or terkesan dengan lenyapnya daku dari mana mana medium alam maya , I'm sorry , I will try to detach this bad behavior because yeahs I ( thought )  ( like I ) don't really think people do care , but thank you if you does. Thank you :) ( semalam bercakap pasal knowing people is a responsibility , like we need to keep a good contact with people , and I'm literally headshoting myself sepanjang bercakap tu sebab tak lunaskan pun hak hak berkawan ni  * pengsan tergolek * )

Banyak k sebenarnya I kept inside my notes or anywhere that I can write privately. Like how lame an almost 24 hours journey travelling from Malaysia to Cardiff with that heavy hearts that no one can ever explain , how it feels like spending your raya on the plane eating buns with undetectable dish when you can smell ( in my brain ) ( like how can you najwa ) sup tulang dimasak tatkala lembu sudah di qurban , ( meniarap secara drama menarik kaki lembu sambil meraung ) hahaha. I was glad sebab pilih tarikh balik sehari before hari raya aidiladha , so that all my siblings can gather around and send me off , indeed their efforts are priceless. Abang jauh dari Perlis , Nadzmi dari Palam terus tunggu dekat KLIA when he have class on that same day , and in a way it brightens up that gloomy day , what a great summer I had , dapat spend masa tengok muka ayah ibu , dan yeah sekarang tengah homesick kejap , tolong sesiapa pindahkan Malaysia sebelah UK please , like once ( like many times pun ceqqq sukaaaa ) ( I don't know if I've said these things in the previous post but in case I'm repeating , its to show how grateful I am , how happy I was thinking about their priceless efforts )







i miss everyone :(


I did planned some rangka nak tulis post on how that day feels like tapi eventually dia telah bersemadi dalam draft and that vibes aren't there anymore T.T 

cuba menceriakan hati dengan menulis leuls. 

I just partially done my first tutorial for the year , which I tell you susah gilaaaaaaa k nak gather that wanting to finish your workloads after having three weeks classes without tutorials , and after an almost five months breaks from sets of long tutorial questions , kali ni memang rasa ya ampun seksanya kerana malas tanpa sebab. I might find myself golek kekiri kekanan atas katil for like two hours then terlelap jap mimpi luar petala ke sembilan putera raja whatssap ( because melamar sambil melutut sounds cliche enough ahah sampailah my housemate wakes me up with " Najwa jom solat jom " tiba tiba daku tersedar tercari cari eh takde whatssap ke tadi kah kah pooooooooooofffff hilang semua putera hilang ( I sounds weird now I know haha ) ( in case kalau confius kan , * if you read this line * you can shut your browser off hahah ) 


DAN SEBENARNYA SERONOK WEH BELAJAR NI , ( nada serious yang teruja ) ( aku serious ni aku serious )  because when you start , you slowly grabs the understanding and slowly seru balik the spirit and eventually it feels so gooooooood dapat manfaatkan masa , so takdelah rasa sia sia sangat kehidupan ni , moga kekal aaaa momentum rajin tuu. 

suasana kehidupan second year ni rasa macam way better than my first year sebab like almost semua solat , solat jemaah sesama dengan housemate , alhamdulillah rumah baru ni is a blessing insyaAllah , ada common room to gather psst fyi its even nearer to the school ( ballet dance pusing pusing tengah dapur ) no more lisvane bye bye hello thesiger ( jangan tanya camne nak sebut , masih fail , lidah melayu , masih ) hahahha  , lazimi mathurat every morning though ngantuk tahap tak boleh cerita , then we do breakfast like a king and a pauper masa dinner ( more berpagi-pagian though sometimes we cheat ) ( its the only thing we can cheat , kasi can please ) , dia rasa macam hidup atas landasan yang lurus insyaAllah hendaknya. Moga terus istiqamah diri sendiri dan sekeliling :) 

picnic with le sisters :)

baby ji got more new friends :DDD

The wall of a distorted love size because I'm obviously pendek dan tak reti memanjat haha 

tilt your head - with Humaira and Haziqah :)

my housemates , my blessings in life :) 


jarang dah sebenarnya stay up but I exceed my usual sleep time ( because its weekEND ) ( and I can ) haha 

so there goes my feeeyuhhh post . 

Law life

det-ache-ing

October 04, 2015

Its been a while I bet. 

( I was emotionally complicated ) ( hypothesis shall come first ; women memang complicated ) 

I'm a woman 
I AM COMPLICATED 
hypothesis accepted , 


I've been constantly writing through other mediums ( laying low as for now ) till my friend ask me a short question " Kenapa Najwa dah tak tulis blog ? " knowing that she don't ( really ) read my page hence why question . I spent quite some time explaining on why I choose not to write on this site  ( plus with all the protections I put on the comments site ) , I guess it was meant to comfort myself. 

