Look Upon.

Assalamualaikum, now when the mind triggering something, its better to write it down fast ( adrenaline rush )

So in some ways, you feel that , you're honored more than what you expect.

image

terharu. When I am no one. But you honored me. 

I've always look upon on someone , amazed on the talent that other people had . Like being in debate field, years after years , it started when I define debate is fun. Because one of my first match were in Kedah. A long journey which I considered as fun, so debate tak menang pun takpe. Luls. Up till in 2009. When I saw one of my senior were very upset because we're not proceeding to the second stage , we're very close to it. Very close. Bila mana aku tengok muka dia, I define debate more than a fun. Bukan sebab dapat berjalan keluar dari sekolah. Enjoying good time whenever people were struggling in class hour. Bukan itu lagi definisi debate.

Gathering experience. Different styles of debating. Amazed. And I ponder upon, who will be look upon to me. Never had that thoughts. I guess no one would.

I guess 2011 is a success for me as a debater. As someone who're into verbal world for about 4 years. I am more serious on that particular time, maybe its because I'm older. I guess. Because I tend to focus more. I have my own dream. I want to leave my verbal world with at least a victory that I would remember. I did. Alhamdulillah. And I remembered that one night during FRSIS, an international symposium that I joined. A woman , a teacher maybe or I don't know. ( I guess she's one of the judge , or the spectator when I was presenting my project ) . Those words enlighten my life. Once. And forever will be.

I was walking back to my dormitory.

" Hello , you're Anis Najwa right? " said that woman. I nodded my head. 
" I saw you present just now, even though you don't manage to present at the international session , I am so amazed with the way how you talk and you present. It really come from your heart and I love it so much"

terkedu.

Terima kasih.

That is one moment where I loose my words. She look upon my talent :')

And there were moments that people noticed me after my school years ,  some said that they adore me as a debater. And even ajlaa tak percaya sekarang dia kawan dengan someone yang dia amazed dalam verbal war dulu. Ahaks.

Things go way more than what I expect.


after all, being someone in the eyes of Allah is the aim. The solely goal.

Short stories : The moment.


The moment I confess to you, I know what I’m doing.

T
he fact that aku benci dia masa buat preparation dulu , doa untuk dijauhkan dengan makhluk bernama Aish Huzaifah nampaknya Allah tak kabulkan. I’m stuck with him here in Manchester. Gila. Gila. I need to consume the reality yang sekarang aku duduk satu floor dengan dia. Satu kelas dengan dia. Satu tutorial. Satu university. Kenapa dalam berjuta homosapien, ianya harus dia?

Di kolej XYZ.

“….. So this is all about how economy works, now any question?”

            That one guy yang duduk hujung kelas mengangkat tangan. ‘ dia lagi..’His question was simple, dia cuma memputar belit definisi and I couldn’t really make a neuron dalam kepala untuk reverse definisi economy dan end up nampak bodoh dalam kelas . All this while, I’ve been into economy so well dan diperbodohkan di hadapan kelas hanya kerana manusia bernama Aish Huzaifah. Aish bermaksud kehidupan tapi bilamana dia wujud dalam hidup aku, mungkin charges repel between Annur Amnani dan Aish – dengan dia aku rasa mati.

          Well I need to admit , hormone keperempuanan aku di tahap zero masa buat persediaan dulu. Or even earlier. Kejap , is it rare for a girl who don’t really match colour tudung dengan baju? And is it so wrong to pair sneakers biru , seluar kuning dengan baju muslimah pink – tudung biru ? Bila aku fikir balik, aku memang pelik. Pelik kuasa dua , square root balik : Pelik.

             I am not  into group work dengan oppo gender . Sebab aku rasa, aku pelik. Dia bukan masuk dalam kategori narrow-minded ke apa, cuma aku tak suka. Guys one habit yang aku benci masa buat assignment bersama , is they don’t really commit when someone can do it for them . Or hanya kerana ada satu lelaki yang macam ni, aku menyalahkan kaum adam secara keseluruhannya? Mungkin.

             So Aish Huzaifah macam tu. It was a nightmare bila ustaz Mahmood point out guys to be the leader masa kelas Islamic Studies. Well I know , Men Were Born to Lead. And to know that I’m inside his group , aku rasa kematian fasa 1.  The first phase of the assignment , until the end of the assignment Aish buat bangang e, infact aku yang terkial kial habiskan part dia. At the end of the day, aku memang sengaja tak letak nama dia depan front page. And I reported every single thing about him yang lepas tangan pada Ustaz.  B untuk Islamic Studies adalah sangat rare. And now Aish is the rare person.

Perempuan yang paling * insert all those vulgar words * is Annur Amnani.

