Moga perpisahan ini membuat kami lebih kuat untuk hari akan datang :)

Assalamualaikum. Please make an applause sebab author blog tengah berusaha nak buat satu post :)

OKAY, i am being so so so lame, *I have re-opened this tab for times. *about five to six or even more than that only to complete one post. sigh for me :)

Alhamdulillah things happened as planned.27th April at last approached. And I knew, would be the last meet before we are going to meet new people, more people from different background, things happening again where : we need to know people and make bond. Taking time to understand. Only one note : Aku takkan pernah jumpa pengganti macam girlfriends yang aku ada sekarang. The gf's yang aku selesa berkongsi rahsia , it has been years we know each other : and now I knew, its time for us to make our own steps.

This meet is kinda different from before : Its like we experienced stuff like *jom list :)

 kawan drive kereta, 
buat selekoh drift secara tiba tiba,
 yang termati tengah tengah traffic light dan termati depan haunted house,
yang terbelok kanan even tak kata pun kena signal ke kanan *horror driving part :o
 shop for groceries ,
 shop for handbags, 
shop for new latest *dahlah new, dengan latest lagi, fashion tudung ( exceptional for me yang nampak horror dengan tudung bawal )
 karaoke for an hour and if ever I could list the songs *aku paling ingat You'll be in my heart *eh eh someone tengah senyum sensorang  , 
cerita cerita kisah kisah peribadi like girls like to do *sambil konon tengok bintang
lepak MC'D pagi pagi *okay sarapan nak glamour makan Chicken Muffin ,
 wait for almost two hours for the bus , 
bawak DSLR tapi tanpa bateri =='' ,
 watch UNCLE USIN *capital letter to stress how hambar and stupid the film was, 
take pictures dalam studio kecik dengan muka pelbagai ekxpresi, 
makan aiskrim sambil melintas jalan ,
 buat drama depan escalator,
 sempit sempit dalam kereta , 
making campfire by PPIM yang berjaya, SILAT yang hensem and ofcourse SCOUT ,
 having short drama di Crystal Bay dengan muka tak mandi *okay itu sakai ,
 enjoying BBQ yang ayamnya cuma perap one hour before dipanggang, 
masak sarapan *reheat je sebenarnya ,
 masak untuk tengahari ,
 tengok Final Destination yang cuma empat orang survive hingga ke akhir cerita ,

and so much more yang mungkin aku terlupa nak list-out :)


 and I knew, nothing in this world express best than memory does. not even words. And sampai sekarang I was like : We were spending all these moments together berlapan. All the moments *stressed. Kalau review balik, macam aku lah, aku bukan type perempuan yang gemar tengok handbag, tengok tudung bagai but because of the sisters, aku layankan jugak. So kinda awesome sangat ni :)

Kadang kadang jealous tengok orang orang yang boleh jumpa everyday , anytime they wished. Tapi, yang selalu tu mungkin akan membuatkan kita bosan dengan satu pertemuan. Mana taknya, sorang di Yong Peng, dua di Muar, dua di Negeri Sembilan , dua di Melaka : where sorang jauh ke dalam sorang lagi kemain secured jadual untuk keluar rumah. *where I should admit aku kekadang terseksa dengan situasi dimana cuma mampu bertegur sapa di dalam skype. After all , trust me, meeting in reality is so much fun. Yaaa, kita bercakap dengan nada , buat instant lawak dengar orang gelak, kalau dalam social networks : cuma mampu baca HAHAHA dan membayangkan orang itu gelak.So silalah rasa keterseksaan saya itu :) 

Meeting girlfriends for such in a short time : A well planned meet : ending up to meet, sebab Allah dah izinkan meskipun banyak halangan. Things get better than we expected I guess :) Allah kan sebaik baik perancang.T.T *silalah tengok aku menangis bila semua dah make way masing masing ke rumah.

