Each day I live. Each day I am grateful :)

Mood nak bercakap. Such a lone ranger. I need someone to hear my stories and be jubilant and so grateful that I choose them for hearing wonderful stories. Eh. Haha.

Aku baru realize sebenarnya sejak masuk intec, kemalasan nak update blog adalah sangat tinggi. And no wonder dulu kalau google how life in intec looks like , susah nak jumpa banyak. Jumpalah dua tiga post tapi tak banyak. Now I experienced that. Malas ada. Penat ada. Semua faktor faktor yang tidak menggalakkan adrenalin memuncak untuk update blog. see hiperbolanya hidup wanita ini >.<


the friendship bracelet. Ainaa. Ajlaa. Nasuha.


Aku gelak sendiri bila baca balik entry jiwang diri sendiri. What if ibu baca. Family baca. Rasa nak sorok muka bawah selimut. *sorok muka dalam selimut 1 minit*

Dulu beriya iya aku nak fly ke Mesir sebab aku rasa a-level ni membuang masa. 2 tahun weh. 2 tahun.
Takdir Allah untuk aku promissory estoppel perkataan sendiri *promissory estoppel is a law term when you go against your promises or statement.

I feel blessed by my own life. Pursuing A-level seems giving no harm. I enjoy them. So far. Tak berani nak bagi review lebih lebih. 

EH, i have a favour to ask. To whom tak tahu but just by saying these, I'll feel relief kot. So far have been so good.

How do I really I wish our eyes will make a contact again with him which I state in my previous post. Gheesh while I know it would not be a reality though. sigh so deep. 

You know whats best. *malas nak fikir* 

Oh. I almost forget the feeling of falling in love *breeze in the air*

Tajuk yang tak boleh diterima dek akal mengundang sepakan penaliti buat kali kelima . Oh . >.< bliss life.

Jangan overjudge a post by its title people. Come'n Come'n. See I was actually reminiscing memories and thought of something in past that I can actually be implemented in my current awesome life. Hmm, I apply my soft skill. My stupid sarcastic joke skills. My harassment  skills. But not falling in love skill. I eventually forget how the love glow and flow. Aicewaaah perempuan ini terlalu overboard. I mean love toward opposite gender. I am typical human being, being born to love and to be loved. As it we all *girls* come from someone's tulang rusuk. Maybe two is better than one and I am singing so loud. Haha :*

Last time I fall in love so deep was in two thousand nine. Early two thousand ten and the feelings fade. Up until now. I dont know how actually I define the love matter itself. Does it when the other side give response, I considered it as a love. Or we ourselves having crush-feeling on someone. See. Love trembled me. Bravo. Its been two years kan? Cepat masa berlalu.

I never had any strong feelings towards someone include having crush or what. For these days. I mean.
I said random things to random people. Like saying hye or even statement like : "You're just too cute to be true,"
I feel like being killed figuratively by my own statement. Gheesh.
I almost forget or completely forget the feelings of falling in love.

and kenapa tetiba je boleh cakap pasal benda benda lovey dovey thingy ni? hmm. hmm.

sebab aku rasa aku rindu rasa nak jatuh cinta tu. I almost fall pass few days. But I killed the feelings. Just by reading through tweets. Pehh senang gila gaya nak bunuh perasaan. Yes, what for hurting so far if the reality seems not to be with you. Adakah aku terlalu pasrah. Mungkin. Sebab my lecturer words come across my mind : kalau nak carik someone, carik sekarang, nanti dah kat universiti dah susah nak cari," .Aku takut. Yes, how can I attract people in this size kan.

Somehow it test my faith. Kau tak yakin ke najwa, you're written for someone. Someone is written for you. And all the love story had been written dah. Tapi something like : Kalau tak berusaha, takkan Allah nak grant you something. Mash up gila benda benda ni.

I know I realize I shouldn't talk about this. Aku mungkin boleh cakap : Route masih panjang. But no one would actually know. Mana tahu, my route for jodoh tak berapa nak panjang. As it kahwin masa 19 tahun ke. 20 tahun. Who knows? *aku terlalu terjebak dengan adam hawa ni, Oh yaaa Ain Hawani never knew yang dia bakal kahwin dalam usia yang muda dengan cara ditangkap khalwat* weh bukannya aku nak kahwin dengan cara yang sama gila. There are possibilities people. Never jump into conclusion , deal with assumptions.