           Eh hello. Kejap. Status dia? Terang lagi bersuluh, that’s my name. All those vulgar words was meant for me. Takde ayat kiasan. Semuanya terang tak perlu sesiapa suluhkan. Siapa dia nak buat aku macam tu?
He did apologize. He deleted the status. But have you ever heard about scars? He left a deep scar in my heart.

            Surat tawaran dah sampai rumah , Manchester Bussiness School.  I received that at the end of my third semester. MBS. Aku aware yang ada budak kolej aku dapat MBS jugak, Vaneeda budak AC 2 and Hakim Syafi’ jejaka idaman Malaya AC 3. Its about 9 months ago and now Its time to fly :D

Manchester Bussiness School

             I see HIM * the one who shouldn’t be name* - gaya Voldemort he he duduk dalam flight sebelah aku. And dammmmmmit. Kenapa dia dekat sini? ‘ Dia nak fly la amna macam kau’ . And the foooooo truth is when :  His room is at the same floor with me. Apa ni weh, nak tanya ‘ Kau MBS jugak ke?’ and the college is meant for MBS students. ‘ Kau ambik economics jugak ke’ and kalau tak tanya pun, aku aware.

The moment when I throw tantrums to you, I wish that it doesn’t happen earlier.

‘Kenapa mamat ni tak keluar pergi kelas’ Ahaa amna, you’re checking on him. Eh hello, no , hari ni ada submission penting. And waktu camni sepatutnya dia tengah pakai kasut.  And beside him,  mug of Milo – hot choc – Horlicks. Aku aware fakta tu jugak? Dang! – And dia tak pakai kasut. Ke dia dah awal awal cabut pergi kelas. Tapi kasut dia dekat situ. Dia pakai kasut lain kot. Tapi dia ada satu kasut je. And. Kenapa aku question benda ni semua?

Ketuk. Tak ketuk. Hmm 20 minit lagi sebelum kelas. Tak macam busy body ke. Ke dia tak bangun lagi. Dia bukan lelaki macam tu. Ok ketuk .

1 minit. Senyap. Ketuk lagi.

2 minit . Senyap. Lekapkan telinga pada pintu. Senyap… Kaki aku sejuk. Eh kejap, kenapa sejuk sangat bilik mamat ni?

‘Pusing tombol pintu tu amna’. . Seorang makhluk sedang berbalut selimut tebal.

“ Err, Aish..”

“ Amna. Sejuk” and dia punya nada punya manja and rare. And bilik tu super sejuk.

“ Apa you ni gila time macam ni tak bukak heater. Gila kuasa lapan belas. Apa you nak mati sejuk sejuk macam ni. Ni kalau I tak datang , mahu beku you dalam ni. Tak masal masal I di-cop sebagai jiran kejam sebab bagi jiran sebelah mati kesejukan” sambil mulut membebel, suis dah on. Controller di-set pada suhu manusia boleh bare. Rosak ke apa ni?

Aku pandang Aish. Terketar. Apa dugaan ini. Apa nak buat, kejap, kelas lagi 15 minit. Aaaa benda panas. Benda panas, apa dia apa dia, fikir amna fikir. Okay, a mug of Milo.
 
“ Nah milo, minum, panaskan badan you . I dah call technician. Satgi dia betulkan. I couldn’t cook for you now. Ada kelas ni, ke you nak I buat bubur instant?” dia mengangguk lemah. Aku balik bilik , bongkar harta benda milik Malaysia, ‘bubur, bubur,bubur’ ahaaa k bubur. Aku balik bilik dia, hantar bubur, hantar comforter aku yang baru hantar dobi semalam. Nampaknya neuron tangan dia tak berfungsi dengan baik, minum Milo sampai basah basah baju.

“ You bangun, I suapkan makan” dia respon pakai mata dia je. And aku rasa aku faham ‘ I tak larat nak bangun’ ke aku je assume macam tu. Ahh redah jelah, nasib berlapik, aku angkat bahu dia sendalkan* macam pintu pulak mamat ni* dengan bantal dia , and aku sacrife sekali bantal aku. Sobs.

“ Bak tang you punya assignment , I hantarkan” dia menjuihkan bibir ke arah meja.

Kelas lagi 5 minit Annur Amnani.

Sebelum aku tutup pintu bilik dia , “ Terima kasih Amnani” dalam nada yang perlahan. Aku berhalusinasi mungkin.


The moment when you show that you care, I thought that you love me. But my thoughts went wrong.