I'll keep in mind, every single thing happened in our life. Like, how do we first meet? Macam mana boleh tiba-tiba rapat ? Is there no arguments berlaku? Things are much more valuable and I should say : Terima Kasih Selandar, for making us to meet. Like seriously, No One could ever replace them. *stressed ni :)

the words for dearest sisters : *disebabkan aku re-opened tab banyak kali, feeling nak buat korang meleleh terkacau seketika :)

Terima Kasih sebab delighted up my world, my day , my everything. I should admit yang setiap benda yang berlaku antara kita , there were tough moments , sweet moments, semua aku simpan kemas kemas dalam kepala and semua tu sangat berharga. Kalau one day, masing masing dah jauh , having your own life then : whenever you're alone and you need someone , just remember the telephone and the skype work at both ways. Share anything if you feel like wanna share. I'll do my very best to help you in terms of advising , cheering up and financial if you need them. Sebab aku tak nak friendship kita cuma akan berlaku untuk kegembiraan. *okay aku ke-poyoan disini. Until one time, aku nak rasa yang bila aku down, meskipun aku tak contact dengan korang, I know , I have the spirit of yours right behind me, supporting me in various ways and aku harap korang jugak akan rasa benda yang sama.

Sesungguhnya kita telah bertemu, berkasih sayang dan berpisah kerana Allah. Kita berjumpa atas takdir Allah , telah melalui fasa fasa berkasih sayang , dan berpisah untuk meneruskan perjuangan masing masing dalam mencari ilmu dan keredhaan Allah : keep going sisters. :')

Kuatlah masing masing *sambil minum calci-Yum :) *takde kaitan *okay Najwa, itu hambar ==''







jaga diri sisters :')




New life with fun experiences.

Assalamualaikum. I can't sleep. My bad. I slept for minutes then suddenly, Ahaaa Matriks. *nak jugak check malam malam wanita ni.

MOE MT 94052410**** , send to 15888.

MELAKA, done science setahun.

Okay tak perlu rasanya nak mencanang satu kampung : Weyh orang kampung, aku dapat Matriks baiii :D

Okay, I am here to share stories. Nampak tajuk post atas : Nampak tak? New life with fun experiences. Ahaaa takdelah apa sangat : Aku dah tau bawak kereta. *haha mesti korang buat double face kan kan. Please. Stop it.Its like, alah perempuan ni, kenapa kecah sangat, bawak kereta JE KOTTT.  For me ,its special kot. Sebab I didn't get any official class or any tutor secara realiti. Faham? I learned how to drive from a phone call. A phone call by one of my girlfriend. credit to Ain Syuhadah.

Note that, I spend my five years di Selandar tanpa sedikit pun pengetahuan nak bawak kereta. My dad never teach me how. My brother didn't teach me how. My mom didn't teach me how. I didn't go for driving class officially. I discovered things by myself, with a help of a PHONE CALL. And yet now, I feel like, driving is awesome. Driving is about calmness. Driving is about calmness. *again calmness. Sebab kalau bawak kereta dalam keadaan nervous dan gelabah : turned out to be : kau gagal JPJ test and enjin termati di tengah jalan. Haha.And its bad to have that kind of situation.

My first time driving is because, I want to have some space for me to settle with the laundry. My first try is basically a HORROR time I guess. I almost give up with driving stuff. Things like : Aku nak drive kereta sorong jee valid on that time. Freakkk me, drive kereta sorong wooo :D . I know what is the break. The gear but one thing , I don't have any ideas regarding clutch. So basically, bunyik kereta tu akan sangat menyakitkan hati dan I hate myself for being so stupid. Ahaha.

Then I called Ain to get some advise on how I am going to make the car move smoothly. Then I got to know one thing : Importance of clutch. Yeayy. Then I managed to make the car move, with times of termati mati. Times like, kereta macam bergerak kebelakang sikit, I guess itu normal. *haha menyedapkan hati. And menipulah kalau aku kata aku tak pernah tinggalkan kesan parut pada wira tersebut :p Haruslah ada langgar tiang itu, langgar tiang ini. Tapi sekarang, things get better, mati mati for sudden tu cuma boleh berlaku sekali . Then aku dah berani dah bawak keluar dari kawasan rumah, Pusing pusing then balik rumah. And there were times yang aku malas nak jalan kaki naik atas ambik surat , aku akan drive kereta * see pemalasnya aku *hahah kononnya nak tunggu surat untuk diri sendiri *hampa datang bila, surat yang datang ialah kad jemputan kahwin =='' .

