and I asked Allah in my prayers...

There's so many things going on lately and I wished I am keeping them in writing. Now graduation seems surreal. Most of the classes ended , its way too mainstream to say I won't be having classes after this , because apparently I am opting for CLP after graduation insyaAllah . 

But university life is ending very soon and I am sad for sure, you've been getting formal education for the whole life, I mean for 20 years plus minus , surely it plays a big part in your life. 

Spring is here. I remembered asking Allah to make winter longer, because I love winter above all seasons, and its still cold outside now, I guess its for me to enjoy the cold breeze and the swinging weather mood in Cardiff. Thank you Allah. 

I miss home. A LOT. 

Now March is ending , I am occupied with secretarial works , both for the annual grand meeting and the upcoming spring camp. You can't help it that sometimes you're stressed out with all the workloads but I am currently , alhamdulillah Allah is helping me sorting things out and I need to actually start with my revisions. 

Because after all , I am here to excel in my studies , and now I am perhaps regretting the days I took my studies for granted. 

Days where I put a limit to the sky of success, by saying 

' a 2:2 is enough , a pass should be good '

when actually I should aim higher than just a 2:2 . I am swayed away by this one statement said during my orientation days ' You're doing good if you're scoring a 2:2 ' impliedly saying a first class is nearly impossible for law students and I kept denying people who said that I can make it to the first. 

When most of the verses in Quran that speaks about the paradise , Allah said , to aim the highest level of paradise, which is Syurga Firdaus. 

I reflected on the prayers I make to Allah , 

' Ya Allah , bagi pass pun aku bersyukur ' , 

when you never know Allah is giving you more than just a pass , but the fact that you asked for 'A pass' should be enough , you're putting a limit to what you want  and sometimes it put a halt to your efforts as well. You'll start to put an effort which 'only pass' suffice. 

Just so you know it hurts me while writing this, I am just sad with myself. 

And recently I attended an interview with Sime Darby. They said that they will notified me at the end of the week if I make it to the next phase. Its already Friday and half of my instinct says that I don't make it to the next stage, while half of me is still hoping I will make it. But I asked Allah in my prayers , to give me the best , if the job is the best for me then ease the ways for me. And if its not, You surely knows what's best. Make my heart at ease with Your choice. 

I should have accept that its not the best aite for me? 

Its conflicting inside. I desperately want to secure a job. After all, I did gave my best shot for the interviews. Waking up in the morning , hoping there's a mail will popped from the specific mail I created for job applications purpose. 

At times like this , Allah is definitely testing the talks about trust in His planning , testing the patiences , these days I've been seeing massive of verses in Quran that speaks about patience. Particularly in Ar Ra'd and Surah Ibrahim. For being patient , there's a good reward for you at the very end. 

Head-heart shot. 

I think I want to cry. 

to ease the feelings I can never tell here.