Cheesy enough? Oh whats wrong .

I enjoy reading them. Lang Leav. The sets of beautiful words.

Now I am trying to have random word for the poem.

A level - United Kingdom
Never thought I would step this far
Once I dreamt I was there
And I woke up - I was still here.

Beautiful 
He might says you're ugly
He might says you're not
Tell yourself then 
I am. 

Heartbreak
Its funny. 
To know how an organ can break
But that's the term. That's the feeling.
Heart Break. 

Flowers
They don't try - they don't please
They fascinate. 
They die - and its life . 

Fate
Make us to meet
The one that we've been longing for
Years
Decades 
With the prayers for the unknown - you. 
Its fate that I finally meet you.

Soul-mate
Love for who I am 
Yesterday
Now 
Tomorrow

Laugh
As if it heals pain
Then that's least I can wish for
It's for you to laugh.

Feelings
When you're unable to say it
Let your deeds portray 
So I can feel it too

Lie 
That was the other day 
You say that you're okay?
Then what the tears supposed to mean?

Happy
An upward curve 
On your face
Tell me that you're happy
But I was

The other day ,
I know the heart breaks
Scattered into pieces 
Though I try - i'd never know
How exactly I can fix it. 
So I pray. 

Maybe you heard me. 
God did answer the prayers. 

You laugh
You say you're okay
I know its pain
that you're trying to hide.
with the smile on your face



Did I tell you? Its the feelings and the eyes.
They never lie like the words do. 
I feel you

I love you 
For who you are for the last two days. For the current seconds
Till death - till we both laugh on our grey hairs
Didn't I tell you?
Love
Is for today
Was for yesterday. 
And may it last someday

Its okay for you to leave me someday
Maybe your turn would be earlier than mine
Or maybe , it was me that'll be leaving first
Or even , we never met in the world
May we reunite there . May we meet and be lovers there. 

OH , that's my heart , beating for you. 


You'll bring sunshine into someone's life.



I was helping my friend yesterday to distribute the questionnaires for our English subject for our A-level external examination. Since I was there too , reading through the responses , I can say , there's a lot of people outside there were taking it for granted as if , we're doing it for fun. That totally taught me something , that small things might matters a lot in someone's life - so don't take things for granted - we ease people's life - somehow later He'll ease us through . There were lots of things to be be pondered upon. 

Talking about bringing sunshine into someone's life. 

Maybe in a lifetime , you'll not realize that your small deeds might affect one's life . Like a small act of offering a seat for strangers that need the seat more than we do. It might be happening for only seconds in life - but no one would know , that brighten someone's life up. No matter who you are , you will , at least , bring a sunshine to someone in this world. 

These days I've been constantly faking things up , thinking how bad I can be , that someone might just forget me or making me feel worthless while someone else , appreciate my existence - and the feeling of being worthless are strong enough for not letting me feel happy about me being accepted by a different people in different situation 

Because you are the only person who can decide on whether others can hurt you so be careful in accusing someone else for your broken heart.

I am not accusing anyone for the heartbreaks. Because at the end , its always me , that decide to be happy or not. The moment when I decide to be happy - because some people outside there value the existence of you in this world - you've no reason to be sad anymore.

You treat people like how you want to be treated. 
Don't do shits anymore in people's life. But if they choose to , let them. 
But the rule of living well , is be good. Treat people good. Do your part - be kind be good. 
Apologize if you know you need to . Forgiven or not - you've done your part. 
Make the step which can cure. But if people choose not to make it any better - you've done your part. 
Don't hate because holding grudge and not forgiving  won't make you an inch nobler. 
So don't feel bad if you've done what you supposed to do. 

If things go beyond your capability to solve , let Allah decide. 

Because you've done your part. Because you're just a human. Human breaks. Human fall. But human may fix the pieces. And put themselves back to the situation where they repeat the expected cycles. Hypothesis accepted : Human is complex , even from the beginning of its existence.

When you're good with Him , He'll make things went well for you and the others. Remember Him in every deeds. Days and Night. In every thoughts. 


Thoughts in Twenties.

I've been constantly reading Thought Catalog these days , which I found out months before and I can't just stop reading so I decided to share this thing. Just google Thought Catalog yaw! And since I've been like reminding myself I am twenty , I do really feel old today. Haha. 

10 Things Every 20-Something Should Keep In Mind
JAN. 23, 2014 By BRIANNE MCDONALD  

1. Travel
There is no age limit on a passport. All those fabulous places you’ve dreamed of seeing really aren’t going anywhere. Is Paris or Romania (everyone has their place they want to go, don’t judge me) going to look any different at the age of 25 as opposed to 35? If you don’t make it to Greece before you’re 30, don’t give up! Your life of adventure isn’t over until you say it is.

