July 03, 2018

Emotionally drained. Emotionally disturbed.

Privileged life I’m living in...

June 24, 2018

It’s always okay to start small. 

Couple of days ago I saw this one series of tweet that says about do not fill your head by thinking of petty little things and it was further elaborated , that petty little things concern relationship and whatnot. 

Though I agree that we have many other bigger things to be concerned with, I beg to differ on the points that they are petty little things that is not worth thinking / filing your head with. I mean there’s always a start of something , and our thinking cap should be slowly trained. It might start with the so called petty things , slowly through time , with an added maturity and exposure , slowly it will develop and invite other things to be in our concern. 

But little that we appreciate some petty things seems to meant a lot to somebody else breathing on this earth.

I wanted to learn to be somebody that is able to accommodate whatever feelings you encountered when you’re starting something. Somebody that is able to offer comfort to whatever stage you’re trying to fit in or to climb to. Somebody that is able to appreciate everyone is struggling and every little things that is in someone’s concern , matters. 

Be a thinker. Have something inside your head to think about. Train the mind to see beyond what is physically present in front of us. What’s beneath the creation of scorching sun , the kittens that run around begging for foods , or people running under the rain seeking for shelter. 

I once stand in the train and looked at everyone around. It was a bit late and the class ends late like usual. Feeling a bit lethargic after work with fussy clients to handle , I looked around. 

Perhaps in the same train is someone who has family to feed and working very long hours to be able to create a sustainable home for the family , someone has his or her own selves to attend to after a very tiring day , in that crowd someone is perhaps standing in the same shoes as mine , carving their way out to figure success in their own definition , some may had a pretty rough day , some may not have anything that they looked forward to the next day. 

And nobody said anything. It’s just me , trying to make me feel better , everyone is struggling and stopping may not be the choice for him or her. 

I often mistaken these days where there seems to be thousand of things to be revised and I’m seeing it as a burden and it resulted with me having all sorts of panic attack. I’m not able to say what are the sections that apply when somebody next to me whispers the answers correctly. 

It’s hard but I’m living a very ‘hard’ privileged life. Its the education that I’m very privileged to be educated with. And after long denials , I finally said to myself , you don’t want all these to go wasted . You’ve put effort into this and Please do continue putting in more. Make this worthwhile. I still got the time. I do. 

Pray hard for me please xx

Love, the'ann

June 24, 2018

Do not belittle an effort.

Sometimes people said the unhappy people posted or boasted things online , little that we know sometimes it’s one effort someone put to feel happy about their life. 

Though how vague and how not long lasting the happiness for the person might be , but who knows it’s the only way out for the person at the moment.

We Human were born with different capacities of on how we think or how we project our thinking . 

Often we forgot to put ourselves in their shoes to feel and to appreciate, we are quick on belittling someone’s effort . It’s true that phrase that says “ You know my name not my story “ but not knowing someone’s story shouldn’t be a barrier for you to offer some respect for someone.

And sometimes it’s not your words of advice they want , just a little patience needed. To give time and to give space for someone. 

And giving too much space may not be good and can be detrimental. Learn how to live in someone’s space and celebrate the presence. 

At least giving someone who’s desperate of it , a little comfort that they are never alone in the space. I know it sounds funny on how Human brains work, sometimes we want space and sometimes we seek for somebody to look out for you in that space. Not too close and not too far either. 

I guess all of us should exercise more cautions that someone we know out there who appears to be strong , might be seeking a little solace , a little space for him or her to be little vulnerable . That sometimes it’s okay to break , sometimes it’s okay to be off guard. And little that they know , somebody is always out there for them to reach. 

That their ached heart may soon be healed , for every episodes that he or she appears to be the strongest , I know how much does it take to picture such bravery. 

Though I may not feel the same pain , but I know how much you struggle , patching the cracked happy moments and creates vague happiness over the shattered glasses of sadness. 

Don’t stay strong because you need a break. Its okay  

Love, the'ann