So, I am saying me is awesome. Learn how to drive from a phone call. And now I can drive smoothly even without any license. Haha. Aku yang takde lesen ni pun, keyakinan drive tinggi :)

So , me seems like asking, Ayah bila nak hantar kakak pergi kelas memandu :)



meet my current boyfriend : POOH HENSEM :)

A piece of Al Fatihah for him.

Assalamualaikum.

Out of sudden, my eyes rolled at the calendar, eh 24th April, *like seriously its like, eh dah 24 April *clearly the past days passed just like that *just like that *highlighted. Same things merry go round.

And its been almost 2 months something my acik passed away. And yesterday , before I slept, I kept thinking about the memories we had together. Ya Allah, time passes . It has been 2 month. 60 days plus plus. Al fatihah. Back to previous month before, as planned, my another uncle is going to get into a new life : marriegment somewhere in early May. And probably, at this time, I am spending my time there in Banting Selangor. And the wedding called off.To an unknown date. Sigh. Kita merancang Allah menentukan. Significantly, I understand why. And yes, let my acik go first, each  7 days, 40 days and 100 days means something.

I was remembering him badly last night as I asked my mom regarding a Zakat Selangor educational aid. And I was like questioning her : how my brother asked for the aid before? She happened to answered : Dulu Acik Dayat yang... Then she stops, repeating the statement with different expression : Dulu Arwah Acik Dayat yang tolong hantarkan ke Pusat Zakat Kuala Langat. And I was like. Acik. Trying to be cool. Cheering up my mom with lots of questions. Ibu, I know how bad you feel.

Calling back the memories when he was around. He was the one who sets a jubilant of feeling in me to do my best in PMR and SPM. Yes, I am a normal human being. Eyes blinked to offered stuff like handphones and etc etc. So he promised me. He was the second I called when PMR result was announced. There was once, I get a phone from him. But he said that the phone was not functioning well. And yes, I returned it to him.

He was the one who furnished all the house furniture. He changed the house physically look. He paint the house, he get a fan for each room. And, he didn't managed to get one for my nanny's room but the wiring is ready. Each time, I was trying to sleep : Each time, my eyes rolled at the wires set, Ya Allah. Acik :'(

Right two weeks before he passed away : I was spending my weekends in Banting. Preparing for the wedding. He was sitting in front of the television , I was trying to pass him, dia lunjurkan kaki, haha thank Allah, I didnt bumped into my mom. It was a last joke I guess. From him for me. On that weekend, my sister craving for Roti Nan Cheese, he was the one who bought it for her. There is one time, my sister and I craving for Mc Donald. *haha again my sister is a food-craver. He was the one who bought it for us, we lift up the McD from the balcony as we know, if my acik send it manually : by mean, masuk rumah, lalu depan my brothers, konfemmm tak merasalah kami makan Double Prosperity Burger. Before I'm going back to Melaka , " Nanti acik carikkan, " and I smiled. Haha, phone letuww. *mock voices by the family.

I pretty remember, one week before he passed away, again we're back to Banting, wedding preparations again. His last word, very last word is, Tolong bukakkan gate. He was going out for somewhere. I can see his ignorant to my mother, he was outside the house, and when we arrived, seems like, he didnt see us there. Something went wrong. Huh?

To see him, to be so closed to him masa pengebumian. I was like, speechless. I can't cry. Ya Allah, he was taken on your barakah day. Ease the path for him. Ease it. :') I get to see, how heartbroken his girlfriend was. I hugged her. Allah, again I know, things happen for reasons.

Spending most a month after my acik passed away, every night I was by my nanny's side : She used to tell me stories. Through the days, I can see her. How strong she was pretending she's okay. How lonely she feels. As my acik was the one who always accompanied her. I can see, there were times, she was crying *its after 2 or 3 weeks after my acik passed away.