In fact I was trying to do the same for other social medias. For comfort. Disappear to give myself a little space ( though by not writing suffocates me inside , because its been always be writing that sooth me * in a way ) I sounds depress aren't I? Well to be exact , I'm not since I'm enjoying what life offers me at the moment . Tipulah tak rindu all those babbles moment nak spur your heart out , nak tells whats inside your mind in the limited 140 characters or even share the happy moments on the instagram and to store all the stories inside the blog . I miss the 'ME' that spends a portion of my life trying to fancy the life we put on our (not that) social medias but its for good cause kot ( like living a livelier present ) , so I (hardly) choose to detach myself from these things. 

it ache. it does

For someone who I can say , were very attached to all sorts of social medias , detaching is always the hardest part. You need to restrain yourself dari nak update segala macam perkara , I do take pictures like OOTD (har har ) like everyday and till one moment ambik gambar sebab suka suka bukan sebab nak put in on the timeline ( which kejap lagi you see yourself checking on the likes ) , if its not you , its me . Tapi entahlah , I just feel like not publicizing my life anymore which that includes me reflecting over stuff - storing memories. Kot. Truthfully what happened in the past regarding the blog really affect me in many ways and to write back , to be able to inspire some eyes is so hard for me now. 

I write because there might be someone who've been reading through my rumbles and thoughts .  You must be that someone that secretly delivers love and support which I appreciate that so much :) Time heals don't they?

It heals a bit since I've loosen the protection towards the commenting site ( dah vanish dah kot all the super menganggu fikiran comments ) 

I hope you stay healthy , bright like you always do , have a good day  ( You applies to anyone who're still scrolling through ) 

Do send me bundles of doa. You might see me actively writing in the future. I hope to see some improvement with my perspective and my spirit towards (public read ) stories. or whatever you call it heh. 


Nah , ( for I don't know what ) but it was the first day of class , and I was excited sebab first time duduk atas sekali ( tak atas sekali but atas la ) ( me being asian sits at the third row from down below dari sem satu ) but this semester punya jadual memaksa daku untuk berlari lari anak dari law school ke this lecture theater hence explains why I need to sit dekat atas hew. 

Little notes

No longer

September 19, 2015

This is me , talking to myself .

...

This site is no longer my favorite to spur things.
It turns out to be a hateful site , a harmful toxic to the emotions
Though it passed and resolved , still , a harmful one
Like how funny could it be , a dead nonliving site is so powerful to turn your life...

I must know the world is harsher than this. Its just a beginning.

But I am keeping this alive since some people still need it
for a reference based on my past.
Moga sikit tu bermanfaat.
Moga sikit tu membantu.

I have so many things to say. A reply to every single thing.
But I choose stop.
I'm learning and forcing myself to treat a human like how a human should be treated.
if I ever continue lashing out the points ,
I am
just the
person whom I don't wish to be

Walking away , keeping things between me and The Creator.
because it sooth more than ever.

Tak susah pun to walk away because that's always how it seems to happen.
People breaks , and you , is still you in the past.
You walk away.

Human'mean' . Still a human'kind'
Be strong girl. Be strong.

May He instill guilt's in you . Like how He instill guilt's inside me. 
so that you know the steps you should have take 
to kill the guilt's you had in you. 

To you and your friends , I owe you guys an apology.

September 17, 2015

To you , who're behind all those comments ,
I am sorry. I had this one day to reflect upon my fault.
I had neglected the facts that I should ask you guys before hand.
I've been there , being accused by medias as they wrote a total different facts from my issue ,
I should have see that in your case too.

If there's any way for me to compensate on this issue , please let me know.

For being such a dumb ass to you and your friends , I owe you guys an apology
But its just that I hope you don't relate it with my parents love for me.
For causing such ruckus , I'm sorry. And it's okay if you wish not to forgive me.

I admit all my faults. For writing , and for affecting and neglecting your emotions.

To you and your friends ,
deep inside , akak harap Allah mudahkan urusan awak awak semua. Ease it in any way He can ease it for you guys.  Moga diberikan apa jua jalan to end it with a good settlement. For disappointing too , I'm sorry.  Moga ujian menguatkan awak , akak dan semua.

You have my support , 119 , stay strong and keep fighting.

Maafkan akak.

September 17, 2015

For causing such ruckus. I know I'm at fault

I'm sorry for being a jerk I admit.
Maafkan saya. Moga Allah mudahkan urusan awak.


#theanisnajwamusafir

Going back to Cardiff soon.