                Sejak hari tu, Aish constantly bertegur sapa dengan aku. Eh hai mamat ni, the things that I do last time is just untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab Muslim terhadap saudaranya. Kalau ada berjuta orang Islam dekat situ, aku dah lama tinggalkan dia, tapi cuma aku dengan dia je satu agama dekat floor tu. Rasanya dah berbulan jugak since scene dia demam ala tak kebah sebab heater rosak tu . 3 bulan ada kot.
One night, 3 hari sebelum habis puasa : I was connecting through Skype. Rindu wajah ayah dan bonda. Abang Atiq. Kakak Aulia , trio lelaki bersaudara : Azfar. Aziff. Azzam. And aku punya tergeliat moment ialah masa bercakap dengan bonda. Sebab bonda suka masuk bab bab masa hadapan Annur Amnani sebagai seorang wanita.  And the shocking news was :

“Amna, minggu lepas , ada orang hantar rombongan merisik. Bonda rasa Amna tak lupa janji amna dulu ”

Aziff bersama clan kembarnya Azfar dan Azzam buat muka badut dekat belakang. Aku nampak kak Aulia sengih. Sebab diaorang tahu yang aku tak pernah suka masuk sylibus nikah kahwin ni.

“ Bonda, amna tak sedia lagi laaa bonda. Benda macam ni , kita tak boleh paksa. Amna tarik balik janji amna dulu aaa bonda”

Muka bonda masam. Satu pantang larang bonda : Jangan Against Janji . Dia ingat yang dulu dia pernah cakap, selepas menolak pinangan 3 orang lelaki, setelah dileteri bonda : Dia berjanji yang mana mana lelaki yang masuk merisik dia selepas itu, dia terima. And now I’M STUCKED WITH MY OWN WORDS. CURSE AMNANI CURSE.

“Bonda rasa amna kenal mereka. Kawan preparation amna dulu”

Kawan preparation. Senior Firhas enginee? Eh itu dulu pangkat crush je. Budak medic yang skeme tu? Eh janganlah. Ke siapa? Aku tak pernah pulak nampak menarik masa dekat Kolej dulu. And the moment when bonda said :

“ Aish Huzaifah bin …..”

Tetiba blackout. Segelap rasa di hati.


                Kebetulan waktu tu, semua gather pergi rumah senior, Kak Cham dan keluarga. Untuk buat kenduri doa selamat. Bersama manusia Malaysia di bumi Manchester. Waktu Abang ashraf baca doa, kepala aku menerawang. Aku nampak Aish. Aku bukan pandang dia, aku pandang dia tembus dinding. ‘Apa agenda mamat ni’ Aish pandang aku. Dia pandang aku deep, pandang aku penuh perasaan. Pandangan yang rare. Aku macam buat silent conversation, ‘ Kenapa buat macam ni?’ ,dia buat muka yang macam dia tak tahu apa apa.

                “Damn itu bukan jawapan yang aku nak gila”

                “Amna cakap dengan siapa?” Kak Cham buat muka pelik. Aku tersengih. Kuat pulak. Haih, dah aaaaa aku nak balik “ Saya mintak diri dulu Kak Cham , saya tak sihat” Aku bersalaman dengan orang yang dekat dan keluar dari pintu belakang. Dari belakang, aku dengar ada orang panggil nama aku.

                “Amnani”

                “ Annur Amnani” Amna jalan cepat. Jangan toleh belakang. Jangan. Jalan je Amna. Hey lelaki hilanglah kau dari pandangan mata. Hilanglah suara. Aku pejam mata kuat kuat. Someone grab my hand. Tersentak. Limit. Lelaki ni dah lebih. Siapa dia nak pegang aku. Shit.

                “ Annur Amnani Hishamuddin , pandang aku.”

Mata aku mencerlang. Shit Aish. Shit aish is rhythmic. Shit

                “Kau nak apa? Dah puas dah mainkan aku? Lawak apa kau cuba buat?”

                “ I meant it. The proposal”

                “ Berhenti dengan apa jua plan kau. Kau tahu yang aku benci kau”

                “ Aku sayang kau”

                “Persetankan sayang kau. You know that we’re not meant for each other”


The moment when I said those things, you need to know that I’m controlled by my emotions.

                Aku pernah suka Aish dulu, sebelum dia tinggalkan scars dalam hati ni. Bukankan sepatutnya aku suka bila dia yang hantar proposal ? Tak , aku tak happy. Aku dah tak suka dia. Bonda kata, parents Aish kata, aku banyak jaga Aish dekat Manchester, jaga masa demam , dan kalau boleh Aish nak menghalalkan hubungan tu, untuk elak fitnah. Damnn, I swear that the only moment aku jaga dia waktu demam tu cuma sekali. Cuma sekali. Elak fitnah? Eh hello, no one would even bother pun kalau setiap malam aku sneak in masuk bilik dia . No one. And bila aku cakap dengan bonda, explaining every single thing,seperti kebiasaannya bonda tak percaya aku.  I need an explanation. No I don’t need one. Sebab Aish – aku dalam phase kematian yang kedua.