2. Dreams
Your dreams don’t need to have an expiration date. If you don’t reach your life goal by 27 that doesn’t mean you won’t ever get there (unless it’s like, sports or something… which I don’t play so let’s pretend they don’t apply). Some of my favorite authors, thinkers, and creators didn’t reach true success till their 30s and 40s, and often later (sometimes they were dead… which, I say, still counts).
Statistics be damned, according to them I should never have graduated from high school or college or be in the tax bracket I am. Don’t let numbers hold you back.

3. Kids
When to have children (if ever) is a deeply personal choice and, despite what the feminist rabble hackling in the background would have you believe, you can have a child in your 20s and still actually be a person. With hopes, wishes and everything. Who knew! A baby isn’t a death sentence. Is it harder? Sure. But not impossible. If you choose not to have kids, don’t let anyone guilt you, just do you, sister (or ‘Mr.’) there’s really no right or wrong way to do this whole “life” thing. (Yes, internet troll, unless you go around axe murdering people.)

It is not a perfect social system, to be sure, and I hope in the future that women can turn to equalizing gender roles and returning some importance to families, rather than bashing the women who struggle to balance them.

4. Happiness
Here’s a hint for you, happiness is a lifetime endeavor and it falls entirely on your own shoulders. The minute you take responsibility for your own happiness you can watch with glee as those negative and pointless people in your life begin to fade away. Nobody has their whole lives figured out, my friend, so don’t hate yourself for being a little lost. Some of the best things in my life have happened out of nowhere when I had no clue which direction to go. Take happiness where you can find it and appreciate every step it took you to get there.

5. Success
This goes hand in hand with happiness. Guess who is the designated placeholder for success? You are! That’s right, no one else can tell you what success is but you. Everyone is different, everyone is looking for something just ever so slightly unique and special out of their limited existence. Some want to write, or design, or build, or raise great kids. Maybe just get that manger position, buy a house, or live in another country. Or it could fall to just kicking a drug habit or re-entering the life of an estranged child. If you spend your life living to other people’s standards for achievement, you are never going to find happiness.

6. You Can’t Fix People
You can open the world (or just your social circle) to your views and opinions but for every person who agrees, there will be another who doesn’t. Let it go, be opinionated and resolute when you must, but accept that not everyone will think and feel as you do. And that’s okay. Don’t stoop to belittling the choices of others who don’t see the world as you do, it adds nothing to your own personal success and it will close the ears of the very people you are trying to reach. Live and lead by example, encourage and uplift those whom you might not agree with, you might just learn something and be the better for it.

7. You’re Going to Fuck Up
You just will, either in several huge, obvious ways, or in many small, subtle hard to define ways. Mistakes are the best teachers and rather than give up and throw in the towel when things don’t pan out the way you expected, analyze, learn, and try again. People might judge, demean and dismiss you for your faults and mistakes but you should never take that as a sign of your true character. Only you can define who and what you are. Mistakes happen, it’s inevitable, the only thing you can do is decide what to do with the experience.

8. Marriage
No two marriages are the same. What works for some will not work for others. It, like children, is not a death/dreams-crashing-down-around you, sentence. The only person who can decide if they are ready to get married or not is you. Listen to your closest, most trusted friends, and otherwise ignore the generalized bullshit. If you want to get married at 25, don’t let the horde of screaming women your age, insisting you can’t be ‘successful’ if you go through it, change your mind from what you want. And, if it does happen to fall apart, guess what, divorce isn’t the end of the world. I’ve been there, I’ve hit rock fucking bottom in more ways than one, you can build yourself back up again and be better for it. And, for the record, even people who get married later in life are prone to divorce. It’s all about what you want and believe.

9. Respect
Instead of judging and berating people who chose to live in a manner you don’t agree with (yes troll, assuming their lifestyles don’t include, like, eating babies), why not take a second to consider life in their shoes. No one likes a stranger or vague acquaintance to step into their lives and point out the imperfections as though they have some sort of right to, as though they know you. They don’t. And you don’t either. You have no idea what the young, exasperated mother (or father) in the corner is going through or what their dreams and wishes are. Instead of smugly degrading them over your coffee, why not actually speak to them, get to know them or hell, at the very least, let ‘em be. They don’t need your opinions or judgments any more than you need theirs. Respect everyone and bask in the respect you receive in turn. It is a truly novel effect.

