be courteous enough

well hellu, now that its school holiday again , I'm reminded of one logic I hardly churn when it comes to time taken to travel for work , I couldn't link between why the time to travel got shorter when its school holiday. I mean the school is still there, the road is the same , same goes to the speed. 

To finally realize that there's a major difference in the amount of cars/vehicles on the road, because obviously with me or without me realizing, parents send their kids to school by vehicles not with some sort of magic door. That this morning it took me only 15 minutes ( with all the green traffic lights ) , when I usually take 25 minutes to drive to work.

Going to work when its school holiday is such AN EFFORT Z Z Z ! 

Because everyone else is still sleeping, but here you are brushing your teeth , under the warm rainy shower, thinking about how can I earn money without the need to work, but you go to work regardless. [ But of course I tipu because I don't freaking do thinking in the shower HAHA so this is written for a drama purpose ]  With the heaviest heart. 

But to be honest, I am actually so conflicted because working do make me happy - but I love sleeping too. forever dilemma, I need to make money haha

Sooooo the reason why I am writing today is because of something that happened few days back , I was talking to a friend unfortunately dealing with series of heartbreak , that somehow it feel relatable because I was once in the same , if not off the same size, almost a similar shoe.

That the guy who pursue her vanished through thin air after my friend thought that they're both resonating the same wavelength and moving at a good pace of being together. And knowing my friend , I always know that she's a type of person who would rather take all the blame, and she's blaming herself for the guy's silent treatment. She even gave different reasons for the person who don't even bother at creating one.

And it frustrates me for the fact that , why aren't you being courteous enough to respect someone's time and feelings. I am not sure about other woman, but as for me and my friend , if you don't wish to pursue the relationship even further, what we ever wanted is for you to verbally put it into words that you want a full stop.  

Just don't keep everything hanging , because we fragile human beings hang in there .

I know some of you might be off the opinion that why hang in there, walk away like the other party do. I guess it was simply because, we personally feel that there are bare/enough reasons to stay , all we every wanted is an affirmation. 

Whether you're willing to commit or you just want everything to end. Of course affirmation alone is never enough, but at the very start of something, an affirmation give a bit of assurance to a fragile heart who's hopeful.

Because they are people who freaking wait - for an open ended possibilities.

Be courteous enough, be respectful , just be humane. Please? 

You either carry on or crush it when you had the chance. But I think its not good to let someone wait for you, and I'll be forever thankful if someone had the gut to properly end it, it is accepted that broken heart came in a package, but breaking and crushing it at the very start is always better than prolonging it. 

Somehow this reminds me to do the same with people whom I see no future with. In the past I would say that I am in no position to be the one who walk away. It goes up to a point where it gets too comfortable at being the one who left behind, that heartbreaks are totally my thing ( and I become better at handling one ) ( I invested less and be more cautious ) . 

But somehow I did find myself in situation where somebody wanted to know me, and after giving the chances to both me and the opposite side, and just when I think this can't move to the other stage of relationship, I would want to see me apologizing and to say it at the very first instance what my thoughts are.

Once in the past, exactly three months back, I happened to be the one who wanting to silently walking away , not because I wanted to go , but I think I should be the one who leave first so I can save myself from severe heartbreaks, but it came to my surprise that the person reminds me of my very own vow that I used to utter at the very start of the relation which I said

' Please be kind enough to let me know if someday you no longer fancies me, or wanting to walk away, I need no reason, just be courteous enough to let me know ' 

and tadada I am actually the one who goes against my words. But it feels good that someone actually take note on the melodramatic side of me, of the random things I said leeeeuls. 

After quite some time, getting to know people - falling in love , taught me things like when it comes to relationship, whatever feelings that derived from the relationship be it love, hate , sad or anger, should be equally shared. So long that those feelings can be communicated and delivered, two person who's committed to that relation should be able to exchange those. 

That if at the first sight, if you're feeling tired or deprived, you should let the other party knows about it. And if they happened to not entertain that part , or choose to ignore it , not even trying to confront it, then if its me, I don't think the relationship worth my time and investment. 

I used to be the person who suck up to all of the sad and tired emotion, thinking that its worth investing at the initial stage of relation ( because I am all ambitious that the guy will commit the same , just as much as I did ) , but it does not work out that way, at least for me. 

I had to emphasize the part of 'at least for me/myself' because somebody else might have different opinion on how these things works and these things don't have a solution that one size fits all. 

it feels so good that I am writing , it feels a bit sad that I had to filter so many things that shouldn't be written down here. My life nowadays revolves around me, family and work, that I don't have much thing going outside these circles. 

till we meet again xx 

I don't even know I can put this kind of photo on the blog , I mean like the one we saw in Harry Potter HA-HA ,

one of the house we visit back in Cordoba, Spain back in April 2015 <3

Love, the'ann