Wrapping up 2014.

December 28, 2014

Too early I bet for a whole year reflection posts since 2014 berbaki  lagi berberapa hari. 

I was supposed to start writing my criminal assignment the moment I wrote this , four days before first of January  ( 2015 ) appear. I have this urge inside me to write down about my Scotland trip - my Ini Sejarah Kita camp , but it feels so wrong to share my personal joyful moments on the timeline when everybody is having tough moments with floods back in Malaysia , even my family as a whole tak directly affected , but standing as Malaysian , I guess I shall keep those posts in my mind , hopefully tak hilang the details. Moga tabah :'(

2014 had been such a tough year. A year untuk accomplished whats written in the JPA contract back in 2012. Which to pursue my degree in United Kingdom. After two years , after being showered by tons of similar questions ( Bila fly? ) ( Bukan hari tu dah fly? ) ( Nanti fly ke mana? ) ( and all sorts of flying questions ) . Finally I am here , breathing Cardiff's air , leaving the people I love , the food I miss , the warmness back in Malaysia. 

Aku sebenarnya hampir lupa pressure hadap Alevels , from trials to the real exam , which sebenarnya I faced all of that this year , early this year and somehow deep inside I feel paid off. The pain tunggu result yang pending when everyone is moving to the next step. Masa tu rasa yang macam takut sangat sebab I've spurred my efforts and due to technical issues which memang Allah dah susun , berkemungkinan tak boleh nak fly sebab the missing grade. 

Road to United Kingdom

Berpeluang melanjutkan pelajaran ke UK , aku rasa aku lebih kenal diri dan fitrahnya ( berbalik pada agama ). Di bumi yang Islam itu asing , standing as minority with a very small group of muslim seniors and friends , I'm experiencing the moments yang Allah jawab repetitive questions dalam kepala - like kenapa kau Islam? Kenapa kau wujud? What is the purpose of living ? , Allah grant people surround me to show all of that Allah dah bagitahu dalam Al-Quran ( yang I've been living with for almost 20 years - minus zaman bertatih dengan muqaddam , its been like 13 years I bet ). 

which the main purpose of living is to be a khalifah ( Al-Baqarah , 30 ) . And to do ibadah ( At Zaariyat , 56 - 58 ). One thing that coolly illustrate this is , once upon a time , masa zaman nabi , there's this one guy berpuasa among people yang buat kemungkaran sekeliling dia. And dia despite dia menjalankan ibadah pada Allah , the guy ditegur for failing to make the people surround him to stop kemungkaran , he abandon his duty as khalifah , which as far as I am concern , is to sama sama educate the people surround you and tak cukup ibadah alone as a sole duty to Him , but to work along with the people and together to straight path ( heaven ) . 

Which itu buat aku sedar yang to blog , to write something , I have more responsibility than just expose my thoughts to public , but to sama sama educate peole and at the same time , it makes me remember the sole idea why I am writing , which to bagi manfaat to the people yang maybe randomly going through the lines. 

heart breaks and tested friendship .

my cardiff families. ( housewarming 2 months ago )

I couldn't really remember the details what's happening through the year , tapi bila baca balik blog posts dari January. I certainly know I've been going through lots of things , dari tested friendship early this year , after berjuta persoalan / faking emotions and heart breaks , it resolved somewhere around October bila masing masing dah jauh. 

I learned in my travel days to Scotland from my usrah mate ( the happy sharing circle ) yang ada tiga degree of friendship which reflects a lot in my life. Which is berlapang dada ( bersangka baik ) - sama rata - and itsar ( which melebihkan orang lain , highest degree of ukhwah ) . Because to achieve the three degree is friendship is tak senang , lagi lagi the third one , because it involves altering ego's and maybe your prides. Kadang kita rasa yang we're the one who hurts the most and overtimes kita allow diri sendiri to take the blame solely because we're willing to face the pain instead of shaking a friendship , which even in pains , indirectly you have achieved the highest degree of friendship ( which itsar , melebihkan orang lain daripada diri sendiri ). Sedikit sebanyak , with knowing this , it heals the hearts that breaks , it give peace in the people who're willing to sacrifice more. 