10. Let Shit Go
Just… let it go, man. I have an immature ex-husband, a cheating ex-boyfriend and a string of unfortunate circumstances. I could choose to cling to these past mistakes and allow them to define me, but guess what? Fuck it, fuck everything that tries to reduce or diminish me. I can decide to forgive, or at the very least forget, because at the end of all this, my life is my responsibility and I don’t want to waste it hating people who are no longer worth my time. Let the screw ups go, forgive yourself for all the times you’ve hurt others (and try to get them to forgive you too, if you can), and just… move on. Grow and learn and don’t let all the crap in your past keep you from being the type of person you want to be. You might completely fuck up your 20’s by all ‘conventional’ standards, but guess what? You’ve got at least twenty more to go. Life is fragile; I get it, but don’t let failure and the world keep you from getting and doing what you want.

Age is just a number, you’re the one who get’s to define it

A set of skillful aunties , the story of the week.

Finally , an alumni of Jawatan Perwakilan Kolej Cemara Akasia , after kind of hectic year - its undeniably tired - and additional of hatred - but surely , banyak good sides , things like finally knowing some people from other courses broadening the friend range , since me and my friends were the part of team , we kinda get overly attached because of the JPK's thingy because we meet like everyday , share the same gossips , well sometimes , we even do JPK's works during classes. Ada tu sama course tapi tak pernah bertegur sapa , then you finally become close . From a blogger that you admired , finally become one of your collegue. JPKCA , thanks for countless of mixing emotions. 

So this week , I mean from the very first week , selalu cakap dengan diri sendiri , jangan procrastinate , jangan lepak lama lama dengan Gross Familia ( friends level - dah boleh sarcasm tanpa terasa , not being sensitive because you tend to counter sarcasm  ) haha.   , BUT I FAILED. Sebab things will end up differently , kenkadang tu keluar makan je , for the sake of having dinner but you can't just help yourself by spending another hour sitting at the bench in Akasia and talk about random things , laugh at the sarcasm , and even discussing economics when you're freaking tired for the whole day - and suddenly in between the graphs and theories keluar sylibus anak anak di masa hadapan dan juga pekerjaan suami pada masa akan datang. ( since pharmacist ranked first for the wage rate for fresh graduates in Malaysia - we surely gonna put our eyes on pharmacist to be yaw ! ) haha. 

LOLS.

So whenever we talk , overtimes we tend to talk about random future stuff. You just can't help yourself , I can't. haha. Maybe it's something that ease A-level hectikus days haha.

Like I am not going to send my children to Chua's house because later my babies would be as fierce as chua or even heartless like chua but if I wanted them to be good at cooking masakan Melayu , surely Chua is one of the capable aunty for cooking haha , I am going to send my babies to Ajlaa's house during weekend so they'll enjoy good laughing shows and surely they will enjoy the company of this aunty because their mum would only serve books as entertainments haha. And that happen if Ajlaa is fated to marry her forever forever crush which is * I don't know whether its okay to mention it here * haha. Like Ainaa , she'll be capable turn my children into a good English user and also imitate her cats expression whenever she enters the class . Hew. I won't let my husband to look at her because she have that attractive traits in her so later my husband won't regret by asking me " Why I marry you at the first place , why not ainaa? " Haha definitely that will cause a forever heart breaks. haha. I have another Aina in my circle of friend , since she's a very good girl I can say , I would send my children to her house for usrah and maybe , a training class to be a good MC. And Aliatul's house during weekend so my babies would learn how to play pingpong and amazingly keeping themselves updated with sports news through this aunty. 

HAHAHA. SEE HOW MANY SKILLFUL AUNTIES WE HAVE HERE?

skillful aunties. The left one , white scarf - chua. The right one , the green , Ajlaa . The black one is aliatul. The pink is Aina. The purple one is Ainaa with two a. And me yawwws. The right picture was taken yesterday , alumni alumni JPKCA :D

STILL,

No matter how much we say this . How many times we laugh at the same topics. No one would know how , with whom , where we'll end things up. Mungkin nanti Allah tak bagi anak , mungkin nanti Allah tak bagi jumpa spouse di dunia. Atau mungkin later we'll forget each other existence in life and distance will apart us. Somehow absence can't make the heart grow fonder.  And for the endless questions , would we just end things up when our dreams wasn't like what the reality would hit us later. I hope not. Previously I was scrolling the social net , and I saw a senior of mine . Which I remembered how he behaved during the school days , now already a father and having a noble job which he teach , he educates. So , he fascinates me with his changes , with his future. Which I can say , betullah Allah itu sebaik baik perancang. 

May Allah bless us through. 

Moga nanti dapat gather sampai tua , comparing our children , letting our babies to know these aunties - to see how crazy their mothers was before. Or the fact that we'll reminisce this kind of conversation pun . OH I DID THAT LAST TIME? haha.

Understand.

Sometimes its hard to make people understand. It neither we told them directly to their faces or conveying the message through words. I know that words can always be ambiguous as different people may interpret it into different meaning. 



Like :

Aku okay.