21st of March, SPM results was annouced. Satisfied with what I 've achieved. And I know, surely, he will be one of the happiest person with the result. Even my aunt touched my nerve with a text : Kalau acik dayat ada lagi mesti dia happy dengan result Anis. Yes I know he will. I know he will.

Ya Allah, I love him. Like no one others could replace him. I know that You know he is a nice guys, very warm, hardworking yet very humble . The one who always make his mother happy. The one who makes people surrounds him happy. So, ease it for him. Take care of him there : a separated world. And  Allah, shows someone for his girlfriend. A very good guy that deserves her. I know how deep she feels inside. How hard to accept because if ever it was me , I know, things gonna be so hard. Really hard.

Acik, no worries, one day, I know where the justices should stand. If ever one day, I am written to be a lawyer, one of the reason is you. You aspired me.

Al Fatihah. 

me sitting beside him. :')

IF IT'S WRITTEN : i will :)

Assalamualaikum. Brothers Sisters. Muslims. :)

My bad for not updating my blog. Suddenly turned out to be someone creepy soundless.All - charge relates. Yow , I am trying to write here with smile as an expression through the post.

Currently, I am updating all scholars stuff. Getting or not getting it, I left it to Allah. After all He fares me a fate dah. I just need to be patient after the efforts showed. I'm done with My MARA essay which turned out to be something WOWW, woww for me as I've stop writing english essay since my last paper in SPM. Glad for myself. Give myself an applause *okay stop making syok-sendiri scene.

So hows your life treat you huh? Cool isn't it? Chill out. Relax. Things happen for hikmah.

Okay stop. Let me be frank with myself. I can't help myself to just post things that relate to ilmu stuff. As I need a medium for me, to actually express myself. In terms of writing. So its kinda, this THE PATH is having not much different than my late Glance Thought. Things which happen to be different : No more stupid posts with rempit language , or love stories with eiuu eiuuu stuff. Yaaa, after all if this THE PATH act like Glance Thought does, of course I will write even more active. So again, THE PATH will act as a one. Yipeee.Lets start :)

So meet me again here : The zealous girl with great passions and determination. Aspired by the words? pleasee, craving for YES as an answer. weeweeee.

This Thursday I am going to meet my sisters. The colours of my life I guess. We'll be spending our time together before we're moving on to the next step. Moving on the next tertiary level. Gonna make our own life stories : the real life without no laws and regulation like school years treated us. Gonna be tough moment tanpa peraturan.


they are my dear sisters. The colours. The skype-mates. The smiles. Meet them :
Yana , Aqila , Syida , Aireen , Ain , Sofea :) and include Nuur Naajiah jugak :)

Looking forward to meet my dear sisters. Welcome to hometown : Melaka. I should say thanks Selandar for making us to meet.

 terima kasih Selandar :) 


Currently I am making big decision in my life : what is it? Ouhho, not to revealed now. One fine day insyaAllah, if it's written : i will . I will go for it. Menjauh mungkin yang terbaik insyaAllah. Senyum dengan diri sendiri  :)

Jealous tengok orang dapat EduCamp UTP bagai, aku mampu diam diam je. Ahaaa its my fault at first, tak mohon. Tapi bila review, Naj, awak tu physics ke laut , engineering ke mana? Atlantik. Haaa see, things happen for reasons :)

So pray for me peeps. Trying to slow down with myself. Jadi pendiam buat seketika. *instead jadi infos centre lately. *sigh comes first * may ada saham aku menolong di situ comes second. * Najwa, ikhlas come third. kuikuikui.

Adios people. Take care sayangs :)

Free education : How far the validity in Malaysia?

Assalamualaikum.


Come in glance, my eyes stuck at the newsfeed, regarding free education. First, before I am going even further , note that , I am a student , a going-18 girl ,who are going to pursue her study to tertiary level *never taste how yummy PTPTN is * :p , a middle class person : not anak dato' or not anak tan sri etc etc VVIP's , the one yang belum telusuri habis isu pendidikan percuma but I did : past few hours and here, yang belum merasa kelazatan membayar cukai , I am going to give generel opinion regarding this issues. Okay, I jotted some of my so-government-sounds past few hours, getting PROS and CONS. okay lets get started.

