What life had taught me here.

Hello greetings everyone. I am trying to loose the tense we had , well to be exact " I don't really feel the tense " <-- bunyi macam err err err but like seriously , aku tak berada dalam keadaan luar kawalan emosi sewaktu perjumpaan bersama JPA dan INTEC tadi pagi. Because what I requested _ dilayan _ hehe. Stop it you najwa.

Enough said.

SO , what life had taught me here for the past one year?

That much.
Or nothing.
Or more than what I've expect.
Or the same.

Truthfully , manusia yang tak belajar dalam kehidupan dia - kena tengok balik dia tu manusia ke tidak. EH HAMBAR. k. There were lots of things I did learn and they really change me, in and out , physically emotionally and dia sebenarnya banyak yang kita belajar since belajar is an ongoing process regardless where and when.

One of the most obvious thing that I think, really change who I am back then in high school years is communications 'need' with the opposite gender. I don't know whether this is a good or a bad sign - if I include my choice of career here. Kalau dulu nak differentiate The Need To Talk to the Opposite Gender - susah sangat nak ikut limitation piawaian - kahwin , belajar , kerja. Tapi sekarang , the moment when I talk to the boys - that is obviously only for work and studies matter. And it really effects my behaviour towards any non-mahram guys . Deep inside my heart, I am happy , for experiencing the change.

Tapi baru baru ni, I talked to my mum on how I responded to one of my colleague when he talk to me.

" Tak boleh macam tu . Cubalah jadi friendly sikit - nampak yang kita entertain dia , selesa bercakap "

Denial mode. Aku tetap rasa , one year ubah aku jadi pesimis sikit. Jadi orang yang claim dia menjaga every single thing a husband deserve. EH BUKAN, nak jadi perempuan yang Islam deserve to have.  Erks. Entah. Aku nak jaga diri.  Make myself worth as a khalifah yang Allah bagi peluang bernafas dalam dunia. Jadi perempuan yang worth di sisi sesiapa , bilamana orang tanya : " Whats your obligation towards your religion" , tanpa aku menjawab, perilaku peribadi menjadi jawapan tanpa suara.


Sitting at one side inside the surau. Seeing people come to surau cari masa abdikan diri untuk Allah , tanpa ada orang yang paksa. Lain suasana dia dengan Selandar dulu. Hardly see people talk to each other hal dunia dekat dalam rumah Allah. Tak nampak muka yang terpaksa. Syukur sebab Allah letak hamba dia yang tak berapa nak baik ni dalam kalangan manusia yang baik - supaya dia dapat belajar.


Sem 3 knock my head somewhere, bilamana aku tanya dengan diri sendiri " Apa perubahan yang kau buat sepanjang setahun dekat sini , persediaan tang mana yang kau usahakan ? " Alhamdulillah. Ada sedikit. Hari hari keluar rumah, paksa diri sendiri pakai stokin. Paksa, nanti biasa insyaAllah. Kalau malas nak pakai stokin sebab nak cepat, tak boleh sarung sandal , pakai kasut. Tudung , biarlah tak bergaya, sarung tudung jahit tengah masa sekolah dulu , rasa dia, lebih secure. Shawl semua dah tinggal dekat rumah. Buku novel semua letak dalam almari rumah. Biarlah tak lagho sangat insyaAllah../

To change to good. To change to bad. Its Us who decide. Bila dah decide, mohon Allah tetapkan hati. Supaya perubahan itu bersifat kekal , tak berunsur riak , dan ikhlas mencari redha Dia. :)

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