A short line that surely give different interpretation and acceptation. For girls when they said they were okay , usually it means , I am not. Who in this world nak buat orang lain rasa susah? Because uttering it into a longer lines would definitely be hard. Saying I'm okay obviously they're not okay. I don't know whether its a common sense that you can read and feel someone's emotion through their words and expressions. But surely its not common since I met some people who simply take " Aku okay " as O K A Y and leave without even trying. Not that you necessarily try to make those people be O K A Y emotionally and literally - but for me the act of leaving without saying condolence or anything that may sooth pierced. Aku rasa banyak je kategori manusia yang fake it because being frank regarding it , surely only least people will understand. 


Sebab tulah each time when I feel people don't really understand me , I wish my future someone - means anyone that will stay by my side , its either friends or encik husband,  can understand me without the need to say " Saya okay " but they know exactly the time for good words , hugs and soothing sessions. But it seems hard , sebab diri ini sedia maklum dengan manusia lain , juga hidup dalam masalah masing masing , maybe expecting one human would really care and understand , susah nak cari. Ada tapi susah nak cari. 

Tapi overtimes , I can't deny some people live to only understand literally what the words are all about. 

Somehow , its me that says world revolve around 360' and three hundred and sixty people might have different opinions on something so to expect someone that thinks and act alike , it'll be the 361th person. This is not one kind of counselling session classes on how to understand women. Entah , somehow aku rasa aku complicated. 

I can cry the whole night to the Merciful because without expecting and hoping. I know Dia faham in and out , what I like , what I don't , what I want , what I don't want , what I hope and things would be just the same for every night. 

Somehow jugak , I can't never says that I understand everyone in this whole world. Sebab we're in the range of the 360' . Our wants , our desire and our understanding towards something might differ to each other. Menjadi orang yang memahami , bukan bermaksud kita blend through someone's life in each points , tapi cukup untuk tahu certain limit do or don'ts in their life. Tak semua tapi , at least sikit. I know that idea's may clash but couldn't you take something that I want into account? 

Sometimes all I want is just to express. 

Kau tak faham ke.
Kau rasa kau faham tak aku?
Ke kau faham tapi kau pretend yang kau tak
Atau sebenarnya kau tak faham langsung?

Like after all these while. 

Mungkin. 

Najwa , aku tak pernah faham kau. full-stop. - someone says this before. 

Again, to say it all over again might just tiring. It bothers me to say and to show. Because at one time, I just want wonders. True friend. True soul mate. That understand . No matter how complicated I would be , I just want someone that understand. I do have some. But some in the big range of friends I had. Its bothersome to yourself when I came to think about that . Then I tend question myself. Apa eh tu kawan. 

Endless answers. The definition differs with different people.

Beautiful words. Random updates once again !

Nothing much I can share through the weeks since classes were not that kind of hectic despite currently I am doing a research paper for English , which I can say a simple research paper . I know I should start revising , but currently I am biased towards my subjects , haven't started reading law and history. I've been focusing on economics like all the time. Oh why. 

So here I am sharing beautiful words I've gotten from the tumblr side during my daily tumblrtime. ( time for tumblr ) aaaaaha that makes a word huh? Tetiba rasa nak jadi Shakespeare , buat many new words. Woa. 




Backgrounds. Random.

I fell in love with my tumblr background and new theme. Oh not to forget my twitter background as well. Random gila benda camni nak update but who cares because its a madness that I had my forever obsessions on flowers. Roses. Tulips. Daisies. And not to forget , wonders and magical touch of the photographers. Allah plan things perfectly. Beautifully. P E R F E C T O !

Despite the hectic days and nights , there's always once in a while - I'll continuously scroll my tumblr , sebab sometimes reblogged photos kinda macam sama je situasi hidup , where I can find short tazkirah , letters from Allah and wonderful pictures with magical words. My obsession towards tumblr can be like triple double dari rasa nak scroll instagram. Tumblr is like an expression of feelings that you met someone that have better words to explain, better pictures to portray. And I guess I am being me inside there. True feelings. 


Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeter too! see flowers. 


 I fall in love with the backgrounds. 

All in all , my desktop background would be the utmost constant inspirations. 



so k dah. 

Living life hard way.

I was on my way to Mid Valley when the KTM stops at the stations. There's one long stop , couples of minutes at Angkasapuri Station and I saw a man and a woman were raking the leaves. Its chilling hot morning I can say. 

