Tired and sad

I had for the past few days refrained myself from writing because I’m feeling so weary , so tired , all negative and sad. Precisely I don’t know what is exactly the feeling , maybe it was just too hard to figure but the emotions kinda need a label to it so I can combat the feelings accordingly , hence I labelled it as sadness. 

The reason why I refrained myself from writing while encountering such emotions is because I know I’m always reflective when it comes to writing down my emotions . It will came to me that I don’t deserve to be sad , not entitled to be sad as if I’m not being grateful over the blessings I’m blessed with. 

I mean being reflective is good for me , because it reminds me of the immense blessings I got to enjoy in life , but there are times where I need to allow myself to break. To celebrate the varieties of emotions I’m experiencing - the pain the happiness. And being strong does not mean you appear strong and positive all the time , hence I tell myself that it’s totally okay to feel sad , you don’t always have to be positive neither reflective. 

Because nevertheless these gloomy days will pass , just like any other days. 

As I walk passed a junction near my school every Sunday , there’s groups of people lining up enjoying the free meal the kind souls prepared for them. It’s really humbling that for some that might be the only day they can enjoy a decent meal. 

When me on the other hand can satisfy my instant cravings be it by cooking or buying. 

Sometimes I just wanted to be comforted - when the class is full , I just want somebody to say to me , I should take a break or miss a class . Or go and sleep. But deep down I know I am not someone who will easily miss my CLP class ( as I knew I don’t do much studying as I’m working hence classes might the only time I have for revisions cum everything related to studies generally ) 

I came to figure that sometimes the comforting feelings is not about being in your comfort zone , sometimes you just got to push yourself beyond the limit you thought you can handle. Comfort is when someone loves you and wanted you to be the best version of you. This doesn’t really make sense ey? 

Nevertheless I had my emotions time off sorted - I’m sad and it’s okay I’m tired it’s okay too. 

Love, the'ann