Allah.
Benda benda macam ni beyond my expectation. Beyond apa yang aku boleh pegang. Not saying that aku lepas tangan dengan masa depan sendiri, but I leave this to You. Soal jodoh. Soal hidup. Soal mati. Soal pertemuan and perpisahan. I know if I do good, I'll be granted to be with someone good either. Yes sometime I admit yang I am so scared that I'll be an anak dara tua ke nanti, yes sometimes masyarakat punya perception affects me.somehow indirectly*

Allah.
I never been so choosy how I want my husband look like later. Because me myself don't know how I define handsome itself. Just take a good care of him for me. Idk when you're to meet each other. Idk how the situation was. Idk everything but then I am sparing my heart for him.The unknown him. If one day, saat aku masih ada blog, I'll let him read this. See how I appreciate him even he's not around. :")

So.


live the life la sayang :)

A-level law student life.

Hectic days are hectic.
As well as tired day is tired.
And this lists goes down and down. endless. Infinity.

So its not that good when you're actually write very well only during sad days. Stressful days. Forgive me O blog. Saya selalu cari awak masa saya sedih, masa saya nak ada kawan nak cerita. Maaf. Merajuk? Alololo. I pretend that you're alive and will always pretend. Ohh psychopath.

So I heard news. Rumors. Rumor has it uuuuu *singing* haha. And what's now. Haishh haishhh. I know we're the pioneer and that doesn't mean that we can be easily experiment-ized and stuff. *crying so loud inside* Ya Allah, trying to believe that there's always good things behind something happen. Where You want me to learn. Be tougher than others. Be strong to against any resistance. Okay bunyi mungkin macam ter-self-motivated easily after hours of sighing and pot-pet-pot-pet about the subjects taken. SEE here, I am trying to sejukkan hati sendiri. Its like putting our future as a subject to be test on. Bagai telur di hujung tanduk dan mengapa aku begitu sastera. :p

And now we'll go with the flow. And somehow aku rasa sikit kecewa regarding our life welfare here. Tengok macam mana nanti.

Second. Okay ni takde kaitan dengan stress di atas. Haha.

I had really forget a moment when my eyes meet someone's eyes and suddenly the heart beats. Aigoo. Haha.Macam tak appropriate je cerita kat sini. Ghaha. Takdelah. Saying that he's just a guy yang aku jumpa sekali and won't meet him another day. Just a guy. Fade like always. I've been bravo'ing myself these days because I rarely changed into someone in past years : its like I always talk  about love and soulmates or even the aim of getting married early. Sekarang jadi perempuan heartless. Pandang orang itu ini takde perasaan. Takde hati nak stalk mana mana manusia yang dicanangkan kehenseman mereka. I don't even bother once in my lifetime, perempuan ini jadi ayu dan sopan. Hahah. Banyak lagi komitmen nak buat.

 Lagipun masih dalam state : gua sedar diri gua siapa. Phewwwww :p :p

So. Go . With . The . Flow. Be happy instead. Stress stress pun tiada guna. Mungkin :)
ada hikmah.

See the faces :)


kami deskmates : Najwa and Ainaa

nasuha and me :) smapk sbpi selandar :D

me. chua he. ainana.

aina ==' and ajlaaaa :)

muka buruk. ignore me. 

we are the classmates. We're lawyers people.

and last : gambar empat bersama + kakak sayang :) kak intan :)
The fantastic four : Me. Chua.Aina. Ajlaa :)

a level blok :)




The mood swing in wind.

Blog I need you lately.I want to talk. The emotion is currently unstable. Something distracted me so bad. And I can't even accept the way my mood actually behave. Tremendous week. Broken- heart. I guess I am facing personality disorder symptom . Don't ask me why because I never knew the answer.

Ibtila' . Ujian. If it is, maka aku redha O Allah.

been hearing sad songs. Lyric lyric yang mengundang air mata untuk jatuh. I realized this is happening everyday. Hypophrenia i guess. Being sad without major cause.  But this ain't happening for a whole day. As it for certain time and to be exact masa tengah sorang sorang. Masa tak busy. And my heart started to shatter. The feelings of sadness and stuff start to overwhelm me.

I need to make myself as busy as I could. Then I will forget that how much my heart broken. I will eventually forget than the past five minutes feeling is a sadness. I will if and only if I am busy.

Tolong doa aku sibuk.