September 13, 2015

My last updated post was like two weeks ago and ada je attempt nak menulis sikit sikit in between tapi aku secara tiba tiba menjadi malas melepet nak menghabiskan karya karya hahahhaha kau panggil ini karya anis najwa? ( patut letak sekali tanda soal tanda seru sekali dalam ayat ni ) 

After three months , after answering to countless questions of 
" Bila balik sana balik? "
- " Akhir september "   
 - " Oh lama lagi " 
... Well actually I'm left with approximately 11 days before going back to Cardiff. Like how three months passes by , 11 days is like pejam celik kau sudah berada  di KLIA menyeka air mata hahahahhaa . Of course kau takyahlah kan tanya , apa perasaan anda? Its complicated. Than ever.  ( caps lock font size 48 Times New Roman ) hahah siap. Sebab masa first year , before departing kau busy gila uruskan visa la , dah ke KL visanya tak siap siap , dah patah balik ke Melaka , barulah email sampai visa kau dah sampai ( emoticon muka monyet ) - so kecelaruan ni macam menganggu emosi kau nak sedih ke apa , sebab its CELARU instead of sedih. Jadi hati tu takdelah rasa berat nak meninggalkan tanah air because after all , its your freakingsztwoyears dream ( after hectickus alevels ) , so excited tu mestilah terselit sekali dalam kecelaruan perasaan tu haha. 

Tapi bila dah nak masuk second year ni , after kau dah melalui setahun fasa usaha - fasa mengidam - fasa homesick - fasa counting days meskipun baru dua tiga bulan dekat sana - fasa hidup tak move on , dia rasa macam haish beratnya nak balik. ( I'm sick of comparisons tak henti henti belajar luar dalam negara , just so you know both have pros and contras and if you're wondering , we suffer too , WE ALL SUFFER DON'T WORRY in our own way haha ) I do miss Cardiff for  the super laju tak buffer internet , leaving foods on the tables without the worries dia akan basi ke tak ( sebab dia lambat nak basi ; kenapa ? hahaha berdasarkan ilmu picisan aku dalam sains , aku cuma rasa bakteria tak berkerja secara telus semasa cuaca sejuk ) ( kah kah kah ) , tapi the feelings of bermalas malasan di tanah air sambil mengacau orang adalah lebih membahagiakan haha. Hearing to nags and babbles are bearable compared to rasa nak balik tu. No matter how much efforts yang aku spur untuk instill ' bersyukur dengan peluang belajar ' , still these dragging feelings menghantui diriku haha. 

Tapi

After all , I'm hitting the reality. Nak tak nak ticket dah ada. Its Rabu depan depan anyway , raya haji I know. Takbir mengiringi kepulanganku ~~~~  Barang dah mula list dan kemas , financial planning dah jot down.  Meskipun jiwa memberontak , secara sedarnya , aku membuat persiapan yangs sepatutnya. Sebab aku sedar its like a new start , aku nak tak nak dah buat all the list beforehand. Minda sedar > minda mahu berangan angan hahahhahah pun boleh k. 

Second year ni aku banyak simpan niat , banyak gila simpan angan angan , but its better for me to keep it inside my lists and my circle of people yang akan bergiat aktif dengan wish lists aku , so whatever it is the list , aku mengharapkan doa dari mata mata yang membaca , untuk doakan all my wish and aims berjaya for this upcoming second year. Saw people graduating with first class honour , I AM SO JEALOUSSSS and wishing for the same thing too , tapi kalau wish je usaha tak turut serta pun tak jadi jugak kan? Its definitely on the list aaaa untuk strive even harder and tengah tunggu timetables untuk susun self study punya jadual. I wanna travel more too so got to save more jugak. Trying to detach myself from the harmless social medias , hahah I've been scrolling fb's for articles , recipes , stories , good things yang aku rasa macam nantilah baca , shared it on my wall for my own view haha. Dengan harapan nanti rajin nak baca balik. 

Anyway , summer had been so great for me , I don't do much , just merging myself into where I belong , having this night talks with my sister and my brothers , doing a community work- buat kelas to help the UPSR PT3 students with their revisions and homework , pergi Cambodia for #beedadari_project , pergi Perlis tempat abang - pergi INTEL seperti yang dihajatkan , going to the dentist ( to my surprise haha ) replying mails , and write a lot in different medium , do what daughters should do , do what sisters should be doing , and aku rasa summer aku bermakna in my own way I hope. :) 

For all the rambles above , I find more reasons to feel grateful. Grateful dengan peluang yang ada. InsyaAllah semangat tu akan datang balik secara berkala. 

