Life for the past few weeks and lesson learnt

August 12, 2017

Its been really a while since I write something inside here, I've been trying to load the page for ages when I'm in Melaka , the result is frustrating enough that I decided to do other things aside from writing inside the blog. Been writing here and there, main tumblr account, secret tumblr account ( lol ) , even notes inside the phone and the tab. 

Basically its everywhere and I couldn't keep track of the writings. Emotions are wrecking up these days but I'm settling down well here in Malaysia 

Its been like two weeks I guess ( excuse my poor calculation ) and this week is the first weekend I spent home , I mean with my family around, the first weekend I was away in Kelantan, and the next weekend at Universiti Putra Malaysia for Journey of a Muslim (JOM #JOM2017 ) and another three days at Batu 14 Hulu Langat for weekdays ( literally ) retreat. 

Honestly speaking, I personally felt that I am straying away from the religion path, I'm kinda in a phase of being tested for things that really test my concious mind, and I guess there's a need for me to surround myself with people whom I know, will help me to get back in the righteous track.

I know I can't rely to such support forever to stay firm with what I choose to believe in, but I see the weekdays retreat as an opportunity for me to kinda save myself ( ha ha ha ) 

And there's two things I would love to share , from the three days of retreat is first what I got from the Baitul Muslim session and next the reality check of society and how missionaries are going so far ( dakwah ) 

So in case you're not familiar with this Baitul Muslim or most of us acronymed it as BM, its basically a marriage - unification between a man and a woman. And I love this one point that kept being repeated through the whole session, 

Before you find your other half, or in your journey of seeking for the one, build a very strong connection between you and The One, with that big T an O I am speaking about Allah.

Go and recheck your relationship with the Al Mighty and fix what need to be fixed. When you excellently take care of this part, with Allah will, everything that comes next will fall into the right place at the right time. 

And this reminds me of a simple comment ( which I forgot to reply ) on my last blog post in the UK , which I posted the link on facebook, my kakak usrah left a simple comment yet it kinda struck inside me and its like a melody that keeps playing inside my head

' Take a good care of Allah and Allah will take a good care of you' 

not the exact wording but that's the jist of it 

So everytime I was lazying around, like all these while in the UK because of the praying time changed every single time and day, with no azan and whatnot, most of the time, I'll try my very best to pray earliest possible. And the situation is somewhat different in Malaysia , and the phrase kinda pushes me, and I'll always say to myself, if you want your affairs to be taken into Allah consideration, love and to be prioritized among other people's concern in this world, then prioritize Him and take a good care of what He deserve. He deserve the best. 

And next is about the reality of dakwah / missionaries on the ground in Malaysia. 

I guess what scares me the most is when the third panelist speaks about all the things I considered 'biasa dengar' or often we write down in different Malay and English SPM essays, about all these social problems occurring inside the society .

After three years in the UK, and each time when I kinda feel like I'm being tested with my faith, I guess for now, with Allah's mercy its not even comparable between the reality happening on the ground. Child outside the wedlock, open sex and whatever strings attached to the motion, it kinda hits me hard. 

There's a need for me to count the blessings, that Allah gives me a good circle of friends and surrounding but at the same time, the urge to dive inside the society and to cure what can be cured. To bring back the values of Islam in the people, because all these social problems occured in our society, the malays, which majority and almost all of them born as muslim. 

And if its not among us who're blessed with the understanding about the deen to save the situation , who else? 

I guess that's it for now, at least something to ponder upon and its really good to be here again even for a very short period of time, I'm using my brother's laptop and I'm in Banting now ( the internet connection is way better than what I have in Melaka ). 

And bit of life update, currently I'm actively seeking for jobs basically to support my future, as I'm planning to do CLP and commuting from Melaka to KL everyday doesn't seems to be cost efficient - hence can I humbly request your prayers to ease this journey for me. Currently I am hoping to pass an intelligence test from a company which I am clearly just so bad at it that I doubt those IQ, EQ's I had inside my brain ( cries a river ) 

I still have so much things to write down, about my revisit camp. Hoping that I'll find time , and with no pressure, with good internet connection, but clearly I don't know when ( for now ) ( hiuh ) 

And that's it for now, till then, take care. 

Love, the'ann

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