Wrapping up 2018 ❤

Now we're down to the last two days of 2018 and it feels surreal that the year has come to an end. 

its me with fancy hello kitty cup , what do we call tembikar in english? lol

This is one of the posts I am dying to write ever since I am in Perlis last time but I had no means to write , my brother gave me his old laptop ( how can someone be selfless and stingy at the same time * pun intended ) where few of the keys on the right side didn't work well ( how I am supposed to write with the non functioning keys !??! ) and I gave up. 

Looking back in the pasts, I can pretty sum up January to July under few labels which includes - 

Label 1 - Certificate of Legal Practice

which I don't think this need more explanation since most of my posts in 2018 were revolving around it but I am so grateful that Allah let me pass in one sitting. 

Label 2 -  Relationships at stakes ( terrible ones ), moving on ( I took many many months to come to realize I've been wasting my energy investing emotions on something that will never work out, I was in major denial ) 

I would say that I was trying to get involved in these relationship business at the age of 24 ( after not minding being single for almost 4/5 years ) and I am pretty suck at it, no offence. I lost myself as in my identity / my boldness / my telling the truth side as I suck up to my feelings most of the time, in order to please the other side. 

It was really harming up to a point where I questioned myself, like I didn't go through years of educating myself professionally to be bad at this thing we call relationship. 

But yeah, I admit I was just a ( stupid ) amateur. But nevertheless I am so proud of myself that I walked away after countless of 'trying to convince myself that I am worthy of pure love' aicewah. boooooooooooyeah >o< 

so here's to some of newbies advise for the dating dummies ( I am dummy too, like a dummy for a dummy HA-HA ) 

• Never settle for someone who don't make time for you , don't live in your own bubble with your expectation and excuses you save for the other person and pretended that you're okay when you're not. 
• Your other half should be someone who can stand your truest inner thoughts though it may get ugly. 
• Don't ever settle with someone who says that they're able to accommodate two women's feelings in their life ( be clever enough to read this as no family related k ) ( handling mums and sisters are actually given with no choice to set aside HA-HA ) because no matter how big your heart is able to do it, it may not be the case on the woman side. 

We're proudly complicated and not up for any man-sharing LOL

Label 3 - Lost 

I lost my dear grandfather when I was in the midst of revisions day, nearing Syawal. I've imagined that he would be so happy whenever I come to his place sharing with him my life updates. Rest well atuk, you're missed by everyone and may Allah place you in the highest place in Jannah :) 

Lets move on to the second half - ugh quarter maybe? 

My life after August to December, was an unexpected beautiful journey for me. With of course some unfortunate events that occurred.  

I am finally back home with absolutely NO COMMITMENTS , and I've been utilizing the time well ( hopefully ) . I went to different places I've been wanting to visit, like Selandar and INTEC. I wanted to see myself back in the giving back to community track and I did it in Journey of Muslim, the pre- departure program. Just when everyone is anticipating life overseas, I'm there to make them more excited and reflecting over my journey back then. Ahhh Cardiff was good. 

I went to my bestfriend's wedding in Kelantan with just series of unfortunate bus trips , but I am just happy that I am there to see her in her big day. 

I lost my certificates and retrieving the originals from respective bodies cost me a fortune. 

The last memory I had with that transparent file was before I went to Kuala Lumpur to sit for my CLP papers. That time I remembered bragging with Umair ( we're allowed to make such stupid bragging with our siblings, we won't be judged ) " Hey look at my certificates - * with some other unnecessarily disclosed dialogues then poof it went missing. 

And this stresses me out for quite a time, that somebody I wish to introduce here as A , had to deal with it EVERY SINGLE TIME I said I wanted to look for the certs but yet I procrastinate. 

( when I'm editing this, I wow'ed myself that the longest part and paragraph goes to this A haha ) 

Knowing A, 

I think A is one of the significant character that I've been continuously talking and dealing with for the past few months. 

