Be a child while you're still a child

( wrote this down at different time so the wording for the setting and timing kinda gets awkward )

We're down to the second week of Ramadhan, and everything seems bearable at the moment ( after deciding to do absolutely nothing concerning work over weekend 😂 . The only time I attended the work bag is the day I'm back at work lels )

Its Mothers Day yesterday , but I found it so hard to wish my mother since morning partly because I was partially living ( and not functioning as normal human being on other normal days ) lying on the bed all day doing all sorts of thing within the radius that is reachable by hands or legs. I don't usually lock myself inside the room, I will always find myself outside though it can't be verified at what time I stepped outside the room HA-HA .

I could feel the tense of being missing from the outside world HA-HA ( maybe its just me heh )

Well to make up to that, I decided not to bug my mom by doing the cooking ( tipu ; because Asam Pedas is my jammed so I'll be the one who cook it in the house ) ( itu pun boleh berangan tak masuk cili boh masa tumis - it was when I poured all the asam jawa mixture in the pot and the colour of the gravy is yellow dang ! I am like WHAT ASAM PEDAS WITHOUT THE CHILIES *cries* that I had to fry the chilies separately and to mix it afterwards. Thank god it tasted decent. )

and I asked my brother to buy different kind of cakes from any fancy cakes place he could find. well he went back home without the cake as he found no cakes even at cake stores * palm face *

but I guess it was time-lined nicely as ibu asked me to be the imam for Isyak Tarawikh in a meantime , I asked my brother to get the cakes without fail after breaking our fast  So I kinda had an impromptu bonding session with my mom. 

Just when I was checking the simple surah to vary my recitation because I got eight rakaat to go , can't be that lame isn't it reciting Al -Ikhlas / Al- Kauthar for all the rakaat haha . So I kinda hide what I am doing and my mom was like ' Hahhh you're looking at your boyfriend picture ' and I am like whutwhyshouldIlookatmynonexistingboyfriend moreover its PRAYER TIME *absurd annoyed

at the end of the day, we celebrated Mother's Day in a very simple setting with no cued whatsoever my brother decided to interrupt my mom while she's reading Quran lol and just when I am ironing my one whole week outfit *duhhhhhh

Still I find the day to be just meaningful - because the praying session with my mom.

Many of my friends would describe me as an obedient child and somehow to certain extent, I do agree to that. And I'll let you guys know the reasons why despite we're encouraged and expected to be an obedient child to our parents.

I grew up watching my mom as a child to her parents, which I would say she's very gentle and obedient too. I watched on how she talks, sharing all sorts of stories with my grandmother - like sometimes I can't even match her level as I am well known for my grumpiness [ and when I am angry, I am a reflection to my mother as we both will stay silent and my sister said that annoys her haha ] . 

I watched her being there whenever my grandmother is at the kitchen, well sometimes to my defense I would say that I don't know what I supposed to do being in the kitchen , but as for her, the mere presence should suffice. You can be sitting at the table, offering little helps like washing the dishes, or cut the onions or just prepping the stuff she use for cooking.

Paying tributes to my mom too for building the characters I possessed today.

My mom taught me to be good despite people throwing bad things to you. Be good doesn't mean you have to allow yourself to be taken for granted, but be good in the term of not throwing bad things in return,

she taught me to forgive - she taught me to be a bigger person when I couldn't relate like why she asked me to forgive people who has wronged me when I absolute nothing. 

On top of it, she said to make prayers for these people . I think I can always recall her saying ' Maafkan dia Anis ' that overtimes I think I no longer have any egos for me to entertain. 

For this soft sides I had in my heart, she's is the reason how and why. And I am thankful for it. 

My mom taught me that life is not just about doing your part , giving your all for everything you do , she taught that life works with the help of God, with supplication of constant prayers GIVEN you do your part. She would supply me with all sorts of prayers she inherited from her grandparents, or random prayers she asked people around. Which I came to have if not same, almost the same level of spiritual dependence .

well of course character building doesn't happen over few days, my mom still scold me at this age, which she's always permissible to do that, because I know for certain that she's doing that for my own benefit.

I still consult her on the outfits I wish to buy, whether it looked good on me or not and I trusted her eyes. I found myself bugging her despite the time difference we had back then between Malaysia and UK ( and often I was szo frustrated by the St David shopping mall internet reception duh )

that sometimes I couldn't imagine how my life would be the day Allah wants her back .

Sometimes she may get a lil bit bossy ( which I don't think bossy is the right word )  about wanting to know every single thing that is happening inside my life, with whom I am talking ( I guess she's concerned ) with whom I am being friended with, but I am happy to share those details with her, not because I know where a relationship might ends, but just to put her in a position where I think she deserves it all. 

Because if someday I am blessed with such opportunity to be a mom, I would love it if my daughter willingly sharing her life details with me, I would love to know who he / she being friended with.  Though for now, I think being a mom seems, impossible. Not that I am never hopeful but I guess reality check. 

May Allah bless my mom, both my parents, and all moms in this world with good health. 

I was too tired yesterday , I had a long day, went back home with my work attire I helped my mom out to prepare for iftar, and it was after we had our Maghrib prayers together I put my head on her laps ( and just when I thought she's going to start reciting Quran, I moved ) 

" Aren't you going to lie down? " 

" I am reading Quran because you want to put your head on my lap, or else I want to perform sunat prayer "

I giggled 'hehe' and I put my head back on her lap. 

Anis, be a child while you're still a child. 

I dont know how I am going to survive without you in my life.