slipped to jahiliyyah.

After going through a tormenting days sebab I am getting upset for benda benda yang tak patut untuk aku rasa upset with , finally I got a grip about myself , thinking yang sebenarnya lama dah aku tak affected with this frustrating never ending issues , which to say yang my days back in the UK , aku susah sangat nak rasa messed up with these things ( which mainly concerns about human being ) , sebab aku pun akui yang I was an easily affected person when it comes to human-human relationship , tapi sebanyak mana kali pun aku affected dengan manusia ni , aku akan macam owh snap berhenti , this seems worthless to me  and to my time plus all the jumbled emotions. Surprisingly and alhamdulillah sepanjang a year in Cardiff aku tak rasa aku jumpa moments macam ni which aku ingat aku dah cukup kebal dengan issue macam ni , but not that I wish it to happen again , balik menapak tanah melayu , I was once again, affected lagi dan lagi. 

because according to my personality it matters , I wish it doesn't really matter. 

I once thought I got my emotions upside down sebab result , ( alhamdulillah result baik baik je insyaAllah  :) survived first year with pretty good grade to ma eyes haha alhamdulillah :D ) , tapi bila dapat result , I was still in that fasa macam sedih tak tentu hala , i kept writing which indicates my sad emotion tengah dekat level high ) 

But this morning , sebenarnya I realized a thing , aku rasa messed up ni sebab I , in my concious , slipped back to my jahiliyyah mode ( you name it , no constant tarbiyah well I am not even making any move to remind myself , I did reflect on quran phrases but one second hadam one second kelaut , this is really upsetting and that's not one , banyak lagi but I guess whats the point of listing your aib , well in this case , my bad is my aib and when Allah covers it for you , banyak ruang Dia nak bagi for you to reflect and repent  sendiri ) though sebenarnya bila kat rumah ni takde pun banyak tengok benda lagha cth dekat , korea dan kengkawan , but if its to be the only indicator to jahiliyyah , kira kau dah takdelah tergelincir dari jalan ni , but yeah it fails to be the one and only indicator , so yeah. 

and aku rasa main answer on why aku tak affected with issue remeh ni masa dekat sana is because my life is so filled up with many good things , surrounded by good vibes , bukan aku tak mampu nak create the vibe here , its hard. 

pastilah aku sedih dengan tahap sedar ni pun tergelincir , my biggest fear now turns into a reality. 

dulu before balik , aku takut sebab tak mampu nak kekalkan the learning I've been going through sepanjang sembilan bulan plus minus dekat luar negara. Indeed this summer test menduga aaa , paling sedih is bila kita tak rasa pun terduga tu , rasa macam selesa sebab balik ke keadaan asal / lama . Your winter spring classes tak berkesan pun dekat ujian musim panas ni. Memang sudah sedari awal sedia maklum yang ujian musim panas ni cukup cukup menduga , and bila kau dah in that phase ujian , kau nyata aaa sedar yang benda ni tak main main punya susah ( emoticon nangis berjuraian air mata ) 

tergolek. 

why slipped to jahiliyyah , why slipped , sebab aku dah in that phase yang tergelincir , dan orang yang tergelincir masa berjalan ni , choice dia ada lepas dia tergelincir is to get back on track and berhati hati dengan steps dia , sebab dia tahu dia dah pun keluar track before tu , and biasa bila kita slipped ni , sakit kot , emosi terkejut , kaki pun sakit , kot lagi menderas air dalam jalan jahiliyyah tu , lagi dengan badan badan kita ikut sakit ,  and aku jugak harap fasa sedar sebab tahu sakitnya rasa tergelincir balik dalam dunia jahiliyyah ni kekal , untuk aku terus alert.

Najwa. 
susah tak bermaksud payah
tergelincir tak bermaksud hanyut. 
get a grip. Usahaaa , push yourself , filled your days with constant reminders , put yourself in a positive vibes surrounding. Allah indeed tahu kau usaha macam mana , and moga pulangan yang Allah bagi tu menandingi usaha yang kau usahakan. Struggle macam mana kau struggle academically , rohani semua kena sama balance sister. 

moga tak tergelincir , lagi dan lagi. 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be strong, human is full with test so we won't slipped into haram things

Anonymous said...

Jika kamu tak sanggup menanggung keperitan belajar, maka hidup kamu akan keperitan sebagai orang bodoh

Anis Nazari said...

I bet both the commentors are the same person. Though I can't really relate with the post, thank you for the reminders :)