#RoadToUK Its either mixed or confused feelings.

The internet wasn't that good each time I am trying to spill something here , 

So I guess its been a long time since I am able to write something a bit personal - these days I've been writing about all those little guidance regarding visa and stuff. 

sedang bermalas malasan seperti kucing dan berharap semuanya dimudahkan. 

Earlier I went to an open house - its raya open house and we're now in Zulkaedah. ( month after Syawal in the Hijrah calendar ) .  And my father's bestfriend was asking 

" Berapa hari lagi nak fly " 
tengok jam . 30 / 8 dah hari ni hmm start date 22nd September , hmm 18 kot ( tak masuk kan perkiraan? haha abaikan )
" Aaaa dalam 18 - 20 hari ? "
then he pointed his fingers dekat makanan ( there's laksam , nasi kerabu and all kelantan food ) 
" Aaa makan semua tu , nanti kat oversea dah tak rasa "

it hits me when I said " Aaa dalam 18 - 20 hari " , me myself realized how time flies 5 tahun dekat Selandar , 2 tahun dekat Intec , those 20 days would definitely fly real fast. 

Still , I'm kinda lost , confused and  having mixed feelings. 

its either
MIXED.
CONFUSED.
LOST

Visa belum settle. 9/9 baru appointment . And one thing kept bugging my head and it scares me whenever it came across my mind. 

Sigh. 

Allah , mudahkanlah. 

Next week pre depature ( you'll get your blazer and allowances ) , all these things kuatkan lagi thought yang " Its happening soon " " Its happening REAL SOON GIRL "

Looking back at those days kita random random cerita - sambil meeting JPA main pass pass notebook acah acah macam skype conversation " You kat Manchester sejuk tak? " - " I kat Cardiff dengan ehem ehem ( sila masukkan apa apa nama ) " and we laughed padahal masing masing tengah tak senang duduk dalam hall luls . Itu cerita awal semester 4. Now semester 4 sudahpun melabuhkan tirai. Anxiety result Alevels dah reda - timeline pun dah takde siapa sembang result - kalau tidak scroll timeline macam baca sets of cerita seram. 

Gelak sendiri. 

Though lots of stuff dalam kena , everything is about moving forward to next stage and all , still dalam kepala terfikir nak jejak kaki dekat Selandar jumpa cikgu cikgu yang tanpa mereka , I don't think I'd be where I;m standing now. Me sounds cliche? But thats the reality.  Nak jumpa adik adik , bagi some appropriate words supaya tak ulang my combos of bad studying attitudes masa dekat sekolah. And nak juga acah acah throwback bila mana jejak kaki masuk surau - pastu bayangkan those days lepak lepak cerita hal dunia dalam rumah Allah ( uhuuu macam terbakar je diri sendiri ) 

Drama betul. 

Nak jugak jejak kaki dekat Convent . Nak jumpa cikgu cikgu . Nak jumpa library yang dulu aku selalu malas nak bertugas as librarian. Nak tengok padang , dulu dekat Selandar , tak dibuat orang lari lari dekat padang time rehat ; semua lari cop tiang semua buat dekat primary school. Nak tengok kantin ; sebab rasanya macam dah lama tak nampak kantin sekolah ( motifnya tujuan ) 

Pada masa yang sama ,

Tengah kira kira duit nak beli wishlist yang panjang. Setakat ni alhamdulillah documents semua insyaAllah dah settle and dah dibuat copy untuk dibawa terbang + untuk simpanan keluarga. Tinggal wishlist macam belacan , ikan bilis dan kengkawan. Benda yang tak jumpa dekat UK - tengah brainstorm habis habisan dalam kepala. Banyaknya kerja. Memang kenkadang tu rasa nak give up sebab macam Ya Allah kenapa susah sangat. Tapi kalau nak give up pun , dah final stage , jadah apa nak berundur sekarang. 


tarik telinga sendiri. 

Pastu pasal rumah dekat Cardiff nanti , macam belum positively moving forward , tapi sebabkan aku ni cuba nak menjadi positif dengan rencana Allah , aku serahkan 99% pada Allah untuk mudahkan perjalanan setiap urusan , dari Melaka - ke KLIA - dan insyaAllah ke bumi Cardiff soon. 1 % dan kurang , usaha aku untuk usahakan rumah mana nak duduk , jujur walaupun muka ni nampak confident , hanya Tuhan yang tahu betapa serabutnya neuron kepala - bertapa gelisah organ hati. Aicewahh. Takpe Anis Najwa , yang penting confident. 

Allah pun janji , ustaz ustaz dalam corong radio pun banyak berpesan tentang adab adab berdoa / berhajat , kalau berhajat , yakin yang Allah tunaikan. YAKIN. aihh kata pegang rukun iman , percaya qada' qadar , jangan takat cakap je , laksanakan. * ketuk diri sendiri *

Setakat ni belum lagi bayang nanti suasana dekat KLIA macam mana , mungkin sebab ada bayangan visa depan mata. Dang ! 


Dah usha usha nak upgrade dumbphone ke smartphone.
Belum fikir nanti nak bawak ikan kering ke tak .
Barang dah mula dicampak dalam luggage. 
Dah kira kira baju kurung mana yang nak diangkut. 


.
..
...

Cinta mana nak ditinggalkan. 

Aww snap !

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cried reading this post. Kak Anis.. i am your junior at INTEC. am having Chemistry Unit 5 in about 45 minutes yet i am blogwalking to your blogz. I cried because After all these years, finally this is it. Iam either gonna make it or break it. Well ihope i get to go to UK. and definitely gonna buzz you there if Allah wills it... Got so much inspiration reading your blog, and have a little faith that sometimes drain out from my heart. In sya Allah, i have go through all these pain,A Levels,pressure, expectation, and lost of faith... please pray for our batch. we are so worried of not being able to fly. Just imagine, two years of ultimate hopes and wishings. it would be a greater pain to only be able to see it go away from us, and not becoming a aprt of our fate... kbai tetiba meluahkan perasaan kat sini... -Adikmu-

Anna Nazari said...

hai awak , I just touch down Malaysia dua hari lepas and baru ada kesempatan nak reply. Yknow what , I've been there and I know exactly the feelings cuak having faith takut sedih semua , everything insyaAllah all the seniors pernah rasa and guess what? all you need to do is to give your very best and apa apa yang datang / jadi after that , kita kena berjuta kali pesan dengan diri sendiri is , itu yang terbaik Allah bagi , and perhaps what you want / like is not good for you and otherwise , where Allah knows best. Kita manusia takkan pernah lari dari perasaan risau tu semua , can't help , but as a human gak , what I can do is just giving you this little piece of advise. Later buzz me in UK , or even kat Malaysia pun. Feel free untuk luahkan apa apa , sebab insyaAllah awak tak sorang in this route. Moga Allah kuatkan :D