'There's always a first time for something...'

July 28, 2019

'There's always a first time for something...'

I know how boring 'it's been a while' as an introduction haha but I have no other fancier introduction.

It feels surreal that once I felt the end of July seems so far away, yet now I am at the last few days of July.

One of the reason why I am writing today, is to record my first time driving on highway ALONE !

I know its like a no brainer thing - seems easy to many like mehhh , but I guess its such an achievement for myself. Its been a constant battle that I always choose to avoid at all costs, I fancy travelling with public transports, wouldn't mind the hassle of jumping here and there ( checking the schedule or whatnot ) just because I don't fancy driving.

I personally think the word fancy doesn't do justice to the actual feeling I had about driving. and I don't even know whether to classify it as traumatic / anxiety / constant fear .

That sometimes it seems too much for the heart to take, that I choose not to deal with the feelings - most of the time.

I don't exactly know how it ended this way , but it was on Tuesday when Kak Lin, one of our senior staff in the office texted me whether I'm free to attend the course in Putrajaya. Considering that my last course was back in February, and money laundering seems appealing as a topic, I said YES. The thoughts of how to reach there - via what - with what was triggered once I reached the office, when I read the work email confirming my attendance to the course.

why did I signed up for this again- regardless damage done. I thought.

back at the place where I attended my interview , back in November last year. Here again, for God knows better whats best :)

I told my mom about the course and I asked her whats easy, then she said I should drive.

I had a small feast happening at my place on Thursday night , I was restless for the whole day and head to Putrajaya the next day early morning at 6.15 am. Didn't properly sleep too.

Alhamdulillah it was a smooth driving until I reached Negeri Sembilan when the volume of cars gradually increases . I am thankful that nowadays I am better at estimating distance as per guidance of the google maps. I was just a bit scared if I happened to surpass the speed limits allocated at the non familiar routes but I just checked fiuh none so far haha.

No matter how appealing a Waze app can be because it tells you whatever police-behind-the-trees-hidin-to-catch-you-speeding , I will always revert to Google Maps because it tells me which lane I should take, and I can control my speeding , but I can't really comprehend my gelabah'ness haha is that even a word girl

I even braced Kuala Lumpur traffic without being honked ( wow sis pat your own back hahaha wow own commentaries haha ) , made ad-hock plans to meet my girls because I thought it would be good if I can have a bite of meatball ( tbh its BITES of MEATBALLS ) at Ikea.

Initially the plan was to have a good chat over fancy foods Ikea is offering, but my timeline was ahead of the girls, so I decided to just take my own sweet time - I put on my earphone with the highest volume , playing my 1345th level of Candy Crush while churning down the meatballs with broccoli in the midst of very busy and loud food court.

And somehow it feels good , because its been a while since I had that kind of much needed 'me' time.

For the past few weeks, I barely enjoy my lunch hour as my court starts somewhere at 9 ish ( but I arrived at 9 sharp usually ) until half past one , or a quarter to two or sometimes it goes up to two ish. Then I'll drive back to the office, make a pit stop at the cafe downstairs to grab lunch ( which most of the time its fried rice because no one serves good nasi campur at 2 ish ) and to the office , I'll eat while reading my work mails , or looking at the investigation papers on the table, to check whether they want it asap or its something I can delay.

In a way , its been like that for more than weeks, that I have my utmost respect to my seniors who excellently brace such schedule every single day.

By the time I reached home, I was just too tired to function, that overtimes I left my work backpack in the car because I know I would not unzipped the bag unless I had this unwashed tupperware inside the bag.

I guess I am turning into such a boring lady who doesn't live a life , I am lazy to entertain people - not bother to talk - EVEN THE THOUGHTS OF WRITING a blog post didn't pass through my membranes. Because I simply think I am living in a monotonous life.

That sometimes the only thing I looked forward to do in a day is to redeem my free gift on Candy Crush ( so I didn't left a day and had to wait again for the reward lol so hard to explain haha the gist is I CAN'T MISS A DAY ) and finish the five lives in one go. And sometimes I waited for good twenty five minutes for a life to be offered.

uhm boring haha.

But regardless, I am just so proud of myself, for choosing to conquer my forever fear , and to always allow my own-self the chance to take up challenges , and this should be recorded here as one of my 'first time for something' episodes.

This phrase is always resonating inside my head, from the very first time I heard the phrase which was uttered by a senior of mine.

For such a general phrase , I've been allowing myself to try whatever good opportunities that came before me ( especially the one that's coupled with strong fear ) .

And despite still receiving questions like " In what year you're in now for secondary school 😆?" , adulting feels real. I've been learning a lot by doing things and this is one of it. Hidup menuntut pengorbanan bukan?

Allah certainly make it easy too.

I guess every time I entering a junction which was not equipped with traffic lights , He'll either make the road just for me , or good samaritans stop to give me a way because I was scared and took quite sometime to make 'safe entrance' after the signal sign was turned on ( after the tenth blink haha )

I safely arrived home this morning , God knows how many times I yawned with my eyes open ( and eventually become teary ) , singing to the loudest volume of speaker to later realize I had such a sappy playlist for a drive haha , and stopped singing because I think singing will make my throat thirsty haha and I can't multitask while driving.

I still fancy hopping on public transports though , but there's one kind of charm/vibes when you're handling your own transport. Suddenly there's this list of things you need to think of , like where can I park this safely , or how much a parking ticket would cost me.

Had a short breakfast date with the girls this morning after spending a night with them ( how friendship evolving from staying up late night to be widely awake in the morning and had a talk over breakfast ) , and its just so comforting. I'm back to a familiar setting , watched a movie *more like offering commentaries * stupid ones and laughing , just laying around . Worth bracing the traffics haha.

Live well girls, just how you guys put my heart at ease without me realizing how , may Allah make it easy for you guys too :)