Bersyukur , nanti Allah tambah lagi :)

October 31, 2016

Mungkin saja kau lupa untuk bersyukur tatkala kau mula membanding - bandingkan takdir kau dan manusia yang 'lebih' dalam segala hal.
And above all , you forgot about the people who might looked up to your life and wonder how lucky you are for living in such a beautiful fate.  And currently I am that ungrateful phase and it breaks my heart reading through the captions I used to write in the past . The one who knows how to be grateful just by looking at the dead leaves when winter's approaching. The one who sees animals are more than just a four legged creature with a pointy cute nose. Now , here I am doubting whether its really me who jot down all those reflecting points - for being who I am now is just sad. 

I might said in the past , the reason why I kept the photos along with reflection caption , which to show to my child , to my grandchildren that your mother used to be this cool and thoughtful , not knowing it was kept as a reminder to myself , to be grateful for every fold of episodes in my life. You doesn't need to wait to be that 'cool' and 'thoughtful' to your descendent , enough with being thoughtful to the present you. 

The incomplete law clans since 2014. 

Today maghrib is at 4.55 pm and it may be the start of the gloomy days , Cardiff haven't rain that much like last year , and I am glad that it happened that way. I know some days can be much worse than feeling worthless like in the past days , but I shall start counting blessings , and perhaps write more than I used to do. 

I did post up on my instagram that I experienced some symptoms of being depressed by watching the black dog depression video. Saved it for weeks , not bothering to watch because I think my stress level is manageable , well perhaps its just me thinks that way. After a very long rest , I went for a swim , completed 12 laps in 45 minutes , 24 times going back and forth the pool. The moment I stood up to catch some breath and offering a sweet smile to people around , my body heated up and it feels so good.  Wishing to make it weekly , an hour shall be good. £4 for every session but compared to the money I spent for foods (for example) , £4 is a good investment for the body aite? It should be. I just googled what swimming does to your body , just realized I've been doing the breaststroke all the time haha. That's perhaps what I am best at , for now , free style needs more concentration , I cannot. 

And I went for a short trip 45 minutes away from Cathays ( the place I lived at ) to Barry Island. Its not that I am immuned to dogs because there's a lot of them running freely there , the place is so comforting that I wish to go there again , some days in the weekdays. Spent some times with my fellow sisters from Bristol and I am so glad that I decided to join them. 

Yet there are many things to be grateful for each day. 

the highest I can go haha

missing them and the KFCs sobs

indeed my happy pills of the day 

right after the pose I was like camne nak turun ni hahaha
Anis Najwa , don't you realize how blessed you are for being who you are , where are you standing , manifestasikan kesyukuran hatta dalam fikiranmu bukan sekadar pada lisanmu. 


Little notes

October 31, 2016

Funny how one single person might affect your mood. Earlier I saw someone running on my time-line , someone I devoted my feelings to for about four years. Wondering how the person is doing in real life and all I wish is for the person to stay safe wherever he might be. Ironically love always deemed as wanting to keep the person you loved close , but I am totally fine of letting things go , and keeping it alive in prayers. Let Him alone do His best job to keep them safe. 

Indeed that four years were never a waste to me. Because all I did was looking at you from a distance and never wish for more. 

To you who will never know how significant you are to me , in the past - May Allah keeps you in His blessings. 

Little notes

October 26, 2016

Spent last night pondering about the things I regretted for not trying to try , because  I got the insight of how difficult it could be , and rather to take up the challenges , I just don't try.

Thought that I'm brave enough , thought that I've tried so many little things , when I do so little. Sometimes I think I am too comfortable at my own pace , and it started with comparing with other people's pace. It might sounds not good since you know yourself better but you can't help it but to feel bad.

in fact ,

I've stopped trying for so many things ; I put too much consideration to it , I claimed that I am tired

when I didn't do much

perhaps I am no longer living in the fancy world
and I finally realized life is just hitting me hard.


Its the first month of my third year here !

October 15, 2016

I don't really have much things to share this days , its not that I'm lazy infact I am currently living a pretty good 22 going 23rd next year woman kind of life. Woke up early in the morning , ( don't go to bed again after subuh ) , bath early , had breakfast on time ( usually breakfast in the past combine both breakfast and lunch  , and later lunch again ha ha ) 

its just that I'm pretty ( not ) occupied and so into my third year. The workloads are not piling up for now since I am doing it on time and I can't really manage last minute anxiety. Did I tell you guys I am all free on Monday and Wednesday ( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaexcitement ) but I considered it as my bonus time to fast and revisions ( not to mention ). I've been thinking on how to cope with 8 am - 5.00 pm stress , got the glimpse of the feeling last summer , but now I'm back to a very relaxed timetable , I might find myself struggling in the future. 

I took like four modules this year ( basically four for every year - double semester ) and its all dry subjects , which don't really need any personal judgements. and I favours all of them ( kenyit mata ) , because its all interconnected with each other. I took company law which basically revolving around managing a business . Earlier , I was returning a book to a seller and saw Ltd in their company's name , suddenly that three letters gave me the whole idea what type of the company they're running. All these while I thought its there to FANCY things . Next , I took Commercial Law which mainly focusing on how a business to business transact with each other , not the figures but the law that regulates / facilitate them. The other two subjects are mandatory subjects , EU Law and trust . Luckily I was so into macro economics during A-levels , so EU law is something that suits my liking even it doesn't really touch the economics part ( we're in law class anyway ) . On the other hand , trust is unique since it triggered lots of curiosity inside my head. Thanks to my short internship dealing with conveyancing , it lessen my trauma towards all these technical land property thingy. 

So far , that's whats been happening in this one month. I did went to Birmingham last two weeks for a daurah , a weekend retreat. Me myself is figuring the things I've been doing all these while. I certainly think I make a full use of the time , since I opened all those social medias only like once daily , and not for a long period of time. Perhaps I'm busy entertaining my kiasu'ness to keep the house/ the room clean all the time , that is so not me , but since its a good kind of kiasu , I will be very happy then. And I know for certain , the reality is really treating me so well. 

Missing home. Like always

People I've been spending my reality with. 

and with this too with no exception haha.