Thursday | 1.40 am | Human break. Don't they?

They said the sincerest talk would be a late night talk. Maybe that's why the best time to talk to The Creator is  during tahajjud. 3/4 malam. 

I am taking some time resting. Looking at my Alevels notes on the table. 

Since Alevels approaching its end , I've been receiving lots of questions regarding what I am doing now. Hows everything ? Basically everyone having the idea that I am doing a preparation here before departing to UK. You know , even by writing these lines down - I felt a chill. Still doubting the capability - afraid on how the future will be drawn. Tipu kan kalau kata tak takut? 

Maybe its because of the long break between papers do make me procrastinate in the middle. Though it might seems like a good opportunity because you got to wisely divide our time for more revisions. I am in the phase bila malas aku akan takut . Even sebenarnya rasa tak layak langsung untuk malas. I do motivate myself by watching videos from the seniors and fueled my thoughts with tons of fears I'll be facing if I don't make it . But sometimes all you want is to take some break and burst things out. They've distributed the medical check up's forms. The same exact feelings I felt last time when I used to print the documents for preparation years. Now the two years passed by. 
Though I guess I am able to withstand the pressure. Sometimes I couldn't stop the inertia. 



Kau kata ini bukan fasa menyerah.
Ini fasa berusaha selagi daya. 
Dua tahun najwa. Dua tahun. 
Kau rasa kau berdaya ke jadi pengecewa?

Tak. Cakap tak dekat diri sendiri.

Kau tak hidup untuk menduka cerita. Kau hidup untuk sebarkan bahagia.

Bukan hanya pada diri .

Tapi pada keluarga.
Bukankah bila mereka bahagia , kau jugak turut tertawa gembira
.
Maka usaha! 
Belum fasa tawakkal. Belum 
Doa tanpa putus.
Usaha tanpa penat.
Ikthiar apa jalan sekalipun. 
Tawakkal biar di penghujung. 

Najwa. 
Allah tahu apa dalam hati.
Allah tahu apa yang tersisip dalam doa.
Allah tahu apa yang kau usahakan.
Allah tahu apa yang kau inginkan. 

Kalau baik , Allah bagi.
Kalau tak baik , moga Allah campak redha dalam hati. 

Kalau kau punya , Allah beri. 
Kalau bukan kau punya , redhalah wahai hati.

#NajwaDahTua #UmurHanyaAngka #AlevelFinals

Hello peeps. Last updated on 9th. My website problem would never resolved I guess. Jadi it's hard to keep this thing updated. Kadang exam start pukul 8 malam. Dari 8 pagi dah menapak intec. * insert emoticon redha *


24.05.2014

I had a blissful birthday celebration well sebenarnya bukan celebration diri sendiri. Celebrate new members of Lek Jaie's clan ( read Ja'ie. - atuk )  . My uncle's wedding. Dapat menyelit potong kek - tap sebab kek tu kek cappucino. Me no like cappucino so me not eat one. Haha. So takyah kot nak sentimental apa - maxis bagi free call sehari pun tak pakai. Takdan nak pegang phone - nak wrap makanan - nak fikir camne nak wrap udang bertingkat tingkat haha. 

Jadi thanks for all the wishes and prayers. Moga jadi kenyataan. Moga Allah permudahkan. Thanks jugak ge'ef yang pakat wish lambat. Sehari aku berfikir mana la ge'ef nak wish ni. Boleh nangis tiga tahun please. 

Iyyam twenty. Ikut kalendar Puan Nurul Inawati , tahun depan dah kena kahwin. eheeew. 
[ take place ; bilik atuk * segalanya mungkin * haha ]

Meh belanja gambar semalam sat. 

trio cousin . 

WELCOME CIK JU ( coz pak usu call his own wife che'ju ) haha. 
bridesmaids. 



Alevels finals. Apa cerita ?

Semalam je ramai jugak bertanya. 

" Eh anis dah habis ke? "

tidak kurang juga soalan makcik makcik " Awak kerja mana sekarang ? " okay makcik keyy. Saya nampak dah garis garis penuaan di muka. 

The moment I said " Eh , tak , ni balik kejap. Ada lagi 5 paper nak habiskan " disusuli dengan riak terkejut dan menyambung pertanyaan " Apa banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaak gila paper " . Makcik , paper saya ni kira sikit. Makcik kalau tanya budak Eg ke. Pure Science ke. Mungkin lagi panjang harakat AAAA tu wahaha. 