somehow this three degree of ukhwah ( friendship ) actually give a one measurement on how ukhwah tu dikira. Sometimes kita tak sedar that a simple act of bersangka baik pada orang could ease someone's life ( which overtimes it ease your own thoughts sebab bersangka buruk leads you to hatred ) . Sama rata is when in friendship we give and we get , we share the joy and pain , which its a goal in any friendship which to share gembira sedih. And lastly , the ability untuk mengutamakan sahabat , we certainly did that in many points , and kita taksedar pun sebenarnya we've achieved the highest degree of persahabatan , 

of all heart breaks and tested friendship , pat your own back , meski susah ahahahhaha , pat bahu sendiri atau mintak hanger baju pat kan . You've unlocked the highest level of ukhwah !  

Family joy !

once upon a time , four months ago.

2014 juga telah mungkin memberi kegembiraan kepada keluarga when abang graduated ( when I just started my degree ngeh ) ( and dulu pernah je sebut , " Doakan adik tak datang graduasi kau " says Anis Najwa to her abang ) ( and betul Allah grantkan the wish , since I'm already here in middle September ). When I flew off to Cardiff , mengurangkan rasa gelisah ibu ayah yang signify my ups and downs sepanjang Alevels - dengan subjek bertukar tukar , Math masa semester 2 dapat C , and all worrisome comments from the people surround me. 

Dan mungkin untuk adik adik yang nak pursue / having dreams to pursue degree over the seas , despite seeing the cheerful me uploading pictures " Yayyyy UK in a month " or something , I must say , IT'S NEVER EASY . ( before reading this line bolehlah start stalk past 2 years posts miahahha ) Tapi bukan maksud NEVER EASY , you can't make it through . Because I've seen many people able to go through their preparation years , I told myself , " WHY NOT YOU? " " WHY CAN'T YOU?" . Sebab dulu I used to see my seniors and friends yang dah fly semua and rasa macam whoaaa bestnya bestnya fly nak fly gak. Which ( I did have the thoughts yang senangnya fly ) but eventually as time passes by , experiencing everything by myself - I must admit , LIFE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES , ITS A BED OF THORNY ROSES MIAHAHAHA. nampak cantik namun berduri , itu diaaaaaaaaaaa ! haha. 

You'll get this one day. Be inspired ! Putus asa mungkin berlaku di tengah jalan , tapi bangkit semula dan sambungkan balik semangat tu aicewah haha. 

My adik adik , sorang tengah degree first year jugak , sorang baru habis SPM , sorang bakal masa form 2 , sorang lagi baru habis UPSR ( lama dah kot ) , and that means takde dah adik yang dekat primary school. Bila jauh dengan family , it always give me this one kind of relief mode and happy mode bila cakap through telefon / skype dengan orang dekat rumah. Orang orang ni yang telah menjadi tulang belakang , to give the strength virtually sepanjang hidup. ( the moment I'm writing this , I am looking at their pictures on the wall , the smiles , rindunya semua oranggg ;') ).

#Theanisnajwa travel project - family photo everywhere !

( I know its a long way to go with this pink dress but nayyy haha , I know I always have you guys bukan hanya dalam gambar tapi juga dalam hati sanubari itudiaaa ! haha - London trip , November 2014 ) 

my jaulah mates - iwani humaira ( my humaira II ) , Haziqah , Kak Naurah , Kak Ain , Fateen and Kim the Maria's and Nadilah :D - Scotland winter trip !

