Relation. Expectation. Exception.

Kita mula dengan exception : 

No matter how many times you deny , you're trying to say that you're okay without this one kind of friend ; you know that you've try so hard , I mean like really hard to lie to yourself. No matter how hard you try not to be dependent on humans as they break , by accident or purposely , you let yourself again in that kind of situation which will break you , just because of this one kind of friend.

Because the pain being with is much more bearable compared to not being with. 

Because this one kind of friend contributes more on your happiness meter rather than sadness.

A relation :

Orang kata sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit , inikan pula suami isteri ye dak? Haha now I sound like makcik makcik jual bebola. Nawp. I guess this quote suits well to other type of relationship , bukan hanya tertakluk pada suami-isteri. Dia boleh applied dalam kejiranan , kekawanan. Haha my tatabahasa sounds so wrong. Bahana English * tetiba * , okay serious. No matter how you wanted a space for yourself , no matter how you deeply in love with yourself , there's this one moment yang kita akan seek for someone , to be with , to be together , sebab its a unexplained beauty to be with someone , because you don't see it through your eyes , but you feel it by heart. Its obvious kot , kalau takde benefit of being together , kenapa Allah cipta manusia banyak bangsa banyak agama , kalau tak untuk saling berjumpa dan mengimarahkan dunia kan? 

Berbalik kepada soal lidah siapa yang tergigit , ada masa , in a relation , there must be some kind of ujian , jealousy , ketidak puas hatian , silent awkward moment yang beribu kali , gaduh , accidentally stab someone's back  - accidentally hurt someone's heart - sebab kita dua creature yang berbeza  kan . Because at one time , your personality doesn't fit my expectations, your deeds hurts . Tiada lidah yang tercedera tapi things like this happened. BUT when it comes to the situation where we faced these kind of situation with that one kind of friend , could you stay long being silent , tak outbreak any actions to solved ? Sebab you claimed that the pain being with is much more bearable , because THE PAIN WITHOUT BEING WITH can killed. Serious. But humans and ego make a perfect equations and they have the time in between to settle things down. Or its the matter of how long you can pretend that you're strong without h/her at your side.  

Tapi asyik aku je yang buat step forward ? Where are you? Were you even trying 

How about Expectation?

This can kills inside - whats that again? EXPECTATIONS. Kita hidup dalam dunia yang mengharap . Mengharap dia yang akan make the move, mengharap yang dia akan try. Mengharap yang we'll get something in return.  But at the end , you know all the things you expect , couldn't be a reality. Or hardly be a reality. Someone has to surrender. Or leave the relation just like that. Or let the time heals ? Bukankah manusia itu perlu berusaha?  Kita kena kurang berharap , lagi lagi pada benda yang tak pasti , daripada berharap , bukankah lebih cantik untuk berdoa? Harapan tanpa doa , macam cakap , " Weh aku nak datang rumah kau , nak masak spagethi sesama " lain dengan " Weh aku nak datang rumah kau , nak masak spagethi , InsyaAllah Allah izin " Aicewohh. Ke macam tak masuk sangat sebenarnya ni? Haha. Takdelah , serious , Ya Allah , aku harap yang you let the time heals , because sorry , the ego was too hard to be lessen down. Or Ya Allah , sooth the heart so that the ego would be lessen. Ke taknak jugak? Miahah. Tapi kenkadang , penat jugak kalau asyik kita je make move. Entahlah.

But through relationships , bohong aaa kan takde expectations , at some point we need to learn. To at least meet some small expectations. Macam tak pandai masak kan, a husband must be expecting his wife knows how to cook, tapi we don't know how to cook. As its a rule in love - we're willing to change for someone that we loved . Kita akan jugak belajar masak, meski tak sedap mana, atau meski tak meet the point of husbands taste bud, but we tried. Eh faham tak? Faham laaa kan. 

We expect. But to some limits , kena ada sikit kot ruang untuk exception. 

Its always the value in a relationship that you cherish. Kita assimilate differences. Kita share two different things . We go through things. We spilled out thing. We confront the problems. We crashed overtimes. But overtimes , we love each other. But you know, ada masa aku tak mampu nak confront dengan diri sendiri , aku tak mampu nak cakap aku terasa - sebab aku taktahu a perfect reason , why I should be. Sebab aku rasa all these while I've made such fuss here and there.  So I don't have perfect reasons to say why. Mungkin manusia itu perlu berusaha daripada terus bergantung dengan masa , tapi ada masa , aku penat dah usaha. Putus asa? Tak. Takkan. So , choice left? Usaha. Masa. 

And at the end of the day , aku tak tahu apa sebenarnya tajuk yang sesuai untuk ini. hahaha. Mungkin sebab emotionally writing this , straight from the head without planning, points jumbled up. 

Tapi , 

Its just too early to quit things. Where's the vow?