So I've done with 5. The start was economics 1. Serious bila keluar aku rasa macam frustrated. Sebab , aku rasa macam boleh buat lagi baik. Macam boleh touch sana sini. Belum tambah dengan blurr tengah tengah. So memang masa keluar dewan tu , rasa kecewa sikit. Hmm. Pastu aku conclude yang aku dah downgrade sikit * sikitlah tapi * Alevels. Sebab tu first paper. Esoknya English dengan History. Man learns from his history. I guess both papers were okay. Alhamdulillah tenang sikit hati. Economics 2 pun alhamdulillah hati bila keluar dewan tu rasa eased. History 2 alhamdulillah keluar soalan yang aku pernah buat dulu. Thank you Allah for easing the days for me. 

Sepanjang 2 minggu ni , jari jari tangan kanan aku tak berada dalam kondisi yang baik , jari telunjuk bengkak. Jari manis melecet . Jadi dia macam rasa tortured double kuasa lima. Sebab tangan sakit , pastu semua paper ceqq essay base. Guane rasa. T.T . Tapi sakit sakit pun , ini bukan masa nak melayan sakit . Dua tahun kau hempas pulas pastu nak biar sakit jari mendominasi diri. Jadi sebelum exam aku dah ingatkan diri awal awal. Anis Najwa. Jangan layan sakit. Jangan biar tangan ni ketuk kepala diri sendiri. k. 

Up next ;
Economics 3.
English 3
Law 1
Economics 4.

19th June - Law 2. Alevels end. 

Mohon didoakan. Kesejahteraan kesihatan. Ketajaman akal fikiran. dan kemudahan urusan. 

You can't help.

Overtimes. 

You know. It still ache looking at your name pass by. Just by your name. 






Pergilah. Kalau itu yang baik. Kalau itu hilangkan perit. 
To fall to crash to hope is hurting me. B A D enough to make me play at the safe side.
Simpan dulu perasaan takut takut nanti berubah - aku simpan dalam hati. 

...
Bila aku simpan dalam hati , aku harap perasaan turut sama berubah.
Berbolak balik hati , berbolak balik juga perasaan. 
Aku ingat dah lenyap. Perasaan yang aku simpan dulu.

Tapi kenapa. Dia masih sakit. 
my heart stop beating your name as it beats someone's else.
my prayers stop for you as I know yours is not me. 
I force myself. 
I hate myself. 

B U T , it was never wrong.
To fall
because when you're falling
you'll be expecting to crash. 
Tipu tak pernah berharap untuk diselamatkan dengan perasaan yang sama.

Ah cukup cukup tipu diri. 
S E D A R D I R I

bukan Dia lagi. 

Kerana kekuatan itu satu pinjaman.

Am I able to go this through? 

Do you loose your trust in the moon when the sun rises?
Do you stop believing in the sun when the clouds shadowing it? 
The answer is , NO.
Same goes to life , like day changing to night , our life is cycling everyday. No matter how much you whine saying that you can't afford more wrinkles on your faces - you're still growing up everyday. When you have a good life, out of sudden , He test you , like the clouds shadowing the bright sun , still you do believe one time clouds would move, maybe to other region and perhaps to other people's life. Still , with all that , you know you'll able to go things through. 

I always questioned myself , melalui setiap fasa , dari PMR ke SPM , ke interview Mara/JPA dulu. Melewati satu demi satu semester in intec - tons of steps towards university applications ( the exams and test , from the personal statement and everything ) - trials A-levels. Each time , feeling so anxious and messed my head with : Will I be able to go this through? Not just able untuk tempuh , tapi menempuh dengan cemerlang. 

Overtimes I cried - not realizing the capability of going through. And the peak is probably now - Alevels finals. 