Dear Annur Amnani,
The moment when I confess, I meant it. I really mean it. I know what I'm doing. But you said that it was a joke? The moment when I show my anger to you, years ago , I wish that I am not doing it. The moment when I see anger in your eyes, I wish that you don’t even realize what you’re doing. I hope that its not more than emotions.
The moment when you care, I thought that you love me. But my thoughts went wrong went I remember those eyes that hates me. My thoughts went wrong and I hope I was dreaming.
The moment when I apologize years ago, I hope that I remove all those scars I left inside your heart. I thought I did. But I don’t.
Amna, tak banyak Aish mintak. Aish mintak untuk Amna buka hati Amna. Aish tak nak paksa. In deciding what I want in my life and how my future would be like, I would like to include you inside my life... I believe that. You’re my future. And , Am I your long lost mate ?

Now, you’re Amna . What would be your answer?

Husnuzhon itu bersangka baik :)

Husnuzhon.

There were some points in your life. You need some reflection. Being a typical Malaysia, we judge. We judge the book by it covers before knowing whats inside it. And when we're talking about judging , it somehow related to negative judging.

Things like : seeing my student card , some people do said : " UiTM je? Anak makcik dulu sekolah biasa je pun dapat UiTM , awak sekolah bagus ...... * sila sambung ayat mak cik ini*  " Yeah sebab student card intec memang sebijik student card UiTM. Well I don't really have time to explain , " Hmm makcik, saya belajar dekat INTEC . " and the moment when I need to explain what INTEC is all about , takpelah , biarlah makcik berbicara semahu dia. And I will definitely said : " Aah makcik, UiTM je, alhamdulillah"

Typical kan auntie. Typical sangat.

There's one time, bila datang satu berita. Menjadi Malaysian yang typical , aku jump into fast conclusion yang negative . Su'zhon. Bersangka buruk dan telah di starlight dengan satu statement simple .

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jika datang kepada kamu seorang fasik membawa sesuatu berita, maka selidikilah (untuk menentukan) kebenarannya, supaya kamu tidak menimpakan sesuatu kaum dengan perkara yang tidak diingini - dengan sebab kejahilan kamu (mengenainya) - sehingga menjadikan kamu menyesali apa yang kamu telah lakukan.(al-Hujurat:6).

Bunyi dia semacam ini. * it's a twitter statement * so its limited to hundred and forty letters.

There's a lot of moment when someone first sees me * y'know what I mean : Judging the size , gelak sinis konon dia perfect * . Bila tengok orang yang satu agama macam kita. Judge and being typical. Aku terfikir, macam mana eh, satu hari nanti war explode between religions , muslims punya attitude towards muslim yang lain pun hampeh. Macam mana nak build ummah hebat kalau your first-sight impression dah bersangka buruk?

Buruk perangai.

So I am called to right this husnuzhon thing sebab aku perasan banyak status alam maya yang membicarakan soal mulut manusia yang berbisa. Yang bersangka buruk dan mengilustrasikan melalui kata kata. Betullah kata kata itu lebih tajam daripada sebilah pedang. Aicewah.

Bila kita tak mampu mengubah manusia untuk bersangka baik. Bermulalah dari diri sendiri. If everyone sees bad things about somebody , we can be the change by bersangka baik. Kadangkala diri ini cibai juga ada ketika. Well, human. We remind each other. Aku pun selalu sangat lari dari jalan lurus. Eh bukan lari, jalan je. Ahaks.

Bersangka baiklah dengan sesiapa pun.

Bersangka baik dengan Allah. Dapat satu rezeki, sebelum apa apa, ucap alhamdulillah. Bila Allah tak bagi apa yang kita hendak. Bersangka baiklah dengan Allah. Allah sayang kita bila kita diuji, dia bukan saja saja tak bagi apa yang kita nak, tapi dia nak bagi apa yang lebih kita perlu. Dulu aku dapat 7A , I can consider itu sikit untuk manusia yang dilimpahkan segala macam nikmat sebagai anak emas kerajaan sebab belajar di SBP. Memang mulut orang bercakap , pandangan sinis semua, tapi itukan rezeki. Ibu selalu pesan, bersangka baiklah dengan Allah.

sidratulmuntaha:

:’)


And today, I got more than I expect. Allah letak dalam jalan yang ramai manusia dambakan. Maka. Bersyukurlah.

