Thursday | 1.40 am | Human break. Don't they?

They said the sincerest talk would be a late night talk. Maybe that's why the best time to talk to The Creator is  during tahajjud. 3/4 malam. 

I am taking some time resting. Looking at my Alevels notes on the table. 

Since Alevels approaching its end , I've been receiving lots of questions regarding what I am doing now. Hows everything ? Basically everyone having the idea that I am doing a preparation here before departing to UK. You know , even by writing these lines down - I felt a chill. Still doubting the capability - afraid on how the future will be drawn. Tipu kan kalau kata tak takut? 

Maybe its because of the long break between papers do make me procrastinate in the middle. Though it might seems like a good opportunity because you got to wisely divide our time for more revisions. I am in the phase bila malas aku akan takut . Even sebenarnya rasa tak layak langsung untuk malas. I do motivate myself by watching videos from the seniors and fueled my thoughts with tons of fears I'll be facing if I don't make it . But sometimes all you want is to take some break and burst things out. They've distributed the medical check up's forms. The same exact feelings I felt last time when I used to print the documents for preparation years. Now the two years passed by. 
Though I guess I am able to withstand the pressure. Sometimes I couldn't stop the inertia. 



Kau kata ini bukan fasa menyerah.
Ini fasa berusaha selagi daya. 
Dua tahun najwa. Dua tahun. 
Kau rasa kau berdaya ke jadi pengecewa?

Tak. Cakap tak dekat diri sendiri.

Kau tak hidup untuk menduka cerita. Kau hidup untuk sebarkan bahagia.

Bukan hanya pada diri .

Tapi pada keluarga.
Bukankah bila mereka bahagia , kau jugak turut tertawa gembira
.
Maka usaha! 
Belum fasa tawakkal. Belum 
Doa tanpa putus.
Usaha tanpa penat.
Ikthiar apa jalan sekalipun. 
Tawakkal biar di penghujung. 

Najwa. 
Allah tahu apa dalam hati.
Allah tahu apa yang tersisip dalam doa.
Allah tahu apa yang kau usahakan.
Allah tahu apa yang kau inginkan. 

Kalau baik , Allah bagi.
Kalau tak baik , moga Allah campak redha dalam hati. 

Kalau kau punya , Allah beri. 
Kalau bukan kau punya , redhalah wahai hati.

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