Tapi kadang tu kita tak sedar , when the time comes , with prayers and hope. Allah do ease us through. Meski susah , meski payah. And He really did. Kadang tu dia mudahkan dengan pintasan idea dalam kepala time tengah ketuk ketuk pen sambil mata cuba membaca apa yang ada dalam kepala ( its like looking up infront sambil mulut terkumat kamit dan tetiba tersenyum kerana sel otak sudah berhubung ) . Thanks to Him. Kadang tu dia mudahkan motor skill tangan menulis dengan kelajuan 8.9 milimeter per saat semasa menjawab paper ekonomi . Kadang tu dia mudahkan dengan rasa redha tahap pasghah dan menyerah sebab paper susah . I usually don't lie ; bila paper tu susah , aku takkan pernah cakap okaylah. Aku akan cakap susah. And at the end , biasa kalau susah tu selalu jugak la dia akan meet the expectation ( read lower expectation - jarang ada kes paper susah tetiba going beyond what I expected ) 

And segala macam kemudahan yang diberi ni is a kind of strength that He gave / lend me at those peak moment. 

Tu belum kira saat nak debate dulu , saat memimpin Villa Puteri , saat hadap kehilangan orang , dan mungkin juga saat berperang dengan perasaan sendiri. Finally standing here , believing that all courses I've been going through all these years , He's always there helping me to sort the things out. 

And with tons of hopes , I hope once again , He lend me a little of His strength. To help me and my fellow team mates to go through this phase of life. Sometimes I just thought that me talking about Alevels sounds like going to a big big war. 

Tapi ada masa, sebab kekuatan itu satu pinjaman , dia tarik pinjaman dia untuk kita repent on things , tazkirah diri sendiri , tentang apa yang kita lalukan selama ni , dan juga untuk dia pinjamkan lagi kekuatan yang berganda apabila bila kita encounter masalah yang sama , kita akan jadi lagi bersedia. Its always said and believed , experience is the best teacher of all? Kan? 

Overtimes, its okay to break , figuratively into pieces , to fall down to the deepest sorrow . Because after all, we're all human. 

Untuk manusia lain saentaro dunia , mungkin kekuatan yang kita perlukan ialah dari pelbagai cabang. Ada yang perlu kekuatan untuk terus hidup , menyara keluarga , membesarkan anak anak dengan sempurna. Ada yang perlu kekuatan untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan. In any path you're standing , moga dimudahkan setiap urusan. Have faith. 

Weeeeeeird keywords

Well hello. For the past few weeks , I checked my keyword search for the blog and it got weirder that people are searching for stuff like

this had been inside the draft for a week and I am kinda lost in the middle , post acah acah hotstuff haha. 

Annnazari ( my tweethandle )  sakit .
theanisnajwa words and hugs sooth
annnazari hugs
theanisnajwa love thingy.
theanisnaja sakit.
theanisnajwa overly attached.

and just what. And WHY?

And yang lain tu adalah pasal alevel intec , jpa intec , interview mara and stuff.

Okay this may sounds like , kau dah pehal nak market diri sendiri dalam blog woi. Don't get me wrong though you have the right to get me wrong and just continue your thoughts I don't really mind . haha marilah kita menjawab segala persoalan di atas supaya less weird keywords appeared.

SO - sakit? Hm alhamdulillah buat masa ni masih sihat . Masih mampu menarik nafas oxygen and releasing CO2 in return. Sakit virtually sebab nak finals. Which sebenarnya takdelah sakit mana pun ( exegeratting yawws ) , masih di bawah lembahyung rahmat Allah.

Keyword yang repeated for many times are Annnazari / theanisnajwa WORDS AND HUGS SOOTH.

Kah kah jap bagi guling guling jap. why in this world people seek for this aiyo. idk if all these while my words sooth as well as my hugs. You want any soothing words from me? I complicate most people most of the time , so idk if to people my complicated words sooth. Ceyt apa bunyi ayat ni. Lets meet in person and lets talk. or whatssap. or any medium you can find mmy words are soothing or complicating your head. Miahahah. 

Hugs sooth? So far my mom's and my dad's hugs sooth the most . Try hugging your parents frequently , there's always this one magical sprinkles or anything that makes your heart feels at ease. Hugging the people that have been showered you with tons of happiness ( and money / all sorts of investments on you ) and care more than anyone else.

So since the keywords still appear this week , by mean , some still seeking for it. So I guess I am answering anyone who wanted to see all this hugs , soothing words. Ke?

P/S : and btw , to a girl , I am not so sure who but it happened that I followed your blog and saw some of your writing is copying my words. I am not that upset but I feel a bit reluctant , because its my words that you're using. If you're reading through , its nice if you mention it to me first , though you changed it to your perspective.