Doakan aku dapat gather semangat untuk balik dan belajar , doakan jugak jadi anak tabah di perantauan , banyak banyak doa yang tak terlintas pun dalam kepala ni , doakanlah yang baik baik insyaAllah :) 

Tak tahu lagi nak wish " see you next year " or " see you next two years " 


* puffy morning faces * balik Cardiff be like , hmm lets go back
ala nanti boleh...
hmm k redha balik. ( jetlagged ) *tetiba* haha

but , just see you when I see you :) 

#theanisnajwamusafir

Cambodia ( SIEM REAP ) dan tamparan .

August 28, 2015

The exact description for my Cambodia trip kali ni is TAMPARAN. sebab banyak kali rasanya kena virtually headshot dengan banyak benda. So here I am , dengan harapan mampu menyampaikan sedikit sebanyak tulisan yang terselit sekali perasaan sepanjang empat hari tiga malam di Kemboja.

kalau di akhir karangan rasa confuse tertampar tak ,mohon literally tampar diri sendiri ( acah acah get the feeling hahahha ) ( I edit these for times k ) ( so rhythm dia berubah )

Note that Malaysian call Cambodia - Kemboja and Cambodians ada yang panggil negara dia Kampuchea jangan tanyaa ceqq kenapa , ceqq tanya orang Kemboja pun depa tak jawab kah kah

Perhaps you've been reading through the blog before that we went to Cambodia dengan a project named #beedadari_project which mainly focusing on berbagi rezeki and giving to the people in Kemboja. Specifically pada our muslim friends di sana. We started our journey from KLIA2 early in the morning since we board at 6.30 , depart at 6.50 am. Pagi tu jugak baru kumpul semua #beedadari_project team yang mana its all my Wales and South West family. Cut off all the stories check in barangan semua eheee termasuk drama mengejar pintu gate since we performed our subuh prayer sebelum nak depart , hahaha sehingga aku merasakan yang kalau dulu hari sukan sekolah ganti 100 metre dengan ending point pintu gate plane boarding nak tutup , aku pastinya memecut tidak mengalahkan Usain Bolt jangan risau haha.





Post apresiasi hahahhaah appreciation post , 

For those who directly involved with our #beedadari_project , yang memberi sumbangan , yang tolong viralkan to be in sight of many people , yang mendoakan , terima kasih banyak banyak , alhamdulillah , after a week , we managed to collect more than RM 5000 , from all over the world ( Malaysia - UK mainly ). Not to forget my fellow beedadari's Iwani Nasir , Ajlaa Alauddin , Haifa Shaheera Adzlim , these great beautiful sparkling souls , had made the Cambodia trip even better , thanks for accepting me as a part of the group walaupun macam tetiba en kenkonon ingat Cambodia tu dekat Aprika hahahahhahaha weh malu weh masuk kubang , berkubang dengan lembu. I loved it bila kita travel dengan orang yang sama fikrah so jalan tu tak kosong , like every solat automatically we know kita mesti berjemaah , even selalu kitaorang solat dua dua , sebab space kecik , like every morning atas flight ke atas tuk tuk ke dalam kuil ke , mathurat tak tinggal. And pada masa yang sama kita rasa yang travel tu bermaksud kita menggembara dari our old selves to a better person insyaAllah. Hope to see more #beedadari_project soon. sebab banyak dah orang request for a continuation of projects even balik UK nanti. Thank you along , achik and achuu for the whole trip , maaf untuk segala kekurangan diri sendiri , I hope I in one sense did complete the beedadari puzzle aicewahs datang mana puzzle ini kah kah. 

finally meeting all the beedadaris. 


Thank you beedadari

Basically dekat sana , its one hour late / early aku tak sure dari malaysia , contoh , pukul 7 dia is pukul 8 Malaysia and usually bila dah masuk pukul 9 tu kira macam ngantuk dah sebab kalau ikut kitaran masa Malaysia time tu dah pukul 10 ( hahahahha padahal dekat rumah pukul dua belas pun celik lagi scroll instagram uhuks tercekik )

Bismillahirahmanirahim :)

So masa turun turun je airport Siem Reap tu , memang tak ramai orang sebab there's only like two flights there which tadi masa balik pun its the same scene. Siem Reap ni kira macam a province dekat Cambodia ni and kitaorang memang spent all four days dekat sini instead of travelling to Phonm Penh ( the city part ) , sebab memang tujuan asal dia is to visit Angkor Wat and the province itself which caters golongan muslim yang menjadi minoriti di Cambodia.




