I wasn't that good enough. Because you deserve better

Biasa kalau aku rasa macam hari hari lonely when everyone eats in their room despite ada dapur kah kah , takleh nak elak because we have different schedule and plus dapur sejuk gila , I'll definitely choose a movie to accompany me while eating ( aku tahu aku kedengaran forevaaaaalonecan'tlivewithoutyou ~ ~ ) , so I chose Shrek 2 ( I have four shreks in the movie lists but I incline to choose the second one sebab takde Lord Farquat ( motif apaaa hahha ) . By the way dah lama tak dapat this feeling , this urge of writing after so long sebab mood aku dua tiga minggu ni swing swayed off ke laut ke bukit ke gunung haha. Even hold banyak gila in post like Bath post , Palestine post , banyaknya reflection post yang masih berada dalam drafting stage dan stagnant tak kemana. 

And there's this one part dalam Shrek II ni when the fairy godmother ni wants her prince Charming untuk stay with Fiona and deceived Shrek and she told Shrek yang , if he loves Fiona ,  let Fiona go because that's whats best for her . 

* emoticon mata berapi * EXACTLY LA KAN KAU SIAPA CIK FAIRYGODMOTHER TO TELL SOMEONE TO LEAVE SOMEONE THEY LOVE SO DEAR CLAIMING THAT'S WHATS BEST
( kah kah emosi but sometimes , we're the one , we're indeed the fairygodmother dengan diri sendiri , we used to assimilate this " I wasn't that good enough for someone , so the best is to let him / her go because they deserve better " than you. 

So why not you , be the BETTER you , so later you deserve each other. Gituu. haha. 

Like seriously , why leave when you can fight? Why leave before you make your effort worth the while , why leaving is a choice when there's room to make you , the 'good enough' person , the 'better' so that later isu ni tak timbul. Fighting back tak tertakluk pada getting someone tu very close , or in your grip ke , you got what I mean? Fighting back include self improvement , and eventually that will make you a better person dari semalam sebab indicator 'good' ni akan jadi lebih tinggi when you actually feel yang you're doing good. Faham? Sebab good ni subjective. and level definition baik tu infinity , sebab tak pernah ada benda pun yang sempurna , tapi kita tak tolak yang kita hidup dalam refleksi penyempurnaa even mustahil sebenarnya untuk kita ni sempurna without flaws , but knowing yang you're driving your personality on stage better , that's good . ( enough )

Dan mungkin aku sendiri pernah jadi the person yang left without making any effort , baik dari segi to hold that person , jadi firm dengan pilihan sendiri , or even dari segi pembaikan diri. I did nothing , aku cuma kata , aku bukan yang terbaik untuk dia dan jugak sebaliknya , because he deserve someone better. I guess on that time , making any effort to stay wasn't a choice , wasn't inside the list. 

Tapi you can't help , in many situations , you'll always be the 'not good enough' , because fighting back cause you more harm than good , and kau dah weigh the probabilities yang letting go is the only choice left , and mungkin bukan sebab dia deserve better , its because its just not meant to be.

I was the one that got away. And perhaps , with no regret. 


Sebab at that moment , I was , never , THAT good enough. Sekarang pun , tapi the 'good' level is taking steps higher , sebab nak satisfy fitrah core hati paling dalam which to be good bawah definisi Tuhan. Dan buat masa sekarang , mungkin fasa perbaiki diri. Belum fasa nak kunci sesiapa dekat hati ecehh.

Tapi,

ingat !  Allah jugak janji dah do good , Allah bagi yang do good jugak , and even if He gave you yang vice versa , Allah nak bagi kebaikan kita untuk guide people to do good things , be the better one because indirectly tu kira macam satu rahmat dalam ujian dari Dia , lesson by experience yang the ' good ' you is about to produce more good people and making everyone deserving each other ( lols ayat putaqq belit ) 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kak anisss T^T why yu no update diz blog. Everyday saya check.... loves;CA