random random writing

I haven't been writing for the longest time. 

And it was few minutes ago when I am finally able to write something close and meaningful to me, it was a long note which I wish to reiterate those here. I am quite disappointed that the writing is gone before I am able to copy that - I shall blame my puffy fingers and the lagging Facebook for this. 

Let's start shall we?

One of the advice someone used to say during my graduation ceremony, the person said, life after graduation is so full uncertainties that you need to make sure you're able to adapt to that, able to live and breathe throughout the uncertainties period. 

It was really relatable and hit me hard during my CLP time as I was seeing the people from the same batch as I am were out there securing cool positions, paid well  - or at least that's how I see them. Long story cut short, I am now in the phase where everything seemed to be subtle and settled. 

That I no longer worries about savings and pennies , secured a job which currently placed me in my hometown , despite the luxury of certainty I am blessed with at the moment, it feels unsettled on the inside. Parts of me craved for the life I lived before, pre CLP of course. 

I miss the feelings of changing houses and rooms each year, I love the awkward feeling of adjusting and looking for places to live. I miss the feelings of 'not settling down' , sometimes it feels morally wrong to be saying this, as I know people would've been fighting for what I am currently blessed with. 

So the writing I wrote earlier was initially aspired by a post that speaks about the necessities when it comes to job seeking in this pandemic time, where I had the privilege of witnessing someone who went through the process with very limited resources. 

From the online interviews which later led the person to move from places to places. 

sekadar selingan sementara *screaming for a while as I am very frustrated creature !!! I swear I wrote the most beautiful Malay writing that my soul is very proud of !!! And sadly I am not able to reiterate those inside here, which is such a shame.*

so witnessing to this person's transition, and to be there in every process is really pivotal to my writing today as I only realized it today that Allah has sent me this person, to indirectly cure the longing I had to the roller coaster ride/life I've lived in before. 

okay to be honest I was able to relate why I write the point below with what I wrote above, but I couldn't remember the correlation now so that's it I am done writing haha 

Maybe the thoughts I am having in this writing was initially sparked by a conversation pertaining this research of having a very simplified wardrobe - that speaks about people who choose to wear the same clothes everyday, will escape decision fatigue every morning. so the conversation was further escalated to why this person choose to wear white all the time - and I said you don't need to worry as usually after marriage , the woman will take the role of choosing the colours. Enraged by my own words, I then asked, if the woman experience decision fatigue, what does she gets in return??? [ amboi perempuan je penat ! Tak boleh jadi !!!] 

And I think the reply is legit and very cool, too hard to deny ; the joy of seeing many choices. damn. very on point. such joy is indescribable 

Love, the'ann