Little that I know , Kalsom...

( this post took me like at least 3 days to complete fiuhh ) ( its not that its long but I start writing this when I was sleepy - then early in the morning before the workloads ( mix emotions about working since I'm finishing soon ) - then on the evening after the workloads finished ) ( I was that busy heh? ) hahaha

wehoooo Its August already , time flies fast and so far I make a full use of my summer holiday , all occupied , and some days I wished for a long nap snuggling with the pillows , lies on the bed and do nothing . I was a bit worried that most of my blog traffics come from Russia like somebody is doing some background check ugh hello excuse me , I just partially potato , the end of the story.  I'm boring guys so you may just stop.

So I was looking at the facebook newsfeed all day ( while doing my first adjudicating experience on the loans and memorandum of transfer  , I wonder I got the terms right haha I need some time off people ! ) and there's like A LOT OF PICTURES somehow I was glad but I barely had 20 pictures inside my phone for Kalsom. Oh yeah I was going to share with you guys my experience , being a part of Kalsom Movement and this year , its their 22nd movement , and I'm forever grateful that I hand in my application last time , though I wasn't serious , plus the numbers of  applicants are overwhelming. I was just trying my luck. I guess I was lucky , to experience something new in my life.

You got to understand the current insecurities that had been running through my head , my socializing skills are bad , bad enough that I have no courage to talk or sustain a conversation with a stranger. Its weird tho , I can talk to strangers , I'm totally okay with formal presentation in front of a big crowd but when it comes to socializing , mingling around , I see myself sitting at the corner looking at everybody else and perhaps sneaking inside the comfort zone of musics. I've been escaping that way and I'm used to it , deep down I know , its bad for myself. I bet. You see how the introverted and extroverted side of me conflicting each other.

Little that I know , Kalsom is not just about boosting the kids confidence , but its for me to break the walls I built.

The highlighted moments

There's this one time one of my kids voluntarily want to speak in front because she hasn't got the chance to do so. The module requires the Project Manager to present their company plan to build a plane which will be used to send foods and medical equipments . But she wasn't the project manager for the module , and she promptly asked whether she can be the one who present the case. Because two nights earlier we were having a heart to heart session and she did mentioned that she wants to talk at the front but not at that moment , I specifically remembered she said " Tengoklah bila hati nak terbukak " something like that. And there she was , bravely speaking in front of the crowd.

The tips is ( this may apply to anyone who wants to encourage people to have confidence to ta) , is to prepare . You may help with the text and practice with them what they shall say , why they are saying all the things ( you don't just help with the text and you leave them  hanging , they shall know why they are saying the lines so they might fit appropriate gestures to it ) and if you have the chance , be with them in front of the crowd , they might stutter with their words but you need to tell them , but you need to tell them , that they're doing good , it's totally okay and they made a good job ! . They may look simple but trust me those words are powerful !

There are so many things happened through out that five days. Last night I was looking at a picture of the Grand Canyon and Machu Pichu group - we're together in the Night to Remember module. And we won the best performance and that was so surprising ! Because we changed the drama after our stage practice. That was like approximately 10 to 15 minutes practice. Basically we're copying scenes from Upin Ipin and Boboiboy , and later we realized that they want the theme to be incorporated in our performance plus some moral values ( which we don't discuss it earlier ) .

 JUST LIKE HOW WE'RE GOING TO INCLUDE WONDERS OF THE WORLD in this.

 So I made an ad-hock changes , added some lines for Mamazola the main character basically asking the students where is Machu Pichu and Grand Canyon is. It was a pretty short drama about a class with a dance battle. We originally plan to have just a short shishuashua dance but it turns out they play the whole song and the crowd is dancing along in their traditional attire. Anddddd somebody did spoke in front to tell the audience ( Its Sarah - I remembered her name because she asked me to be the imam for Maghrib prayer and we specifically had a dakwah-tarbiyah conversation together ) about the moral values of the story even though we didn't discussed earlier. Bravo kids !

Later I learned its not really about the content as a whole , its about enjoying the performances which they did.

Values.

Over that five days , you can really see how giving , instilling TRUST to someone could push someone forward. You TRUST that they can do it , giving constant support to someone can really help them with their confidence. The element of TRUST is something you can never undermine. I saw it somewhere on the internet earlier , there's a poster that says " If you're the boss and you're giving the task to your employee , always TRUST that they will do their best ( tho sebenarnya jangan letakkan pengharapan pada manusia kerana manusia itu sifatnya mengecewakan ha ha ha ) , I guess there are fine lines between hoping and trusting ey? at least to the spellings haha

 The kids are bright kids that have big potential within themselves but they haven't got a chance to polish up their skills. In some ways I envied them for having such opportunities at their age. They learned how to think professionally , how to organize a company , they learned to talk confidently , they even got the chance to explore the life beyond the school gates.

For those who braced themselves to go forward , for those who took the challenges , for those who breaks their own wall , for those who're willing to assimilate changes , bravo to you kids ! Because at the end of the day if you yourself stops all these good things coming to you, nothing will happen.

Kalsom also taught me to be grateful. More reasons to be grateful. I was born in an incredible surrounding , not in luxury but good enough to live a good life. I was driven to achieve better than what my parents achieved . Some of the kids , people torment them with stereotypes , just because she's not good academically people goes" Kau nanti tua tua pun kerja kilang" and she's only driven by her mom's support that she won't end up working at the factory  .

my favourite Wei Cyn :) 

When I was talking to the kid , I was applying a more realistic approach because we all know that we don't necessarily need to be academically excellent to be called ' successful '. Even if one day she end up working at the factory , she will not be the ordinary worker , but working at the managerial position. But as for now , I can't allow myself to say to you that you shall stop working on your academics , you should work hard for it , and if one day , after you have given your best , try your very best and you still can't score academically , then its okay . Find something that you're very good at. Then chase your dream. Be the one who define your own success.

Being grateful does not only applies to the good things happening to you. In one sense I envied the kids for being able to withstand the pressure , that me myself can't imagine if I were the one standing in their shoes. Its like they've already ticked one challenges in their life and can humbly said " I passed through this , alhamdulillah ".

I miss that " Allah uji sebab Dia sayang "

Kalsom is also one of the medium for me to give back to the society as much as I can without expecting anything in return. I may not have vivid reasons on why I shall help the students , but I know that this is what I enjoy doing. I may not know what's the real outcome after the camp , but I know something change , to the very least a percent. And I may not change them over five days , but little ( or more ) that I know , it changes me. It tamed my heart .

Aku selalu insecure yang reading law akan buat hati seorang Anis Najwa keras seperti kerikil ( because it sounds cooler than besi or batu haha ) , so I need to do as many things I can to make the heart softer , to be able to respond accordingly with the right attention and emotions. 

Thanks to Kalsom , I got to hear to lots of new musics/songs ! I'm that lame people but I just don't really care. Most of my playlists consist of old love songs back in 90's and perhaps some of mash up songs / coldplay / secondhand serenade you can name all of the songs I've been hearing to.  Perhaps my soul turned 34 this year hahahahah !

Little that I know, Kalsom taught me a lot , a lot more than what I could write inside here. Like how other camps have a special place inside my heart , Kalsom did also carved a home deep down inside my heart. The points are jumbling up , excuse me its been like 3 /2 weeks since I wrote something here. Lols.

Gambar nantilah ( kalau rajin ) ( hahahah I don't have much picture pun ) ( tengok gambar orang lain je )