After a week buat reading tentang madrasah yang kami nak pergi untuk sampaikan amanah amanah orang yang involved in #beedadari_project , Allah bagi rezeki untuk sampai sana and lihat sendiri tempat tersebut. Aku personally that morning macam affected dengan weather yang panas dan berdebu dan tak boleh nak capture the exact feeling masa sampai madrasah tu. Tapi bila tengok adik adik yang belajar dalam kelas yang kecik untuk grab ilmu agama , aku jadi sayu. Aku jadi sayu bila keluarkan buku amali solat yang dibawa dari Malaysia , dan ustaz tu nampak macam sangat bersyukur sebab dia perlukan sangat buku tu untuk anak murid dia. Adik adik ni aku tak bertanya detail sama ada itu sahaja kah sekolah yang dia attend , by mean no other schools yang dia pergi aside from getting only ilmu agama dari madrasah tu. We brought with us some stationeries , termasuk buku tulis , Quran , sets of pencilbox and sets of shawls for the girls. Dan dalam keadaan kekurangan ni masih lagi ke sekolah dan bila diminta untuk dibacakan surah surah pendek Quran , sumpahhhh bergema satu kelas.









Allah in many many many points in my life , had eased it in a pretty decent surrounding , yang mana kalau patah satu pensel ibu ayah boleh ganti dengan sepuluh pensel yang sama or get me a sharpener instead. Like aku tak perlu menunggu belas ihsan siapa siapa sebab aku tahu theres gonna be someone to provide me with those decent complete uniforms and perhaps tying ponytails for me untuk kelihatan presentable for classes. Aku taktahu how it feels like if Allah letak aku dalam posisi kanak kanak dekat sini , menunggu manusia lain membahagikan rezeki yang mereka peroleh untuk membahagiakan orang lain. Mungkin if I were there , aku pun mungkin akan cuma go with the flow , never expect a better life because I haven't stepped out to see the world , and if and only if they see how us doing in Malaysia , secara majoriti mampu menghantar anak ke sekolah , tak payah nak ke tahap mewah pun , they must have expected that they deserve more than what they had today. Tapi nak kata yang Allah tu adil dengan setiap perancangan , yang anak anak dekat Cambodia tu mesti jauh lebih cekal hati dia dalam usaha nak menuntut ilmu , kalau nak dicompare dengan kita yang ada semua benda dalam mata tinggal nak belajar tak fikir apa itupun masih tak reti bersyukur dengan bermalasan dalam menuntut ilmu  , thats the lacking in us. and yang sedih tu kita bukan diaorang.


On the same day jugak , we went to several places , such as the silk farm to see the process camne nak jadi silk tu. Ya ampun , aku yang tengok , tengkuk yang lenguh sebab it starts from the tiny very tiny ulat lembut bermuka comel pastu jadi kepompong dah tu kalau rosak kena buang , then refining the rough silk and smooth silk is another story. Tu belum masuk dia nak jadikan shawl or anything T.T jadi aku bercadang untuk tak membeli sutera sebab penat tengok proses dia. However yang berkerja dekat situ majoriti perempuan and thats the sole source pendapatan diaorang , and bayangkan contoh satu kain harga dia 25 dollar , itu akan dibahagi pada berapa puluh orang yang undergo the whole process of making ONLY ONE KAIN ! , hahaha tapi aku end up tak membeli pun dekat silk farm sebab bawak duit tak banyak , nak nak ringgit depreciates again dollar , so shopping benda mahal is not a wise thing to be done. We were told by our tour guide there that the women there do all the maintenance semua sendiri , kalau kayu patah , dia pergi potong buluh sendiri then ganti mesin dia sendiri. Women power sangat keh keh. 





And surely after a not so long tiring day one , kitaorang kebulur gila , then kitaorang mintak aaa tuktuk driver bawak pergi makan. So sebelum tu dia tunjuk gak map mana dia nak pergi lepas tu. Then he showed us West Baray ( tempat yang nak pergi ) , wakakaka kelakar gila time tu sebab dia sebut baray as 'ba-rai' . Then bila sampai je baray tu , dia macam kat tanah tinggi yang tuktuk takleh naik , so the driver macam tunjuk up there . Kitaorang yang kelaparan ni ingatlah yang weh restaurant halal kat atas tu ke , not till we found out it was A BARAY - we did learned in our history yang baray tu kan tempat simpanan air untuk water the plant . Kita selalu en sebut ' Be-rey' instead of ' ba-rai ' . Barai habis k perasaan bila tahu dia bukan nak bawak kitaorang ke restaurant tapi ke tempat simpanan air kah kah


west BARAI literally BARAI gila weh laperrrr time ni hahah.

beedadari in topi.