Bersangka baik dengan manusia. Sayang Allah bagi pancaindera sempurna untuk merendahkan makhluk lain.   Kita kena selalu mengingatkan diri sendiri yang kita tak sempurna. Selalu aku nampak orang yang duduk tepi jalan , untuk sesuap rezeki bersama anak di tangan, kat Shah Alam, benda ni macam viral. And there were people questioning things : " Diaorang ni ada ejen eh? " "Betul betul miskin ke apa ni?" " Wuihh aku nak sedekah pun ragu ragu "  . And my dad said :

"Kalau nak sedekah, tolak tepi semua persoalan itu. Allah value niat kita. Kemana duit itu pergi bukan urusan kita, sebab kita dah berniat pada awalnya , untuk membantu saudara kita " 

Kita taktahu , kalau satu hari nanti, apa rezeki yang kita kongsikan, walau sedikit, dapat mengubah hari orang tu untuk menjadi lebih baik, saluran pahala invisibly malaikat catat dalam buku. And I'm practicing it every single day.

Bersangka baik. Anda mampu mengubahnya.



Ni macam takde kaitan. Tapi, I want to inspire. 

✿ Appreciating beauty

You're beautiful. And it's true because I saw you somewhere in the crowded place. Erks.

Yours truly,
James Blunt.

"We women, spend so much time analyzing and trying to fix the things that are quite right."

Women are their own worst beauty critics

video


When we talk about beauty , it somehow closely related to women. Because beautiful itself is an adjective that usually resembles women. 

Beautiful lies in the eyes of the beholder. How we perceive ourselves and how other people sees us. Tak ramai wanita di dunia percaya bahawa dia cantik. Sebab mengikut fakta : Hanya 4 peratus wanita di seluruh dunia percaya yang dia cantik. Minoriti. Kalau ikut kerusi Parlimen Malaysia 8 - 214

When someone says " Aku cantik " . Malaysian being typical replied  " Perasan"

What is so wrong for giving a compliment to Allah for making such a wonderful creature. Its never wrong to say to yourself that Aku Cantik and there's no such thing as : Eiurghh perasannya perempuan ni. Never. 

Appreciate your beauty. If no one never give any compliments on how beautiful you're. Give yourself a compliment. There is no harm saying it though. 

A.A Milne once said.
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” 

All you need to know is, You're Beautiful Than What You Think :)


Gelukkige verjaardag anis najwa.

Since I wanted to go to a village name Giethoorn Netherlands , so I speak Dutch. Aicewah tetiba.

Finally. I'm One Nine. Its Two Four o Five One Nine Nine Four.

Anis Najwa Nazari.
سعيد عيد ميلاد أنيس نجوى.
祝你生日快乐
de joyeux anniversaire



생일 축하합니다
selamat hari ulang tahun

So I love birthday. Because it reminds me lots of things such as you're getting older and you need to be wiser. Next you're nearer to the another life. Next , its because of all the wishes and du'a. I feel blessed. Hari kita didoakan secara dozen kali dozen. hew :3

Through years , let me recall back how my birthday was celebrated.

When I was in standard 2. My mum packed me sweets and apollo dalam bekas kotak  telur kertas orang kahwin dedulu. Sekarang dah rare laa kot orang pakai kotak kertas tu. Masa tu 2 Merah, Miss Chong , my beloved bahasa Melayu and English teacher. Dia susun kotak tu macam kek and we're like blowing candle on it. Its virtual candle, you feel it by heart. Ahaks. ayat. I still remember that day. That one lovely day.

Naik sekolah menengah , its rare to celebrate my birthday di sekolah mahupun rumah. If its celebrated , its whether diawalkan mahupun dilambatkan. Sebab waktu birthday aku biasanya aku tengah berjuang dalam medan verbal war HKSBP. Since I was in form 2.

Masa form 1. The thing that I remembered was Kak Hannah Aminah which now, a puan :) make me a lovely love birthday card with a bar of black forest chocolate. She came to 1 Perdana and hand it by herself. TERHARU KITA . Akak dorm sanggup buat camtu :")

Masa form 2. Masa tu tengah dalam prep room dekat Sekolah Menengah Sultan Abdul Halim, Jenan for short. Masatu adaa budak SMAP Kajang dalam prep room yang sama. I was so sleepy that night and one of my senior said. Ohhhh padanlah mengantuk, birthday dia rupanya. Haha. Sir Suhaimi bought me a cake on my fourteenth birthday and I still kept  a piece of the birthday cake's box.

Masa form 3, I got to celebrate my birthday at home. Finally. Masatu Ayu, Yana , Qila ada sekali ikut balik :") Terharu saya. haha.

