I was in the rush of completing my tutorial because I badly want to write on the blog , the writing is beyond horrible I know . Lama sangat dah rasa pumped up to write inside the blog. Sampai aku ponder adakah aku sedang hidup dalam hidup yang membosankan. When actually I'm living a pretty meaningful life or maybe its just me who perceive it that way.
Kadang aku rasa sebenarnya stressed out to keep a one language writing , which it sounds good for international read but somehow that affects my passions. I realized bila tengok balik balik post lama , aku rasa macam weh mana hilang Najwa yang ni , yang bila dia ponder upon something terus dia tulis and share her thoughts. I had a lot of things running inside my head but somehow aku jadi orang yang lebih selesa untuk simpan segala macam perkara tu dalam kepala. And perhaps I'm brilliantly drawing the line between what / what not to be shared online.
Earlier today we had a movie evening , can't even call it a night because it's literally done in the evening. But before we start , we reflected upon the second surah , Al-Baqarah , ayat 260-269. The longest surah in the quran , and these specific range of ayat tells us about doing good deeds , the importance of 'tak ungkit' anything that we give to people , fears of poverty by giving .
We combined two usrah group , though I was a bit scared that my adik adik usrah will not be okay with the big crowd ( according to the past experience and perhaps my own stigma ) , but I had to do so , because for me personally , dakwah and tarbiyah requires you to grow up.
Perhaps growing up includes leaving some comfort zone and challenged yourself . I just wanted them to feel its totally okay to mingle with a big crowd , familiarizing themselves in a surrounding that many people want to do good in their life , and there's this one tiny phrase one of them uttered just now caught my attention ( the fact that it stays inside my mind till now , its rather significant ) when someone is knocking the door ( and somebody responded ; hahhh siapa lagi datang tuu * can't really recall the exact wording )
Eh biarlah , takkan kau nak buat baik ( kebaikan ) sorang sorang?
and perhaps at the moment , somehow mungkin aku je yang ada stigma yang they're ( my adik adik ) facing a hard time of growing up , when actually aku sebenarnya orang yang limit their growth . Maybe I was driven by the fact that I want them to feel what I felt back then , it was really a pleasant feeling to see myself , went through the hard phase of mingling with people ( though you might not see that struggle struggling inside me ) , because somebody else had a trust inside me that I can.
And I'm putting my trust on these girls from now on , that they will grow up beautifully . And perhaps its just because I love them , that I want good things to happen to them.
And somehow that brings me back to one of my post in the past which I hardly understand now , but the essence of the post is about ( bolehlah kot nak visit the old me speaking hahah ) ; Wanting to be someone better.
Back in Ramadhan 2013 , that was in my second / third semester I couldn't recall , I was facing a struggle that I want to be better and I am in my best phase of changing , which is in Ramadhan. Masa tu memang sangat sangat nak jadi baik , but at the moment when I went to musolla for terawikh , I can't stand the fact that many people pun turun sekali , sebab aku rasa sebab ramai nilah surau beraircond tu jadi panas secara tiba tiba. ( terbakar jap kan haha ) In the same post I reflected that
takkanlah kau nak buat baik sorang sorang , all these people yang turun surau ni orang orang yang nakkan kebaikan untuk diri diaorang jugak , wasn't that supposed to make you happy ? Huh?
Oh and the movie we watched this evening was ' Pay It Forward ' , a movie that was produced by in 2000. The idea of the movie is a person do good to three people , and instead of repaying back the kindness , they will pay the kindness forward to more people. Example , I paid for your lunch today , and someday you will repay my treat , by helping a blind stranger to cross the road .
That literally makes 'kindness can be contagious '
and that makes me reflected on Surah Al-Insan ( 76 )
There's this one phrase , in a dialogue form , said by human
' We're not doing these to expect anything in return neither asking for 'thank you' from you , we're doing this for the sake of pleasing Allah '.
That brings me back to the old me , I once cried when I was expecting at least a 'thank you' from my family members because I was 'exhausted' ( macam penat sangat kannnn gaya dia ) for doing all the house chores ( when I actually did not do 'ALL' ) , and I vividly remembered that my father makes a joke out of it , he kept repeating thank you that time and I'm frustrated of course.
Dan mungkin hikmah Allah masih ingatkan aku tentang insiden tu sampai sekarang , is for me to notice this one single ayat at the time yang aku dah mula berfikir reasons beneath the ayat ( walaupun kau mungkin dah lima juta kali khatam Quran ) . Kau buat kerja kerja rumah ni patutnya tak payah harap ucapan terima kasih , or even belanja makan or anything , tapi sebab kau nak redha Allah. I know its sounds vague , and how to even know we acquired redha Allah tu , but perhaps starts with
' I'm doing this not expecting anything in return ' ( nanti Allah bayar waktu lain insyaAllah )
Al-Insan literally means Human , and there is always reasons why the surah named differently , most surah covers more than a single topic , and perhaps we hardly establish the correlation between the name of the surah and the content of the surah. ( like Al-Baqarah literally means : Lembu Betina ) .
But for me , specifically for Al-Insan , the surah named Human and Allah speaks Himself about human will give the thing that he loved to the poor and unfortunate people and they are doing it to please Allah. Ironically , in real life practice , kita manusia ni antara makhluk yang susah nak bagi benda yang kita sayang dekat orang , kalau bagi pun kita mesti akan bagi dekat orang yang kita related to , bukan some poor strangers out there.
And nak katanya yang Allah ni memang kenal manusia , he continues for like 10 phrases that He will reward a fascinating reward ( He describes the heavenly heaven ) ( And dia definitely tahu yang kita manusia ni fascinated dengan reward ) , and this is for the people whom with patience of doing what that pleases Him. He mentioned PATIENCE twice in the same page ( 579 ) , which to really test the perks of being a human , with a very limited sabar ( patience )
Towards the end of Surah Al - Insan , He gave assurance to human that if you want something good for yourself , then walk towards Him. Knowing that the journey of pleasing Him is not an easy one , and He said ' Kau tidak mampu menempuh jalan tu kecuali apabila dikehendaki Allah ' , and moga moga kita antara orang yang Allah bagi tempuh jalan tu , because after all we're breathing , having a life because of His blessings.