WSW families back at PMS :)

And it makes me remember my #theanisnajwamusafir travel project , which to bring them virtually here , to have them anywhere I go , to have them in the pictures , sebab dulu before buat , I feel so unfair jalan sensorang when they're the reason why I am here . Many people asked whether they could do the same , YES YOU MAYYYY PEOPLEEE and you don't need to ask me to do the same. I want to inspire this thoughts of being thankful to the people - sebab aku tahu aku fly bukan hanya kerana usaha yang memang tak boleh tanding kuasa Allah , kuasa doa everyone involved untuk menjayakan misi Anis Najwa ke United Kingdom . Even nanti tiba masa they would just perceive the existence of my family picture in the pictures I took as biasa biasa and a must in every picture , to me , its valuable and it gave me this one sentimental value , and maybe for my family , to show yang they've been there even before they're physically here. Biar di mata orang nampak biasa , namun di mata saya sendiri , itu istimewa. 

Menangkis motion lalai dalam hidup ! 

2014 juga menyaksikan yang talking about zauj , mencari imam yang hilang , mahupun tulang rusuk spine tah apa apa yang banyak makan masa dulu dulu , yang pernah bawak diri ni going astray from what I shall achieve that time , merupakan salah satu kelalaian yang besar I ever made in life. Sebab I kinda realize talking and discussing about this , filling your mind with these thoughts couldn't make you any better in person. Malah kadang when you kept this thoughts , it kinda make you go day dream and kadang boleh buat kita lupa the bigger responsibilities yang kita ada dalam hidup. I guess I've stopped talking about those things. Sebab mungkin dah lebih tua dan telah menjadi lebih realistik dari dulu. Takpelah , ada jodoh tak kemana. Takde jodoh pun di dunia , harapnya ada nanti disyurga. 

jodoh masih kuat bersama dress pink di Scotland dua minggu lepas kerana merasakan muka yang tak berapa putih nampak putih dengan dress ni haha 

If you asked me what I want to achieve in 2015? Or what I've achieved back in 2014? 

in 2014 , many things I wished for , Allah mudahkan and the biggest hope and challenge is the Road to United Kingdom. In 2015 , dah siap siap lekat dekat dinding , which to be better in the 10 challenges must have personalities in a muslim ( inspired by Imam Hassan Al Banna )

1. Aqidah yang bersih ( to have better understanding in Al-Quran , and healed by it )
2. Ibadah yang benar ( nak kenal buat list list amalan fardhu and sunat - Nak practice balik Mathurat pagi petang and also more tahajjud insyaAllah )
3. Akhlak yang kukuh 
4. Kekuatan jasmani ( I went up to the Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh mengikut google 822 ft above sea level though tak sampai puncak sebab we got lost in the middle sebab dah gelap , which its kinda tough for me and I cried emotionally up there ( thank you ya Allah dah gelap ) - though I kinda hate climbing up the hills , I guess I should seek kinda similar activity like this bahahah to build up the stamina - eventually kat Scotaland banyak climbing punnnnn ) 
5. Intelek dalam berfikir. ( tak nak ngantuk dalam kelas T.T * which Idk ni intellect ke tak haha )
6. Melawan hawa nafsu !
7. Pandai Menjaga waktu 
8. Teratur dalam segala urusan. 
9. Mandiri dari segi economy ( gotta save more money )
10. Bermanfaat bagi orang lain. 

mungkin for the time being it sounds too general , but I gotta keep some for my personal to do list and achievement . Tapi insyaAllah whatever I am going to do later , I'll make sure insyaAllah inclined dengan these ten ciri ciri peribadi muslim. 

Allah , thank you for this wonderful year yet a very tough one for me and my closest people in life. Nothing I could ask for more because I had more than enough things in my life. I know overtimes I disobeyed You , above all mistakes and wrongdoings , Your Blessings datang tanpa henti. And to know and realized bertapa beruntungnya diri ini , I hope this would definitely make me feel closer to You. Above all nikmatMu yang aku dustakan , I know I can never withstand Your neraka , its too painful , and even if aku dah bayangkan how painful it'd be , I know neraka is much more beyond what I think and I know I can never withstand that. And I know no one in this world could withstand that , guide us to straight path. Ease the people in Malaysia , from all the disastrous events , give them strong hearts to go through this test. Because I know you wouldn't give something beyond apa yang manusia mampu.  

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