I hardly remember how I celebrate my birthday when I was 16. But when I was 17, I celebrated my birthday at TKC. And I called Syazni * as far as I could remember* Before I went there, my parents gimme a box of present and I can only open it on my birthday night. I was discussing with my debate mates. Aaaaa nice one I guess. I got a blouse and a skirt :) An orange blouse. My best birthday present I can say. That day , I won both of the debate game, against Faris Petra and one other school, I couldn't remember. And I'm the best speaker for both game :) Alhamdulillah , I end my debate career with a  victory :') Meskipun bukan johan kumpulan, because Sains Selangor * kot* is at the first rank, I'm glad we're second and I am the leader to that team :)

When I was 18. The night before, I cried badly because I was scold by my mother I guess. And I was really sad because of I thought that she forgot about the date and I off my phone that night. People hardly reach me. Early in the morning, Nurin Nadzlah came to my house and she entertained me on that day. Such as teman buat kad BSN, first atm card. Next, sanggup tunggu dekat Putra , tunggu aku buat x-ray. Next , supposedly we're watching Hoore Hoore together that day, but she had a small accident. That day, I went back home by bus alone :")

Now I'm 19. I'm home and the way I celebrate it , through social nets. Ahaks.

Happy Birthday Anis Najwa. Grow up wiser. An age older. A step further to death. In the barakah of Jumaat. I am so blessed. 24th of May 2013. Bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi, kerana masih dipinjamkan masa nyawa tenaga hingga ke hari ini. Alhamdulillah.

Beee Teeee DoubleUuuuuu. Dear future someone, can you sing me this and with the dance? Click

heeee. I am glad if you do.

Now lets dance.


video

Possessing ''Motherhood"

Hai assalamualaikum. 

Knowing how to drive a car was once my passion and now no longer. Because when you talk about driving. Its all about responsibility. I usually need to wake up early knowing the fact that I need to follow my mum to school and I need to drive. Its torturing when I need to drive early in the morning. And I don't even know how my mum survived motherhood very well.

Do motherhood skills masuk dalam immune system once you're married? Heh? 
I guess so. Ada kot hormon yang ramai tak kaji lagi dan belum masuk chapter biology.
Hormon Motherhood'ies 

Sebab she woke up early in the morning. Make breakfast. Bare with the road congestion. Bare with those two little boys. And she survived every single day. Kadang kadang tu kan, belum sempat dia duduk lepas balik dari sekolah, dia keluar balik uruskan itu ini. And she's the super super super mak.

she is my mom. I love her. I wanna be like her one day. ( mood : muka sakai tudung horror )


So , today , I drive early in the morning. I felt so sleepy. Sleepy kuasa tera giga mega. Dipertanggungjawabkan untuk membawa my sister uruskan Uni-matter dia, from medical check-up to bank accounts. Pagi pagi kena generate dalam kepala nak lalu jalan mana. Jalan mana yang tak sesak. Everything. And the start was a bit eiurgh. Since I drive Unser, its big and I'm scared to make any side parking. Ada jugaklah pusing pusing cari parking. Next, talking the medical check up itself. I'm there at the Putra Hospital early in the morning, infact I'm the first who arrive there. The pretty shit moment was : I waited for 3 hours for those basic medical check up and it sucks. SERIOUSLY. EIURGH. ERGH. Setelah khatam 3 jenis buku yang berbeda.  Mungkin sebab muka aku macam harommm dan tidak ada kuasa, takde muka mak mak, the service tend to be dammit long. Last time masa aku pergi dengan puan emak, acamm laju je check up JPA yang a little bit more specified. Next, drive pergi Bank Islam , nasib area area dekat dengan hospital tu. Tapi pusing-pusing-sesat-sesat jugak. Danggg! 

Aku rasa aku ni orang yang tak sabar. Aku jenis manusia yang kalau aku penat dan tak berminat , you can really see it from my face reaction. Muka bosan tahap hannoyeng. And rasa nak melempang muka manusia seorang ini amat tinggi. Ihiks. Ini pun berangan nak cakap pasal kahwin. Nak kahwin awal itu ini. Now, i say NO. Aku belum masuk phase possessed motherhood. Tak sabar. Perangai cam kanak kanak. Muka malas nak layan. Muka tak penyanyang. Ahaaaaaaaaaai.

I hope through time, I possessed those quality that women that called Moms had.
I wanna be a good ummi. Ibu penyabar. Emak berkualiti. Bonda yang super. Kriks.

I hope.
I hope so.




Random.

Ugh hello blog. Its holiday yet I am so so lazy to keep you updated. I am freakin' lazy and I am enjoying the real life better.

So what did I do during the ho-li-day-day. I did a lot * lah sangat * of things. Such as being a so-called 'debate trainer' for the Sbpi Selandar's debate team .The fact that I am scared there's no one replacing my third speaker's place. And I'm trying hard to make one. At least a small effort from me such as  giving out my knowledge and shares some skills can gimme a good third speaker within 3 week * ends* erks. Its dammit hard. *fainted out yet still typing. lulz * 

Next, I've been a bad driver all these days. Nope, its not that kind of bad. I still had that knowledge on how a " P LICENSE HOLDER" should behave but at some points, I suck. There was once I am driving at the wrong line and almost hit a car at the car park. I repeat, car park. And I guess parking cause lots of nightmare. Last time, I had my ergh moment parking my car in Tesco. I forget my signals. Eh hello. My bad. sigh.

