Has my view changed after almost seven years?

I hope the enthusiasm lasted for at least until this blog post ended, properly. 

Attempts have been made for the last six years for me to make a decent blog post that will be beneficial for myself and many but, I failed in every attempt - days turned months, months turned years and soon we may celebrate a decade of failed attempts on writing. What an anniversary label !

One of my new year resolution this year which I have been adhering too at the moment is to restart journaling especially with pens and papers. I wanted to soak all the deliberate moment of writing things down, sinking in the thought process and hopefully it helps with my brain fogging. However I think writing alone be it online or on papers will help my thinking and I am hopeful that it sharpens my mind. Reminded me of I.R.A.C in law school which to highlight Issues, Relevant Law/Acts, Apply and Conclude. 

Soooo, what makes me write again today?

I had a brief meet with a junior of mine and her friend, who happened to read my interview blog post I wrote many years back and like always, when that they highlighted the fact that they knew me through the writing and they benefitted from the immature writing of mine, it felt very heart-warming. One indescribable good feelings...

I was clueless back then, not having almost any sources to ask and to seek guidance from, I wrote to heal the clueless me hoping many souls may find little lights at the end of their dark tunnel, to at least know how and where to start. It may not furnish the whole experience but to me, at least good enough to kickstart. 

It was yesterday too that a Facebook memory popped up - a discussion between me and my good 19 year old friendship friend, where it says about we wish to be a housewife in near future and the conversation took place 14 years ago. Exactly, what were we thinking huh? 

Despite the subtle rage of wanting to retire at the age of 31, I know I am built to work. I think its the only time I am able to feel like I am me. I am not someone's wife or someone's mother ; well I am proud of those but I guess a little room for myself won't hurt? (duhh you're someone's employee at work  - says my inner thoughts haha) 

I am writing this in the light of hitting almost seven years in public legal fraternity. 

Has my view and aspiration to work in this line changed - has the burning flames of fighting for justice dimmed or has the work becoming too mundane or too challenging that now work is work and it has no longer has any connection with my fighting spirit? 

Of course it has changed and I guess the concept of justice appear/dissolve in different forms. Now I am working with the concept of justice, closely with procedures and papers, I can no longer touched lives directly through prosecution. Its different now with the department that I served for but still, the concept of justice is there. 

This time I have learned about how to see whether the government is liable for the act of its employee in the course of employment ; and if the government is indeed liable ; how to portion the liability , do we take all or do we go about mitigating it. I mean the concept is still there, its just in different form. Intriguing - that I no longer has the upper beneficial hand . I am now at the side of 'the one who's always at fault' , and it starts with, what if indeed the person who works for the government is liable for whatever act that he did ? Like shall we admit it on face value and pay the whole sum requested? 

as time goes by, I have learned that there's always two sides of stories. People who're motivated or driven an action for a sum of money always have sides of stories that were folded and not presented. The stories they put may not exactly be what's alleged. It is my duty to gather the stories and patched it into places.   This is not to say we're evading fault if we are at it - after gathering all the stories, when we think its appropriate to suggest for settlement ; we did rather than unnecessarily prolonging the matter. When we think that things are worth fighting, then fight it is...

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. 

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

          2:216

Safe to say, my view has changed, in a good way. The aspiration to facilitate justice is still there, in different ways and forms. 

Seven years in service, five good years in prosecution, a year hitting two in civil, still in the litigation line. I wish to learn bits and pieces of advisory just to complete or widen the experience? But I guess we'll make it there some day when the time is good. I am leaving the decision to the Creator and not to involve my very own voice in it. As for now, lets survive doing this and let me be among the grateful ones for having a job to continue living...

here's to a random beautiful flower I found enroute work today. Funny that I always walked the same path ; almost every other day but I never seen this. Sometimes we need to pause a bit in life to appreciate beauties isn't it? 

here's to one of my favourite human being. tbh it will be a longer post if I ever speak about doing justice to this guy over here. Thank you for making me wanting to do better each time. The one who redefine purpose and life as a whole for mamy. Abdurrahman, 2 years nearing 4 months old I guess?

Love, the'ann