White black and grey
I find the blog as a very special place since it signifies me changing major phases in life, maybe not so many recorded inside here for pre-2012 which most of the posts in the earlier blog were clearly immature.
But the fact that I can see myself growing up and its being recorded, somebody got to pat her own shoulders. You did well girl.
So I'm living my own dream and passion for now, well its not that I am so sure I am walking on the right track but I know, I am currently building the foundation of my dream based on my interest. I worked ( yeeeah you're reading it right, I'm now in my working phase yeay nayyy #definitelyhavesleepdebtstopay while doing my CLP.
Well I attended a three days training and employed for 2 days before I firmly decided to leave the company. I notified my manager earlier that I have an upcoming interview in a law firm and the chances for me to quickly change my job is just so so so high.
I tried telling myself that its okay to venture into something different and perhaps its where I can discover my true calling, like maybe law wasn't for me ( like who knows ey ) But nayy I ventured into something that's not even my interest - not really a profit driven at the moment, and freaked out with calls - I mean research could be my jammed but calls erm no sorry
And now I'm currently working at an office and having my own partition lol - office ey? with hope I can keep this place tidy, longer than it should be haha.
colour coordination went wrong haha |
and yesterday I made up my mind - I can't forever stay in the phase where I seemed to allow those 'not okay' stuff in my life, I'm afraid that someday I am unable to tell what is right and what is wrong. Doing too much of sinful things could numb the sensible receptor. I am leading myself to a grey path which I know its clearly wrong - and I need to put a halt to it.
I need to retain the ability to to tell what is the white - what stands in the black side, and there's no grey shady area to it.
I'm not allowing myself to sell my worth lower than it should be. I've turned into someone I dislike. I'm struggling here, but I know that Allah certainly making me gather my consciousness , tested me with an overdue sickness, that I will have multiple even tons of reasons to get back to Him. The fact that He made me think and reflect over things I have done in the past few weeks, I'm taking it as a good sign , while the sign is clear and visible , I should not waste it.
and actually to make an active steps to cure the heart, to mend what need to be mended.
I need more of these self reflection in the future - I need more physical sorting rather than queuing them up inside the mind and vanished through the thin air.
Watched Azlin's video this morning about how frequent you talked to Allah outside your five daily prayers. Almost a no. And I'm trying to make it as a habit from now on rather than humming the songs.
what a good insight to start the day. Alhamdulillah
Love, the'ann
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