' Never to undermine someone's effort , be it a small deed , or a meaningless one to you '
This brings me back to 2012 where I got angered , annoyed precisely ( and I expressed it ) when someone posted lots of posts that defeats the purpose of why the group existed. And the quote above , even its not the real wording of it , but its from my ustazah which this phrase stuck inside my head , till now. And for something to stay inside your head for quite a long time , there must be a very good reason beneath it , and today ( or for the past few days might be one of the answers why )
Here's to link of the article :)
( I have this issue of self confidence going on , hence I might ask everyone to ignore my picture featured there T.T )
Earlier today the article about Pay It Forward , Cardiff version , written by Noelle was up on the site . As what she said , we exchange few tweets and she emailed me - saying that she wanted to make an article out of it. At first when she notified me through the tweet , I was of course happy someone looked up online for the tiny project. Though to be honest I don't really mind if no one does because to fit its original purpose , which to pay things forward , basically do good to others without repaying the initial doer.
And it never came across my mind ( at all ) that someone will make an article out of it , because to me , seriously its a very small project , a random weekly project with my Khawlah ( used to be Haifa's * my former usrahmates , which I hardly moved on from * Khawlah hihi ) , and I said to her , many times , that it's really nothing much ( at least for us ) because what we did was happily writing those notes , googling quotes online , went through the cupboard for any sweets left to be distributed , luckily my housemate bought a plastic of kopiko and someone bought a box of chocolate for the house ( which later we distributed them ) , too many chocolate consumptions might not be good for the household ey? Not to mention , the papers we used are Haziqah's ( my previous kakak usrah , haven't really moved on isn't it? I miss Ayyash a lot ! )
The idea wasn't really mine though , every time before having usrah with the girls , I will discuss / consult with my usrahmates on what to do this week - they gave ideas on to do continue what we learned last week , which we watched 'Pay It Forward' movie and reflected upon phrases in Surah Al- Baqarah , ayat 261 onwards that speaks about charity . So basically it Mira and Ajlaa that suggest to manifest it into deeds , and just so you know , or you might have known that I'm affected most by words , hence why I suggested to Khawlah to make notes with random words for random strangers. Because it touches me , so it might as well touches others.
Later I received an email from the writer of the article saying that she wanted to meet me , ( which where the conversation channelled from twitter to email * which indirectly showing the intention of making it serious increases* ) to interview about the project .
I was anxious , and knowing myself , I agreed upon meeting her ( and hence the nerve-wrecking episode ) , that night I was practicing with the dolls gang on the bed on what words shall I use in exchange to some terms like ( usrah ) ( kakak usrah ) and whatnot.
I woke up early that day ( nayy I doubt it ) , after discussing with my mom on what shall I cook - and we arrived to a conclusion - cekodok it is ! ( and I said its Vegetable fritters * since I put in carrots and potatoes , and onions which makes it qualified enough to be called vegetable fritters haha ) , in that mean time , I got tons of butterflies flying inside my stomach figuratively . I rarely established any dakwah and tarbiyah conversation with non muslim , even there's not much talking happening with the locals ( perhaps due to un-match interests ) , so my tongue got twisted even way before the conversation starts. This had indirectly doubled the anxiousness , and I do doubt my decision on meeting her that day.
This reminds me of Prophet Musa , in his stories that Allah kept it recorded . He used to be a man who's not really good with his words , I wonder how hard was it for him , and he's in a tougher situation where he's conveying the truth to a person that claims himself as the god. May Allah bless you Prophet Musa , lets have some tea later in the paradise and I might as well introduced to you the invention of crispy coated chicken we had in the 20th century , which we called KFC haha
Back to the story , right at 10.00 am she knocked the door and we had this conversation about the project and I don't know how the conversation got diverted , and she asked what Khawlah means and what is it actually , so I could only think of that its an Islamic study group. And she asked what we usually do in the group , and I said that we usually reflected on the Qur'an phrases , sometimes we discussed about issues happening around us.
And at one point when I said that we're doing this because the world outside there is too cruel and we believe in these kind of small gestures , she asked about Islamophobia and the term of jihad itself ( tadaaaaada if you can see my nerves working inside my brain , its a chaos up there ) , alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah , though it was not really an accurate kind of answer but I said to her that jihad is not limited in the context of war / killing , which that is not all about the jihad itself. Jihad to me , to us is about submitting something good to Allah , so it can be in the terms of studying itself. And even if we're talking about wars , there are limitations and guidance to it ( such as not to kill children , old people , women and not to touch the plants ) .
Nevertheless , all religion preaches good thing , no religion preaches you to do something bad . And the problem with the current situation is that people only take a part of the religion , example ; the need of doing jihad towards Allah but they don't take the part where Allah wants you to do good to people , or to what extent does the people behave in certain ways that allows you to take action on them.
And towards the end of the discussion she asked me , whether will it matters to us if someday people take over the trophy and claimed that its them who start the project ? And since its not even ours to begin with , it doesn't matter at all.
After all , everyone do good things in their life , everyone wants to do good in their life , and sometimes this is not about changing others , but its about changing you. Changing your heart :)
Little notes , small token of appreciation , perhaps the smallest gesture of smile - its about offering things up to the extend you're not expecting something in return. Not even a short 'thank you' , but to offer 'thank you' to people who offers you kindness , even bad things , is encouraged. And beneath that , its the intention that really matters. Because at the end of the day , if you're doing it with a wrong intention , it will be meaningless , and some day you will want to bring this on the judgement day , as one of the thing you have done in the world. If its tainted with bad thoughts and greediness , it might be worthless isn't it?
And indeed Allah knows what is inside your heart and may He make us , the steadfast one insyaAllah.
So that's it , perhaps the things I could recall along the process. If you're reading this through , thank you for the support , excuse my bad English ( limited vocabulary and jumbling up grammars ) but I hope that someday this will reminds me of my days in Cardiff , and perhaps be the reason to be among the grateful ones. I don't get the chance to take a picture with the writer but I will insyaAllah in the future :)
To be honest , the credit should really go to the people around me , for making it to happen alhamdulillah :)