Then I started to wonder , how much they earn in a month. Does it happened that they're the one who badly wanting to do the job or they're left with no choice , but in order to earn money , they repetitively raking the leaves everyday. I remember how much I hate raking the leaves in my house compound , which that can only happen once in a week. You know how frustrating it feels like? You rake the leaves and few seconds after that , the wind blow and there you go , more leaves on the grass. I got pissed off like thousands of times , but come to the senses , kita siapa nak lawan aturan alam? Because the leaves continue to fall. Analogi dia macam kau dah makan hari ni , so esok takyah la makan esok lusa. Leaves are like lapar. Kita lapar bukan sekali. Sama macam daun nak jatuh , bukan sekali. hahaha. apa ini , I don't really make it sounds connected heh? Haha fail. 


Back to the moment I was inside the KTM , here I am sitting on a comfortable seats with air conditioned. That can complains on how suck a food can be , that can simply throw away something that doesn't suits my taste. I have a choice to chill out to Mid Valley when its a public holiday. But there , they worked on public holidays and probably they don't have any single idea on how to waste their money like I do. 

And how many people outside there would actually care , that you're living your life hard way?

Maybe the issue here , they could be immigrants with low educations qualifications . Or a citizen that willing to work under the sun to feed their children , to give their family the best education they can give so that the child would not cycle the life of both his or her parents. Sometimes its about fate. Its about choice. Its about having no choice. But , surely who wants to live their life hard way? If I can choose , I may be wanting a comfortable place in an office , with breaks for breakfast and lunch and get home at 5. Choose to have meals outside once in a week , not even thinking - I can send my babies to best nurseries , get best education , get a good shelter . Maybe I was born in a family that can breathe peacefully - with a house , cars , foods , and good surrounding , getting enough informal educations from my family. So I never taste how it feels like , craving for foods because you barely eat during days and night. 

It touches my heart when I saw a child went to school , her grandfather was paying for the bills using coins. The grandparents must have been working so hard and have little savings to send the grandchild to school. But I can say , Malaysia was blessed with generous people - giving hopes - and give shines in the girl's life. Tapi tu sorang. Seeing the coins , I wonder how many outside there , yang tak dapat belajar. Seeing how teenagers nowadays live their life , taking the study life for granted - don't you know how many people outside there wanted to be at your place now? 

I was watching 49 Days , a korean drama that portray the life of a soul that wanted to live back , so in order to be able to breathe as a human , she need to gather 3 sincere tears so that she need to possess someone's body . That someone had been trying to kill herself for times. And its weird on how this world works. At one side of the world , there were people that trying hard to live , fighting hard for living . And at one side of the earth , someone might just jump from the fifth floor or the third floor because he's pissed by a girlfriend that loves shopping? weird eh. 

Sometimes people need to see things through. See the world from different perspective. 



Maybe now , all I can do to give awareness through my words but later that I know , I would certainly help those who're in need. Because I might don't feel , how it feels like living life hard way but it surely breaks , siapa yang nak susah? 

Be grateful people. With what you have today. Be generous . With what you earn today. 

Don't take your life for granted. Take everything seriously . Because we might don't know but someone outside there badly want to be at your place. 

well maybe its time to give back to the communities? maybe your pocket is empty , your deeds might just ease them through. Maybe you're not able to lend your hands , maybe it'll be enough by creating an upward curves on your faces. Smiles seems hard? It's enough for you to understand. 

Hey best friends , the friendship would last right?

No one would know how their future would be drawn - where , with whom , why and how?

The one that you once hate that much and today both of you sharing numerous of personal stories - eating and laughing on lawak lawak bertaraf hambar. The thoughts that you once hate them - and the thoughts that you'll break if they left. 

Future , betul Allah yang hold. His perfect plans. Arranging the puzzles of life. 

I was having lunch with my best friend - we're talking about old days - future days - random stories - laughing on a not-laughable-topics . I remember how much I hated her in previous years , my diaries witnesses lots of hatred and how broken I was when I claimed she stole my best friends - taking away the attentions . We celebrated our eight years knowing each other here in INTEC past few days. But the fact that I've been close to her only for the past 3 years ( even though we knew each other exist in this world before ). 

I confessed to her. " Kau tahu , aku pernah benci kau." Benci yang macam , I can't even stand seeing her sitting with my group of best friends. But again , the beauty of fates . Now I can say , I know how hurtful it'll be later - spending our last semester here in intec and later that I know , we'll both say good bye to each other , no matter how many vows we vowed to each other that we'll constantly update our life have been treating us , despite the distance we'll face. I know there'll be one time , masing masing akan sibuk dengan kehidupan sendiri , and we forgot all the little things that matters a lot in friendships. We'll stop the mails - having an awkward skype calls - and we no longer shares the same path on careers and lots of things will end. 

Nevertheless , I hope that I would never forget to remember the good times exist. All those notes I jot down. I hope we don't face any awkward skype calls - we both know we'll have a new circle of friends - a new circle of surrounding . We don't stop the mails - whatsapps - messages . We'll always have good topics to share - because I always wanted to know how your love life had been , how you've been doing for degree's , how hard the life was for you , because I wanted to be there , because we knew , friendship is for good and bad times. 