P.S I know what is happening. I realized and please know I am giving any damn on it. Never. Dah. Why should I care when you don't. Why should I always be the one who loosen things. Why should I bother when you don't. Fair and square. I have no regret changing into someone mean someone cold.I AM NOT GIVING ANY DAMN , understand well.


Acik, akak rindu :'(

it has been 7 months 2 days. Approximately. Entah kenapa hari ni tetiba rasa sayu sangat. Ya Allah, it had been quite a time. Dah tujuh bulan. Jauh masa pisahkan kita.

Yes, I was reading my MARA essay. You are the solid reason why I am standing here now. How can I really tell you that I am doing law because of you. Seeking justices for you.No one knows how bad I feel. How it pierced inside. I never had a chance to tell you everything. I miss the parts. I never could tell you,

things like :
" Acik, I obtain 7 A's"
" Acik, I am doing law."
" Acik, I am doing law because of you..."

its heart-breaking. So deep. How I really wish I could tell all this thing. I miss the smile. And I bet the family either. Acik, akak rindu. Rindu sangat sangat. I know its a big space that far us apart. Virtually I send all the messages to you through Allah. I wish you here them. I wish we could talk. I wish we could joke. I wish so many things. And my wishes is not more than wishes.

Ya Allah, sungguh aku dah redha dah dia pergi. Dia pergi dalam hari yang mulia. I was there, seeing everything. Every single step bringing him away from his previous life. Seeing the face, arghh. This one hurt so bad.


Ubah cara ubah gaya #LikeABoss

Blog dah hambar. Blog dah hambar.T.T

tengok muka hambar ni :P




ignore me. weird-os.

Aaaaa I don't care. I don't care. Lantak lantak.Okay obviously caps lock is for big reminder. I was actually thinking apa aku nak buat dengan blog ni. Dulu delete blog lama tu bersebab. Sebab taknak kena question on all creep things or even worst : kena stalk. Okay bajet popular perempuan ni. But I am not going to delete this. Yeaaa somehow ada part yang aku rasa lone-ranger gila, and bila twitter dah tak secure untuk aku spill out macam macam, mula terhegeh hegeh meminta simpati blog. Okay habis madu, sepah di cari balik :p 

Its fun bila tengok budak budak sekolah. To be exact ; adik adik aku masih dalam keadaan dipaksa buat latihan matematik. Kakak gelak dengan kuat dan jahat dalam hati. Muahahhaha.  
See. Hectic.Hidup.Budak.Sekolah *flip hair*

Doakan hidup aku dekat INTEC. Takut cuak semua ada. 2 years is such a critical time for me. Dengar itu ini sana sini flunk. As a pioneer for law pun satu hal jugak. Complication. Belajar lain dari yang lain. Ini lagi menyedihkan. Hua. Hua. Hua. 

Bukan senang. Tapi bukan maksud tak boleh. Kan? 
Have Faith dear. Have Faith. Keep going. Jyeaaaaah. Self motivated. Kbye :D

inspired. Ngaaaaaaa.



*AYAT AYAT AKU MEMANG DAH PENDEK PENDEK CENGGINI RASANYA* impermanently. 

*cricket sound*

Its been such a long time when I actually spend some time to spill here. And I noticed that each of my post started with same cliche sentences. Like SUCH A LONG TIME. Somekind like I was actually forced to write something. Emotionally distracted. Why this negative words should appear. Why najwa. You don't get a single idea why I turned this creep. This un-explainable me. *cricket sounds*

Takpelah. Let see how words actually trembled. I was trying hard to arrange them in rythmic way.

Minggu ni ada test law and I was being possessed to read law after having such an awesome weekends. I know I am in the middle of exam weeks but I can't help myself to avoid such extreme entertainment. Okay just to be informed : I did my study . I studied my psychology *yeahh obviously a class test* , doing my economics article analysis. Yabedabedu rajinnya aku. Then I read law for a week. Balik balik belek tempat yang sama. To avoid major distraction, I put on my earphone up to the highest volume : Trying to consume two human sense parts. Part telinga consume lyrics. Part mata consume nota. Tell me how it gonna work. But still , it couldn't work with distraction like chatting and stuff. If I talk, I won't stop and I won't focus. So I need Musics to drown me into the deepest part where I feel like I am alone. Friend-zone. *cricket sound*

And now I am done with my Law for Mid-Sem. Joget joget panda warna biru* I wish I had one.