Life has brought me here...

Its so surreal that now we're done with January and here we are in February. February seems to bring me back down to the memory lane moreover being in my hometown.

" Assalamualaikum Dayat " it was yesterday when I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard  my moms voice giving salam in the room where we put our late uncle's belongings. This year exactly on the 17th marks the seven years since he went to the better place. 

It was him , the reason - on why did I start and why I am still staying.

That back in November  when I had my interview in AGC, I see myself quoting the memories I had about him when he passed away , and for many many reasons ,  he was behind the perspectives of life that change - on how I perceived justice when I'm 18 and the lessons learnt after being in these legal route.  

Justice to me when I was 18 was about an eye should be for an eye - that's the very least on how I see  what seems to be just, which to replace the pain we had with the same degree of pain on the other side. But that does not seems to be the case anymore. 

He was there along the way in my memory, beneath the correlations of law that I've learned through where life has brought me for the past seven years. Over the years, my perspective shift from one level to another, that I am no longer tied with sentiments neither rage. Because I am trained to be able to look on a matter neutrally. 

And everything about him is still vivid inside my head, maybe I was old enough that I truly felt the lost, that it was so sudden - on the amount of crowds that comes to pay him the last visit, on how shaky I was when his body arrived home - on how and why such a vibrant guy left so early and I've been hearing to all good things about him ever since. 

I still remember few weeks before he left, me and Aimi were very hungry that we asked him whether its possible for him to get us Mc'D without being known by other family members ( miahaha ) and when he got back home, we literally fish that plastic bag of burgers and fries from the balcony so the Mc'D pack would not pass everyone downstairs.

That I wonder, that if someday I leave this world, have I done good enough. As good as him. 

Bless him ya Allah. Give him all the good you're offering as he has done nothing but only the good ones to his friends and families. Al- Fatihah 

Unknown to me, February signifies on how life can magically bring you to something or somewhere - few weeks back , during my graduation week, I had a random catch up with my favourite girls. We were sharing about our insecurities, our fears and all kind on uncertainties of shaky life we're living particularly career wise . That at some point it got so emotional . 

Not that we find any solutions to all of that because obviously we are trying our best and were very hopeful on time and fates to decide.  But letting the thoughts out , having people who's never judgmental towards you, listening to the thoughts - provide ultimate kind of comforts. 

Fast forward after two weeks, now all of us are building our base to the growth of our legal career. And both my friends started a week earlier than my scheduled duty to report upcoming middle February. 

It touched me as one of them, very very dear to me, it was known to me that she always contemplated on whether she should or should not stay in this route. Coupled with fears she had and the circumstances that she faced in life, I know for certain that it was never an easy journey for her. That I always ponder on whether I can be as strong as her if I'm standing in her position. 

Despite the rough bumpy pathways, she stayed firmly and determined to finish what she has started. And she had two interviews in different law firm in a same day and she passed both ! To me its not just about passing the interview, she conquered her fears and on top of it , she ACED THEM ! I'M SO PROUD GIRL ! ( nangis kejap ) . May Allah ease you both girls :)

And just like that, February taught me about we plan, but Allah plan it better - note that we still need to put our effort.  

We fear about everything , but above us, there's Allah who'll take care of the feelings. 

For now, I am worried , legit worry about this one thing, but I hope Allah will ease the heavy feelings I had  :( . Najwa, above you who worries, there's always HIM who's so powerful to take away all the worries from you and even heal the source to your sorrows. 

Life has brought me here and hopefully to wherever I go, despite the x * read ; unknown to the f(x), I'll continue to learn the lesson.

I fancied myself, really. haha

T minus a week and I haven't correct my biological clock YET. RIP NAJWA. 

  Love, the'ann