Tengahari tu kitaorang pergi balik  perkampungan muslim tempat madrasah tadi untuk makan. Sepanjang perjalanan tu , kitaorang nampak lembu lembu yang berdiet hahahha sebab nampak tulang leuls. Sehingga kelihatan dia punya collar bone wakakka aku taktahu lembu ada collar bone tapi bolehlah . We had daging naik bukit ( a menu ) ( literally manusia letak dia dalam macam kuali berbukit ) ( sebab tu la panggil daging naik bukit ) ( bolehlah nak try , its their signature dish ) ,  well for a decent , too decent lunch , habis around 8 dollar jugak including drinks . Right after lunch , masa tu biasalah kalau dah kenyang semua rasa macam nak mengular , tapi since we only have four days there , tambah dengan full schedule on the third and fourth day , we decided to follow our itinerary to go to the war museum and the mini killing field. Alhamdulillah the war museum is a worth investment done on that day. 

maaflah lupa nama T.T 


We paid 5 dollar each and we got a really wonderful tour guide. Pagi tu masa sampai Siem Reap , aku boleh kata yang kemajuan dia tak sampai pun kemajuan di Malaysia like jalan sangat berdebu and maybe the sight in the 70's malaysia. Tapi since aku takde lagi tahun 70'an I dont really know how to illustrate the Siem Reap surrounding , so aku question ajlaa yang sama kebingungan , why a place yang dulunya tempat Kerajaan Awal Asia Tenggara tak membangun padahal pelancong banyak datang. Taking an example macam Melaka , banyak tinggalan zaman penjajahan Portugis dulu , and look how it helps Melaka economically. Antara soalan lain yang berlegar dalam kepala is why they used dollar instead of their own currency. This was never in my sight masa bincang nak beli ticket semua , we thought they use their own currency , so if they used their currency , shopping will sounds nice sebab usually their currency is lower than ringgit. Aku jugak berfikir masa google nice food to try in Cambodia , google suggested INSECTS , hahhaha dan aku juga sempat mengutarakan pandangan , adakah silk worm boleh dimakan? 

Sebelum datang jugak , aku adalah study sesikit sejarah Cambodia ni , adalah sikit idea yang dulu Cambodia ni pernah hidup dalam kegelapan masa zaman pemerintahan Pol Pot ( bukan nama sebenar ) ( sebab nama dia lain )  , dalam masa tiga tahun je TIGA TAHUN JE BERPULUH RIBU ORANG YANG DI BUNUH ! , sebab dia nak apply the communist ideology - hak kesamarataan , so semua orang pandai dia bunuh , yang menentang dia pun sama dibunuh. 

Berbalik kepada tour guide tadi , alhamdulillah he speaks english well so kita takdelah garu kepala apa hang nak cerita ni. And aku rasa kalau boleh diputar balik masa , aku rasa nak import dia jadi cikgu sejarah masa Alevels dulu. Sebab he surprisingly told us a set of interesting history
  • Pol Pot membawa ideology communist.  Dia dulu ditaja bawah scholarship untuk belajar di France untuk study politics ( sudahlah ditaja , balik membawa onar , bagikan duri dalam daging hahahahha nak gak )  Dia cuma menjadi Perdana Menteri for three years , and that three years were the answer for why cambodians eats insects , why many good and intelligent people were killed . Sebab masa Pol Pot ni memerintah , people were forced to listen to him and generate foods for the government and they dont even have foods to eat and terpaksa makan lipas dan rakan rakan. On the other hand we screams out loud pabila terlihat lipas melintas gembira di hadapan mata while they eat it. Even war ended , it lasted as a tradition and norms in the country. They still eat it till today tadada.
  •  Why dollar circulates in the country when they have their own riel ? Its because the government allows that to happen. Aku juga tiba tiba memikirkan nasib ringgit di Malaysia. Tapi thankfully we dont let other currency to circulates in markets , dia cuma circulate dalam currency exchange centre but dalam pasar pasar kita we still use ringgit , so in that way , kita as Malaysian still use and demand ringgits. Cuba kalau in our situation , suddenly pemerintah negara allows other currency to be used in our very own country , its possible to see someday RM 50000 akan kelihatan seperti 25 cent dollar , macam diaorang 4000 riel equivalent to 1 dollar. 
  • The sad truth why Siem Reap yang ada banyak tinggalan sejarah yang telah menarik berjuta pelancong tapi tak mampu untuk bantu Siem Reap membangun is because , for example , untuk masuk ke Angkor Watt the one of the seven wonders in the world , we need to pay 20 dollar for that , and sadly all the funds they get goes to Vietnam ( related to communsit thingy ) , Cambodia is a democratic country but most people who're in the system are communist ( this is according to the tour guide , I may helplessly verify it sebab capaian sejarah Kemboja adalah sangat limited pada aku ). 
  •  I did learned about how communist spread in Vietnam due the geographical state ( sebab negara dia berdekatan / bersebelahan dengan communist countries ) , however not even once Cambodia was in my sight . And I asked him why. He said the history disimpan sebab twice in the history the leaders who once betray and leaves the country were called back to lead. The prime minister who used to follow Pol Pot's command , betray him and become the new prime minister. And takkan dia nak bagitahu anak bangsa dia like ini ke contoh leader yang kita ada? Aku tak berkesempatan pun untuk pergi ke normal schools in that province jadi aku tak berapa jelas apa subjects yang diaorang belajar semua
  • Our tourist guide speaks English well and ada kepakaran dalam bidang agriculture but hardly finds a job due to corruptions happening in the country. He did mentioned that the government dah abandon those people who fought in the continuing wars ( civil and physical wars ) and they had to do anything that they can to survive . 


