Upholding the dignity of the profession.

I drafted this post inside my notes my way back home after class on Friday - was really really fuelled up to write , but came home to a very burdening news, which I had to bare and tolerate over weekends, and I have classes on top of those uneasy feelings ( still not resolved now ). 

I was disappointed and frustrated, so I went for a good swim, so I guess water will take away half of the frustrations. But apparently not, because nevertheless I had to wait for tomorrow for this feelings to be washed away. 

was trying to make myself feel better - T.T

How depressing the intro sounds, isn't it, but its really closely related to my legal side of my life. 

Which if its not so much to ask, in case you're reading through this line, may I humbly request for your prayers ; please pray for me, pray that my affairs will be taken care of wisely and put everyone's heart at rest. 

Now back to the drafted post ;

All these while I haven’t really share the legal side of my life ( perhaps most of the times classes are being associated with fatigue and tiredness haha ) hence it overshadowed the joy I’ve been enjoying so far with CLP

I at many points doubted my love towards law , due to very long tiring route I’m taking , I ever wondered why didn’t I opt for other courses . Knowing I can’t do math hahahah (the sole reason huh) I think I’m born to do Law , the complicity of the mind fits the course huh?

So for the course I’m taking now , there’s a total of five big subjects , comprising components in each subject and professional practice being the chunkiest combination of subject ( there's Land Law, Ethics and Advocacy , Winding Up and Bankruptcy , Probate * is there more hmm ) 

I'm enjoying every bite of it now because it exposes me to the world I'm venturing into in the future. All these while during undergraduate , you were into the articles and how the law theoretically . Feeling lacking in advocacy skills and generally on Malaysian Law , I did doubt *a bit on my decision to pursue law overseas. 

Hence taking CLP is actually one of my undoubted decision , because I can’t see myself elsewhere apart from the legal route.

And I got to live with whatever decision I’m taking - I mean I choose to work and study ( because I need to help to ease my parents burden + trying to stand on my own ) ,

At the moment I’m learning Ethics and Advocacy . Which brings me to the tittle phrase

To uphold the dignity of the profession

It’s just so amusing to see the governing rules to the profession are very well illustrated and practised . Even to some things we perceived as really petty , like the size of signboard you can have , the colour and even the measurement. The idea behind the most governing rules aside from to uphold the dignity of the profession, it is there to make the profession exclusive, and not looking cheap , like I wonder some are relatively true. They put into considerations on how lawyers should behave , to themselves, to the clients, to the opponents, to the market generally. 

It was in ethics I came across procedures to be called to be bar ( establishing yourself as an advocate and solicitor in the High Court of Malaya , fancayyyh isn’t it but the route isn’t haha ) . 

They had this one session which talks about the A&S should off good character ( which it needs to be verified by a friend who’s been befriended with you for the past five years haha - like if there’s somebody in the ceremony suddenly denies that you’re off good character , your admission to the bar may not proceed but that is such a drama isn't it, I would not even want to bring my enemies to the ceremony haha 

I came to realise Law really plays a big role in shaping my characters and personality. On how I deal with people , on the contemplations I had over very little things. I don't know whether this is good or bad, but I know someday, I will come to appreciate these sides of me, infact I am celebrating my personalities now haha. 

I was drafting a Sale and Purchase Agreement this morning and I guess it’s not easy to train yourself to get into every prayers ( clause ) to see whether the clause is as per the clients instruction and wishes. I took so long to start but nevertheless refined more than 20 clauses with subs clauses hahahaha maybe it was more than 20 pages of agreement . I took one whole day trying to fix the wording and typing too

No matter how much I doubt my love towards law , my words are always against mine . I wrote this en route home after class and I’ve been wanting to write since I was in class haha. I find myself got triggered and intrigued by the legal things.

Sometimes I really love to jot down random quotes from my lecturers, like

the reason why people wear black and white in courts - because in the eyes of justice, everyone is the same ( uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu )

and recently my Evidence lecturer who was away for a month asked our coordinator on how we're doing so far , my lovely coordinator said , they're doing really great, they always look at me with round eyes bushy tails haha k I am easily amused. 

Reconciling dreams

Recently I was filling in an application , and I was asked on my plans in 5 years time and in a long run too. Thought I couldn't write any because everything seems vague - but after achieving the word limits to each sections to be filled, I know that I see myself in the future , as someone who's contributing to the enhancement of the legal system. 

I've been asked by a person before about my dreams, and whether I pictured the person in my dreams too, because I am more realistic than optimistic kind of person, and taking into considerations on what are the steps I took in life now, I consciously  said no. 

No because its really hard for me to reconcile the dreams. Well I was apparently sad and mad at myself for being true & honest as that the person do leave for good now. But I guess if its the best , then I should really learn to let go ( singing Titanic ) 

(k enough of sudden heart-ranting time haha) 

Well I've been really enjoying my CLP classes, but at the same time, enjoying doesn't really mean I am so enthusiastic and so full of energy for classes, I got sleepy like many many times - if and only if you could see how terrible my handwritings are ( and somebody next to me asked me whether its possible to snap my notes on ethics and I was like ' I'm sorry if the handwriting is terrible, I get sleepy overtimes * nevertheless giving my notes to her haha * ) 

psst She said my handwriting is very fair and neat too lol lol lol lol lol lol for the gazillion times. 

In CLP classes I met people who come for the sake of learning , very old people come ( and even asked questions on top of that ) you can really assert and tell the zeal they had. You guys must be so amazed to see these people who still have the passion to learn, I am just so ashamed of myself, 24 but feeling weary with life already 

I wish someday I would have lots of questions that is so burning inside my chest that the only way to make me feel better is to ask the questions haha. I did many times answered to the questions the lecturer asked, but in fairly slow subtle voice that vanishes through thin air , I am perhaps lacking in my confidence in that sense ugh. 

So since this post was written in two different times, you kinda can't relate one paragraph to another but its okay, how I really wish I wrote everything down last Friday. But nevermind. 

And on the side notes, its February already ! They said its the month of love. Mine shattered in the sky burned into the seventh mantel hewwww. 

I'm on my third day - away from the rice ( crying a river of tears ) its not that I purposely don't eat rice, I want them so bad, but it happened that these three days, I am eating soups, chicken, noodles, and biscuits . I am thinking of fasting too tomorrow since I've been so lacking in my discipline these days, and I need to exercise more patience tomorrow, but I am scared I'll be drained out too. 

Had a catch up session with Ainaa earlier, generally about life. It came to me that if I feel like my life is tough, other people are living in a very tough situations too. And looking at how blessed I am in this moment, I can't complain much. Its okay though to be tired, to be drained out, after all its life anyway. You got to brace it, and you'll do just fine.

I am reminded of our days in Intec discussing all sorts of economics terms. Thank you Ainaa :) Can't wait for your big dayyyy ! I am always glad that we're still going strong after being apart, thank you for the random questions, I am so blessed to have you in my life :') 

How. But nevermind. Let the guts decide. Adios. 

Love, the'ann