For me my self, not involving political stuff : Free education in Malaysia in partially valid. By mean it can be done or it can't be done. Why? Lots of reasons supports both sides. As you can see, lately in TV's, government tried so hard, publishing advertisement to show how bad the conclusion if ever we're giving free education. Ahaa hang cuba habaq kat che', TV station mana mampu nak rebel? TV station mana mampu nak pertahankan bahawa free education valid di Malaysia? come'n peeps, masing masing kena jaga periuk nasi stesyen masing masing. *ahaaa politics stuff.

Okay let me first start of NOT VALID, why why and again why?
Okay first its the matter of appreciation, no harm but seriously cuba korang tengok, giving free textbooks to students, sangat sedih bila masuk generasi ke empat ke lima dapat buku yang macam kena belacan. See, appreciation?  Benda free bro, people take for granted. People don't even bother how hard to get the thing at the first place. Yes, I knew people suffer to pay their PTPTN's loan and etc etc. Because of the flower flower RIBA' stuff. Puihh, *haha . Rakyat di negara kita belum lagi mencapai satu tahap dimana mereka menghargai apakah usaha usaha yang dilakukan pihak pihak atasan. Apa bukti? Thats why kita nampak, tandas tandas Malaysia, nak masuk pun kena bayar, see? Kenapa? Sebab people have one state of thinking where : Kalau tak bayar, suka hati abah mu je nak buat apa yang mu suka terhadap tandas tersebut. *okay apa aku ni, bunyik tak logik tetiba pakai analogi tandas.

Somehow, FREE EDUCATION is valid when certain rules and regulation ada. Contoh : When we give this, make sure, straight after you've graduate with very good results,you must serve the country. Or things like, we give this thing free, dengan syarat : each exam everyone must passed their exams with 3.5 and above, and whenever a person tak achieve certain target : Kena bayar. Deal?

Give and take between government and students. Sebab, as we can see reality nowadays, I just spend my time last Thursday on IKIM fm, a Malaysian doctor : Doktor Pakar , a neuron surgeon , yet giving his services in Aberdeen and not in Malaysia. Okay in terms of names : Haruslah Malaysia bangga, wahh anak Malaysia, doktor pakar di perantauan. But in terms of services : I am very sure dia adalah satu masa dulu, seorang budak tajaan mana mana biasiswa, yang akhirnya memberi perkhidmatan kepada orang di luar Malaysia. And yet now sepatutnya kepakaran dia harus disalurkan kepada Malaysia. This is one factor kenapa Malaysia nak kena hire ramai professional dari luar negara, sedangkan kita ada kepakaran, tapi kepakaran tu tak diberi di Malaysia? Yaa maybe its the factor of sallary, come'n betul tak? In Malaysia, base gaji doktor berapa? Kalau kita ke luar negara, dengan mata wang yang lebih tinggi, of course, sallary lebih tinggi kan. Okay this is not about nak pertikai kerjaya seorang doktor, penilaian cuma atas dasar kewangan. But seriously, kalau kau tanya budak budak kecik, apasal nak jadi doktor? aku dulu jawab : Sebab nak kaya . And I am very sure bukan aku je jawab macam tu. *kecik kecik.I repeat.

We must note that setiap pelaburan yang diberi pada kita, semua datang dengan tujuan. When we give this, you must repay back.Besides, if we reviewed, one thing jela yang aku mampu nak cakap : Malaysia harus hapuskan RIBA' , okaylah, macam PTPTN, kadar faedah yang sangat tinggi *as readed tu yang sebenarnya mencekik. Yang buatkan ramai frust, yang buatkan ramai nak demonstrasi : WE WANT FREE EDUCATION. see, akhirnya back to the root of addin : No riba. Besides, have u ever wonder kenapa pada awal tahun 2012, pemberian biasiswa JPA diberhentikan? Kita tertanya tanya, ke mana pergi semua duit duit. Yadaa, I am not a typical person nak menunding jari. I read articles regarding VVIP's *name not stated, using lotsa lotsa money for self-spending.Buat touch up rambut, touch up muka, buying great stuff, sedangkan rakyat suffer? Mak oihh. Malaysian never stop menunding jari . And tak elok rasanya saya menabur fitnah. Sebab kita pun tak tahu kebenaran.

