Happened to be someone who's aspired to facilitate justice :)

This morning as I was stamping my name stamp on files and signing them , it feels so surreal that I had to slowly get my head into the game that we're already at the eleventh month of the year , I mean where the hell the other ten months go ? 

And its been a while too since I've been thinking that it may be the time I talked about things that I am very indulged and passionate about, as nerdy as it may sounds, its my work and my working life generally. 

I am always actually very cautious when it comes to talking about work because I am afraid that I might be crossing lines I wasn't supposed to cross, but I guess none of the content inside here would lead to that so off we go ! 

Have I always know that I wanted to be a prosecutor? 

The short answer, absolutely a big NOPE. 

It never passes through my membranes when I did my undergraduate that I would be venturing into what I am doing at the moment. I had very little knowledge to be honest , not to say that I am very certain that I'll be a practitioner ( lawyer ) , but I always know I had passion to educate so you might say I pictured myself as an educator. 

But despite that, I know that I wanted to spend some time being in the practical legal world before getting into education route. 

It was when I did my CLP when everything becomes more surreal , where I started to ponder upon which areas of law intrigued me most / more  and the pressure become much more intense when I started to apply for pupilage. Was very certain that I am not built for conveyancing because I think I suppressed my energy by doing the documents ( I had six months of experience working as a paralegal while doing my CLP in a conveyancing firm )

I've always love criminal law for the fact that it involves human nature / traits to it but I never score beyond the bare minimum , just enough to keep at the passing rate level. 

But being involved in criminal law, I can't help but to think about the liabilities/responsibilities it carries, especially the bad presumptions people have towards criminal law generally. 

And I did ask myself whether I am up for such pressure? Meh it was half-half I'd say, I have always enjoyed the theories but I am not so sure if I am a great fit to it , so its decided, that I'd go for a more subtle area which still involves human traits and characters in it, which is labour law. 

So I went around , promoting myself as a good advocate for employment law but it was after two interviews I had with private law firms, I started to rethink about the route I wanted to be in. 

Oh yass when exactly I started to draw interest towards prosecution ? 

It was my lecturer, my Criminal Procedure Lecturer who was a prosecutor for good nine years before he decided to venture into private practice. I am always so impressed on how delicate and structured his answers to the questions we discussed in class. 

And one day one of my class fellows asked him whether he would want to spend some time out of the class session, to give a talk about prosecution. And being someone who's always very strict at timings and schedules, I am never a fan of staying for something that is not directly connected to what I am doing ( studying ) 

But I found myself in the session, listening to how everything started for him and roughly the journey he went through. Of course I had my round eyes and bushy tails listening to how admirable the journey was for him. 

But of course, being in the pressure of the legal certificate, had so little time to have a decent rest, juggling working and studying , that moment passed by and I didn't take any step to make myself into the service. 

The last time I sent my application in Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam was back in 2017 when I am back from the UK, to report to my scholar that I am finally home. I mean it was a requirement to at least fill 5 different positions which are not related to what I studied, but hello beggars can't choose, we millenials need to survive by whatever means we had. 

So there's this Pustakawan position, PTD , and even pegawai muzium >o< , and the only position that sounds law is pegawai undang-undang , but yeah I had very little idea about what a pegawai undang-undang do, and above that , I was never called for any interviews for the position. 

Fast forward, things turns out to be the way it is now. *I will link the blog post I wrote concerning the journey haha in case I rajin , if not go ahead and see my December 2018 post haha * 

Do you enjoy what you're doing now ? 

ABSOLUTELY , a big YES. 

Because I've always know that I wanted to educate, if not many, I would able to educate myself, but of course I am a big dreamer, I wanted the society to benefit from what I am doing. 

You know all these while when we write paragraphs of Karangan Bahasa Melayu about curbing the problems we had in the society , ranging from illegal racing to drugs - and I've always be in good schools where I am not exposed to these realities. Theoretically all the suggestion we posed seems good enough to be able to curb these unhealthy activities in the societies, but it's just so saddening for the fact that the truth is VERY UGLY - REAL AND OVERWHELMING 

sometimes when it gets too overwhelming , I failed to value all these little details that matters. I never thought that Bougainvillea can be amusing among other flowers, but it does. Though I know that I'll be having long days ahead me, stopping for a moment appreciating such beauties , somehow eased me on the inside.  

That overtimes it scares me that I wanted to build a family of my own, but I was just too wary about the dangers out there, would I able to raise a child that can dictate what's good and what's bad. Like what if I become the reason why they took the different path as I did / was raised. 

and being in the position where I am right now, I know that I possess the role of educating - not just offering aggravating factors to impose a higher sentence on someone, but to also advocate the element of repenting , lessons , that the same offence would not occur again. And truthfully, its just not that powerful. 

Because when you go to the root of the problems, if not all, many of them came from a broken in many senses and poorly structured  family institutions . Of course I can do things that are within my means but I know that parenthood/families institutions plays greater role to abstain the crimes to happen at the very first place. 

Your take after few months being in the field ? 

I am very humbled by every emotions I saw - witnessing just different characters of people - that everyday I would say to myself before judging people inside my head ( I am human too lol haha ) , I am very very very blessed. Allah is indeed very kind to me for the journey and the path He waved for me. I could have done terrible things in life , but for His mercies and love , I am saved in many junctions in life. 

I've been learning a lot, observing people on how they do things and see whether I can adopt the same style or see whether I can improvise from there. 

Talking about someone who never had the chance to do pupillage, be in court or even the moot court over her three years across the seas. Sometimes I would silently jot notes in my books or whatever mediums I had , on the things I learned from random people of the day. 

Its not just about the wordings / but its also about how they carry and present themselves . I remembered first few months of my working life, I had to dictate verbatim ( each and every word  / when to pause / what to say / how to say it ) , and talk to myself while driving to work or home. 

Of course I am NOT these ambitious all the time. - I am a human

I faced frustrations , anxieties , like am I doing good enough to properly lay out facts of the case - assisting parties to get to the crux of the story , or some other day I encountered people who're not nice at all to me , sometimes I am just very amazed how did I have very ambitious thoughts that people will do good to people - WHEN SOMETIMES THEY ARE NOT NICE :( but I guess that's life. I can't be pleasing everyone but I look forward to ease everyone's life that happened to cross path with me. Not pleasing but easing. 

* but in case I appeared not easing your life, it would be beyond my conscious mind HA-HA 

so that's it, ten months working and I am enjoying it so far. I love how it makes me ponder upon things, thinking about various issues in life and just how it makes me appreciate life even more than I ever did before. 

I can't emphasize on how helpful the people I met in this journey. I had different people I looked up to, and learn from. 

Thinking about how I was lil bit dissapointed at first when I am sent back to my state , little that I know it was indeed a prayer that comes true. I was never choosy about the place they will send me to, because nothing really ties me from moving around. 

The only thing I ask Allah is that, I wanted the best place He wants me to have. And he granted something that was way beyond what I wanted. 

Much love, the'ann