( harus diingatkan this is all what I got from the tourist guide ) ( aku takleh nak verify the info's at the moment since aku pun tak habis study sejarah negara sendiri , apatah lagi negara orang ) 

We signify banyak tinggalan bom bom yang diletakkan dalam museum tu , people dies , lost parts of their bodies during the wars. Kanak kanak didoktorinkan dengan pemikiran berhaluan kiri semasa pemerintahan Pol Pot. Just imagine a 5 years old boy holding riffles and kills people . 

Sepanjang dia terangkan lipatan sejarah Kemboja , banyak yang aku dalam diam reflect , like sebagai contoh , dia sebagai penduduk negara tu menceritakan pada pelancong betapa teruknya realiti yang berlaku di negara dia , where kalau aku if tourist ask about Malaysia , tahap aku sayang negara tu tak mencapai tahap menceritakan keburukan Malaysia yang aku rasa di mata dunia. ( which alhamdulillah I found more reasons to love my very own country )  Tapi when he's able to utter those words , it means he's badly affected with the system. Aku takdelah kata kita kena kekal menjadi orang yang diam dan bersyukur bila kita melihat situasi yang melanda negara , just draw the fine line between in , sebab bila kita menjelajah tempat orang ni , nak tak nak , kita tak menolak perbandingan antara tempat kita dan tempat dia , dan ukuran dia banyak. Dari segi economy ,socioeconomy and whats vivid on the country - sebagai contoh pembangunan dia. We Malaysia memang dah pergi sangat jauh dari segi pembangunan jika nak dibandingkan dengan Cambodia. 

Aku juga golongan yang tak merasa diserang secara fizikal which thanks to our former pejuang negara that fought for independence in the past. Jadi aku tak boleh nak dapat that feeling berada dalam suasana perang tu. Sebab perang di Kemboja baru saja berakhir tak sampai 2 dekad pun. Which kalau aku yang lahir 1994 akanlah kot merasa fasa awal yang memeritkan kalau aku lahir di sana. 

The tourist guide did mentioned how lucky us , Malaysian. Merasa keamanan bila orang lain gelap. Bila melihatkan suasana Siem Reap selama empat hari tu , aku faham kenapa aku berjumpa dengan ramai penjual penjual di pasar merupakan orang Kemboja. Sampai ada satu tu dekat Banting , ada pasar nama dia Pasar Kampuchea ( other names for Kemboja ) . He said he was glad that we used tuktuk instead of other transportation sebab what we spent akan tersalur pada orang awam secara direct which itu headshot kitaorang yang question , like why we used tuktuk for that whole four days trip when other people used it just untuk merasa ( since Siem Reap sangat berdebu ) 

Aku taktahulah kalau penulisan aku kali ini takdelah nak menampar sangat. Cuma dari sudut hati , aku rasalah tertampar kalau kalau diri ni banyak sangat kufur dengan nikmat yang Allah bagi. Dan sepanjang empat hari di sana , aku sangat rasa yang Allah bagi kemudahan dalam semua urusan , dari drama gate dah ditutup sebab kitaorang perform subuh and solat musafir before departing. Then Dia bagi tuktuk drivers yang sangat baik , he provide us with massive of cold waters hahahah like kalau turun empat tempat , empat botol air dia kena bagi sorang satu. Belum kira free foods yang bermacam macam jenis , and when we want to pay for all the foods , his reply which I'll always remember what he said , dia kata " You help students , Allah help you " . Tu belum masuk lagi Allah bagi semua orang fit as fiddle ( hahahah kau nak gak kan letak peribahasa kat sini ) untuk tempuh tiga hari kat berjalan dari pagi sampai ke malam baru balik hotel. Sebab after months tak travel , pancit gak k berjalan di bawah terik mentari. 


some random places we stop

dalam tuktuk

tonle sap  

madrasah di tonle sap

#beedadari_project

Aku tak rasa sangat nak bercerita tentang day two and three , which mainly we went to Angkor Watt and friends , and spent the night at the markets. Bukan tak menarik , menarik , even thats the original purpose of the trip , sebab nak pergi these historical places , but sadly I don't really study the history and tak jugak ambik mana mana tour guide to guide the tour , so dia sekadar signfying the beauty la camtu. We did spent like three hours dalam Angkor Watt tu sendiri taktahu buat apa hahahha but we did gather di sudut tepi sebab nak gather baca mathurat mentautkan hati aicewahs. 