All I can see and review, politic Malaysia makin tak telus. Kalau telus, kenapa isu rasuah makin banyak, once satu menteri tu dah turun, tiba tiba naik pulak nama dia involve dalam RASUAH, and I am sure, bukan sorang je ex menteri buat macam tu. See, dalam pemerintahan politik VVIP tu, wujud ketidak telusan. *sigh.

I jugak carving for sponsorships, tengok yuran yuran belajar yang lebih 10k, buat hati jadi sayu. Rasa macam nak fly, tapi terbantut nampak all those K K K K. pehhh. Tapi I believe, suffer sekarang and insyaAllah in ten years, I mampu senyum. InsyaAllah. Macam duduk SBP, kononya yuran sekolah dimansuhkan, bayar cuma 40 plus plus, tu tak kira lagi yuran asrama,PIBG, sampai aku naik menangis tengok resit resit, 5 years aku di SBP, one year, cost more than thousand, tu belum kira buku, more to TEN THOUSAND boleh sampai, so semestinya di Tertiary level, validlah angka 10 K plus plus tu. Kalau aku yang org org sederhana rasa tercekik, apatah lagi golongan yang tak berapa nak mampu. Gheesh.

Somehow, FREE terms tu perlu ditafsirkan  secara detail : by mean free part mana : Part yuran belajar, part buku buku, part penginapan asrama , FREE untuk siapa ? FREE sampai bila? Kalau free, siapa yang nak support terms nak bayar kepakaran pensyarah? Or kalau free, pensyarah punya gaji juga akan dikurangkan, or what? see, FREE is so so so generel .

Contohlah, kau obtain 11 A's , kira bunyik kau deserve la kan free education, tapi kalau ada malaun malaun yang malas di secondary level : dapat No A's pun dapat free education, setaraf dengan orang yang dapat 11 A'S yang berusaha bagai nak rak time time SPM. Kira baik aku main main je time SPM, tertiary level free bro? Toksah penat penat fikir nak belajar tinggi2, mesti dapat punya belajar kat universiti,free bro? Again, ni bukan aku yang cakap : but this is how most Malaysian behave.

Again FREE tu perlu di timbal balik : In terms of SIAPA, BAGAIMANA, dan BILA, if ever we asked about MENGAPA, harus jawapannya berjela, ofcourse, benda freee kottt, siapa tak boleh nak sediakan thousands alasan dan jawapan untuk ditanggung perbelanjaan belajar yang menggunung?

Yaa can be done, but rules and regulation dia kena sangat ketat dan dipatuhi, if ever broke, ada denda denda dia :D. Dan kerangka FREE EDUCATION tu juga perlu dirangka dengan teliti.

Think twice, logically.

Kalau kita fikir balik, kalau free sekalipun, yang akan bayar services pensyarah, services makmal, services universiti.Nanti semua datang daripada cukai yang makbapak kita keluarkan so no such thing FREE pun. Bak kata den, nak masuk tandas tempat syetonn tu pun kena bayar. So kira part cukai tu pun kena salurkan ke tempat sepatutnya, ni tidak, banyak habiskan kat penjara penjara, yang memang orang dasar tak diuntung, buat jenayah bagai.Haruslah mengerti negara kita masih di tahap sedang membangun, dan untuk mengecap satu kebahagiaan, we need to make sacrifes.

Sebab dalam pembangunan negara banyak yang perlu dikira, bukan sektor pendidikan sahaja. Kan? Like seriously, berfikirlah secara matang dan proaktif. Boleh?

Again saya tegaskan, FREE EDUCATION VALID WITH CERTAIN REGULATIONS, okay cenggitu?

Tapi kalau kerajaan rasa, FREE EDUCATION tu tetiba je valid. Alhamdulillah. :) aku terima dengan hati yang redha dan bahagia. Siapa tak bahagia, orang nak tanggung kau 100K's kott. :) *again siapa tak suka benda free? Takperlu lah sempit nak fikir, nak duit nak duit, nak belajar, nak belajar.