I already faced moments , yang claim kita kawan baik , but talking to you does not make me feel at ease . Talking to you makes me feel uncomfortable , it seems like we can't discuss things because we both had different ideas regarding it. Saying that I miss you - but I just don't know where Do I really miss you and the moment you said that you miss me too , I thought that was merely a courtesy. Aku taknak jadi macam ni , because when I say that I miss you , I don't really question myself , betul kah aku rindu? 

We don't really need to communicate every day . BUT , despite that , I could not just accept that we're not communicating to each other so you only include me in your du'as without even trying to type a single Hello or Take Care. That was short , but that could matter a lot to me. 

Take care , andai satu masa kita dah tak mampu berjabat tangan. Tak mampu nak peluk sama sendiri deliver kekuatan , atau merasai gelombang suara secara dekat. Akan ada masa , aku buat lawak , dan aku cuma mampu menahan rasa bila kau kata 'hahahahaha' . 

I am going to miss you best friends. That laugh on my stupid jokes. My harsh sarcasms. I'll miss you. I do. I'll be cherishing the moments we're here together. So that again , later if we're able to breathe at our 40's ,  we'll be able to reminisce our memories back then when we're 20's. 

its been so long since I include personal photo's . She's the one that I confessed to , that I once hate her , for the reasons god knows why. Nurain Syuhadah Abdul Rahman :')

different sets of best friends in two different era's / era hingusan - era masih berhingus tapi kurang sikit hahah. The upper part , my Mek's family , gross familia in intec - chuos , ainos and ajlos and me , najuwos? haha
The lower part - my Selandar's GF , aireen , najwa , liana, aqila , ain , sofea , syida :D 

I had lots more but these people can be considered close. Kot. hahah self claim maybe. 

Later that I know, I am going to have another sets of best friends when I enrolled in degree , no matter how , when , why , where I guess the previous sets would last till death insyaAllah. 

Dad's love letter

Hey here I am in akasia , fixing back my life to normal rhythm . I have thoughts inside my mind but I was too lazy to put it into words . So I was scrolling the timeline and I read one good thing to be shared. I just love the words , messages and all. Here I attached the link ; DAD LOVE LETTER. 

And read through the comments , when my eyes were reading the lines , I felt that many people suffer lost , more than I faced , there were various of problems and heartbreaks that can't be seen from my angle of how I view life.

Views on the comments.

Sometimes , we need to see things , at different angle - then we're able to assimilate things. Then we would realize , that its never fair to complain on things that much. Because life treat you what you can go through and face. We stayed in a surrounding which we're familiar with that range of problems and when it comes to new rare problem , for us its kinda weird , but the people that stays in that surrounding would perceive it as a normal things that happen in life. Closest example : A rich and a poor. A rich seeing a child begging for help , they don't go to school and wear torn clothes. For them , no one in their surrounding behave that way. But for the poor , that is just their life . their routines. their tomorrow. And even till death. Exposure matters. See how we see the world can really affect our personalities? On how we react to others?

Nampak macam lari jauh dari tajuk. EKEKEKE...

:)


I met the boy my daughter has her first crush on at eleven years young. He seems healthy, athletic and happy, but I don't know anything about what it was like to be like that as a boy. I wasn't any of those things at his age. So, out of pure curiosity, while driving my daughter home from a dance, I asked her about him. She confided in me: "Dad, it's no big deal. He's not even interested in me anyway and I wouldn't know how to be interesting to him."

I replied, "You don't have to try to interest anyone, sweetheart. You're brilliant, courageous, graceful and gorgeous. I find you to be fascinating, and continually surprise me with the things you do and say and think, just be being yourself. Boys don't know what they want because their brain won't stop being cooked untitled their 25, but after then, they have a chance to become adult men. Then, the right man will realize how awesome you already and always are."

The conversation felt like it went well, but last night, I thought longer about her comment. This morning, I sit down to write out what I'd like to say to her:

---------------------------------------
Sweetheart,

You never need to try to be interesting to anyone, boy or girl. That's not your job in life. Your only job is to know in your heart without any cloud of confusion or fog of hesitation that you are worthy of anyone's interest without trying. You are perfectly worthy just as you are; just like everyone else is, even if you or others (or your Mom and I) get confused about our individual worth, or about the worth of each other.

If you continue to believe in yourself, you'll radiate. Boys, and eventually when you're grown up - men, will be attracted to you because of who you really are in your heart of hearts. You won't need to try to be interesting because the second most important man in your life will be interested in everything you are (the most important man in your life - me - already is and always will be.)

