The smell of brownies at this hour ( read 0015 ) is not good. But my housemate made a really good brownies tho. It used to be the only thing I can eat when my throat was sore. 

Its been a while

And still coughing to this very day. But insyaAllah recovering well. I lost my voice since last two weeks I bet. It worries me at many points since its not getting better but partly it was my fault as I stopped the medication ( because I need to loose my dependent towards the medicine ) and the foods too. Samyang is way too tempting , I bought like a packet of 5 after we got back from the camp, just a few days before my sick days. And seeing 4 packs of them on the food shelf is just to pitiful , I need to eat one. 

But one big lesson learnt 

I can never thank Allah enough , for each time the body gets better, though still in pain, I learned to say as much alhamdulillah I can because its getting better than before. 

So yesterday I found myself stuck in a late night harmful thoughts. 

Again, the cancerous expectation. 

And it came to me that how powerful 'ikhlas' is. Submitting and giving without expecting anything in return. 

And I am reminded of my own prayers to Allah , to make me among those yang tak meminta minta pada manusia. Suffice Him alone , the only One whom I will channel all my wants and desires. 

In the midst of vigorous ( as if ) revisions, had a hard time to make sense of all things I learnt all year. Some rings the bell, some just helpless. Helpless tutorial feedback plus my can't help bad writing in tutorial discussions and all the arrows ( I made so many arrows in my notes and sometimes it doesn't really make sense why its there at the first place ) , nevertheless hoping that Allah will count every effort.

adios for now. 

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