of one good month ; August 2018
Happiest 61st birthday Malaysia !
I am always grateful that I am born in such a unique country with different races and religions living harmoniously. May this land is always blessed with unity and many many blessings from Allah !
Its been one good month after CLP ended , though I still find people asking about CLP and its related questions, well fair enough its been one of the important part of my life.
For the past one month I hardly seen myself home, well my mind desperately wanted to settle in a place but I found myself filling the calendar that I decided once I got back from Kelantan, I wanted some time off from the utside world ( lol for three thousand and seventy eight point two ) and its been a week since I got back from Kelantan.
For that one whole week I've been spending my time home, whining about why there's always dishes to be washed, bundles of clothes to be washed and dried , and spending time to think what shall I cook for the day. Major contemplation on that I swear.
What even frustrating is that your major contemplation plus efforts to cook is not being celebrated ak.a eaten. sobs. what an introduction, you guys should have taken some breath before you start reading HA-HA.
I've been wanting to jot down few things here, which are worth remembering and to reflect upon. About my tested journey to and from Kelantan to celebrate my best friend big day ( plus getting involved in these bridesmaid business ) , to my detaching phase from the social media , like does it changed my frequency being on the line or what I've learned, or any major changes on my behaviour and on how I reflected over things. Lets start !
I just remembered that I went to INTEC Education to facilitate the Road to the UK program. It feels good to be at one of my alma mater , sharing things I wish somebody shared with me back then. Maybe because I wrote down the reflection in my instagram already , I will just throw some pictures here.
I've been from places to places this month that I found people said to me 'Anis ,stay at a place , please' haha
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| with the facilitators and lecturers |
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| with the prospective bright students ! - spot the easily spotted me :p |
Kelantan journey.
My Kelantan journey to me, wasn't really an easy one, from the start. From booking the tickets phase, I wrote it almost every time I opened my notebook for a list to do - to buy my tickets. I was (half) confident that the ticket will be available all time as I thought the eid falls on 21st of August in Malaysia. I was wrong for having such unexplainable confidence, and it was quite late too when I started to be panicked over not getting a ticket.
Instead of a straight journey from Melaka to Kelantan , now I need to divert the journey , breaking it into parts due to limited bus sobs. Like why they decided the eid to fall on the 22nd ( but still my bad for taking things so lightly ) . But nevertheless I am grateful that we had a small family gathering on the 22nd with our korean friend, whom Aimi met at the airport , Yeri.
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| 22nd August 2018 - Family gathering , watched Pulang for the 2nd time - for my Remy Ishak haha |
So we ( my sister followed me ) decided to start the journey from Melaka on the 23rd morning. We were ready with all our bags, that once the bus arrived ( the bus was known as a bus that makes a very short stop and if you're late even by seconds, you'll missed it - that kind of adrenaline rush in the dawn ).
We waited for almost an hour and the bus is nowhere to be found , we on the another hand got a bus to catch from Kuala Lumpur at 9.30 . And of course the customer service was not reachable in the morning. We were very lucky that my brother and mother waited for us, that opting a 6.30 bus was not a wise idea for us as we'll definitely miss the 9.30 bus.
So my brother sent us to the nearest train station - and we again is rushing to get on the next train at 7.00 am to be able to arrive at 8.45 something. Alhamdulillah we arrived at the TBS at a good time, so we bought some snacks first and took a deep breath before hoping on the next bus.
Getting into the bridesmaid business.
Being the timid Najwa, of course I had that one mindset that I don't pass as the standard kind of bridesmaid look - I mean due to size of physique haha , like but for the important person in my life, I would not be there as bridesmaid, maybe pass as a guest haha.
But I had one sole purpose why I am up for the position, which to ease her day. Like I don't care about how potato I might look among other beautiful bridesmaid, so long I am able to ease the brides day, I'm up for it.
I don't exactly know how to explain the feeling of seeing your best friend getting married, but I am certain that sad was not one of the feelings I experienced because I know she's in very good hand, a very patient guy , in one word, a perfect person. Maybe because I was there during the engagement day a year ago, instead of feeling sad, I was glad and at ease that everything went smooth and now they're married.
Though I am yet in that engagement period, I know how challenging that phase can be for couples. I saw myself dolling up on that day, thanks to my friends who make it happen. I was completely clueless on what look shall I go for, considering I am real noob in the makeup industry. I left everything to my friend to decide for me , lol pretty helpless but considering I only have basic skincare with me , I am good with anything. Not that I anticipated how I looked, until now I sometimes can't get enough on how good it turns out , I mean, I can actually look like that haha.
Ainaa ( the bride ) accommodated us so well by providing the accommodation and even a car to travel around. For providing such great hospitality , being there is actually a bonus and blessing for me. She certainly went extra miles with all the things she provided for us , the guests.