I don't know much about what it is to be a healthy, happy boy. Your Dad hadn't been those things. But I can tell you want it's like to be a healthy, happy person: You don't need to keep the interest of healthy, happy people. They're interested in you purely because you are confident in your fascinatingly unique, wonderfully weird (in other words - AWESOME) self.

One day you'll meet a boy and he will be overwhelmed by you, and you by him. When you're young and someone likes you, it feels like the the entire world is in the moments you are near each other. But you're worth isn't dependent upon him feeling this way toward you (or you toward him). A good boy will feel this way about you because you are perfectly worthy of it... Already and Always.
When he comes to our house to meet us, you'll be scared of what we think of him because of how you feel when he's so smitten by you. 

Even if he places his elbows on our table, as long as he places his eyes on you when you tilt your head and lift your shoulders when you giggle at your own silly jokes - and then can't look away - then we will love him too.

Even if he doesn't want to wrestle with me, come training with me, or go hunting with the other men in your family during holiday get togethers, if he can romp with the beautiful children you create together, and fawn in all of the wonderfully frustrating ways that your children are exactly like you, then we will love him too.

Even if he doesn't dedicate his life to his finances, if - like you - he follows his passion to help others, while standing right next to you as you do, then we will love him too.

He doesn't need to be strong like your Dad... As long as he exercises the most important muscle - his heart, by loving and honoring you as much as your Mom and I do you (and each other), then we will love him too.

We don't care about his politics or viewpoints, if he makes you the most important person in his life and considers how every action impacts you, as you do him.

We don't care about the culture he comes from, or the place he was born, as long as he calls standing next to you wherever you are - home.

It doesn't matter to us what religion he practices, if he understands that you and your relationship together are inherently sacred, and every day that he gets to spend with you - a blessed gift.

I don't care if he has nothing in common with your Dad, for if he's completely different in every detail, he and I will have the most important common interest worthy of our complete dedication: you.

In the end, the only thing you'll ever need to do to keep our interest is just be you, already and always as you are each and every moment.

Love you,
Dad
---------------------------------------
I thought to share this with you, my readers, because the world may be changing at a very rapid rate, but the confusion of being a Dad - and total absence of a fatherhood instruction manual - causes me to reach out to those of you who are facing similar conversations with their growing children. Perhaps, together, in our individual heartfelt love of our little ones, we can help create a generation to understand that they don't need to try to be a certain way to be worthy... to be happy. They only need to be perfectly themselves, as they already and always are.

* WARNING * Love might just be cancerous.


Sometimes this wasn't a right feeling. Because I watched He's Just Not Into You couple weeks before - all the signs - the misinterpretations - girls always with their own fantasy - when the guy means nothing. At all. So whats best is to kill those feelings before it become much much much much more severe. Get a grip girl. You know who you are and where you stand. So be realistic. 

Mungkin belum masa. Mungkin bukan dia. Mungkin nanti. Bukan sekarang. 

Well I hate this feeling a lot. Falling in love - probably with the wrong person - probably at the wrong time too . God what I am thinking for now. 

NOW , KILL.

well I could say I love this A LOT. 




Deep down , no matter how much I say. how much I deny. How much I try. Still in the sense of being a human . I do hope . On things
I do.
I really do.


That I'm falling for the right person at the right time . 

Maybe I was affected by The One That Got Away. 

2014 ? Perhaps another His Magical Plans.

Dulu kannn , ( selalu tauuuu nak intro intro throwback ni , yelah , kita ni kena selalu sedar dari mana kita datang , supaya kita dapat lakar steps yang lebih baik hendaknya di masa hadapan ) 

Officially graduated from Sbpi Selandar like two years ago  nak masuk 3 tahun , despite the 650++ days passed by , it seems like yesterday I am breathing the air there - the chaotic moments - the laughter the tears with dear machinants - the tranquility of the place. I thought school days would last like forever ( masa sekolah dulu , rasa Ya Allah lamanya seksaan berada di sekolah ) , but yeah again being cliche , nothing last that long because A-level yang dua tahun ni pun rasa kejappppp gila ye dak. Semalam a facebook chat popped out - my long lost girlfriend where both declare that we're super best friend but never contact over months - mungkin bond tu terasa masih kuat kerana ingatan dalam ingatan serta doa. Eh apa ni. haha. RINDDDUUUUUU UUU RINDU SERINDU RINDUNYAA * singing loud *

Aku rindu sekolah. Rindu belajar sensorang dekat bushes sebelah padang - membakar lampu tiang ( read burning the midnight oil cececehh )  sambil menelaah pelajaran sambil menahan air mata - konon tabah. Well idk why I choose that spooky place to isolate myself - mungkin laluan bengkel KH terlalu ekstrem. But that was in 2009 I supposed. 

