Being sensitive
Today I recalled about something that happened last week , something I thought not really significant that I initially choose not to think about it - but trust me, its always there inside my mind, at this one corner of it , not wanting to be dealt with because I know how destructive it can be towards how I am treating someone.
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For something that I know , the person who caused it must be unintentional , or it pass as a mere insignificant moment , I certainly gave hell lots of attention on the details of what happened. The words uttered in that situation, every single of them.
That sometimes I hated the part of me who's being too sensitive.
I appreciate my sensitivity ( conflicted homosapien ever ) for the ability to sense what's not right , or the ability to scan the whole situation and the details of it.
That being sensitive has taught me to put extra care and attention on the things I said and do be it in my personal neither professional life. That being sensitive has taught me to be more compassionate. Well I may not be 'that' sensitive , but I know partial of my traits are heavily influenced on how sensitive this heart can be.
But the same sensitive heart sometimes took extra unnecessary precaution steps , build higher walls and gave deeper thoughts on what happened - drawing distance and avoiding contact.
I perceived myself as someone who confronted something whenever its possible , because I thought that is fair. To place the right thing ie emotions at the right place.
Giving chances to others is actually easier than giving myself the chance. Because giving chances to others means giving the chance for the person to explain and justify him/herself
While giving myself a chance means something inside the brain need to be wired again, something inside the heart needs the mending - I need to rise bigger, be more compassionate , be ready to embrace the existence of the person ( again ) without the negative feelings attached. I wanted to be someone who forgives and forget easily.
Because I know, I may be unconsciously wronged others in my life and wanting to be forgiven. ( bonus point if I still matter to the person )
But I guess there are things in life that needs to be churned and chewed , without spilling even the thoughts of it.
and move on.
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