It was the friend of mine : appeared with this question : Why do I accept the offer. *the scholar stuff*
*mood berfikir sejenak* turned out to be *berfikir dua tiga jenak* and it last as *naik JENUH berfikir*
Semalam, the official offer letter came out, and i used to print lots of documents regarding the scholar.One word : TAKUT. CUAK. SEDIH .Aku pun suddenly come across dalam kepala : Sempat tak lagi aku nak masuk UIA. *deep sigh* Macam nak bertukar fikiran. And suddenly today : orang tanya pulak : What makes me accept the offer. Okay lemme be frank here.
At the first place why do I accept *a short thinking mungkin* : Teruja. Yelah oversea. And ada yang nak menaja. Siapa taknak? Its somekind macam orang nak bagi free education. Ya you know I am craving for one scholar. I got 7 for SPM, yet craving like hell for one scholar as I knew my parents can't really afford me during my degree years. I have lotsa siblings. I got six. I'm second. So probably you could understand why.
Family wants so. *pun boleh jadi satu sebab*. You know there is one kind of feeling : When your parents nampak anak orang lain or nampak parents orang lain hantar anak kat KLIA for tertiary education. Or even they heard stories regarding anak anak orang lain ke ataslaut. I dont know how to explain that kind of feelings as aku tak masuk lagi phase parentshood. But this one could be a reason.
Third, memikirkan ramai lagi diluar sana, crave for this, yet, I got it, I got the course that I'm longing for. Why should I turned this down? Even frankly bila dah nampak berkajang dokumen masa print out , I feel like *ter-REGRET sebab I answer YES for this * but then why should I act that way?
Its a long way : Starting from the day aku start apply. *aku masih dalam mood tak bersungguh-sungguh masa tu* . I need to realize, luar sana, yang straight A beribuuuuu. Faham tak beribuuuu?Ketuk ketuk kepala supaya jangan letak terlalu tingginya harapan takut kecundang di akhir. and thats why I'm kinda : Dapat interview pun dah cukup baik. Tak dapat takpe, bukan rezeki. UIA pun dah cukup baik. *I said this overtimes y'know. Dan it turned out to be rezeki dari Allah. I praised for that. Alhamdulillah.
After all, benda ni not confirmed yet boleh terbang. I need to struggle hard for A-level.Pass the medical check-up and after all, I 'm giving my very best on this. Ada hikmah. Yang belum aku nampak.I know and I do realize, this one is hard. But then, seeing other people boleh buat, why shouldn't I? I should GIVE A TRY. I should. I know.
Rezeki Allah boleh datang dalam bentuk menguji. menyenangkan. But then only He knows whats behind all this things. Behind the scene.
Thanks for the supports sisters. brothers.You guys make me even stronger for this. If you read through this patiently, takde terlintas langsung dalam hati nak kerek or stuff. But I just want you to know yang this thing ain't easy for me. Ain't easy. Maybe people could only potrait the jubilation but not the things happening inside. Betapa bergelojaknya hati di dalam ni memikirkan apa yang akan berlaku. Did I manage to get through this.
Mungkin nampak seronok dapat JPA. Mungkin nampak seronok dapat MARA. But then the responsibilty limited the seronok. For me.
may Allah ease this.