Done. sorry kalau mesej tak berapa nak sampai :)

Dear Allah, take care of my muslim sisters.

Assalamualaikum.

I felt so pity with the blog. Something went wrong inside. So I tried and I need to cheered up myself. I need to. Okay, again assalamualaikum brothers sisters, May Allah stays beside u always and ever. Currently I am repeating Number One For Me Maher Zain, a just released song from him and, totally I am in love with it. Done with introduction.

for Ummi. Mom, Ibu, Mama, Mak. its for you :)

Last few days,I have been watching people surrounds, reading good article, which I believe , one day it will play a part in my life. One day, I coincidentally went for a profile and I saw the status post : regarding a muslim sister died somewhere in March and,it happen to her mother when she kept signs like dreams, for her dear daughter to delete her facebook account, which full of non-covering aurat pictures . I searched for the girl and I made it. Ya Allah, only Allah knows how I felt on that particular time. Yes, I don't know her, I don't but as muslim, she is one of my sisters. Many people tried to hack her account and alhamdulillah. What makes me even sad is, I have lots of friends, with non-covering aurat pictures posted on their walls and I can't even give any advise to them , truthfully , I feel so bad. No one could understand I guess. So let it be things between me and Allah. Ease the feelings I had inside. I am not strong enough.May the doa works insyaAllah, i should strengthen my faith towards Him.

Allah, please take care of my sisters. My muslim sisters, Show us the right path, the Siratul Mustaqim. With all your blessings, I love my muslim sisters Ya Allah.

I read through articles in Tumblr and, sadly I found this, I guess the short note written by non-muslims, Ya ALLAH, - Shocked by Muslims.

Besides, me myself facing an emotional downturn. Being touched with simple things and it hurts. I knew I should not act that way, I shouldn't. I knew. But just let me spare some spaces, for me to talk. I become even more complicated nowadays.  And I have no  idea why. Yes, what was playing in mind is just, death. Questions like : When I die, would people realize this, would people realized that and I , no longer hurt anybody. I will no longer be a burden for anyone. Would people appreciate the time they had me arround . No, I am not loosing hope, no I didn't . But just, I just feel like, I need to talk.

If it happen , one day when you woke up, me no longer breathing, or even you get any phone calls or messages, saying that I've gone forever.  Sorry for all my wrongdoings, thanks for cheering up my life, through out the years you know me as a friend, I have tried my very best to cheered you up, to make you feel appreciated through the friendship, and only that I could do as a friend.I love you because of Allah , and if ever we meet or far apart,its for Allah. For the families, I have tried to be the best kakak,I am sorry for all my wrongdoings and all the actions that beyond my conscious ,  I don't want to be the burden, being so fat is not I want. If ever I could ask, I would like to ask  Allah that, I hate to be this way. I never asked to be like this. After all, I faced an extreme downturn when people keep giving negative voices, Ya Allah, I wanted to feel redha with what the path you've fated for me. But just , I am so helpless.

Everyday, I tried to make smiles on your faces.

I want to feel like, I'm appreciated. I really want to. I kept thinking that, didn't I appreciate the people surrounds me ? Didn't I? Because I really feel neglected.Maybe it's just a feeling and not more.

I am sorry for being emotional. I lost my words between the days. My emotion went wrong somewhere. I guess.

Allah, I am grateful to be an Islam since I was born. I read an article, out of 1000 people who crossing Titian Sirat, only one passed and another 999 fell to Neraka. Ya Allah, I really want to be one of the thousands. And help me to be even good. Allah, secure my muslims sister, I can't do anything beside keep creating doa. Help me to change myself ya Allah, and if ever it happen, one day, you'll take back the life that You have lend it to me all these 17 years, I really want to be someone who died with iman .

I knew, with all the Ujian you gave to me, I knew, lots of people out there faced more tremendous Ujian. For each test, I knew, You love me, and I am having great faith that, You wont test someone, beyond him or her limit. May all the feelings I had inside, the tears I sacrificed for, worth all the while.