That sometimes I wonder how two humans can talk basically about everything and being cheekily celebrating all the features you had on your face ( I mean my face haha ) that out of sudden A would tell how adorable are my cheeks that he called me cheeko ( I guess it was a grapefruit ) and just how beautiful I am when I'm smiling ( after condemning about how ugly I can get when I cry ). 

mehehhehehehehheh :B

Ugh yes A had to deal with my super easily triggered tear ducts. I am sorry and not sorry at the same time. 

Its the same person that I can joke around with my affection towards having pigs with wings as pets in the paradise, that I proudly elects him as the president of the club. 

And above all, someone who's very true and honest with his feelings, and he didn't hide a thing including all the bad characters ( well at least that's what he said and I choose to believe that he's honouring his words ) and he make time to hear to my rants ( and vice versa since I would say he talked more and I swear his eyes sparkles whenever he talked about his country and partly due to cricket ) ( ugh hello someone's obsessed ) 

I tell myself thousand times, that even if someday things didn't really work out for us as couples , I have secured myself a very good friend.  ( but make prayers for us please ! ) 

Bless you A, I don't have reiterate every single things in details isn't it, I can always tell you directly what are the things I am grateful for with you by my side? okay lets stop before this one gets mushy. 

Family Vacation ! 

This one is super not in calendar. Its just super weird that we're having a vacation as a whole family , on top of it, its an overseas trip, well its better be said as over-border trip but who cares !? 

I am very used with December setting being at home when I was in my primary and high school years because my parents are always occupied with something like SPM and related school stuff. And sometimes either one of us are not available for holidays. But this year, everyone is kinda free and not occupied hence to Hatyai we go !

I am not into shopping but considering the stuff are cheap ( moreover the things that I bought ) , ridiculously cheap that such price is nowhere to be found in Malaysia. Its such a pity that I am not earning, or else I'll be seeing myself spurring money on stuffs. Which I may not need them. 

Well of course, Thailand is a heavenly blessed place for foods and indeed that's why we're there. My saliva salivating for that daging bakar , the soups, the somtam's like most of the time I see myself gobbling down the fancy vegetables  , that prawn balls which previously mistaken as fish balls and tomyumyumyum. Except for the lamest fried rice in the universe, where I fry better and fancier rice. Imagine ordering Nasi Goreng Seafood, its like a cup of plain fried rice with cuts of plain squids and prawn placed next to it -.-

I spent some time at my brother's place, exactly a week, but for the poor internet reception, I will be there for another one month . I enjoyed those days I didn't have to think on what to cook for lunch yay. But that yay lasts for just few days now that I'm back in routine. sobs. 

Above all, we had a great time, I would say regardless of the place we're at, I bonded well with my family. And the same goes to my other siblings as well, maybe the age gap was not that vivid, but I am hopeful to see that this bond we had, continue to bloom. 

Pre-hustling professional life ( because I am not hustling YET ) 

Passing CLP - attending few interviews - got rejected by companies, even before they conducted the interviews sobs that rejection does not hurt me anymore, because its just a lot of rejections already * flip tudung * - and now, I can end my 2018 with insyaAllah, a great start to 2019. 

I think it suits to one of my prayers to Allah, which to narrow down the pathway I am walking through so I don't need to choose over different pathways. and certainly the way He showed me, was through multiple of rejections, to show me the one and only. 

for now, it will be 24th of December , 5.13 pm :)

I will let this one remarkable moment stored as memory inside here, but I'll wait until its official then I'll properly announce it here. I'll write down my fears concerning it, the amount of contemplation and researches I did, plus the preparation and all. But lets just hope, this particular journey of mine will be eased. 

Well that's basically one year summed up in a post :D 

If you're reading this, I hope 2018 treated you well, you treated yourself well, as well as to the others. 

Lets start writing down our 2019 resolution, oh yeah talking about resolutions, I ticked some of mine this year with one VERY FIRST RESOLUTION I wrote in the book, not fulfilled. Willpower not that strong huh? 

a little throwback would not hurt isn't it? Back to December 2014 when I fancied red telephone booth in Scotland ahaks. 

 Much love, the'ann