July 01, 2017

I should start figuring tittles aside from 'random' 'fandom' for posts like this. blergh. It can't be wordless Saturday, there's so many things I jot down here hewww. 

Its the time of the year where some people whom I know personally getting married. And I guess its hormonal ( hormones taking all the blame ) to feel things like 'I want to get married toooo' and started thinking how lonely you were and months felt like ages. 

Mabrouk alaik sisters ( there's a lot of them and I don't think they will ever read this anyway ) 

But I always try to remind myself that be grateful over things you are blessed with in life, if you keep counting blessings on others , you would feel incompetent and may find it harder to be grateful

Reminder to myself. 

IN FACT, I am not physically or mentally ready to change the current life ha-ha #oldhabitsdiehard ( saw a sister used this hashtag haha ) and I shall not ruin someone's son's life for now. Not now ayyy. 

And I just completed like 4 days of the six sunat fasting? ( is this how you translate them >.< ) in Syawal and after more than month, today might be the first time I slept (deeply ) and did not wait for Subuh . I woke up at 2.15 thought of eating some dates for sahur nevertheless unconsciously slept till it was 3.30 am and decided not to fast today. 

I find it easier to fast everyday actually because you don't need to think what to cook for lunch, or what makes a decent breakfast, and now I'm taking it to the whole new level , I'm not cooking properly to break the fast. 

It took so much of effort to cook , you need to defrost the chicken then with the preparation, while I can enjoy days with no responsibility to cook for anyone, lets just savour this moment. HA-HA-HA. 

And for the past one week, I got myself a roomate , my best friend came all the way from Essex to be here and being Najwa, I always contemplate on sharing personal spaces, like how I AM GOING TO SURVIVE SLEEPING ON HALF OF THE BED , big issue I know haha. 

But it turns out well I guess, I'm behaving decently in my sleep , need to be politer in the sense of keeping the blanket on the bed and not to find it on the floor the next day ( like always ahhahaahhahhahah ) 

Rest assured. 

I prayed to Him to make me rest assured with whatever plans He had for me in my life. I guess after trying ( I did give some efforts ) , all I want is to be guided firmly and not to look back , I just want to trust my instinct and be forever assured that this is definitely the best choice I made in life. It does require me to let go of something/someone but if loosing is pleasing Him, then I choose loosing, 

Because its hard to reach this point , personally for myself where you put whatever lies ahead you solely in His Hand to decide - through the instinct and firm heart decision , and I don't want to waste it either for something that is against what He likes. 

if I could turn back the time, all I wish is that this phase of my life never happens , like I don't need to over-think or something , like being concious with whatever things that you do but suddenly felt so bad that you make a stupid mistake and worst is when you don't even know it was a mistake or not but still feel the stupid part , back to where it supposed to be , I wish.

missing this Little Insyirah , with acik Najwa - enroute to the IKRAM Annual Grand Meeting at Birmingham last April? ( April 2017 ) 

There you go some little updates about things that are playing inside my mind. And I just realized that most of my post , the conclusion is either 'see you next time' or ' I need to sleep now ' for gazillion times ha-ha. Oh well I am awake and might as well continue sleeping. 

Oh yeah in case someone is reading up to this line - 3rd of July will be my official result date and may I humbly request for your prayers to pray for the smooth sailing of this journey for me? May Allah reward you immensely :D

Nightt !

Love, the'ann

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