Next, I meet a part of GEEEEEEEEEEF. Moh le kita menulis dalam bahasa ibunda tercinta. Saya telah berjumpa dengan Noorliana Masri setelah setahun terpisah. Aicewah.  Jumpa juga dengan Nurul Aqila. Yang tak pernah pula terpisah. Dan kami mengimbau kenangan nostalgia bersama di Sbpi Selandar yang cemerlang dan berwawasan. Kerana ia, terlahirlah insan yang gemilang seperti kami, hendaknya. Insyaallah.

Ku biarkan gambar bicara.













Last but not least. 

No matter where we come from, its where we're heading to :)



She who hates you. Its not me.

How can I call myself fighting for Islam. When I'm not really practicing sunnah.

The way I treat you. Is never me. I don't know who she is. For having grudge and hatred. She who hates you is not me. 



And I thought. Merely more than this.

Jika terpaksa membenci
jangan ketara
sembunyikan bersama sabarmu
biarkan dia berkata-kata
relakan dia lakukan segala
pendam rasamu
rendam katamu.

Jika terpaksa membenci
benci seadanya
jangan dirinya
tetapi kelakuannya
jangan keterlaluan
jangan berlebihan
diam… dan cuba maniskan wajah.

Jika terpaksa membenci
jangan sampai dapat dibaca
sembunyikan segala di sudut hatimu
namun, ingat jangan beri hatimu kepadanya !

Jika terpaksa membenci…
(Alangkah baik jika kalimah itu tiada?)


Surrounding.

Well Assalamualaikum, idk how to express this but practically I am lovin' it. Its ho-li-day. Who hates holiday? Its not me or not me. I've been waiting for this moment for few weeks. And finally God bless me. Ya Allah thanks for making the clock ticks faster. Dang !

And now , let me spills out things that I've been through in the second semester. Well its literally drama with emotions and hatred. The exam day was great. I guess. So. Had a bad start with statistic. But Allah ease me through. Berkat doa orang sekeililing. Terima kasih.

In the moment when I felt that studying was the worse ever phase for a human can deal with. I started to ponder upon my surrounding. Well its not really surrounding isn't it when I watch the surrounding through the laptop Ey? Ai? I spent my exam week with O and G. Obstetric and Gynecologist . A korean drama which literally success in making me sad for not being in the doctor-to-be path. Episodes by episodes. Seeing babies. Handicapped babies. Emotion-over parents. And sometimes I do question , how do you feel like having a handicapped baby? and yeaaaa siapa nak layan soalan perempuan gila tatkala exam economics, tanya soalan ala-ala kehidupan 10 tahun akan datang. End-up tak dilayan. Masing-masing sibuk berjuang. Sambil bersosial di alam maya. Sibuk sangat . Kan. Itu dikira apa? Sambil menyelam minum air?

Next, while I was in my exam mode. And I choose to study inside the bedroom because my table almost don't look like a table, since I am very good in campak + mix + and mash up everything gaya busy kuasa 10 on the study table. Dang ! Next. My bed. I am someone bad in organizing papers . But you can't say no to your lecturers when they give you bundles of exercises in the P.A.P.E.R , end up I sleep on the floor. Because the bed and the table seems to be fated to be that way. Maaf. Out of sudden tetiba terfikir pasal kahwin awal ? How I am supposed to get married at this age, with all these un-organized papers. Thanks to Allah for giving me great-mind-think-alike roomate. Hehe. We're never good in kemas kemas thing. True story. Last-last macam orang separuh gila and I can say I hate clearance day.

Next. Bila rasa macam explode dengan nota semua yang berkajang. Tulisan gaya doktor. I thought studying still the worst phase in human life. It come across I heard some adult conversations. They haven't get their salary for the month and sighing over and over again. Then I came to think . I kept complaining about eating inferior goods such as maggie and kawan yang sewaktun dengannya. I get the money without any effort to earn it. Yet some people working so hard to earn these papers and coins. Mungkin tiba masa untuk reflect, muhasabah dan bersyukur?

Lastly. I come to conclusion. During exams. Or during studying. People rarely bother about whats happening in the world surround them. Kadang-kadang tu lupa nak bersyukur waktu senggang. Bila waktu sempit, baru rasa nak tambah bilangan sujud. Susah cari Tuhan. Sedang masa berjimba, lupa yang Allah atur siang malam perfect, tengah bulan , bulan terang , lupa nak ucap Subhanallah . Because we're the so-called busy people all day long.

