Sharing spaces

Soon ( officially ) a third year student. Met a guy who promotes internet services yesterday and he asked us whether we're freshers or in our second year and he was so surprised to hear that we're in our final year ( or its just a promoting gimmick ) ( now I'm in doubt ) but that definitely made my day ! 
Arrived ( the freezing ) Cardiff at 3.30 am , waiting for the taxi to arrive for about half an hour with just a layer of clothes bravooooo and alhamdulillah settling fine in the new house. Gahh I always love the vibes new houses had to offer , its like we're having a refresh start with a whole new environment .
meet the space I am talking about her her her 

Anyway , since day one till today , we're receiving like a non-stop visit from people all around , from landlords to postmen , the house painter , people coming to stay a day or two while they're visiting Cardiff and some freshers coming to the house. I might see myself as someone who're not really good at entertaining guest , I had that one problem of sustaining a good relationship , or in guest terms , establishing a continuous service ( talking to serving ) , coupled with internal issue of sharing spaces , its just too sad for myself. Its bad I know and I am trying to fix this. I gradually asked whether they're okay , or perhaps a jug of warm tea will do ( though it doesn't stay warm for long har har ) 

Talking about sharing spaces , I always wondered * usually when I scrolled the social medias and looking at new couples * aside from asking ' How did they know they are ready for marriage ' , a vital question I had to question is ; how they even share spaces. Spaces here is more about private spaces , room and especially the bed. I remembered in my first year , a friend of mine came to the house and wanted to sleep with me , but I eventually slept on the chair because I can't really share my space. Sometimes it gets worser as sometimes I refused to let people to come into the room. 

Later I learnt , this is about trust issue , I guess the disability , or refusing to share spaces is about building high walls that stops people to penetrate in , because by sharing spaces it means that you've put the trust on the person you're sharing it with. Because these are the people who will see the involuntary side of you who perhaps move a lot on bed , kick almost of the soft toys , refused the duvet or even snoring ( can't help haha ) , the sides that you keep it to yourself . I do let some of my close friend to share the bed with me , and when I'm talking about some , its just like 2/3 of them.

Trust is something you build gradually through time , but it seems like I am in no force of building them now in anyone. Perhaps I am used to two years of sleeping alone inside the room , I am all amused to know that some people shared their rooms with a person or two. Because this was not a problem back in Intec since I have a roommate , and I don't exactly ponder about this . 

Thinking about it , in depth , I've talked to people about this matter and most of them encourage me to learn on how to share the space because in the future , God will , I'll encounter a phase of sharing all kind of spaces , physically emotionally spiritually and if its not now , when. 

Yesterday before we recited Yasin together for the house , one of my wish , aside from having sakinah ( peace ) , mawaddah ( love ) and rahmah ( Blessings ) for the house , I hope that I will be at ease , recevining guests since I knew that I am having troubles about it . 

But guess what I'm progressing really well I guess , I started to be lenient when somebody barge into the room , and it needs a thousand self - reminders to feel at ease to let the room to be used by somebody else. You never know how I envied people who whole-heartedly offered their space or even choose to have their space shared because it is something that I am not really excellent at. 

still having trust issues ey 

ai. 

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