T R I A L S
hehe kemain nak phonetics bagai and siap acah acah hashtag #RoadToUK but I think somehow it could be one kind of inspiration to make myself aware with the road that I am walking through. K. Next week trials and maybe that could be the reason why I don't blog these days - previously I still had the urge to write something sebab ada benda yang dok bermain dekat kepala which mainly about relationship and pains - tapi sekarang , nak ada perasaan nak menulis tu pun rasa payah. Lols. Whats with the aim to reminisce memories through the writing heh?
Aweef * contoh nama cucu * : Tokmak I was going through your blog previously but why you don't write a lot in between January and February in 2014 ?
Me : Oh dulu tokmak nak trial dah malas nak tulis dalam blog so tokmak kinda lupa apa benda yang berlaku dalam phase tersebut - tokmak millenium haha.
Aweef again : So you're saying you malas aaa ni tokmak?
Me : Isn't it obvious ?
I don't why but truthfully rasa macam banyak proscrastinate these days which I know , I shouldn't tapi adakah itu perasaan semata but yes no i dont know I just got confused with myself. * crying out loud * . Sebab weekend I do vow my life to my study - my homeworks - my social network life which mainly turning me into a social freak so I detached myself with those things tapi sebenarnya takdelah detached mana. SEE HOW CONFUSED I AM. HAHA. Takde , kadang tu baca , jawab past years semua berulang kali , tons of exam notes ( notes yang cincai boncai yang hanya difahami oleh mata ini ) still I know there's hell lots of things to cover tapi macam clueless sebab hidup terasa lifeless. Padahal , baru lepas berjalan jalan beberapa hari sebelumnya.
* nangis lagi *
So basically mungkin emotion macam ni adalah disebabkan trials and I firmly believe trials end , those downturns end tapi mungkin tidak. Haha. Baru faham kenapa dulu senior macam chipsmore , kejap nampak kejap tak , sebab I do feel that way though. Haha. I'm invisible to juniors eyes which I don't really care. Haha. I do realize when I write this , somehow the stress is delivered well because I make fun of myself - confusing myself purposely. Miahahaha nampak gila bukan?
Mungkin sebab I am much more aware , feeling feeling nak trial SPM dulu pun tak menekan macam trial A-levels ni , its like you're going through SPM once again and the cycles go round and round. Jadual trial jugak menyeksakan. Gelakkan diri sendiri please.
sejenis jadual yang menyeksa jiwa raga - boleh consider campak diri sendiri dalam raga baju kotor .
Its 2014 and the pressure constantly make me aware yang aku dah more than halfway journey there. Tinggal tunggu satu university reply yang tidak kunjung tetiba , jauh sudut hati siapa taknak kan Kings College , tapi melihatkan kepada faktor faktor keduniaan yang lain , I feel like , I shall reduce the hopes maybe. And stick with Manchester and Cardiff. Tapi deep down nak jugak , camne ni. Tapi no harm kan kalau doa pun.
So anyone yang happened to read up till this point , doakan saya dapat lepas trials dengan mudah dan seterusnya peringkat peringkat yang perlu dilunasi sepanjang #RoadToUK ni , maafkan diri ini , I've been reflecting a lot this days , cried a lot too and somehow the pains inside the heart doesn't seems to wash away tapi I know I've been such a jerk to many people and I do shits , nothing more I could ask , I am asking for forgiveness. ( I knew I am doing a cliche action of someone who're going to sit for an exam soon ) but what do you expect ? Kalau cliche itu baik , why don't we do it right? Heh?
Here is Aweef again : Oh dulu my tokmak graduate UK. so do my toktok * my husband who is still missing by now * lols HAHA.
Doakan mudah. If its meant to be it'll be. If its best , I'll be there someday.