After all. For the time being. My full attention goes to study. Saat rasa macam nak mengalah di tengah jalan ( wallaaaa this thing happened through exam nak masuk masuk exam. Dia punya degree demotivated seluas banjaran Himalaya. Erks. ) , selalu aku ingatkan diri sendiri supaya makan dengan motivasi diri. Yang namanya pejuang tak berhenti di tengah jalan. , yang namanya berjuang di jalan Allah takkan berhenti di saat perjuangan.

Kata nak jadi Muslimah hebat.



Ameen :)


#PRU13 #GeneralElection13

Bismillahirahmanirahim and Assalamualaikum I bet anyone who're reading this.

So, memanjat kesyukuran. #PRU13 sudah melabuhkan tirai dengan kemenangan terus berpihak kepada pemilik bendera biru berdacing. For both sides , since I never clarify my un-heard voice of political stand. I would like to congratulate both sides. For Barisan Nasional, Better Nation we expect. To Pakatan Rakyat , thanks for being such a worthy opponent. 

Maybe its because I am older. Overly attached to social networks. I can see , Malaysian showing good sign in terms of reacting towards this GE matter. At least we're responding. Tak ketinggalan juga mereka yang bercakap secara membuta tuli. Atau juga mereka yang nampak memang tak bother langsung, berjalan di atas garis masa dan terus bercakap tentang hal bercinta. 

Tak dinafikan, this time around. I got anxious waiting for the GE result. Meski pagi Ahad tidak kemana-mana. Termasuk tidak menjenguk dunia luar. Scroll garis masa. Tweet benda yang berjalan dalam kepala.  Tunggu spekulasi. Refresh MalaysiaKini. And finally. It ended. Despites knowing that I'm in my final exam mode.

I'm 19. Not yet eligible to make my voice counted. But, I had a little knowledge and perspective regarding this GE. Seeing people posting on their social network, really shows the level of maturity itself. Can't be deny that, I wanted to see some changes. But I had that kind of 'goosebumps' , how would it be when the government change? Macam mana nak tahu. Tukar tak pernah. 

The fact that I'm a student with scholars. Seeing people says things like " Bersyukurlah dengan BN " , the statement was just a freaked. Can't you even distinguish Barisan Nasional and also Kerajaan? First distinguish. Then talk. Like seriously , acting as a government, securing the welfare state of the citizens is " must-to-do" list. Secure welfare tak pakai duit parti. Secure welfare pakai duit Kerajaan. One of the source that contribute to Duit Kerajaan, is the taxes. That my parents paid. Our parents paid for it. Its not that I'm not being grateful to say this, but its a reality-check. Lagipun nak zahirkan kesyukuran, ada dalam banyak bentuk. Err. 

There were even people come out without clear bases. Without any single knowledge. Pakat - pakat share status bunyi gempak. I tell you. I don't talk with this kind of people. Be natural. Talk wisely. Cakap biar ada sebab. Bukan main cakap je. And ending up being emotional and even asked me to " Ubahlah pemikiran untuk majukan rakyat" . Ahaaaaaaa. Now what? Bro. Akak mohon satu hari nanti, bila awak belajar tinggi tinggi. Belajar ekonomi. Then I'm free for a debating session. Thanks to you, I've been triggering my mind debating. Mungkin dasar typical, when you're opposing, you started to use harsh words. That was just too typical. 

Its okay too have different political stand. Its even good. You got to value. You need to be smart. Standing in one stand. You should be able to recognize the strength of your opponents and you should be able to recognize the weakness of your side. Jangan terlalu taksub. Jangan cepat melatah bila ada yang condemn stand kita. Mungkin ada benda yang nampak baik di mata kita, tapi dia melihat dari sudut pandang negative sin 180' . *so mathematics * Well I can see people, terlalu taksub dengan stand dia, macam dia seorang yang betul *sedangkan dia cuma cakap ikut -dengar-orang je* and bertindak membuta tuli. This is all about respect. After all, kita semua duduk dalam satu negara. Satu kepimpinan. 

Mungkin aku masih berjalan. Bak kata orang lama , belum banyak makan garam. Tapi MSG insyaAllah macaam banyak. Ahaks. Baru 19 tahun bernafas. Dan mungkin baru setahun dua jagung tengok situasi politik. Belum mampu nak clarify strong stand. But then, I know what I'm holding too. And I'm trying to be smart too. 

Well. You can't expect people to think alike. Because Only Great people think alike.

Believe. Better Nation insyaAllah. Mohon lagi 5 tahun, aku nak buat undi pos. Undi dekat United Kingdom. Moga Allah mudahkan jalan. :) 

I considered that this is one of the remarkable General Election , I've been through. A great wake up call. 

Saya sayang Malaysia. Saya rindu nak nyanyi Negaraku. Saya rindu nak recite 5 Rukun Negara :)