This motion could actually lead me to a partial depression. I guess it happened many times in the week / weeks that I am in need of a great force to resolve this feeling , wanting to be wanted by somebody. And this does not specifically applies to a woman - man relationship , because I'm having such issue , like in friendship.
I tried many times reciting this mantra which leads the tears to fall down , which to make myself feels suffice with Allah alone. Suffice Allah in any of your life affairs. Allah alone suffice , Allah alone suffice for you. And to He who knows all affairs definitely knows this is perhaps one of my lowest point.
I used to feel so carefree sharing about events that happened in my life , and realized one day that we're not in an equal kind of relationship , because I am just no ones choice to tell about their stories. And I used to tell myself that its about people's preferences and you should respect it.
But some days hit me hard , I stopped telling almost everyone things I used to share with them. Its not that I'm expecting an equal kind of gesture in return , but because of the feeling of not wanted. It requires a big effort to actually tell myself that I'm standing in the best position He wants me to stand at .
Its pretty hard ey ? For not expecting at least , a tiniest thing in return? I thought this feelings were derived from the fact that I'm not being grateful with the blessings I had in my life. You might not know how hard it is to give assurance to yourself that it's okay , you're actually in many people's prayer. I tried to encounter each of negativity with blessings I got in my life and sometimes its just too hard.
someday the people who used to have you in their life for specific reasons , once they acquired what they wanted , they will leave you behind and perhaps I was one of the person who left right after I acquired something from that someone . Karma.
Well I will just keep reciting the mantra
Suffice Allah in all of your affairs.