InsyaAllah.

The desires wanted me to be a lawyer, but...

Assalamualaikum .

I was wondering about my future. Last week, I have drastically change myself by changing the arrangement of courses and university in UPU. I changed Pharmacies as the first choice and I put Foundation Undang-undang at the second stage. And, now I am wishing, hope to get the second choice *back as the first priority.

I changed because, some people surrounds me ask to do so.Mocking voices showing me all the negative negative things, all horror things for becoming a lawyer. And its the matter of I am a science stream'er before, so I can't be a lawyer.errr =.='' . Some people might say that : You wanted to be a lawyer. and you enter SBP? Wrong choice. Again , I give double equal == errrr errr.

Okay, let me first explained, why and why I wanted to be a lawyer.

First, to be the first lawyer in the family. I have two doctors in the family *the so-science-area . And if ever I become, the third doctor, which one sounds good and better , first or third. Of course the first one. Besides,I encounter a big problem with my Chemistry during my SPM and haha, to get B, is so so much awesome and Alhamdulillah. So, to further with Pharmacist : Gulp.

Secondly, the desires and passions drives me, I wanted to be a lawyer. I read to bibliographies of lawyers and I admired, and adore Tan Sri Ahmad bin Mohamed Ibrahim , the founding father of Kuliyyah of Law IIUM . He was the one who discovered perbank-an Islam in Malaysia. And also, he was the one who handled Natrah case, *if you read histories as much as I do in previous years. See, how passionate I am?  errr =.='' Maybe I don't sounds so so the semangat. weheeee.

Third, its the matter of debate life. You know, if I am a medic or pharmacies or dentistry  student , and if I am a debater at the same time. For me, it sounds awkward.  I have a great passion in talking and giving ideas, so I do really hope I get the second choice.And for me, even I am a science streamer, I am a learner. I don't see any wrong things there, to learn different field of studies. Life is about learning, so why don't I try? Huh?

Ouhhh, what if I get the first choice? Ending up, learning back Chemistry. ==

I would say Alhamdulillah. Yet Allah knows whats best for me. I may think that, law is the best for me, but it wasn't meant for me : I should say okay, I can do it, I can be better.

Ahh, but please, pray for me, the best . *and still for me myself, Law is the best.

still, no matter what I will be , the path is still longer than what I've expect.

HEART AND MIND, please work together.

Assalamualaikum.

I have been so silence through these days. I have tried to write. At least about something and I failed in the middle of the words. I lost my words and my ideas. And seriously I am not okay with that-type-of-me . And today I would to share something. Not that personal but it sounds cliche, LOVE.

Sorry if this post doesn't benefited you. I just need something to ease the feelings I had inside. And I never wish the feeling grows stronger. And again, I failed in controlling myself from falling again,and again.

SEE, how negative I am when it comes to me and love motion. SEE, the words, of Failed. Lost , Not Okay . and seriously I sounds helpless with this.

Through the days, I have to admit, I've spare my heart for someone. No, I am not saying that, HE will be someone mine in future and besides I sounds too young for this . But just, I have tried my best, to forget, to let go him  but my mind and my heart doesn't work along together .The mind kept denying while the heart, kept making dreams. I've told myself, based on the physically appearance, I don't deserve anybody. Yaa, all men thinks alike. Again, I am playing with negative words.I don't show any determination here. And this is partially me.

Yes, I know, the path that I'll be going through is much more longer than what I've expect. And I just need, my mind and heart work together. Help me, to forget. Not to make the feelings grows stronger.

ALLAH, to you and only you could help me, ease the feelings I had inside. Give me all the faith , having great faith in YOU, that every Hawa have their Adam and vice versa. Give me the faith that, if I act good, I'll be granted with someone good too. If ever He is the best for me, if ever he is my Adam, and if ever I came from his left tulang rusuk, make us to meet. Anywhere, anytime. And I really need the faith.

LOVE supposed to make you stronger,

AND ALL ALONG I BELIEVED I COULD FIND YOU.
TIME HAS BROUGHT YOUR HEART TO ME.

but if ever He wasn't the best for me, maka menjauhlah.