The thoughts. On past. On future. On things that never a sure.

Haven't wrote something good inside for quite a moment I guess. 

Because reading through people's blog , then I shall consider to categorized myself as a very very lame writer. ( layak ke address diri sendiri as writer - hoookay ) Well I thought this blog will be a place for me to rant good stuff and view things. But end up .... bagi sikit bunyi cengkerik dekat sini. 

WELL I RARELY DO THAT. 

The reason why this blog exist after my previous cheesy lame yet memorable blog is because of The Why The What. Sebab taknak kena question dekat akhirat does my writing benefits dakwah or increase other peoples knowledge. Well no. Again like a very lonely girl , sharing her life details on the blog because she thought or she knew that no one would give a damn on her story. Boooooyah najwa. Haha. 

Eh tak , betul. Serious, aku cerita sebab aku rasa takde orang nak dengar. Pessimis heh. Tak, sebab taknak orang judge. Hmm pesimis kuasa dua. Oleh itu , aku melatih diri sendiri untuk dengar , or at least pretend untuk dengar. Or force myself to be sincere hearing to someone's story because I know how it feels like to have none. Weird human is weird. At my side , I am trying hard to please people. But at the other angle , people would never care and wish that someone should hear to what they're saying. Tenet. 

Ever since aku menapak intec , my view on stuff jadi narrow. Er. Sebab I have this one mindset that other people view it better than I do. Dan sebenarnya itu permainan mind set sahaja. Kot.Just because someone use freaked-out-jargon-luar-petala and I feel insecured. Dan sebenarnya kenapa dengan diri ini? I do realized that my rebuttals would be a challenge to what they're saying tapi aku nak kekal tenang duduk dekat intec. 2 tahun phase nak habis laju laju - graduate foundation dan membawa diri. Mungkin sebab dah penat 4 tahun ke hulu ke hilir , verbal exchange yang suam suam kuku je. So I decided not to get involved with anything here in Shah Alam.  So challenging on someone's saying. Or rebutting stuff inside the social nets is never my preference. Sebab rasa macam empty vessels make the most noise? Ceh. 

....................

Semalam scroll tumblr. The genre of  most tumblr that I followed would be motivation , dakwah and cute pictures. Tenenenent. So talking about motivation and dakwah , masuk lah sekali all those jodohku-jodohmu-ketententuamu. Its been so long dah aku rasa tak sentuh emosi dekat hati , atau mungkin hati telah mati untuk bercakap perihal yang aku rasa luar jangkauan.. Read through benda yang aku selalu jumpa :

Kalau suka dia. Doa dekat Allah . Supaya jagakan dia untuk kita. 

Well. This might be applicable couple years before. Where in every prayer seorang perempuan berumur belasan tahun , mentioning accurate and specific names in du'a. Well now I know I've been wasting my thinking capacity towards an endless kelaut punya feeling. But I guess the prayers turned out so well , sebab aku hari hari doa , if he's not the one , maka jauhkanlah hatinya dan hatiku and make myself redha. Dan redha dah. Sebab I can't see any future to keep that kind of prayer and instead I am focusing on what I have now and what I supposed to do now. 

Sekarang kepala fikir nak kejar cita cita . Route dah ada depan mata. Tinggal usaha je. Despite banyak halangan dan rintangan , ayah selalu pesan " Jangan nanti kita yang menjadi sebab kenapa kita tak fly " Selalu bila aku down cenggini , bila banyak sangat orang cakap pasal sponsorship semua , aku tend to think, kenapa dulu tak stay je UIA. sebab aku basically dah dapat apa yang aku nak for years. To be a law graduates from UIA. Bertahun admire Encik Ahmad Ibrahim , and his name is used for the law faculty in UIA, Aikol. Come to think back , jejakkan kaki di dunia nyata . Allah knows which one is better. 

Kan ujian itu tanda Allah sayang. 

Dan kadar ujian tu kan Allah bagi sesuai dengan kemampuan.  

Mana ada kita akan abaikan orang yang kita sayang dekat tengah jalan. Kan? 

So percaya yang Allah guide us through to the right way. Percaya tu sendiri bukan redha pasrah semedang. Usaha kena laaa ada main saham. Kadang kadang tak perlu untuk pening banyak banyak , sakit untuk fikir benda yang kita tak mampu nak jangkau. Yang kalau kita fikir , tak jumpa jalan keluar. Bila dah macam tu , situlah pengharapan. Tali menguatkan hubungan dengan Tuhan. :)

Btw, setelah sekian lama tidak memperlihatkan muka sendiri di laman sosial*lah sangat . haha.

I want to ride the aeroplane to....... * scroll down * hehe :p ameeeen insyaAllah.

An inspiration. A dream. A wish.