Day three we went to Tonle Sap , the biggest tasik air tawar ( kot ) ( tolonglah kata ya ) , and the floating village , but basically its a really big tasik with floating houses. And before that we went to a madrasah jugak to continue our #beedadari_project , this time students dia tak berapa ramai , around 50 macam tu and the class is much more selesa than the one that we went before. And anak anak dekat situ slightly senyap sikit dari anak anak dari madrasah sebelumnya , maybe because I don't interact that much maybe. We gave the same sets of stationeries , Quran and some iqraa , not to forget some tudung for the girls. On the same day jugak we went to a cultural village ( 15 dollar ) for banyak performances , tapi spoiled by some tourist tah dari negara mana tah , I can't help but to get distracted by bossy makciks yang aku rasa nak rebus hidup hidup like why don't you mind your own bussiness. 

Ibrah ( pengajaran yang aku dapat ) sepanjang berada di sana was mainly as a whole tengok kawasan penempatan diaorang. Like every houses that we saw ( masa nak ke one of the tapak kuil lama di Bantrey Srei camno nak eja ) , semua macam rumah rumah papan but semua berniaga , dari jual sekecil kecil kelapa even jual minyak untuk isi motor . These people are doing anything like everything to survive and berniaga is one of the best way as suggested and practiced  by Rasulullah saw sendiri. 

Jadi berakhirlah trip ke Siem Reap selama 4 Har 3 malam. Oh not to forget , we stayed at the Hotel 20th Street , highly recommended sebab sangat selesa , the service is so good for the price , harga 4 hari tu around RM 200++ which kitaorang bayar sorang RM 50 je for that three nights. Exclude makan aaaa. 





Disebabkan jugak this time around we travelled empat orang , aku nak taknak lebih celik dalam pengurusan itinerary dan kewangan. So here's some tips , 

  • Harga kitaorang dapat for tuktuk for that 4 days , 45 dollar which we paid slightly higher than that sebab he provides us with very good service kira macam complimentary payment aaaa sebab at the same time tuktuk according to my along is like very heavy tambah kitaorang lagi , so apalah sangat extra payment ( he didn't ask for it but we insist ) . He's a muslim and really practice like one , solat semua di mana mana sahaja but on time !
  •  If you wish to go to Siem Reap and nak pakai tuktuk for the whole trip I'll suggest that you bring along masks and specs. Sebab jalan dia berdebu. Naik tuktuk best , berangin ~~~~ 
  • For shopping purposes : kitaorang dapat tips lambat sobs sobs , you can get a shirt as low as 2 dollar ( I bought four with 20 dollar nangis jap ) , and you should try fruit shakes if you pergi the old , the night market . Ice cream gulung pun boleh try gak. Around 1 - 2 dollar each. The tips is , masa nak beli tu jangan lupa convert duit Malaysia , contoh a shirt , kalau dia jual 8 dollar for a lousy shirt convert duit Malaysia is like RM 32 satu so it seems ridiculous. So tawar lah kasi dia bagi rendah sikit. Aku rasa bab barang ni worth nak tawar , unless kalau foods , I'm just okay with what price they gave. 
  • I converted RM 800 , and its more than enough for tickets and souvenirs. Kalau sesiapa nak itinery kitaorang hahahahha tak seberapa pun , but its suggested by the tuktuk drivers there , so bolehlah mintak , kalau nak details our drivers pun kitaorang boleh share 
  • Last last , sesiapa wish to see pictures of our trip , bolehlah tengok insta with hashtags , #beedadari_project or #jaulahbeedadari hahahah nak gak dah kenapaaaaaa. 

- aku akan update kalau kalau ada tips tambahan eheee. 



ps takde kaitan dengan post di atas. : aku selalu rasa aku selalu masuk dalam golongan yang melihat dan mengambil iktibar rather than menjadi orang yang menjadi golongan penggerak / penegur / atau sesiapa yang terlibat secara terus dan langsung mengenai sesuatu perkara. Dan aku rasa the main reason why aku dalam golongan yang atas tadi is because lacking in ilmu dan taknak jadi manusia yang tahu cakap tapi sebenarnya kosong je. Kadang tu rasa loser sangat sebab mampu jadi golongan ketiga ( yang cuma mampu membenci dengan hati dan tak pergi jauh dari situ )