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| with Ainaa's mum. |
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| cant get enough on how I looked that day haha |
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| with the bride and groom, dulang boys and the bridesmaid. |
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| Me and Aimi with Ainaa and Syahmi on their nikah day :) |
The very long tiring night(mare)
The journey back home is not the easiest one, I had a very long day and I was actually looking forward to have a good rest in the bus , at least for the whole night I anticipated a very comfortable journey but the reality was not even close. I am trying to understand like why do the state government provide like a better bus station knowing how packed it can be for every single season. With proper seating and spaces, for example like how Melaka Sentral looks like.
The bus station was really packed , its just so full of people that you hardly move neither people give ways. You're conflicted between wanting a space and hearing to the announcement , you got to be moving around to find the bus as there were no proper platform numbers for the buses. So I need to stay near the counter to know the update meanwhile my sister stayed with the bags. I never like very large crowds and on top of that the bus was ridiculously not on time.
We were supposed to board at 9.00 pm but the bus arrived at 10 ish. When I got onto the bus I was so shocked to see how small the seat is. If I am about to describe it, its like the Transnasional/Melur bus kind of seat ( for journey from Melaka to Kuala Lumpur ) , its certainly not suitable for a very long journey.
And the situation in the bus worsen when baby cries non stop , people speaking so loudly like can't they have a little bit of empathy for other passengers. I was really on the verge of anger, for every single thing including the person sitting in front of me trying to lean back his seat LIKE CAN'T HE SEE HOW SMALL IS THE SPACE * anger maximum level * * I imagined myself pulling his hair HA HA *
I changed my position for many many times and for a very long and uncomfortable journey now I am experiencing a prolonged back pain T.T
The bus make numerous long stops ( I passed out for the early five six hours of the journey that I didn't even realize the second long stop the bus made, or else I'll be much more irritated ). I even delayed my dinner and ate it when I am in a better shape, perhaps it was 4.00 am when I finally take a good breath and eat. We were expected or scheduled to arrive Kuala Lumpur at 5.00 am ( which I know for certain its not going to be the case as at 6.00 am we were still in Pahang for Subuh prayer ) .
Earlier the journey, we bought the ticket to Melaka from the apps , we bought the 9.30 am ticket. We haven't turned it into a physical ticket and we arrived at TBS at 9.08 am. I can vividly remember the timing due to the very hectic journey. I said to Aimi that she should rush upstairs to change the ticket and I'll take care of our luggages , that once we arrived, we should be ready for the war against the time HA HA.
Alhamdulillah , we managed to hop on the 9.30 comfortable bus. That day alone I arrived home at 4.30 pm since our parents make numerous stops as well , no choice. Its a mixed feelings of coming back from my best friend's wedding , but in a very tested way. I was tested with all the things I am very sensitive about ; TIME AND CROWDS ( and results to a crowd - noises etc )
Its a mixture of detach and ache in my fanciest way of spelling it out >.<
Its been a few weeks since I un-install my Twitter and Facebook apps. I think I ache a lot for a plain dead thing. The results seems to be positive now , I hardly see myself spending a lot of time on those sites. I've done this few times before, hence its easier now to detach myself. I think there's a need for me to create distance with all these sites.
Yeah it made me a bit reserved , but I guess I've learned on how to conceal my feelings, so the feelings grows stronger within myself. I lessen the need to tell everything on the social media , because I know people around me including strangers might be talking about my life and had a wrong interpretation on what I am trying to share. And so far, it feels good. Very good indeed.
I am no longer ached by these virtual things. Much better now, I am better at handling my own feelings. I let go things for good , I am learning to love myself more than anyone else, slowly but I know I am at a very good pace.
Because deep down, I know that many appreciate and treasured my existence in their life. I am a pessimistic person when it comes to establishing new connection/relationship because in my memories, I am not really a pro to keep it a long lasting one.
Due to the past experiences, I thought love is about waiting - like if waiting is going to be worth it ( hopefully ) , then I'll be waiting , it aches me for every minute I anticipated for a reply. But I am able to withstand it , as I thought, maybe , just maybe this is going to be worth it.
Little that I know, love shouldn't deprive me. I deserve to be happy. Like if someone treasured you in their life, they won't make you wait for a long time. To the very least you don't purposely let him or her wait for your reply in messages. I am grateful that everything seems to fit the puzzle , that I am much much better now.
Dancing in the air with colourful unicorns.
I am grateful for a painful past experiences , at least what I encountered was not even comparable to people who struggled to live a good life. It was just a heartbreak , likewise , it may be the subtlest way of God answering to your prayers Anis Najwa.
But regardless of it , do not belittle your own small struggle. Its okay , its your learning phase. Its designed specifically for you. Appreciate your sadness and struggles. You're making an effort, that's why you're struggling.
Because if you stay still thinking that life is good the way it is now , staying still won't make you a struggler. Yes what lies ahead us had been carefully planned by Him , but because we ourselves know nothing about the future like where life is bringing us to , that's why we make effort , with hope that Allah will supply the journey with his blessings.
And for those who loves me more than I ever know, thank you.
For making me feel that , I mattered.
You know who you are - perhaps the one who's reading this.
Love, the'ann
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