Rindu surau. Berapa kali je jejak surau kolej sejak sejak masuk kolej najwa ? Berapa ? Berapa ? " 
* rendam muka dalam tangki *

K berakhir drama acah acah rindu zaman belasan tahun - sebab diri ini sudah 20 mengikut tahun. Tetapi memandangkan kita sudah lepas zaman uniform - my age increase by dates not by years. So kenkorang boleh declare aku 20 tahun bulan 5 nanti. * taknak kalah *

K drama drama setahun setengah yang lepas ( semester 1 2 3 ) selalu cakap , random babbling saying that I'll miss the surrounding and the people in intec bila masuk semester 4 ni nanti , another 3 days , going back to Shah Alam meneruskan perjuangan yang berbaki semester terakhir . Huh. Maka aku akan menjanjikan lebih banyak drama Sepanyol yang akan berlaku? Ehe. 

Mungkin. 

Semalam cakap dengan ibu , ibu tanya , budak intec ramai dapat 15. Sambil menunduk kepala sambil sambil tetas benang kaki seluar  " Ramaiiiiiii bu . Masuk intec ni , akak jumpa manusia maha pandai , yang kalau dapat kurang satu dua point tu , rasa macam down to the earth gilaaaaaaa , B and C can considered rare . Lain perasaan dia masa dekat Selandar , setakat pass tu , alhamdulillah sujud syukur 12 kali , sebab ramai yang fail * gelak jahat berguling * " . That was efffffffing true gaysss. ( because guys are too mainstream )

2014 is equivalent to MISI UNITED KINGDOM 2014. 

Hey Big Ben ( the clock tower ) , may we meet next year insyaAllah.

Mari terketar bersama sama . Tahu tak betapa susahnya nak motivate diri sendiri supaya catch up balik rythm belajar semua - mengumpul balik semua notes dari sem 1 meski notes biasanya buat cincai gilaaa sebab nak fast revision masa exam dan habis exam dia menjadi tak ubah seperti gumpalan belacan . Perasaan nak hadap external ni sama macam SPM , so emanggg enggak lepas lagi dari system rigid Malaysia. haha. 

2014 jugak menyedarkan diri sendiri bahawa jalan yang ditetapkan oleh Allah ni sangat indah , perfecto. Mungkin 3 tahun lepas tak pernah fikir nak fly. Tak pernah tu tipulah , tapi sejak hadap chemistry physic addmath except for biology - terasa impian itu gelap gelita tak nampak apa . Tu dengan constantly dapat nombor 40 - 70 dalam batch out of 164. Kira budak budak middle yang bakal hidup dengan PTPTN - kerja untu bakar keringat membayar PTPTN. Boleh buat lagu aaa cenggini. haha. Sebab ingat lagi masa INTEL ( interaksi alumni dulu ) , aku khusyuk dengar apa akak abang UIAM cerita apa sebab dalam kepala nak pergi UIA je buat law * like itu jeeeeeeeeeeeee paham tak *  , nampak ramai gilaaaaaaa duduk dengan abe abe akak akak oversea tanya pengalaman , tanya cara cara . Dan saat itu juga dikatakan pada diri sendiri " Najwa , cukup cukuplah berangan , kau tahu kemampuan kau kat mana " 

Tapi Allah plan things. SubhanaAllah , aku sendiri tak boleh deny macam mana magical plan Dia. Meski belum lagi menjejak kaki di negara 4 musim tu , tapi setakat perjalanan yang ditentukan - berkat doa ibu bapa , keluarga , guru guru , kengkawan , dan orang sekeliling. Kalau tak kerana doa dan semangat tu , mana mungkin menapak dekat mana aku berada sekarang. After SPM taught me lots of magical things yang go beyond my expectations and harapan di mata kasar. 

By the way , hari hari lepas memang indah . Down memory lane semua , semuanya indah. Tapi mengharapkan hari hari mendatang juga indah dengan ujian . Sebab melalui ujian , diri ini rasa disayangi . Sebab Allah tak uji kalau Dia tak sayang. Mungkin juga melalu ujian ujian A-level aku terasa lebih disayangi hahahahahhahahaha. 



So 2014 , signify the changes I'll do through the year insyaAllah. Aku tak kuat sendiri , mungkin sekali lagi aku mengharapkan keajaiban and blessings from You O Allah.  Moga mudah urusan. :')

p/s ; kenkadang aku rasa geram sangat , masa tulis post jarang nak keluar idea idea susunan ayat yang baik, bila tulis caption dekat facebook dan sekutunya - lain pulak jadi. K freeeeekus * freak tikus * . Apa motif nak geram sebenarnya najwa? heh

Oh snap ! Its January.


2 0 1 4